Franziska and the Nerds
I was nuts thinking that I could be serious. I can't…for fanfics, they have to be funny, so here's my funny one. As for the other one…I have to do a bit reviewing, but it's coming back the week of the 18th if anyone wants it back. I have to review it and in order to do that, I have to play Phoenix Wright again…it's been a while and I have forgotten how everyone is SUPPOSE to act. In this one, well it would help if you read a fanfic I made for Grey's Anatomy (my other weakness :D). Well, I did not put it up, but there was a chapter called Mark and the Nerds. The nerds are pretty weird and they follow people and they are just weird. And what's worse, they make no logical sense to us, but in their own world, they make sense. Also, they are stereotypical, I'm sorry; I don't want flames for that. I made this up with my sister because I am a nerd and I would probably do this is I saw Franziska or Mark. (In the Mark one, the nerds…never mind.) Just sit back and enjoy the fiasco.
Franziska lost…again. Why couldn't she win against Wright? Why, Why WHY? She tried hard, very hard, but for some reason that spiky hair attorney always won. She grumbled as she walked to the elevator.
"Why can't I win against that foolish attorney? He's not that smart, I'm ten times smarter than him, but I can't win?" Franziska said as she opened the door to the elevator. She walked in and sighed. As she pressed the button, she heard the elevator squeak and groan. "Foolish old elevator, this thing is as old as my foolish father!"
Franziska continued her huffing and puffing as the elevator slowly changed numbers. It felt like eternity. Then it stopped on the second floor and what was soon to be Franziska's worst nightmare walked in.
"Oh Marco, I thought that the velocity of the car that car that was moving 4.5 m/s would surely stop that other car that was moving with a precise velocity of 2.897640 m/s." A nerd with big glasses and a green plaid shirt came walking in speaking to his partner in a nasally voice. He had a pocket protector and a gigantic calculator that he was rapidly pressing the keys to. His partner was a little bit shorter and had a red plaid shirt. An inhaler was sticking out of his pocket and was licking his teeth as he looked as his calculator. The elevator then closed with the three people inside.
"Oh Polo, don't be preposterous, it's physically impossible for that to happen. You should go back to quantum physics if you don't understand that stuff…" Polo did not answer. He was too busy looking at something else, something besides his calculator.
"Marco…look at that female specimen, isn't she an especially attractive individual of the opposite sexual category?" Polo whispered to his comrade. Marco simply rolled his eyes, for he did not find Franziska attractive.
"Polo, do you need to clean your glasses? I always carry extra sanitizing wipes with me?" Marco offered his friend. At this point, the elevator was moving at the pace of a snail. Franziska had already heard the nerds talking about something or other and became curious of what they were whispering about?
"What are you fools talking about? I hate fools that don't tell me what they are talking about." Franziska demanded the nerds to tell her what they were talking about. The nerds huddled in a corner and Franziska got mad, so mad she stomped her foot. The elevator stopped moving completely. "FOOLS! Look what happened now! The foolish elevator foolishly stopped!" Franziska was so mad, that she could just whip them, but she decided not to waste whip on a couple of harmless foolish nerds.
"You know, there is a new invention and it's called a thesaurus. In fact, I have one with me right now. Let us see, your word of choice is fool and the thesaurus shows you can use: ass, birdbrain, blockhead, bonehead, boob, bore, buffoon, butt, chump, clod, clown, cretin, dimwit, dolt, donkey, dope, dork, dumb ox, dunce, dunderhead, dupe, easy mark, fair game, fall guy, fathead, goat, gomeral, gomeril, goose, halfwit, idiot, ignoramus, illiterate, imbecile, innocent, jackass, jerk, lamebrain, laughing stock, lightweight, loon, lunkhead, meathead, moron, nerd, nincompoop, ninny, nitwit, numskull, oaf, omadawn, ownshook, pushover, sap, schlemiel, silly, simpleton, stooge, sucker, turkey, twerp, twit, victim." Marco said as he pushed his glasses. When he reached the end, he closed the book. This just made Franziska even angrier.
"My favorite of the extensive list of expressions is fathead. For example: Marco is the biggest fathead I have ever seen. He's so fatheaded. See, my beloved female specie, it's very easy to use a thesaurus." Polo pointed out. Marco laughed a nasally laugh.
"Or how about this: You of the female specie are probably one of the idiots of your specie on account of your lackluster vocabulary and your style of fashion." Marco insulted Franziska and nobody insulted Franziska von Karma and got away with it. Franziska grabbed her whip, reeled it in and…
SMACK! It hit…Franziska von Karma? How could that happened? Franziska rubbed her cheek as she looked flabbergast at the nerd with the red shirt. He…He dodged the whip? No matter, Franziska knew she could get the other one. She reeled her whip in and then.
SMACK! To match her other cheek, Franziska smacked it. The nerds could dodge her whip? No one could do that. She tried again and again and again. After 107 times of trying to hit the nerds, she passed out of exhaustion and from getting whip with her own whip. She heard a squeal coming from one of the nerds and that was it.
"Female of the specie Homo Sapiens…are you alright?" Polo said as he fanned Franziska with his math worksheet. Franziska could not open her eyes…it was so dark, but it was all a dream, no one could dodge her whip…
"Oh-no! I now must perform the kiss of life!! Stand back Polo." Marco went in to give Franziska air. After hearing this, her eyes flew right open. She crawled away from the nerds.
"I'm…dreaming. Yes, dreaming, I'm really at home with a nice cup of tea and talking to Miles. He just started to tell a story about his boring life and I nodded off. Yes, this is what this is all about." Franziska was huddled in a corner. She really wanted to get out, but the elevator had stopped and apparently, no one cared.
"If this WAS a dream, I would be talking to Albert Einstein." Marco responded.
"How on earth did you dodge my whip?" Franziska asked her nerdy companions. Marco took a breath of his inhaler.
"It was simply, really. We merely calculated the velocity that the whip was traveling. Then we took to account the air resistance and added that in the equation. Afterwards, we simply had to calculate the speed we need to move to avoid that whip and presto, we missed it. Having it hit you was a bonus for our own amusement. Anyone could do that in their head, any birdbrain." Marco said as he reminded Franziska of her vocabulary lesson. Polo seemed to get mad at Marco and he went up to Franziska.
"I did not want that to hit you, attractive opposite, but Marco insisted me did that." Franziska still did not believe. Whips moved pretty fast, but she wasn't going to continue to dwell on that. Now, Polo's comment caught her attention.
"Attractive opposite? What?" Franziska hoped he wasn't saying what she thought he was. Polo cleared his throat and sank to his knees.
"Female, you are very provocative to me. I feel as though I have found my other half. You stimulate in me what no other female has ever done. I cannot tell you what this feeling is, but I think it is love. That or the bean burrito I ate before coming here, but I'm sure it is love. Female, I do not even know your name. Speak to me, my angel and tell me your name." Polo spoke in an ear-grating nasally voice. Franziska looked at him weirdly.
"Have you not heard of Franziska von Karma? You…you…moron." Franziska remembered that Marco would bug her if she did not use another word.
"You're Franziska von Karma? I read about you in the paper. You're nothing about a loser, always losing to that primitive thinker, Phoenix Wright. Please, I've heard better theories from a donkey." Marco continued to insult Franziska. Polo threw his calculator at him to pipe him down. Franziska felt really bad now.
"Don't listen to him, my silver haired angel. Franziska: what an absolute pulchritudinous way to call yourself. Would you, when we get to know each so well that we can identify each other's DNA, would like to be joined under the law? Then after this union, we shall engage in reproduction where I will give you my sperm to be joined with your egg? Then you will carry what is first a zygote, then an embryo, only to become a fetus for nine whole lunar cycles. Then, when the fetus is born, it will have 23 chromosomes from you and 23 chromosomes from me?" This was the final straw; some freak had just asked her to marry him and to have children. Franziska could not take it anymore and began banging on the door.
"Someone get me out of here, please!! I beg of you! I'm locked here with two fools that hate it when I use the word 'fool'. One of these freaks wants to have children with me!! Get me out of here!
Then, someone heard her cries for help. Edgeworth was apparently waiting for the elevator too. How he not knew it wasn't working is beyond me.
"Franziska, are you in there? Don't worry; I'll get you out of there." Edgeworth didn't know what to do though. He had to think of something, but what? He couldn't take it; in there was his precious 'big sister'. He would die if she lost oxygen and die, or worse if she lost her MIND. He pulled the doors open with all the feelings he could. Finally, after much pulling, he got her out. She came running outside and hugging and kissing Edgeworth. She was sweaty from the lack of air and the whipping and possible the fact of Polo asking to marry her.
"Oh my hero! Edgeworth, I LOVE YOU!!! I NEVER want to be in that situation again." Franziska kept kissing her little brother. Edgeworth looked inside of the elevator. Marco and Polo were still in there. Polo just had his heart crushed and Marco was comforting him.
"Oh woe is me, oh how woe is me. Still Franziska, my love for you is like Pi, it will never end. Ohhhhh, woe is me!" Edgeworth couldn't help but to feel sorry for the guy. He told them to come out. Polo was rubbing his eyes.
"Don't worry; there are many fish in the sea. Who knows, maybe you will find a woman who actually loves you back." Edgeworth tried to comfort the wailing nerd. Polo sniffed and nodded. He bowed his head in shame as he headed out to the door. A few minutes later, a certain spirit medium walked passed him.
"Marco…look! It's the Pink Princess!" Polo exclaimed as he pulled out his trading cards. "Pink Princess…wait, I have to meet you!!!"
"Wait for me Polo, I love the Pink Princess more than you do. I wanted to marry her…" And with that, the nerds were off to bother another person.
"So, Edgeworth, now what do you want to do?" Franziska looked at her sweet brother. Edgeworth was staring blankly in the direction the nerds. Franziska waved her hand in front of him to get his attention
"Oh my gosh! Did you see what that nerd had? He had the platinum addition of the trading cards. Wait nerds…come back, I have to trade with you…" Edgeworth ran off, leaving poor Franziska behind.
"Only a fool of such foolish category would care about such a foolish thing as trading foolish cards. Miles Edgeworth, what a fool for caring about foolishly foolish cards than me! And you nerds, you are a bunch of….FATHEADS!!" Franziska twisted her whip in her hand was she followed the crowd.
If the characters are OOC, don't complain, they are not supposed to be in character. I'm doing this at 10:00 at night; grammar may stink and so does spelling.