the characters and places represented here are not mine. I'm just writing about them


Letters from the Left Behind

Monday, October 13

1920

Dear Daddy

Mommy says now that I'm really good at spelling I should write some letters. But most of my friends aren't as good with reading and writing as me, and I don't have anyone else to write to. So I though I could write you a letter. Ok? I'm six now! It's been three years since you went away but I still remember you really good. I'm in school and everyone likes me a lot. Mommy still doesn't smile a lot, but she talks a whole lot more, I think she is getting better. Oh, my new favorite color is purple because I got a pair of purple shoes! Mommy is going to get me a headband to match! She said you would think it looks really pretty. I'm going to go now, but I will write again!

Love, your daughter
Elicia

- - -

November 1

1920

Dear Daddy

I am writing you again! I showed the last letter to mommy to see if she thought you would like it. She started crying, but even though she was crying she said she thought you would love it. So I thought you would love it if I wrote again, but since it made Mommy cry I won't show her anymore. Unless she asks. I found a puppy today, he looked lonely but mommy said I couldn't take him home, which made me sad. I hope he is ok. I made a drawing of you and mommy and me in class and my teacher said it was really pretty. Everyone else liked it too! Except Thomas who said my trees looked bad, but he is always mean and Mommy says he's just trying to act tough because he does not want anyone knowing how he really feels. Even though I don't know what that means, I think it makes it not so bad for him to be as mean as he is. So I'm ok with it. I'm going to go to bed now!

Love
Elicia

- - -

June 12

1921

I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time. I forgot to. It's hard to remember to write you because you don't write back. I'm not mad at you, I know there are no post offices in heaven. Summer is really fun because I don't have to think about school, and even mommy seems happier in the summer time. I'm almost seven now! My birthday is in three weeks, but you already know that, I guess. I told Mommy I want a puppy but she said I might have to settle for toys and dresses, which is ok because I like both those things. I'm going to go play with Katey and Lucy, they are my best friends that I met at school!

Love
Elicia

- - -

September 23

1921

Dear Daddy

I started school again! I'm doing really well, just like before, but Toby is still rude. I'm concentrating (that's a new word I learned in school which means to focus really hard, and I had Mommy check my spelling but I didn't tell her why I wanted to use the word) on my school work! Mommy says that's good, so I hope you think it's good too! Even though it's been a while I don't really have a lot to write. So I will write again when something happens!

Love
Elicia

- - -

January 1

1922

Dear Daddy,

It's new years! Mommy let me stay up really late and someone set off fireworks across the field! I fell right asleep after though, because midnight is a long time to stay up to. I said I would write when something happened, so I did! I hope you liked this letter!

Love
Elicia

- - -

February 20

1922

Dear Daddy

Mommy asked me what I was writing last time I wrote a letter, and I told her and she cried only a little bit. Then, because I had been thinking about it I asked if you get my letters because they just stay in my box. (I put all the letters I write you in a special box I got for my fifth birthday from someone named Roy Mustang who I do not remember meeting but Mommy says knew you very well). Mommy said that you see the letters when I write them and that they don't have to be sent. That makes sense, since you're an angel now. Anyway, I asked mommy is you could hear my thoughts too, because sometimes I just think to you, and she said you definitely could, so I might be sending more thought-letters than written letters because they take less time. I guess that's all I wanted to say.

Love

Elicia

P.S. I'm eight now!

- - -

April 17

1922

Dear Daddy

Today I went and picked a lot of flowers and put them in a vase for Mommy all on my own because when I came home from school she was sitting in her chair looking really sad at the picture of you holding me when I was three. I like doing nice things to cheer her up. When I told her that was why I did it she cried. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't cry so much but I know she is just missing you. I miss you too.

Love,
Elicia

- - -

March 9

1922

Dear Daddy

I met Mr. Mustang today. He came over for dinner, which I already knew about because Mommy called and invited him. He is very tall and very handsome. And just between you and me he scares me a little. He came with a woman named Riza Hawkeye (I had to ask her how to spell her name, when I told her why she smiled really big but looked kind of sad). I liked her a lot because she braided my hair and brought me a new dress. Mr. Mustang brought Mommy flowers. Both Mr. Mustang and Ms. Hawkeye hugged Mommy for a long time when they came inside and when they left. The dinner we all had was one of Mommy's best. They talked a lot, and sometimes they were serious and sometimes they would laugh really loud, which I liked better, but after they would finish laughing Mommy would get teary-eyed and Mr. Mustang would stare at the food without eating it for a while. When he left Mr. Mustang gave me a hand-shake and Ms. Hawkeye hugged me. I like them both a lot. I'm going to bed now!

Love,
Elicia

- - -

February 3

1923

Dear Daddy

Today was my ninth birthday! We had a big party and Mr. Mustang and Ms. Hawkeye came by again! That made me really happy because Mr. Mustang surprised me by bringing me a kitten! He said Mommy had said it would be all right and I was so happy I gave him a big hug! He seemed surprised but he hugged me back. I don't think he's very scary after all. Mommy even smiled a lot! I named the kitten Leann because I think that's a really pretty name. She is sleeping on my bed right now so I might have to move her when it's my turn. Isn't my handwriting getting good? I'm going to take a bath now. Bye Daddy!

Love
Elicia

- - -

July 12

1923

Dear Daddy,

Something really funny happened today! We found out Leann is a boy! I asked Mommy if she thought he would mind if we kept his name the same because I really wanted to keep the same name and she said since he is a cat he probably would not mind. So he is still named Leann!

Love

Elicia

P.S. Leann says hi too, in kitty-talk.

- - -

May 18

1926

Dear Dad

I thought about you a lot today, which I haven't done in a long time, which is pretty obvious I guess since I haven't written in so long. I was so silly, really, writing all that nonsense. Did you really care to know if my favorite color was purple or whether my cat was still named Leann or not? (And speaking of the cat, we've taken to calling him Lee, finally, poor thing) Anyway, I thought about you. I have no really strong memories before I was about…eight, I guess, except for my memories of you.

It started with a sigh. I sighed because school got a lot harder after we got past adding and writing simple sentences. But when I sighed I suddenly smelled…smelt?…the scent of your cologne. Then I started remembering the feeling of the stubble you always had, scratching my face and neck. Then I remembered feeling so tall when you put me on your shoulders, and how mom worried you would drop me. But you never did. I remembered your big hands, patting my head and pulling my covers over me. I couldn't focus on my homework after that, so instead I started cleaning my room, and I dug that old box out from under my bed, and I started reading the letters. That's why I thought I might write again.

Roy comes by a lot now. He's been doing that for the last two years or so, because things aren't so bad anymore. He brings me presents not just on my birthday but every now and then, randomly. I guess its pity, but he's really nice about it so I don't feel patronized like I usually do. Riza and I are very close. She's like an aunt. She takes me out and has even shown me around military HQ, which was pretty cool. They don't talk about you, and since I never really knew you as the military man you were to them, I forget you even knew them, unless you come up and then I'm reminded of how I never got to know you.

Now I'm crying. I haven't cried since your funeral, because I was too young to remember how sad I was supposed to be afterward. I missed you, definitely, but didn't cry because Mom was doing all the crying for both of us. Speaking of mom, she doesn't really cry anymore, maybe that's why I'm crying again now. It's ok now that I don't have to be the happy one. I miss you a lot. I wish you were here.

Love
Elicia

- - -

November 30

1926

Dear Dad

Hey, I guess compared to three years this isn't very long, but it has been awhile hasn't it? I thought I would write about my life, you know, in case you're curious...in case you care. Thomas is still around and so are Katey and Lucy, but I don't get along with Lucy anymore, no one does. Thomas is still rude, and mean, but he's cute now too, which is kind of annoying. Katey has a crush on him, I still think he's stupid. Riza says the meaner a boy is the more he probably likes you, which doesn't make any sense. Roy agreed with her too, which since he's a guy makes it probably true but still weird.

Mom is really trying to help me through the tougher school stuff and with my 'developing body' as she and Riza call it. That's all gross anyway, I try not to think about it for the other three and a half weeks. Anyway, Mom's doing her best, and it's not bad for me, I'm happy, she's just so sad and tired all the time. I wish there was something I could do. Or that you could do something from where you are. But I know there's a rule or something about that.

Even though it's tough, I'm still doing really well in school (which makes Thomas mad cuase he's not very smart) and Mom gives me rewards of clothes or jewelry every-time I bring home a perfect report card, which is pretty often.

I guess I don't really have much to write about. I just miss you.

Love
Elicia

- - -

January 23

1928

Dear Dad

A lot has happened in the last year and a half. I probably should have written earlier, but hey, you can hear my thoughts right? Riza got married. Her new husband is very nice, but I always hoped she and Roy might get together. I actually asked her about it, and she said there was a time when she had wished that too but it wouldn't have ever happened. I don't know why, he seems to really care about her.

I'm fifteen now, almost sixteen, I've always looked forward to being sixteen, so I'm hoping something exciting will happen.

Thomas and I are together. He kissed me at the Christmas party for the school. It wasn't very romantic, or very good, but he's really a sweetheart under all the outward angst and attitude.

School is going ok. It gets harder every year, of course.

That's all,

Love
Elicia

- - -

January 23

1928

Dear Dad

I don't know who I was trying to fool with that last letter. I started writing with the intention of explaining things that I can't talk to anyone else about, and immediately put up my 'everything's ok' shield. Everything is not ok. With the exception of Riza's marriage.

I don't think being sixteen will be good, but I don't see how things could be worse. Thomas and I are together, but we don't just kiss. And I don't know if I'm ok with that, but it doesn't matter, it's been done. I can never turn back from what I've done but I keep looking back on it and thinking I shouldn't do it. But then I see Thomas again, and it all happens again. Did this ever happen to you Dad? Probably not, the guy seems to have a hell of an easier time about it.

Mom and I don't talk much. If I'm home I stay in my own room. But I'm not usually home. I'm usually with Thomas or Lucy. Because now it's Katey who's estranged because she's still good at school. I'm not. My grades have been slipping for the last two semesters.

Mom doesn't really know about my problems, and I think it's better that way. She has enough of her own worries. Riza tries to help me, but I don't really care about school anymore. Riza's the only with a clue of how much life is sucking for me right now. But she's really busy with her new husband and still trying to keep up her career.

I really wish you would have never died. Mom wouldn't be so estranged then. I would have someone to talk to, maybe someone who would have kept Thomas in his place, maybe someone who would have been really smart and able to help me understand what my stupid teachers can't explain they're trying to teach me. Why did you have to die? What the hell was so important it was worth dying for?

I've got to go now, Thomas is picking me up.

Elicia

- - -

January 1

1929

Dear Dad

It's the new year. I can see fireworks far off in the distance from the roof I'm sitting on. I don't want to be inside. Thomas and the others are drunk. I hate it when they are. I used to get drunk too, so I wouldn't feel stupid and left out, but then afterward I just felt worse. I don't even like the stuff they drink. Sixteen has not been a good year at all. Not a single thing has gotten better. Lucy's probably hitting on Thomas right now. She can have him. I'm tired of being taken for granted. I'm tired of going miles out of my way just to see him for five minutes and he can't see me when I'm feeling my worst. She deserves the horny dog he is, and he'd probably be happier with a no-good slut. It's fucking cold. And there's no one to keep me warm.

Elicia

- - -

July 8

1929

Dear Dad

I'm so confused. Roy came over today. He didn't call ahead and we hadn't planned to see him at all. At first I thought it would be nice, to see him again. But he seemed incredibly serious, and I knew something was on his mind. He tried to pretend there wasn't. He asked if I'd like to get something to eat. I agreed, and we drove into town. He's not usually talkative, but the silence on the drive there was smothering. We went to a place he knows I like, from when he's taken Mom and me out before, which seemed almost like he was going out of his way to make sure I was enjoying myself. I didn't ask anything. I think I knew to be wary of the approaching conversation. We started talking as we walked around town. He brought you up hesitantly, asking if I remembered you at all. I told him I did…I do. He asked me what I remember the most, I told him it was your smell and the feeling of your hands. He smiled. His smiles are almost always sad. We reached the park and he sat on a bench by the pond, I sat beside him. He started talking again. He told me there was something he thought I should understand. Something I had a right to know. His voice was sad, apologetic, heart-broken. He explained what you were to him. That you were the man who pushed him to where he is. That you died doing exactly that. That if you had not been so completely devoted to him and his cause you could still be alive now. Not in so many words, but that's what he said, that's what I now know. He apologized, he said he blamed himself; he said he would have gladly gone in your place. I didn't say a word. I haven't spoken since then. Only written this. I was confused, I wanted to clear my head. I'm not confused now. I'm angry. I am so angry. Why was he more important to you than mom and me? Why did you have to be more devoted to your god-damned job than your family? Roy said you loved me more than anything in the world. That's a fucking lie. You didn't die for me, you died for him. Why did you do that? Why the hell did you leave us for him? I hate Roy. I hate you. I hate this whole damn world.

- - -

August 12

1929

Dear Dad

I met someone today. Mom didn't tell me they were coming over, she always forgets to tell me things. It was two brothers, whom Mom seemed ecstatic to see. She hugged them over and over and asked them a million questions I couldn't follow. They apologized for not visiting more. They were much younger than Mom, and much older than me; I had no idea where they came from. She introduced me, and they gave the usual exclamations of how they couldn't believe it was really me. Then one of them, the older one, told me he had known and served with you, and shook my hand. I felt hard steel beneath his glove and looked into his gold eyes, and I recognized him vaguely. From a time when my only memory is you. I started crying and left. From my room I heard him apologize to my mother, and they all went into the kitchen. I knew who he was; the Full Metal.

I knew the Full Metal had served with you and been close to our family for a time, but I didn't expect to recognize him. The memory was just too much. Such a strong reminder of before you left. And I was still nursing the wound Roy had given me. Roy has tried to contact me since then, I never wanted to see him. He wrote and I have his letters crammed in the waste basket.

I heard a knock on the door, but didn't say anything. And of all the rude and audacious things he came in on his own. I lay face-down on the bed, I didn't look at him, but I knew it was Full Metal by the significantly heavier left step. He sat on the edge of my bed and sighed. I remember the conversation very clearly, for some reason his words have stuck.

"I heard you've been depressed." He said, completely tactless.

I didn't reply. It was none of his business.

"My guess is it's about your father…"

I was mad. He had no right to come in and start talking about my life, my memories, my father. I replied this time.

"Fuck you." I said.

"Your mother know you use that language?"

"She doesn't care…about anything."

"Your mother loves you very much, just like your father. He was kind of obsessive with how much he loved you."

It got me mad, that he said that. I told him what I thought of that. And then I kept talking. I told him about not just you, I told him about Thomas and Lucy and losing it when I wasn't even sure I was in love. When I wasn't. I told him about hating Roy and you and everyone. Especially myself. I told him how unfair the world was to me. I told him how much I miss you, how much I wanted you to be around for me when everything was so horrible. I stopped talking then because my tears were choking me.

"You listen to me." He said, and I was surprised he was so stern, and yet he managed to sound gentle and caring, I stopped my tears to do as he said. "None of this is your fault. It's not your fault some creep managed to manipulate you, and it's not your fault your father died. It's not your fault the world is a bitch. But it is your fault if you keep standing still. You are the daughter of a great man, I know if you have any of him in you, you have the ability to stand up, tell the world to fuck off and pull yourself out of this mess. He loved you, he didn't die for you so you could let the world push you wherever it pleases, because trust me, if you don't fight the current it'll take you straight over the falls."

"He didn't die for me. He died for Roy."

"That's not true. This world you live in? This place a million times better than it was when you were born because Roy is in charge? That was all made by your father and his willingness to go that far. He didn't die just for Roy. Everything he did, from the moment he went into the army to when he was murdered, was to create a good world for the people he loved. And he loved no one more than you.Everything was for you."

I couldn't speak. The revelation of it, the utter truth and conviction behind his words—it overwhelmed me. I broke down again, and fell sobbing against Full Metal's chest. He held me, his hard metal arm around my back and his warm left hand patting my head.

"And as for that bastard boyfriend and that group of idiots, I can take care of them personally if you want."

I laughed; somehow he made me laugh, and then continued crying. He let me cry for a long time, and still held me when I was done, until I asked if he wanted to go to dinner and he admitted he had been keeping his stomach from moaning by sheer willpower.

He's amazing, Dad. This man you served with is really amazing and I know you must have really liked him, he reminds me so much of you. What I remember is stronger around him. It's so amazing. I haven't been so happy in a long time. And I don't know how or why he was the only who made me understand what you did, but he did and I'm so grateful for it.

I'm sorry Dad, that I doubted you. I love you so much. I still miss you, but I can feel you closer to me than ever.

Much love

Your Daughter,

Elicia


Errm, not much to say on this one really. It's been sitting on my computer for quite some time ad I finally went and polished it up and put it here. I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review and let me know.

Much Love

Angel Lucifel