Disclaimer: Draco, Harry, and the Harry Potter universe belong to J.K. Rowling. But God, if I did own them...well, lets just say their would be a whole lot more snogging in the movies :P


"You're kidding, right?"


"Right, Malfoy?"

"No, Potter, I'm not."


"But? But what, Potter? I suppose you think you're too heroic to get stuck in a closet, huh?"

"I've been in a closet for longer than you think..."

"I'm sorry, Potter, what was that?"


"Really? Are you sure about that? I thought I heard something about a closet..."

"And that's a surprise? We're currently trapped in one, I don't think it's unlikely that I would be talking about it."


"So how do we get out?"

"Potter, you idiot, if I knew I wouldn't still be in here."

"What were you doing here in the first place, Malfoy?"

"None of your business."

"Waiting for some slut like Parkinson to come and give you a quick snog?"

"Of course not!"

"What do you mean, 'of course not'?"

"I'd think that'd be obvious, Potter."

"Gosh, and here I thought the Slytherin Sex God did that kind of stuff all the time."

"You think I'm a sex god? I'd be flattered, but I'm too busy trying not to gag."

"What? No! I was just repeating what I heard."

"I'm crushed."

"Shut up."




"So what were you doing, if it wasn't a secret liason?"

"What makes you think it wasn't?"

"Um, you said so."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No, I said it wasn't with a girl."

"...You're gay?"

"You're surprised?"

"Good point. The hair was a dead giveaway."

"Excuse me? What's wrong with my hair?"

"Nothing. It's perfect. That's the point."

"You think my hair is perfect? How sweet."

"Shut up, Malfoy."

"Back to that so soon?"


"You know, Potter, with all these compliments about me, I'm starting to think that maybe you're the poof."


"Merlin's socks! You are?"

"What? No! No, I didn't say that!"

"But you didn't deny it either."

"Whatever. Look, is there any way we can sit down in here? My legs are getting tired."

"Oh no, Potter, I'm not letting this go. Are you gay or not?"

"Why? You interested?"

"You know, I think if we both sit facing the door and kind of scrunch of our legs we should be able to fit."


"Well? Aren't you going to sit? I thought your legs were tired."

"Did you just imply that you were interested in me?"

"No, I avoided the question, there's a difference."

"Aha! You are!"

"You seem suspiciously happy about that, Potter."

"And here I thought you'd be glad."

"What is there to be glad about?"

"Umm...there's only a couple more weeks until Christmas vacation?"

"That wasn't even close to subtle, Potter."

"What wasn't?"

"Don't play innocent, Potter, I'm not falling for it!"

"What wasn't subtle, Malfoy?"

"Your change of topic, idiot."

"Is that a new pet name? And here I was growing so fond of Wonder Boy and Scarhead."

"You're right, my insults are getting a little old."





"Do you think dinner's over yet?"

"It's probably been over for a while, Potter."





"It's a bit cramped in here, don't you think?"

"It's a broom closet, Potter, what did you expect?"

"A few brooms, maybe?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Why would there be brooms in here?"


"Right, stupid question."

"Yeah, it was."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"Be careful, Potter, I might just take you up on that offer."

"What offer?"

"You're right, it was more of a command, really."

"You aren't making any sense."

"I'm making perfect sense, you're just too slow to comprehend it."

"I'm faster than you on the Quidditch pitch."

"Potter, you actually swallowed the snitch once. That does not scream expertise."

"No, but it was still a pretty cool move."

"Was not."

"They should name it after me."

"What would they call it? The 'Harry Hiccup'?"

"Why 'Hiccup'?"

"That's what we all thought you were doing until you coughed it up."


"Yeah, it was pretty funny, actually. It looked like you had landed because you were afraid that the hiccups would knock you off your broom."

"We still won, though."

"That's not the point."



"'Harry Hiccup' does have a nice ring to it."

"Of course it does. I came up with it."

"Actually, Malfoy, I think it's because of the alliteration."

"The alliteration that I came up with."



"This is boring."

"You aren't exactly riveting either, Potter."

"And here I thought you were interested in me."

"I didn't say that."

"No, you just avoided the question."


"Which implies that you are and you just don't want to admit it."

"Or it implies that I'm too disgusted with the idea to dignify it with a response."



"Probably not, though."

"Ugh! What do you care, Potter?"

"Maybe I'm interested too."


"You heard me."

"No, actually I didn't."



"You didn't hear me?"







"Are you going to repeat what you said before, Potter?"


"Why not?"

"Saying it once was already hard enough!"

"But I didn't even hear you!"

"Maybe you did and you're just pretending you didn't so that you can torment me."


"What? You are? That's just...just..."



"I was kidding."



"That was really mean, Malfoy."

"Not as mean as you not telling me what you said!"

"Yeah it is. Actually, it's even more mean."

"Well, it's not like I can tell. For all I know all you said was that you hated the colour purple."

"That's not what I said."

"I didn't think so. For some reason not a lot of people hate purple."

"Probably because it's not a house colour."

"Yeah, that makes sense."




"Will you please tell me what you said before?"

"What's this? The great Draco Malfoy actually saying please?"

"Potter, stop changing the subject."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"This is stupid. Come on, Potter. It can't be that bad."

"Yes it is."

"How can you be sure unless you tell me?"

"I'm psychic."


"No. I hate Divination."

"Me too. Trelawney is a stupid old bat."

"I agree. It's funny, though. I usually say that about Snape."



"Severus is my godfather. I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult him."

"He's your godfather?"


"Does he ever tell you why he doesn't wash his hair?"

"Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to ask him that?"



"Fine, fine. No, I don't. However, that's not much of a compliment because even the first years can figure that out in September."

"Dammit, Potter, you managed to change the subject again."

"Actually, I think that was more you this time."

"Potter! Just tell me what you said, okay?"




"Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"

"I'm mentally preparing myself."

"Merlin, Potter. It can't be that awful."

"It is. I rather suspect you'll kill me for it.

"Potter, if the Dark Lord can't kill you, I doubt that I can."


"That doesn't mean I'm promising not to try, though."




"So? Come on, Potter, spit it out!"

"Okay...um, here goes..."



"Potter, I couldn't understand a single word you said."

"I hate you."

"Try it again, only slower."



"I like you."

"I thought you hated me."

"That too."

"So that was what you were trying to tell me before? That you like me?"


"Come on, Potter, it's not that bad."

"Yes it is."

"Why is it bad?"

"Because you hate me."

"No I don't."

"You don't?"

"Potter, you figured out a long time ago that I'm interested in you."

"You said you weren't."

"Actually, I just manipulated the conversation to make it seem like I said that. I never actually denied it, however."

"Merlin, I hate you."

"No you don't. You liiiike me."


"Potter, come on. Don't make me say it."

"Say what?"

"You know."

"Know what?"

"You're insufferable."

"Thank you."

"I like you too, Potter."


"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it."

"Well, you might've. It could be some cruel prank you're pulling on me because I'm your rival and all..."

"It's not."




"I just realized something awful."


"We've just wasted a perfectly good hour inside a broom closet and we didn't even snog once."

"I guess we should fix that, huh?"

"Yes. We should definitely make up for it in the second hour."

After that there was mostly silence.


AN: I've always wanted to write one of those cute little Draco-and-Harry-stuck-in-a-closet dialogue fics. I don't care if it's been done a lot, it's adorable and there should be more of them. Review please )