PONG: THE EVERLASTING LEGACY
By David Solomon
The ball comes towards me…and I knock it back. The ball comes towards me…and I knock it back. So my life goes on, an everlasting loop of simplistic action. Should I one day succeed in knocking the ball beyond the other paddle, I am rewarded with a point. If, however, the ball slips past me, the enemy is rewarded a point.
WHY GOD, WHY?! Why must you torment me so!
"Oh, shut up, Paddle 1," Paddle 2 replied.
"Not now, Paddle 2," Paddle 1 inquired. "I'm ranting."
"Oh, what is it this time? Your miserable life?"
"Of course! Wait…what was it last time?"
"I don't remember. I think you had gotten drunk and started ranting about apricots."
"It was cherries, ass-munch," Ball interrupted, coming in from behind the scene. "Do you have a brain inside that white rectangle of yours?"
"Technically, I shouldn't," Paddle 2 replied. "But you know how things are in this world. Pong Paddles have brains, games like Deer Hunter sell millions of copies…"
"Why are we talking about Deer Hunter," Paddle 1 asked. "When we are supposed to be talking about how miserable my life is?"
"Ball, will you excuse me for a second?" Paddle 2 picked up Ball and threw him at Paddle 1.
"You shouldn't do things like that," Scoreboard 1 pointed out. "It's not very nice."
"Shut up, Scoreboard 1," Scoreboard 2 interrupted. "Always taking Paddle 1's side."
"Well, you always take Paddle 2's side!" Scoreboard 1 stated.
"That's because Paddle 2 is a much more sensuous being."
"Sex, sex, sex, that's all that matters to you!"
"You've never had me, Scoreboard 1," Paddle 2 interrupted. "You don't know what it's like to be in heaven."
"What's wrong with me?" Paddle 1 asked. "I'm good, I'm hip, I've got labedo."
"Oh, it's not one big thing," Scoreboard 1 said. "Life just sucks with you."
"At least you guys got something!" Ball explained. "I don't have anyone! All I've got is a very phallic name."
"That reminds me," Paddle 1 began. "If you get kicked, does it really really hurt?"
"Oh, not the kicked in the balls question again," Ball stated. "I hate that. And yes, it does."
Suddenly, a quarter slipped into the machine.
"What? People still play this game?" Everyone asked in unison.
"Everybody get to your positions," Ball shouted. "NOW!"
Scoreboards 1 and 2 scrambled to their respective corners. Paddles 1 and 2 went to their respective sides. And Ball moved to the center.
And thus, life continues…the ball comes towards me…and I knock it back…
AND THUS ENDS THE FIRST PONG FANFIC…