My second fanfic! Enjoy!

Warning: A big part of this story will consist of flashbacks and they will contain yaoi and Mpreg. I have tried not to make the characters OOC and not to have any grammatical or spelling errors...

This is L's thoughts or memories.

Disclaimer:I don't own any Death note characters...sadly!

Chapter 1:Memories

"Are you Ryuuzaki Yagami?" the woman behind the desk asked. The pale man with his ink hair nodded. The woman that had only recently started working at the brokerage firm couldn't help but stare at him.

With the dark bags under his eyes and the odd way of standing, he was striking enough. If she had known him she probably would have reacted because he wore a black sweater instead of his usual white too.

But now, the thing with his appearance that made her stare was his eyes. They didn't look like human eyes. They contained nothing.

The dark irises were like black holes, like the definition of emptiness. Still, the whites of his eyes were red, as after crying to much to long.

"I have the keys to your apartment here." She stopped staring after a while and managed to produce an embarrassed smile.

He took them without saying anything.

"So.." The bothered woman tried to think of a way to save the situation. "Are you going to live there alone?"

"No," the man calling himself Ryuuzaki answered."I will be living with my daughter."

"Oh, really?!" The womans blue eyes sparkled. "I love children! How old is she? What is her name?"

"She is five," Ryuuzaki said with toneless voice."Her name is Kira, to honor the person that gave birth to her and who now is dead."

An unpleasant silence fell as Ryuuzaki turned around to leave.

"I'm really sorry to hear that," the broker said and she really meant it. A person must have experienced a lot of pain to shut down his emotions like that.

The man stopped but didn't speak.

"Kira is.. an unusual name to give a child nowadays," she observed trying to change the subject."But it's pretty."

Slowly, Ryuuzaki turned around again and glared at her.

"No offense, my dear lady," he explained, sounding as he was reading from a book."But I am not interested in your opinion and I do not want your pity. I will be working from home. I will not be causing any problems. I will pay the bills you send me right in time. And I will take good care of my child. So leave me alone."

L disliked having to be so mean but he knew that offending people was the best insurance that they would stay away. He couldn't have anyone getting close to him again.

They would just waste his time.

Light-kun, without you, I only breath because I have to.

Later that night, Kira slept on a mattress on the floor. Her dark hair made a distinct contrast against the white pillow and her own pale skin.

She had his hair. But she had Light-kuns eyes. His beautiful eyes.

L left the living room so he shouldn't see her, and remember. Even though he already knew it was pointless. The memories were always there.

Everything he saw made him remember.

Like the brown wallpaper in the hall.

"Why do you always have to wear clothes in such depressing colours, Light-kun?" L wondered and buried his face in Light's brown sweater. Light smiled and pulled the older man closer to him.

"I'm not the one wearing the same clothes everyday," he gave back with a smirk and kissed L's forehead with lips so cold they made L shiver. "And brown is not a depressing colour."

"I do not wear the same clothes everyday, I just do not happen to be as vain as Light-kun," L explained. "And this is not a conversation on the intellectual level I expected to carry with someone having an intelligence of Light-kuns caliber, so I tend to cancel it right now." Light giggled in an uncharacteristic foolish way that would have given everyone else he knew a heart attack of surprise.

"No, you don't cancel it because my lack of complicated words is disappointing you," he said self-confidently. "You know you can't win over me in a verbal fight."

"Why would I not?" L played with Light's hair, his soft, soft hair.

"Because you love me," Light smiled."And you know that I hate to lose."

"But I hate losing as much as you do," L reminded him reproachfully.

"Shut up," Light demanded and silenced him with his freezing lips.

And just this once, L let him win.

Feeling a little dizzy L left the hall and walked into the kitchen where their few belongings were. He needed to escape the memories of his old life to start a new one. The problem was that he couldn't run fast enough.

As always, when he felt the smell of the last inhabitants cooking, the memories caught up.

"What are you doing, Light-kun?" L yawned and looked at the younger boy, standing fully dressed in front of the stove and fry eggs. "Those things stink all the way to the bedroom."

"I'm doing breakfast," Light answered without looking up.

"Four o'clock in the morning?" L sat down on a colourful kitchen-chair in his usual position.

"I couldn't sleep," Light sighed and turned off the stove.

"You mean that I slept but you did not?" L frowned. "How unusual." The other boy shrugged and didn't seem motivated to talk anymore. L leant forward and tried to catch his eyes. "Did Light-kun have a bad dream?" he wondered softly and continued when Light didn't answer. "Does Light-kun not realize that the stench of unfinished birds, who certainly not are meant to be eaten for breakfast, gives me nightmares as well?"

After throwing away the eggs, Light sat down opposite to L.

"Don't worry, L-kun," he requested and smiled warmly."I did have a nightmare, but it was not that terrible. I just couldn't go back to sleep right away." If L hadn't known him so well, he wouldn't have noticed those skillfully hidden stains of sadness in Light's amber eyes.

"You are an exemplary liar but I must disappoint you. You can not fool me," L said and looked troubled. "What is it Light-kun is upset over?"

"Nothing." Light rose so violently his chair nearly tipped."I'll go back to sleep."

"You promised me that you would not lie to me anymore," L accused him. "No killing, no lying, no manipulating. Remember?"

"I'm sorry," Light muttered and it wasn't until he had left that L identified the feeling behind his voice as sorrow.

L felt those stupid, unnecessary, unavoidable, annoying, strange tears fill his eyes and blinked. If only Light-kun could have told him what that dream was about. Now, he would never know.

Cursing his own emotions he left the kitchen and entered the only other room there was in the apartment- the bathroom.

But was lost in memories again when he saw the shower.

"You can't eat that soap," Light's voice called from the other side of the blue shower curtain with green dolphins on it.

"I do not intend to," L informed him and put the strawberry soap on the sink again. "I was just smelling it."

The sound of flowing water drowned the last of his sentence and L sighed. Light showered at least twice a day ("Everything has to be cleaned," he used to say."It must stay clean."). His cleanliness was obviously an obsession and it irritated L to no end. Not because he didn't accept odd habits, he had to live with himself after all, but because the showers decreased his and Light-kuns time together.

That was the reason he sat curled up on the toilet and waited for Light to invite him to the shower.

Of course, he realized he didn't need to wait. You must have equal rights in a relationship. He got on his feet.

"It is about time that we do what every human should do at least once in their lives," he stated and started to undress.

"What? Eat a strawberry soap?" Light teased him.

"No." L smiled happily. "Have sex in the shower."

L collapsed on the cold floor.

It was strange how things could change so quickly. When he fell in love with Light-kun, he abandoned ideals he thought he had been ready to die for. Ideals were what made someone a good person, but they could never compete with love. After a while, Light agreed not to kill anymore. And when he, as an incredible surprise for them both became pregnant, he gave up the Death note and they were happy.

They were blissed. For the first time in his life, L could hear something more from his heart than heartbeats, it actually communicated with him. It told him that he was happy. It told him that no matter how stupid it was he must for once believe in forever.

Forever, as it tend to be, was awfully short. Light died and L was left alone with memories and a child he loved but couldn't even bear looking at. Her eyes were the closest to Light he could ever come now and that hurt so badly that he, though denying it, sometimes wished that he didn't have a daughter.

The communication with his heart was eventually cut off. The pain he suffered had it's center in his stomach it seemed, not in his chest, so he didn't need to feel anything from there.

If his heart ever said something again, he didn't need to listen.

I'm so sorry,L-kun!!!!T.T means continuation...

Thank you for reading!