Water Young Adult Starvation Team
Carl's '2 Wycked' car screeched to a halt in front of the house. The doors opened, and Shake hopped out, followed by Meatwad who fell.
"And you said the bank didn't have a drive-through," said Shake, sarcastically. "But they did, didn't they?"
Meatwad wasn't happy. "Boy, all I got was a lollipop."
"Well….. maybe you should actually open a checking account. Like me."
"You ain't got no checking account. I told you Carl's pin number wasn't his birthday."
"That's because you don't know his birthday!" said Shake angrily.
"Speaking of Carl…." Meatwad hesitated. "….. he's gonna be pissed when he finds out you used his car."
"He won't find out." Shake pulled out a hockey stick and brandished it in Meatwad's face. "Any problems with that can be directed to this. And into your face."
"….. what about that big ol' dent on the front bumper?"
"What dent?" Shake shuffled over to the front of the car. "I don't see any dent. You did it."
Meatwad's eyes widened. "Me?! I wasn't even the one driving!"
"Me either! You think I have a driver's license?"
"Hey!" Carl approached, hands on his hips. "What the hell happened to my car?"
"Hey, hey, buddy," said Shake. "Did you know there's a dent in your car?"
"I see that," said Carl. "You wanna tell me what the f(belch) happened here?!"
Shake glanced away and then back. "I think the answer is obvious…….. scooter."
"No way a scooter made a dent that big."
"You don't know! What if it was a scooter made for an obese kid? Are you making fun of them? Because they try very hard, and they don't need people like you making their life any harder!" Shake started to leave.
"Oh, no no no!" Carl called after him. "You ain't going nowhere 'til you pay up. I can't afford to fix this!"
"Why should I have to pay for something that some fatass kid did? It's not my fault they liked Double-Stuff Oreos so much! Blame Nabisco—they're the ones who are at fault here!"
"Shut up about that. I know it was you, Shake. Now gimme some money for repairs, or I'm calling the police."
"I don't have any money!" said Shake, widening his eyes.
"You better get some. Get a job, something. 'cause if I don't get the money soon—"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I have a job, okay? Tell him, Meatwad."
"Is you talking about that thing? On the Internet?" asked Meatwad.
"No, the other thing."
Meatwad just stared back.
"…. what we are! You, me, and Frylock!"
Meatwad smiled. "Homies."
"This is a bunch of bull," said Carl. "You guys ain't detectives. Get a real job!"
"How dare you, sir!" Shake furrowed his brow. "We are the Aqua Teen Hunger Force! A registered 501(c)(3) group."
"Ain't that for charities?"
Shake thought for a moment. "….we do that too! We're good people, okay? Unlike you, Mr. Greedy. Demanding money……makes me sick!"
"Hold on…" Meatwad frowned. "What are we again? Aqua what?"
"Aqua Teen Hunger Force."
"But…. we ain't teens. And we don't live in the water."
"But I am hungry!" Shake pulled out the hockey stick again. "And I'm going to force you to make me a sandwich! And there better be mayonnaise on it. A LOT. I want it DRIPPING with mayonnaise."
"No, don't hit me!" Meatwad frantically rolled toward the Shake-shaped door.
"That's right, you better run!" The door slammed behind him.
"Hey…. what the hell is that?" Carl pointed to a small, bean-shaped mass on the front of the windshield. It was pink and covered in a dark pink-red goo.
Shake looked at it. "Uh….. clearly, that is a present. From the Disgusting Jellybean Fairy."
"It looks like a baby squirrel splattered on my windshield."
"You have such a vivid imagination. You should write a book or something. Call it….. Imaginary Car Fetuses……. or Fetii."
"This friggin' proves you drove it. There aren't any trees by the road."
"Well, would you look at the time!" With a nervous smile, he made his way to the door. "Yep, definitely sandwich time!"
Frylock was typing on his computer, only half-listening to the little ball of meat who rolled up behind him.
"Why are we called…. 'Aqua Teen Hunger… Force'? Is it 'force'?"
The box of fries turned away from his computer and faced Meatwad. "It's just the way things are, Meatwad. It doesn't matter though, because we're not really detectives anymore."
"Look, don't worry about it. I'm kinda busy here… why don't you go play with your dolls or something?"
"Nah…. I don't wanna. Dewey and Vanessa… they've been real tense lately. Always fightin'. There's even talk about a space-railroad-divorce. Can you believe that?"
"…. no, I can't."
"And don't even get me started on Boxy. The other day he said I couldn't jump. I said, 'boy! I can so jump!' and then…. and then he spit on me."
"I'm sure you can find something to do, Meatwad. Something away from here."
"Can't I just hang out with you? And surf on the Internet with you?"
"Sorry, Meatwad. The Internet has a one-person-per-computer-at-a-time rule."
Suddenly they heard a loud crash from outside.
"What was that?" asked Meatwad.
"I don't know. Why don't you go see? But don't bother coming back to tell me."
"Okay!" Meatwad happily rolled over to the door.
The Mooninites rammed their ship into Carl's car, then hovered back up. After a few moments, they crashed it again and jumped out.
"Oh, great," said Carl sarcastically. "Thank you so much for smashing my car. Because my insurance definitely covers alien spaceship crashes."
"You be quiet, fat-man," said Ignignokt. "And hand over all valuables. Because we are pillaging."
Err piped up: "Raping and pillaging!"
There was an awkward pause.
"Well…. only… only if there's women," said Ignignokt. "Are there any women here? There aren't, are there?"
"Hey, y'all," said Meatwad with a grin as he rolled up.
"Look, Err. Someone else to rob."
"Lemme ask you something…." began Meatwad. "…. do you know why we's called the Aqua Teen Hunger Force?"
"There is no answer, Meatwad. And that is why."
"Just give us your damn money!" shouted Err.
"Quiet, Err." Ignignokt turned back to Meatwad. "Join us, Meatwad. We are currently looking for a third member. And we will have a totally badass name, unlike your lame one."
Meatwad grinned. "Awesome! What do I have to do?"
"Just steal everything you possibly can, and bring it all back to our ship. Then leave it in there and receive no share of it nor compensation."
"Well…." Meatwad looked away. "… that sounds like…."
"A good idea? Yes, it is. Began now."
Err jumped at Meatwad. "PILLAGE LIKE YOU NEVER PILLAGED BEFORE!"
Meatwad struggled to push the TV out of the house. "Ehh…. Ehhhhh…." he groaned.
"What're you doing, Meatwad?" asked Frylock, hovering up beside him.
"Pillaging?" Frylock cocked an eyebrow.
"Yep. Pillagin' this TV. For my new group."
"What new group?"
"My new group with the Mooninites with the badass name."
"And what might that be?"
"I dunno, boy, they haven't told me yet." At this point, Meatwad had finally pushed the television out the door, with Frylock still tailing him.
"Ah, yes," said Ignignokt. "Good work, Meatwad. TV's are good spoils for pillaging."
"Just what is going on here?!" demanded Frylock angrily, floating towards the Mooninites.
"You're being robbed!" said Err. "Now hand over the cable box!"
"Hell no. And I won't have you corrupting Meatwad again!"
"You're too late, Fryman," said Ignignokt. "He is already a member of the Water Young Adult Starvation Team."
"The what?" asked Meatwad with a frown.
"That is our badass name."
"But…. that's like the old one."
"Are you questioning our authority?"
"Somebody wants a moon-spanking!" said Err.
"No! Don't spank me!" sobbed Meatwad.
"Then come," said Ignignokt. "Help us plunder more booty."
"And get some! Ha HA!"
"Excellent wordplay, Err."
"What else should I steal, master?" asked Meatwad.
"Anything and everything…….. but especially the remote that goes with that TV."
Meatwad frowned. "I don't think we got a remote."
"Come on, Meatwad," said Frylock, reaching for the little meatball with his fry. "I've heard enough. We're going back inside."
Meatwad pushed Frylock's fry away. "No way. I'm with my new gang now."
"That is right, Frylock," said Ignignokt. "He is with the Water Young Adult Starvation Team now. And we are the opposite of detectives."
There was momentary silence.
"…. and the opposite of detectives is space pirates."
Meatwad's eyes widened and he grinned. "Really? AWESOME!"
"No, NO!" said Frylock. "Meatwad, they're lying. Space pirates aren't the opposite of detectives. Now let's just go inside, and put the TV back."
"In your face!" taunted Err.
"Does someone want to tell me why the hell I am suffering from serious sandwich withdrawal right now?" asked Shake, approaching. "Because I could have sworn I asked a certain someone to make one for me….AND I HAVEN'T GOTTEN JACK!"
The Mooninites pulled out their laser guns and pointed them towards Shake. "Lesson one, Meatwad: rob someone."
"That's a lesson?"
They shot their incredibly slow lasers, which inched along. Shake took a few steps to the side.
Ignignokt became angry. "How dare you! Meatwad, this is your first assignment. You deal with him."
Meatwad rolled a little closer to Shake. "… umm… give me your…. umm…." He glanced around. "…straw?"
"What would we want a straw for?" asked Ignignokt, growing impatient.
Meatwad thought for a second. "…. drinking?"
Shake pulled out two hockey sticks. "You're gonna have to go through these first! And careful, this extra one is metal. Face-cutting metal."
"Oh, no, double hockey sticks!" Meatwad quickly rolled away.
"You forgot the 'H-E'."
"Shut up, Err."
"Well, man, we haven't gotten anything yet but that TV! Let's go down to the electronics store and pillage there."
"I have a better idea, Err. One that involves our badness new gang name more."
Ignignokt and Err waded in Carl's pool, eating out of a bag of marshmallows.
"Hey," said an irritated Carl, approaching. "You think you can just swim around in my pool whenever you want?"
"We are not 'just swimming.' We are being the Water Young Adult Starvation Team. Space pirates."
"I don't see nothin' that has to do with space pirates…….. what the hell are space pirates?"
"We are space pirates now, fat-man. As of over eleven whole minutes ago," said Ignignokt.
"And we stole your marshmallows!" shouted Err, briefly jumping upwards in the pool. "We're eating our booty! HA HA!"
"That is the 'starvation' part of our name."
Carl had his hands on his hips. "Well it seems to me that that's the opposite of starvation….. eating."
"We… we are…" Ignignokt hesitated. "…. we are curing our starvation! Do not question our name again!"
"Oh, I will. Where are the 'young adults'?"
"At the library, Carl. In the young adult section."
"Recommended by Reading Rainbow!" said Err.
"This is stupid." Carl started to walk away.
"That's it, Carl!" Ignignokt yelled after him. "Cower in our space pirate-ness from which there is no escape!"
"How're we going to get rid of them?" Meatwad asked Frylock.
"I thought they were your gang? Your homies? Your teammates?"
"Yeah, they was…." He looked away. "…. but then they tried to drown me. In Carl's pool."
Frylock's eyes widened.
"And they would've done it too," continued Meatwad. "…had it not started to become boring to them."
"Well, hell, Meatwad. Shake's tried to drown you before."
"Well, don't worry about that now."
"When was this?"
"Let's just figure out a plan to get rid of them."
"Nuh uh, boy. I wanna re-join them now that you told me that. They got marshmallows over there!"
"Let's just come up with a plan!" shouted Frylock angrily.
Frylock and Meatwad burst through the door, decked in pirate garb: the hats, eye patches, hooks, and a fake peg leg. They ran over to Carl's pool, with Meatwad screaming a battle cry.
Suddenly they stopped. The only one in the pool was Shake in a floatie.
"Where'd the Mooninites go?"
"They left," said Shake. "Probably ran out of marshmallows."
"What the hell are you wearing?"
"We're dressed like pirates!" said Meatwad.
"We were gonna give the Mooninites a dose of their own medicine and drive them away by playing their little game," said Frylock.
"Yeah, but they were space pirates," said Shake, cracking up. "You guys are dressed like the friggin' fifteenth century ones."
Meatwad frowned. "Oh, shoot. This wasn't gonna work."
Shake continued to laugh. "You guys look like the Cap'n Crunch!"
"That's enough, Shake…." said Frylock. "We get it."
"No, no, I'm not done…. I got another pirate joke…"
"Shut up, Shake."
"I will not until I have reached maximum taunting—"
Just then Frylock shot out his laser eye beams at Shake's float, popping it. "Walk the plank, Shake!"
Master Shake simply laughed harder. "That doesn't even make sense!"
Frylock started to hover away. "Come on, Meatwad… let's go back inside…."
Meatwad grinned. "Hold on…"
Not paying attention due to his laughing fit, Shake forgot to tread and for a moment, started to drown. He briefly flailed and gasped for breath.
Meatwad was still smiling. "Okay, now I'll come in."