Hi guys. Just a quick note about my story.This story is kind of personal to me. A long time ago I lost some close but gained someone new. My life took a different path but it's a very very happy one. I've written other stories before be them good or bad. But reading some other stories on this website and getting inspiration from other writers out there I though I could try this. So I hope you enjoy my story. Remember to keep watching Supernatural on what ever night it's on where you are. Support our weekly pleasure in getting more series.

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Sam and Dean had been at Bobby's for a week. A week from when Dean had sold his soul to save his brother. In that week Sam had been spending all his time on the laptop researching and Dean just kept an eye on him.Speaking has become a no go zone.

Sam's sitting on the porch.Looking out across the yard. He takes a deep breath and stands. Taking his time he slowly walks into Bobby's house. He spots Dean in one of the armchairs,"Dean?"

"Yeah?" He turns his head to face his younger brother.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Dean moves from the armchair and stands in the doorway with Sam.

"For everything. For being a jerk. For being your brother. For having you make the deal."

"You didn't make me make the deal. I did that on my own. I did it so you could live again." The side of Dean's mouth curls up. "so you can carry on being a geek."

"That's not funny Dean. Your gonna die and it's because of me." He shushes Dean when he opens his mouth "Just let me talk.It's the truth and you know it and I know it. It's excatly the same as what dad did for you and it made you crazy. It's excatly what's happening to me. I am going to get you out of this deal."

"Sam,there is no way that you can..." Dean stops when he notices tears rising in Sam's eyes.

"It's all I have to keep me going. Just let me have that bit of hope Dean. The hope that I can get you out." Sam walks away. He stops before he reaches the stairs "Just promise me something."

"Promise you what?" Deans pushes his hands in his pockets.

"Promise me that if I do get you out of this deal that you will live and be Dean and not Dean Winchester."

"I can't promise that Sam. It's our job to protect people. To kill the evil son of bitches."

"Please Dean. Just promise me that even for a tiny bit that you'll be alive."

"I can't Sam. You know that I.." Dean see's Sam raise his hands,wipping them across his face. His breaths catching in tiny gulps. Sam's crying.

"Please. For me."

"On one condition Sammy. I need to know what you're up too. Don't you dare do anything stupid."

"Promise me. That's all I'm asking. Nothing more nothing Less." Sam steps on the first step "I need this Dean."

"I promise." Dean leans agaisnt the wall and slides down until he's reached the floor.He watches his brother climb the stairs "What are you up to Sammy?" Srubbing his face with both hands takes a look around the hallway.Books are everywhere."What are you up to?"

Four hours later

"Well Samuel.Do we have a deal?"

"Deal" Sam leans in and his lips touch those of the Demon's.

Six hours later

Dean feels the bed move. He turns overs and lays on his stomach."Dean wake up."

"Five more minutes Sam." He pushes his head under the pillow.

"It's not Sam it's me you idiot. You need to wake up." Bobby kicks the base of the bed "Dean get up."

"Okay okay old man.You need someone to take you to the toilet." He pushes the pillow from his head and tilts it to face Bobby."You couldn't have woken Sam?"

"That's why I waking ya. Sam's gone." Bobby jumps back as Dean spins around in the bed,kicking his legs over the side.

"What?" He grabs his jeans from the floor and stands up.He pulls them on and picks up his t-shirt from the end of the bed "What do you mean he's gone?"

"I found this on the kitchen table this morning addressed to you. I figured it was from Sam. I've covered the house and he's not here.One of the cars from outside is gone." He holds up an envolope.

"Fuck." Dean is finally dressed.He pulls on his boots."Give me the letter." He takes the envolope and rips it across the top."What the.." Dean pulls out a cassette tape.He glances up at Bobby.

"Got a cassette player down stairs." Bobby follows Dean to the main room. He pulls out the player. Dean inserts the tape. Giving Bobby a quick glance he presses play.

I guess you found it then.I can see the look on your face and I know that you are pissed."

"Damn right i'm fuckin pissed."

You made me a promise Dean and I know you always keep your promises.That's one of the special things I like about you.I just wished I could be sure that you will keep it. I found a way Dean to get out of the deal it was hard to find.Even for a geek like me but I found it.

Dean stops the tape. "What the hell does that mean? Bobby?" Getting a shrug from the older hunter Dean pulls the tape from the player and puts it in his pocket. "Look at the books on the desk upstairs."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find Sam. Call me when you figure something out." Dean grabs his coat from by the door and heads out to his car. "What have you done Sammy?" Dean pulls the cassette from his pocket and puts it in his in the car player. He starts the engine and pulls out from the yard. He presses play.

Don't you come looking for me and I know you will.That's not part of the promise.I asked you to live and that's what your going to do.By now your probably in the car zooming down the roads with that 'what the fuck' look on your face.I know you too well.Just turn around Dean.Your not going to find me.

"Oh yes I am you bastard." Dean studies the road ahead. On hearing his phone,he stops the tape. Flipping the phone open he pulls to the side of the road "Yeah?"

"It's the crossroads Dean.About 80 miles from here. Bloody Winchesters and Demons."

"Are you sure Bobby?" Dean pulls the car back onto the road.

"Yep.All the books point to the same thing. The crossroad demon."

"I'll call you back." Dean shuts his phone and throws it on the seat. He presses the play button again.

I know your proberly still driving.So I'm going to tell you a few things while you can't tell me to shut up.

"I am going to kick your butt."

I remember the first time I saw you really injured. There was so much blood. I didn't know where it started or where it ended. Dad was carrying you back into the motel and he shouted at me to move out of the way. I never forgot the words that came from you 'dad leave Sammy alone' you were hurt and you were still thinking about me. I was so scared. Dean.I thought you was going to die and leave me alone. Dad placed you on the couch and ran to get the medical supplies. I remember you turned and looked at me 'Hey kiddo.I'm fine.Winchesters are always fine.' I never wanted to see you like that again. Seeing dad patch you up and you screaming with the pain,it nearly killed me there. That's when I realised I wanted to be safe. To not see you hurting ,to see you safe.

Gulping down the lump in his throat Dean pushes harder on the gas peddle.

You remember when we stayed in that motel that had those horrible yellow curtains and matching carpet. You said that this is what the inside of a ducks ass looks like. I laughed so hard when Dad slapped you across the head. I never told you this but I told my friends I made at the local school and they thought you were cool. They didn't have to tell me,I already knew. I always knew.

Dean wiped way the tears runing down his face.

I've never forgotten that look on your face when I left for college. I never meant to hurt you Dean. I just needed to get away from that part of my life. Not from you. I know you still have hang ups about that,but you have to believe me it was never about you or dad. It was about me. I spent all my life hunting evil and watching the people I love getting hurt. I just couldn't do that anymore,I couldn't sit around and wait for some doctor to tell me that you were dead,that i'd lost my brother. I know it was selfesh,but I couldn't wait for it to happen. You know everynight night while I was at Stanford I prayed.Prayed that you and dad were safe. That I never forgot about you. How can I forget my big brother. I missed you alot. I kept expecting you to turn up and drag me away from there,even though you did sit outside my dorm some nights. I knew you were there. I always knew you were there. My heart told me that.

"Oh Sammy."

I even did a few cases. Bet you didn't know that .Guess our kinda life just follows you about .Then I stopped when I met Jess. God she changed me around. Women huh. You always said they were worse than Demons. Jess showed me how life could be. How to be safe. Her smile was like a breath of fresh air,making me whole. Making me normal. God I loved her. More than anyone could know,apart from you.You had a women in your life that you loved more than anything,Mom. I just wish I could have known her. I knew it broke your heart when I asked about her. But I needed to know her. I never knew her. I didn't have a chance to tell her I love her,I never got the chance to call her Mom. I guess that's kinda a given considering it was because of me that she died.

"It was never your fault.Never." Dean carries on pressing on the gas "Never!"

You and dad always told me it wasn't my fault but it was. It was my crib that she died over. So you see,this life that we had was down to me,all the things that dad put us through was because of me. Jess,oh god Jess,everything was because of me. I am so sorry. For a long time after Jess died I wished that I could take everything back. If I hadn't gone to Stanford Jess would have been alive. She loved me and trusted me. She believed in me. I should have told her about my dreams,warned her. I should have done something,anything. But I was scared. I kept having these dreams and threw them away on a whim. I should have dealt with them. Made Jess safe. I should have done something,I should have saved her. I didn't save her Dean.

Dean took a deep breath. He looked up at the road sign.30 miles."It was never your fault kiddo.I took you away because I couldn't live without my family."

You know when we met up with dad again I was so scared. All those times I stood up to him and then I was scared. I can still see your face when he turned up in that motel room,it looked like all your christmases came at once. Seeing him,well lets just say that fear went. All that anger went. It was like everything that had happened between us had disappeard .Then Meg came. Took dad. I hated seeing you so hurt. Don't get me wrong,I loved Dad but he was your idol,your hero. At the cabin when you had dad at gunpoint and told me it wasn't dad,I believed you straight away. I knew you'd never hold a gun up to dad. Man,what that Demon did to you. It brought back all those things I hated. You asked me not to shot dad. I couldn't have done it Dean. He was our father,Demon or no Demon. Do you know after the crash and you were on that ventilator I could have died myself. It was one of my nightmares coming true. I thought I was going to lose you,Dean. What would I had done if you died? That's why I can understand why you made the deal, after finding Dad on that floor dead.,then finding out that he did it to save you I can't let it happen. Your stronger than me and you broke. I saw you slowly breaking everyday. I was losing you all over again. I just don't want to go through that.I don't want you to see me get weaker,counting down the days.

"Sammy,I am so sorry."

Being back on the road with you was a good thing. We became brothers again. I had my big brother back.I had you. The one person in my life that truly understood me. That I could count on. I never told you but I was so happy when I was driving along,arguing. You made me alive. You started to take care of me and I missed that. But I also hated it,you went from being free to being my keeper again. I do regret that. Throughout my whole life you were my keeper my protecter, I am so grateful it was you. You made me me.You made me the person I am. I just wished that you could have become you too. Not just the older brother,that you could have become Dean,just Dean. I know there is no way to repay you for what you have done for me. Please understand that this,what I am doing is the only way I can save you. The only way that I can repay you. I don't want to say goodbye. I just want to say thank you. It's not enough but Thank you. I love you. I know you never say it,you didn't have to,I felt it.Always.Jerk

The tape stopped and popped out the player. Dean wiped away the tears that never stopped flowing. God his heart hurt so much. Turning the car to the left he noticed one of Bobby's cars. Dean pulled up and killed the engine. He slowly climbed out of the car. "Sam!" Dean screamed as loud as he could."SAMMMY!". He headed towards the abandond car. As he went to open the door he heard a small whimper. He listened again and the same noise came only this time it was longer.

"SAM!" Dean moved as fast as he could. Heading towards the sound. Dean stopped when he spotted something moving on the ground.

Thank you for reading