Warnings : explicit
yaoi, which means men loving men. Typos and stuff. Please note that
this story is AU, which means it has no connection to the
ordinary storyline of D.Gray-man.
Pairings : KandaAllen as main, LaviAllen, TykiAllen and almost everyone(male)xAllen.
Disclaimer : Me no own. :(
First Mistake : I slept with a man
My head felt funny as I woke up. It felt as if I had been hit by a car. Or rather a truck. Agoddamn large truck.
I tried opening my eyes, but even the slightest ray of light stung painfully. And all these symptoms would have made sense if I had had a hangover. But I have only once drunk alcohol. Call me a wuss, but I'd rather keep my memories of last night than get wasted and wake up in a ditch.
Suddenly unfamiliar cologne, which definitely wasn't mine, filled my nostrils. At that point, I tore my eyelids wide open, not caring the pain that set in. I looked around, not recognizing my surroundings at all. This definitely wasn't my bedroom. But the clothes lying on the floor, however, were mine. They were the only things I could recognize.
I tried to straighten my back and sit up, but a pain shot through my spine and my lower regions. I let out a loud yelp and pressed my back against the mattress. This was not a normal situation at all. He was supposed to wake up in his own bed, most preferably alone, and head for a coffee shop nearby a cinema, since he had been working there ever since he quit the school.
I lied still for a moment, listening to the noises in the unknown apartment. When I listened close enough, I could hear water running somewhere. That's when I decided that I should make my leave once I still had the chance.
Whatever I had done last night, would never happen again. What I can't see, doesn't exist.
Even though the pain was mind numbing, I managed to drag myself out of the bed and pull my boxers on. But as I reached for my shirt, the door in front of me opened and revealed a man with tanned skin and a towel wrapped around his waist. I thanked God I had had enough common sense to put on my boxers.
"Leaving already?" The man asked with a deep masculine voice, as he ran his hand through his curly hair, "A pity."
I gulped, as the man walked past me and to his drawer. He pulled it open and took a shirt and boxers out. I turned my head away in embarrassment, as I had no idea what I had to do with the man. I had never seen him before, so how come I ended up in his bed, having a hangover-like feeling? I had no idea, but I decided against asking the dark-haired man.
"What's wrong, pet?" The man stated playfully, making chills run down my spine. Pet?! At that point, I was not so sure if I wanted to find out what I had been doing last night. I pulled my shirt over my head and grabbed my jeans. I could feel a pair of eyes watching closely my each movement and soon the cool voice broke the air again, "I see that all of your enthusiasm is gone now. Last night you were so full of energy, Allen."
How does he know my name? I questioned myself and dropped my guard for a moment, "E-energy…?" I choked, not intending to say it out loud. I quickly turned my head away and tried to stand up, but found it almost impossible. But before I could help it, the man walked to my side and helped me to stand up. All I could do was mutter, "Thanks…"
"You're welcome." Was what I got as a reply. I pulled up my jeans slowly, to avoid a jerking pain in my lower back. The man was looking down at me, I could tell without even glancing at his direction. After a moment he spoke once again, "You seem somewhat different."
I wanted to say hell yeah, what did you expect? Waking up naked in a strange place to a rapist looking man, but I restrained myself and only smiled and shrugged my shoulders. Honestly, this had to be a bad dream. I blinked my eyes and looked away from the man, as I realized I had been staring at him, "Uh, I guess I should leave then…"
And I thought it would be over. That I would never have to see the man, who I didn't actually even know, ever again. But he grabbed my hand and pulled me back. I was forced to press my body against his chest, as he ran his hand through my white hair.
"I'll drop by the coffee shop sometime today." He said quietly, as he leaned in. My eyes widened, as his' closed, as he pressed his soft lips against mine. His tongue swept across my bottom lip, probably hoping to gain an entrance to my mouth. But instead of obliging, I just stood still, frozen and confused to the pulp.
This was definitely not normal.
Luckily he seemed to realize my awkwardness and pulled away soon. I tried not to look relieved, as I smiled and squirmed free from his grasp and walked toward the door, which I assumed to lead me out of the bedroom. The dark-haired man, whose name was still unknown to me, walked behind me, almost breathing down on my neck.
I tried not to look lost, as I tried to find my way to the front door. With my poor sense of direction and in a place where I had never been before, I was as good as lost.
"Allen, where're you going?"
I turned around as the man called my name. I let out an awkward chuckle and hurried to the direction where he motioned. I saw my shoes on the floor and my long black coat left lying on the floor. My lower back was still aching, and I was positive that I made it pretty clear by the way I walked. Seriously, I had never experienced such pain before.
"Do you need a pill?" The man asked slightly humorous, as he watched my painful limping, "I didn't think I was that rough to you last night."
I felt my face paling. I did not want to think what we could have been doing last night. And with a man for God's sake!
"I could use a painkiller, thanks…" I mumbled politely, since I didn't wish to get too friendly with the man. I could see a smirk cross his lips, as he disappeared somewhere and returned soon with a glass of water and a white pill on his palm. I took them gratefully and quickly placed the pill in my mouth and drank a gulp of the lukewarm water.
I didn't first even notice as the man came dangerously close to me and placed his other hand against a wall and supported his weight on it. He was still wearing only a towel around his waist, but I tried not to pay any attention on it. Instead I handed the glass back to him and pulled my coat on.
"B-bye." I said and mentally added, have a nice life, but it was against my nature.
But then again, sleeping with strangers is against my nature as well.
I was more than happy, as the man made no attempts to prevent me from leaving.
"Lenalee?" I called out to my co-worker, as I stepped into the empty coffee shop. It was still closed, but only for a couple more minutes.
"Allen?" A girl with short black hair stood up from behind a dark wooden counter and smiled at me. But her smile froze in a break of second and she gasped, "What's happened to you! You look terrible!!"
I hadn't managed to take a look at myself, but I knew I could trust her words. I must look just as horrible as I felt. The feeling of being overrun by a truck was slowly fading, but the unknown happenings of last night made him feel nauseous. He didn't want to believe he had gone that far with the man. But as I recalled the way the man treated me, I was almost sure that, yes, we had gone exactly that far.
"I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn't show up looking like this…" I apologized, as I could not think of anything else to say. I walked to the counter and sat down. Lenalee had grabbed a cup and poured coffee in it and offered it to me. Without hesitation I took the cup, but somehow could not bring myself to drink it.
"Honestly, what's wrong, Allen?" Lenalee asked, as she came from behind the counter. She sat down beside me, her hand reassuringly pressing against my shoulder, "You look terrible."
I managed to smile a little, as I finally took a sip of my coffee. It tasted good and almost instantly I started to feel more awake. I looked at my co-worker, who was a friend of some sort as well, "To be honest with you, I'm not sure myself. Is it normal to wake up in an unfamiliar bed with a stranger barging into the room half naked?"
Lenalee slapped her palm over her mouth to stop a loud laugh from erupting from her. She coughed and gave me an understanding look, "I wouldn't say it is normal. But a classical way to end an eventful night, I'd say."
I didn't mention about the stranger being a man on purpose, as I figured it would only damage Lenalee's brain cells. So I shrugged and said, "I guess." although I didn't agree with her at all. It was not a classical way to me. I don't do partying. And I definitely don't sleep with other men.
"Oh, look at the time." Lenalee gasped and stood up from her chair, "We need to open the doors and clean up the tables before customers come in. C'mon, one night stands are nothing to worry about. Probably the one you spend your night with doesn't remember you at all."
But he does remember, I thought sullenly, but only smiled and nodded my head, "You're right."
As Lenalee hurried off somewhere, I quickly made my way to the men's restroom, before any customers barged in. I examined my face from a large mirror, slightly relieved to see that I didn't look as bad as I had assumed. True, I looked dead tired and my eyes were bloodshot. My hair was a mess, but after running my hand through my white locks, it started to look more like my hair than a bush caught in a storm.
After splashing ice cold water against my face, I went back to help Lenalee with opening the coffee shop.
But no matter how hard I tried, I could not recall the happenings of last night.
That day my concentration at work was questionable. I tried to smile, but somehow I ended up staring into nothingness whenever my thoughts strayed from the task at hand. My employer and Lenalee's older brother, Komui had to kick me in the shin more than once and remind me about the customers, who were starting to look unhappy without their coffees.
But I could not stop thinking about the man I met this morning. How could I just end up in his bed? Maybe he was one of those lunatic rapists who appeared on the news all the time. The kind that drugged your drink and carried you home. I felt chills run down my spine and I had to shake my head. As if someone would like to rape me. That's just twisted…
Suddenly all of the disturbing thoughts were gone and my attention was focused at one man sitting by the counter, dully staring at me. My eyebrow's furrowed and I narrowed my eyes at the man, "How many times I have to tell you not to call me that, Kanda."
"I'm not getting any service here today, am I?" Kanda sighed and pushed his hair behind his shoulder. His long dark hair was up in a high ponytail and he was dressed like a character escaped from the Matrix series. Well, not quite but close. I had always wondered how he could get away with having a ponytail and long black coat and still have girls running after him.
"Well if you keep that up, you probably won't." I stated teasingly, as I turned around and saw Komui staring nastily at me. With a defeated sigh I forced myself to turn back around and smile, "Okay, I was just kidding. I need to pay this month's rent so I can't afford getting fired from my job."
Kanda smirked, as he leaned his elbows on the counter and gazed off into distance.
It was something about that man that made me feel weird. At first he came to the coffee shop only occasionally, but now he's been showing up every day. But as he always came to sit by the bar counter, we never spoke much. He would start reading newspaper or a book, while I served the customers. Lenalee never ceased to tease me about it though. She always kept saying 'he's so in love with you' or 'did you see the look he gave you'.
I hummed a random song quietly as I prepared the coffee Kanda always took. A normal cup of coffee with cardamom flavor and a little bit of whipped cream dipped in it. I could never understand how anyone could drink something like that, but that seemed to be the only thing Kanda liked to drink.
"Here you go." I gave Kanda his drink and tried to steal a glance of what he was reading today.
"Thanks, beansprout." He muttered, before taking a sip of his coffee.
I balled my fists and leaned toward him and raised my voice, "W-why you…!! I'm trying to be nice here!"
"Don't try too hard or your brain cells might be in danger." Kanda smirked a little and I could see him enjoying the situation, "Beansprout."
I don't know whether I should be worried about the quiet voice in the back of my head, telling me to hurt him. But in the end, I wasn't that mad. Everything the dark-haired man said just made me feel nervous. And yes, Lenalee loved to tease me about that too.
Speaking of the devil, she winked at me from the other side of the coffee shop. I immediately looked away. She really needed to get a life. Or a boyfriend. Or maybe both. She really, really, needed to stop pairing me up with every good-looking guy who walked into the coffee shop.
I am most definitely not interested in men.
I glanced at Kanda, who peacefully read the book he had brought with him today. Kanda was Kanda. An annoying person, who happened to like spending time in the coffee shop and whose life seemed to be perfectly content when he was able to ruin my day. Sometimes I wonder if I could talk Komui to ban him from this coffeehouse.
The bell above the coffee shop's entrance rang and I turned my head just in time to see a man with a huge bouquet of flowers enter. I frowned and squeezed a dirty rag, which happened to be the only thing in my hands.
"Are you Allen Walker?" The man asked, as he placed the bouquet on the counter. I shuddered, wondering if I had accidentally slept with him too. But the man only scoffed and gave me a clipboard with a paper attached to it, "I need yer signature."
"Flowers? From who?" Asked Lenalee, who had made her way back to the counter.
I quickly wrote my name on the paper, before handing the clipboard back to the deliveryman, who bid his farewells and left. Lenalee giggled and poked my shoulder, anxiously waiting for me to say something.
I glanced at the bouquet of roses and other flowers, which names I didn't know. I noticed a small note attached to the bouquet and with a small tug it came off. I brought it close to my face and read the beautiful handwriting:
Last night was unforgettable. In for an encore?
P.S. I'm sorry for not being able to come by today. Not to worry though, I will come tomorrow, that I promise.
"I-It's h-him…!" I gasped, before I could stop myself. The note dropped from my hands, as I grabbed the bouquet and almost threw it to a trash bin, but Lenalee snatched the flowers from me and picked up the note from the floor. My eyes widened, "Lenalee, give me those—…!"
Much to my surprise, Kanda had stood up and walked over to Lenalee, trying to steal a glance of the note she was reading, "Who in their right minds would send flowers to beansprout?"
"H-hey, stop that!" I tried to steal back the flowers and the note, but Kanda stretched his arm out and kept me from approaching Lenalee. Damn, I should have known that they would co-operate against me. I pouted and tried to reach out for the bouquet, "C'mon, stop it!"
"An encore?" Lenalee pressed her palm against her mouth to smother her giggles, "Wow, Allen. I never thought you'd be like that. Must be that nice attitude of yours that hides all of your naughtiness."
"Lenalee!!" I raised my voice and covered my ears. The way her voice was a little pitched and her eyes glittered made me seriously want her to stop. It was not a good time for her rant of my sexual orientation, especially when Kanda was standing behind her. His eyebrow was slightly arched, although he tried to look uninterested.
"How very fascinating." Kanda mumbled, as he took the small note from Lenalee and quickly read it, his expression barely changing, "A beansprout with a horny admirer. And I always thought only women receive flowers from their lovers. Maybe beansprout's orientation is not the only thing we should recheck."
"Shut it!" I started to feel nervous. They were ganging up against me! I pulled the flowers to my chest and pouted a little, "I'm not a woman. And I'm perfectly straight as well."
Lenalee giggled and Kanda only shrugged his shoulders apathetically, before walking back to his seat by the counter and sunk back to what he was reading. I gave Lenalee the look, saying that I would deal with her later. The dark-haired girl only shrugged her shoulders, before picking up a rag and going off to clean the tables.
I sighed and looked at the flowers, "…I prefer sunflowers anyway…" I lifted the trash bin's lid and threw the bouquet away. I did not need flowers from unknown men who I may have slept with. And I would definitely not repeat that same mistake, whatever that might have been.
And for the rest of the day, I avoided Lenalee's eyes and ignored Kanda's 'beansprout' comments.
As I came home, it took me a while to open the front door.
I had always hated being at home. Even when I was living with my foster father, Mana, I preferred to go out and play with my friends. I loved sleepovers at my friends' houses, because that way I didn't have to be home. And when Mana asked me why I could not spend time with him at home, I could not tell him why.
And I still can't. Even now that I have moved and not with Mana anymore, the feeling is still there.
I took off my coat and threw it to my couch, before walking to my small kitchen and checking the fridge's contents. It was almost empty, like always. After all, I hardly spend anytime at my apartment. Lenalee sometimes brought me groceries, after deciding that I was 'too skinny' or 'not eating healthy enough'. Of course I appreciated her efforts to help me, but I just could not stay here.
With a small yawn, I closed the fridge's door and headed to my bedroom, which only included a bed with thin mattress, a nightstand with a lamp and a small shelf for clothes.
I sat down on my bed and pulled out a small journal from underneath my pillow. I know it was girlish and maybe even stupid, but every now and then I liked to write down the happenings of the day. It helped me to remember things, I could easily forget and reminded me of how the world around me, as well as myself, changed constantly.
So I picked up a ballpoint pen and searched for a blank page,
Today I woke up next to man, whom I had not seen before. I do not know how I ended up next to him or what I did last night, but it surely felt horrible in the morning. But it will never happen again. I'm content as I am and I do not need any more trouble in my life.
After writing the small entry, I threw the diary, as well as the pen to my nightstand. I pulled my shirt over my head and stretched my arms. My lower back felt a little sore, as well as my neck. I wondered if it was because of the incident in the morning. As my thoughts were drifting back to the subject, I did not want to think about, I shook my head to calm myself.
I didn't want to think about him, whoever he was, just when I was going to sleep.
But as I pulled my coverlet all way up to my ears, I suddenly felt very afraid.
It felt like it used to feel when I was younger and my foster father had already fallen asleep. It was the moment I felt alone and afraid of falling asleep. What if I started to sleepwalk in the middle of night and walk out of the door and end up in a snowy ditch? Or what if a murderer broke into my house and murdered me while I was asleep? What if I would never wake up again?
Of course those thoughts had always been silly, even back then when I was a lot younger. But right now I felt the same. If I closed my eyes, would I still be in my own bed or would I find myself next to a man who I didn't know?
These thoughts running through my head, I tossed and turned around for hours to no end, until I fell into reluctant slumber.
To be continued...
Author's ending notes: Ohh, I'm somehow kind of satisfied with how this chapter came out. :) Please do review.