Title: Cllamas

Author: Stomy1x2 (travelingstorm)

Rating: G

Prompt: LJ's ff100: #77 - What?

Notes: I... have no explanation for this. I had a very bizarre discussion with a co-worker about hybrid animals and Star Trek and god knows what else, and THIS was the end result. My sincerest apologies to you all. ;;


"And that's why Klunk can never mate with a llama," Mikey finished with a flourish, just as Raph walked in to Donnie's work area.

Raphael blinked twice. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He shook his head. "I don't wanna know, do I?"

Donatello had one hand over his eyes. He peeked through the crack between his fingers and nodded slowly. "Just. Don't. Ask."

"Ask what?" Leonardo joined them, casually buffing his sword before putting it away.

"About Klunk," Mikey informed him, waving a candy cane at him. "And llamas. And how they can't have babies because it would destroy the world."

Leonardo tilted his head to the side, studying his younger brother for a minute. Then he nodded once, and turned to Raphael. "Okay, how hard did you hit him?"

Raph held up his hands. "Hey, don't look at me! For once, I'm innocent."

"Yeah, like he could lay a hand on me anyway," Mikey protested.

"Wanna test that theory?"

The youngest sibling stuck out hs tongue. "Can't. Gotta give Klunk some cuddle time. He's all depressed because of the whole llama thing."

Leo couldn't help it. "What llama thing?" he asked, ignoring Donnie's flapping arms and silent, open-mouthed shouts of 'No Leo! Don't!'

Mikey positively beamed. "I'm so glad you asked!"

Leonardo was then most thoroughly educated on the dangers of spitting llamas mating with cats of any kind because the resulting offspring of such a union would be like a spitting, hissing wolverine or badger the size of a pony. And scientists, having successfully created the 'Cllamas', would no doubt begin engineering variations that could, for example, spit acid, or gain greater reach – even climb - with clawed hooves. And the only natural progression from that scenario was of course, the entire colony of cat-llamas gaining humanoid intelligence and taking over the world.

"...all while being fashionably attired in the choicest alpaca wool sweaters," Mikey finished some time later. "And that's why Klunk can never mate with a llama."

"Because it would result in the end of the world," Leo said faintly.

Mikey nodded, obviously pleased that his brother understood so well. Klunk meowed in agreement. He finished off the last of his candy cane contentedly.

Raph shook his head and left, muttering about idiots and the need for serious medication.

Donatello followed, wondering absently how hard it would be for a non-registered, non-citizen to acquire the aforementioned medications.

Leonardo went back to the training room, safe in the knowledge that insanity could not permeate the thick, reinforced walls.

And Mikey, having finished his second lecture of the evening, decided that Master Splinter needed to be informed of the need to keep the world safe from 'Cllamas' and hurried off to do just that.

(Mikey was later sedated by Donatello and a vow was made by the remaining three brothers never to let him eat expired Candy Canes ever again)


The end. As I'm sure you're all grateful for. :)