Well, this one's for FreeFallJumper, and I hope it meets her requirements. And yours, too, of course.
So here you go, a little tale of kindergarten with a little confusion and a lot of awkward boy love.
Chapter 1: That changes everything!
They sat there, side by side on the picnic blanket, both looking up at the summer sky.
"Look, that one looks like a heart," Sasori whispered in Deidara's ear, pointing at the cloud right above them. Deidara blushed at the closeness and took another cookie out of the small jar.
"Oh, look, Sasori no danna, the cookies are gone!" Deidara stared at the jar as if sheer willpower would put more cookies inside. Sasori smiled at the crumbs lining his lap, the aftermath of a certain someone's messy eating habits.
"I wonder whose fault that is," he said slyly, discreetly sliding an arm around Deidara's shoulder, smirking to himself at the small squeak the blonde made.
"S-S-Sasori no danna!"
How could Sasori not fall for those innocent blue eyes, or that timid voice that struck all of the right heartstrings? He leaned in even closer to those lips, those pretty lips decorated with sugar crumbs, and brought them to his own. The body under him startled, then went limp in his grasp, kissing him back, kissing him passionately...
"Sasori no danna..." Deidara moaned next to his ear.
"M-make l-love to m-me..."
Sasori didn't need to be told twice.
"I said, are you DONE CHOPPING THE CARROTS?" Mao boomed for the last time.
And bam, Sasori was hit upside the head with a rolling pin.
"Huh?" he said, mind too blank to come up with anything else.
"Oh don't you pretend you didn't know! The little ones are starving!"
And just like that, Sasori was brought back to earth.
Stupid, total absence of kinky picinic, earth.
"Damn!" he swore, taking his frustration out on the innocent little carrots. "And I almost lost my virginity..." he muttered under his breath.
"What's that, Sasori-san?"
The brunette smirked. "Well, in that case, maybe you should come out and help us serve lunch."
Sasori sighed. Sometimes a kitchen full of giggling women really didn't work for him, so he'd often escape off to play with the kids during lunch break. They were a lot of fun, and at least they appreciated his crazy imagination, especially when it involved him inventing new and wacky deserts. Chips with icing on top, bread with spray-cream, chocolate-covered carrots, caramel cucumbers, you name it.
Kankurou especially went wild for that last one.
Sigh, but alas, although he wanted to see them stuff their faces with 'revolting' food (direct quote from, well, all of the kitchen staff,) he'd just have to be happy with asking Kata to put out his chopped carrots on their little one-foot-tall lunch tables for him.
Because Deidara would be out there, talking with them.
Or rather, Deidara-sensei.
Sasori sighed again, absent-mindedly piling the last of the carrots onto a flowery tray and handing them to Kata. Only once she and Mao had left did he turn back to the window above the cutting board.
The clouds were thin and grey, matching the slushy layer of snow on the ground below them. Not a heart-shaped one in sight.
He turned to the neighboring counter to wash his hands. Maybe he'd call it a day, Yori was there to help (for once) anyway. He untied his black apron and hung it up next to his assigned cubby hole.
"And just where do you think you're going?"
Speak of the devil, there was Yori now, hands on her hips and a carving knife in her apron pocket. And with that murderous expression added in the mix, Sasori knew exactly what to do: shut up and do as he was told.
Yori had asked a rhetorical question, anyway.
"Geez, Sasori, do you have any manners at all? Deidara-sensei hasn't been formally introduced to us yet! At least stay for that!" and she stomped off.
Sasori gulped. Shit. He didn't know how he's act, after that little fantasy. 'Sasori no danna,' yeah, right. But hey, maybe he could make cookies for them, and then...
And he phased out.
The rest of the kitchen staff were all at the far end of the island in the kitchen, gossiping as usual.
"Oh, did you hear from Nanami-sensei?"
"Yeah, she called me this morning. She's already in her thirtieth week!"
"Wow, she must be huge by now!"
"Well, they did say she was having twins."
"Twins? Oh, they'll be so much fun to take care of! We should have Sasori-san bake something when she comes back!"
Sasori's ears perked up at his name. What were they talking about?
"Yeah, but hopefully he won't feed the twins anything weird..."
Sasori sighed. Misunderstood. As usual. He tried not to look like he was eavesdropping, because he was sure that they would eventually start trading some inside info about a certain blonde. And sure enough,
"But did you see the new substitute teacher?" Kata asked excitedly.
"Yeah, pretty cute, as subs go, but at this other school I worked at..."
Sasori gave a mental eye-roll. Leave it to Mao-senpai to ruin his information gathering.
But something irked him. Something about the way Kata had said...
"And oh my god, I would kill to have hair like Deidara-sensei's!" Kata squealed.
Sasori immediately returned to the alert.
"Well, don't go bothering, now, it must already be stressful enough to be teaching a bunch of four-year-olds for the first time..." Mao reprimanded.
Yori sighed. "Yeah, I know, but I mean, what's not to love about..."
And Sasori phased out again. Did that mean he had competition? But wait, that must mean...
Well, Sasori had always considered himself open-minded, but...
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod there he is now!" Kata squealed, dragging Yori by the arm. "Let's go say hi to him! Oh my god, Yori-chan, does my hair look okay? Don't just stand there, answer me! C'mon!"
And both girls dashed out of the kitchen, squeeing as they found the man locking up his classroom.
It was just Mao and him now. He mulled over what he had just heard.
Okay, now he knew there was something...
Suddenly, it hit him.
"'He'?" he whispered to himself. "He?"
Mao hadn't heard him. "Y'know, Sasori, you can leave now if you want. Unless you want to help me clean up," she said teasingly, hoping to get a reaction out of him. "Sasori?" she asked hesitantly when none came. Instead, Sasori turned around to face her, stunned look on his face.
"Deidara-sensei...is...male?" he asked after a moment.
"Yes, yes he is. Deidara-sensei is a male, Sasori," she said, desperately trying to keep a straight face. Wait 'til the girls heard this one.
Sasori ignored her, trying to swallow this new fact.
A male, huh? Well, that changes everything.
Sasori sighed (again) as he closed the back doors behind him. He could've sworn he'd heard Mao-senpai laughing to herself in the other room while he was changing. He slung his messenger bag over his shoulder and set off down the street, mind racing still.
A male, huh?
God, now nothing surprised him. And yet, the confident walk, the husky laugh, the broad shoulders, heck, the flat chest...
What, had he assumed Deidara was a cross-dresser or something? A transvestite kindergarten teacher, way to corrupt today's children.
Stupid stupid stupid! How could I actually have thought...
A passing car sent melted snow flying into his face.
"Yeah, fuck you too," he grumbled.
Deidara is a guy.
He froze in mid-stride.
Deidara was a guy.
Last time he'd checked, he liked Deidara.
And he was a guy.
Well knock me down with feather. Sasori liked men. Or a man, rather.
"Oh, but that makes it so complicated," he whined to himself.
But hey, fantasies were easily changed, right? Take a little away here, add a little there...
Well, I did always imagine him with a rough voice...
Damn, but now there was even less chance of him liking him back!
Meh, what the heck, why not just give up and leave happiness to his imagination?
Sasori smiled to himself. Maybe, for now.
But in the long run, he wanted something to remain inside him.
I'll give it a try.
He skipped the last few steps to his apartment.
I'll see if we can make something to last forever.
Now wasn't that sappy?
To be continued!