Chimney Sweep

"I'm telling you, it's not going to fit..."

"Yes, it will. You just need to shove a little bit."

"Maybe we should, y'know...refrain."

"You mean Wait? Trust me, if we wait any longer this house is going to go up in flames."

"Well, if you're little miss-enthusiastic, why don't you get a move on in helping me out?"

"Because I'm a girl. Girls don't help in matters like this." Bella smiled as she folded her legs beneath her on the couch, eyes twinkling mischievously. "Plus, I don't want to get all covered in smut."

Edward looked up from where he was attempting to shove a broom into the chimney, wearing a pair of faded coveralls and a white shirt. He exhaled a steady breath "Isn't it called soot?"

"My dad always called it smut." She shrugged "Now I do, by extension."

The vampire looked apprehensive for a moment, getting on his haunches and peering upwards. "It's like a dark abyss up there." His brow furrowed. "Are you ready for this?"

His counterpart held up a piece of saran wrap "When you are."

There was a moment in which both roommates sucked in a breath dramatic enough to cause the barometer to rocket downward. Bella's eyes widened as she watched Edward thrust the broom upward and flinch away.

Like a black curtain, smut came raining from the heavens and upon his head. His fiance put down her protective sheet of wrap and dragged her eyes across his dirty stature. "Take me now, sailor." She commented dryly.

Edward let out a mirthless laugh, sputtering on some ash that had made it's way to his lips. He looked skyward again.

"Dead raccoons?"


"Birds? Dogs?"

"Nope. Nope."

"Cats? Mafia hits? Jimmy Hoffa?"

"Nope, nada, negitive."

She frowned "Uninteresting loot this year."

He shrugged, wiping his forehead "What can you do?"

"I guess so." She glanced wistfully at the ceiling, absentmindedly tangling the saran wrap in her fingers. "But hey, heh, now I can go tell Angela that I got my boyfriend all covered in smut."

Edward rolled his eyes.

A/N: I apologize to all those who thought that this was actually going to be smut. And to any of my aquiantences who might have had a heart attack reading the summary. I also wholeheartedly blame this on my friend Tommy, who has the ability to make anything sound dirty. Therefore the alternate title for this fic is "I'd Like to Sweep Your Chimney"