If you were Gay

A Cena/Orton Fic

Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the WWE. And since I'm not gay, which is a good thing; this song is still funny even if you type it! (Giggle) And besides, Liking guys isn't a bad thing…Unless you are a guy…Liking another guy…Creepy. And this is why I hate slash fics. But this isn't one.

Song: "If you were Gay" by Avenue Q.

Question: What if Orton was gay? Let's find out!

It was a very beautiful Moonlit night at the Staples Center, where WWE Champ Randy Orton was preparing for his title match against John Cena, but he still had time left. So, he picked up a book and sat down.

"Aah, an evening alone with one of my favorite books," Broadway Musicals of the 1940s."No other superstars to bother me. How could it get any better than this?" He said and smiled.

But in comes John Cena, just returning from his Arm Wrestling match against Mark Henry again.

"Hi, Orton!" He said with a smile.

"Hello, Cena." He said flatly.

"You'll never guess what happened to me as I was walking down the hall! This one guy was smiling at me and talking to me..."

"That's real interesting."

"However, He was being real nice to me! I think he was coming onto me! He may have thought that I was gay!" Cena explained, talking about MVP from Smackdown.

"Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care.
What did you have for lunch today?" Orton said as he flipped through a few pages.

"You don't have to get so defensive about it, Randy…"

"I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read." Orton blared.

"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Randy. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about …As friends!" Said Cena.

"I don't want to talk about it, John! This conversation is over!!!

"Yeah, But…"


"Ok… But just so you know…"

"If you were gay...I would be ok…I mean 'cause Hey, I'd like you anyway..

Because you see…If it were me..

I would be free to say, That I was gay,

(But I'm not gay.) "

"Cena! Please! I'm trying to read! "

"Oh Randy…Let me finish."

"If you were Queer…"

"Cena!" Orton yelled.

"I'd still be here…"

"Cena, I'm trying to read this book!"

"Year after year…"


"Because you're dear to me…"


"And I know you…"


"Would accept me Too…"

"I would?"

"If I told you today "Guess what? I'm gay!"

(But I'm not gay.)

I'm happy just being with you…"

"Black Wrestling shorts…Pal Umaga…"

"So what should it matter to me…What you do in bed with guys?"

"Cena! That's gross!"

"No it's not!

And if you were gay, I'd shout Hooray! "

"I am not listening!"

"And here I'd stay!"

Orton puts his hands over his ears and starts trying to block Cena out of his head…


"But I wouldn't get in your way…"

"Argh! Make it stop!"

"You can count on me, To always be Beside you every day To tell you it's ok,You were just born that way And, as they say, It's in your DNA, You're Gay!"

"But I'm not Gay!"

"If you were gay."

"Gah! I'm going to kill you, Cena!!" Randy said and dropped his book.

Cena smiled and ran out of the room, Orton on his tail.

Neko, London, Carlito, Kendrick, and even Drew Macintyre popped their heads out of the conference room and spotted Orton chasing Cena down the hall.

"Do you guys think that Cena sang that song he learned while watching Avenue Q?" Neko said.

"Yep. I can tell." Said Kendrick.

"Oh my god. They'll be running everywhere before the show starts!" London said, face-palming.

"Why can't Orton accept that he's secretly gay, even though he's married?" Said Drew/

"He's too much of a dumbass to accept it." Said Carlito.

"No duh." Said London.

"Now, let's get back to planning Cena's Wedding!" Said Carlito, walking back in the room.

"I still get to choose the cake design, honey!" Called out Neko.

"I still think he needs to wear the white tuxedo." Mumbled drew as the rest of them walked back in.

Cena was still laughing as he ran from Orton.

I actually think he is secretly gay.

(Miss Neko.)