Beauty in Death

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story except for Gerhard and I will mention more of them as we meet them. Most of the characters and facts were taken from Stephenie Meyer's book 'Twilight'. I have rated this M for minor violence and some adult themes.

Summary: Bella is made a vampire even before she meets Edward. A lot of speculation going on, I'm sure this is not an original idea but instead of criticizing other people on this idea, I decided to put it into my own words. Criticize all you want; don't worry about being mean because my goal is to improve.

Chapter One – Depthless Pits

I lay there completely immobile and dead to the world. Dead as I felt, I was aware of the occurrence in the sudden changes that I was starting to experience. The pain was something I couldn't ignore – like fire burning me inside out and then as ice making me as brittle as ever. I felt like I could break into a million pieces. I started to scream, and scream so loudly it was almost a wailing. I panicked, I couldn't move, my eyes were closed, and I could feel nothing but darkness that like a black blanket was put over me ready to take me under and farewell to the earth forever.

At first I thought I wasn't ready to give up this life, but as I lie there for countless hours, maybe days, or even years unmoved and incessantly bawling that I no longer knew if I was still screaming. I did not know what was happening, but only that I was ready to end my life. Perhaps I had already made it to hell where continuous suffering prevailed; I could not tell, but I felt as though time had stopped for me, and where my heart once pounded, it did no more. There was a new taste in mouth – I couldn't tell what it was, but it was bitter and vicious.

As I writhed and gnashed my teeth in agony, I started to think what I did to deserve this? Where was the justice? What kind of devil did this to me? Then as unquestionably as that, my previous life and actions started to play in my head. I remembered every bad memory but no good ones left to console me - every one I hurt, every little bad thing I did, and in turn, the memories that made me shed baleful tears.

I started to worry about Renee and Phil, knowing that I'd left Charlie thinking of me. How horrible I felt, to leave them. I missed them badly; if only I'd had a chance of saying one last goodbye. What would Renee and my stepfather do with me just gone and dead, and what about my father? It went on in my head like a playing mantra – I instinctively knew it would always be a burden on me as I dug deeper into this grave.

Then there was the last memory, the event that led to this painful, perpetual anguish. Death as it came, gave me no warnings. I remembered it clearly, as though it was just minutes ago it happened. My mind sobered; but I felt like I was drowning in water, unable to breathe as I recalled the murder – my murder. I sobbed without tears, thinking of the horrible memory and the more pain it brought. Fresh wounds being picked at, I was now feeling a different kind of pain – one that made my stagnant heart ache as I was being forced to watch that memory.

I was walking home from the library that night; everyone else had left earlier. I stayed to do some research on my history paper. Then as I pushed the stainless steel handle of the great, wooden doors, a boy with strange chalky skin appeared at the other side of the entrance of the library. I held the library door open for him, but he only shook his head.

"Would you like me to walk you home?" he asked in his smooth, silky voice.

"Um, sure," I replied, my voice a little croaky, I could feel myself blushing. He smiled; his skin, other than my own porcelain skin, was very unusual. His eyes were strangely vivid red, I was surprised. My face must have given that away, because his smile was suddenly polite; I smiled back. I felt strange, as this strangely beautiful boy took such interest in me. I was rarely or maybe never sought after by the Y chromosomes.

"You read a lot," he said. "Don't you, Bella?" The way he said my name brought such shock to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He suddenly seemed unsure about something.

"I'm fine," I replied, wondering why my face has to give off everything. "It's just that, how do you know my name?"

"Oh, well, I heard your friends call you Bella."

"Oh." There was something about what he said that sounded odd, but something about his eyes that lost me in my train of thought.

We started to walk in silence, only then did I realize that we were somewhat lost. He didn't even ask me where I stayed, where is he taking me?

"Where are we going?" I asked, suddenly wary of this peculiar boy. He seemed rather old to be calling him a boy – he looked more like twenty-one or so.

"I thought you wouldn't mind if I took you out to dinner," his lips tuned up into a sweet smile, revealing his ultra white teeth. "Besides when will I ever see you again?"

"Oh," was all I managed, taken aback by that breathtaking smile.

"I apologize, it was rude of me," he apologized, looking penitent. It was hard to say no, he was so incredibly charming, and polite.

"But I still don't know your name," I said, wondering why he won't tell me his name.

"I'll tell you," he smiled widely; he looked more beautiful beneath the moonlight. His pallid skin glowed a little as though he was blushing, but I couldn't tell his skin was just too pale. "…after dinner."

We walked through a darkened alley and there's where it happened. He embraced me in his arms, his smell, as I didn't notice before, was sweet and inviting. I was too confused to protest. Leaning in and bent over me, he caressed my neck with his cold, hard lips that gave way to sharp teeth that gently scratched my soft, translucent skin. He shivered with pleasure as he inhaled my scent. I shivered too, but with fear – something felt absolutely wrong.

"No! What are you doing?"My voice raised three octaves yelped a mixture of anger and fear. I tried with massive effort to push him away, but he barely moved an inch.

"Don't worry, sweetheart," he smiled a smile of malice that will forever be embedded in my memories; always lurking and haunting me. "It won't hurt a bit."

Then he bit into my neck. I screamed with uncontrollable fear; my voice was a hysterical siren. Adrenaline burst into my veins, and my body throbbed with panic. I shook hysterically, but his grip was firm. I kicked him, with my arms flaying wildly in the air, but his granite body did not budge. I felt him drink the life out of me. Suddenly, I heard something hit the ground. He suddenly pulled away, holding my weight in his rock steady arms. He turned away, apparently distracted. I could smell the blood that gushed out from my neck – I knew it would make me pass out. I couldn't stand the smell of blood, I felt both too tired to fight and too faint to breathe.

"Leave her alone!" A different voice cried. I realized the stranger was throwing rocks at the bloodsucking creature, whatever he was. He dropped me; his face was filled with anger and malice. No! I thought. He's going after the human. I tried to get up, but the loss of blood and the smell of it left me weak and dizzy.

"No!" I yelled at the beast. "Leave him alone! It's me you want." They continued to ignore me, I barely heard what they were doing, and my vision was blurring.

"Gerhard, w-what a-are y-you?" the human stuttered.

"It is none of your business." Gerhard hissed. "You're just unlucky you were so curious of what was hiding in my closet, William. You really wanted to know, didn't you? Are you happy now?"

I saw a dark figure launching itself on the other static figure. I wanted to scream, but couldn't really find my voice, and far too drained for that. Suddenly I heard a group of people stampede into the narrow alley. I could no longer see, I must have already passed out, but I was partially aware of the sounds going on in the alley. I heard Gerhard hiss loudly and he seemed to be killing the lot of the humans because I heard many screams and cries of the people.

"Bring him back, you brute!" the gang was yelling. More rocks were being thrown around as I felt one hit my skull. I flinched. Then I heard the crowd stumbling and running after Gerhard. They probably did not know what he was, because they followed him. Some demon from hell; how many more victims would he kill before he was stopped? I felt remorse towards this beast. Every muscle in my body ached to revenge him; I felt the anger I never had before. I have never felt so useless in my life; so weak and powerless.

There as I lay in the darkness, no one had found me, I waited for death to come. I could feel the wetness spilling out from my throat where he bit me and the smell of rust and salt making me dizzier even in my unconscious state. That was when the pain started to come. It was like a fire burning my ne; I could actually see the fire, but could not stop it. I screamed and screeched but no one heard me. I felt alone and death came soon enough that I didn't recognize it as it did.

I started to sob even more at the evil of the memory, but the tears never came. I couldn't feel much anymore; the pain was numbing my other senses. It was so painful that I no longer sensed much. The pain itself was starting to decrease, and I found myself screaming no more.

As 'time' trickled by or at least as the time in the world trickled by, I felt more aware. I could hear my surroundings – the sounds of cars, and people chattering. Only then did I realize that I wasn't "dead", but I knew my old life was over. I was not really sure of what I had become, but I had a vague idea; I winced at the speculation. Horrified as I was, I felt that perhaps I was given a second chance at life that I might avenge the deaths of innocent people and my own death. Though, I doubt that killing would be effortless, but if I was what he was, I might have a better chance at stopping him. I never killed anything or anyone, but suddenly I discovered the killer instincts began to download into my little human brain. The closest I ever got to murder in my human life was squishing ants.

I felt strangely disorientated as my body worked its way to reviving itself. I began to feel stronger than I ever had before. Abruptly, I fluttered open my eyes, and everything that happened earlier seemed to be a bad dream. I woke in that same alley; in Phoenix. I felt strange, and slightly agitated. The world seemed different through my new pair of eyes, sharper, and clearer. I felt good as a newborn teenager, but it shouldn't be if I was a bloodsucker.

I looked down at my arms. My skin had turned pallid over hard marble hands. My skin shined in the daylight, like crystals that refracted and reflected sunlight. What had I become? I look into a nearby glass window. The girl in the reflection looked much prettier perhaps, but as pale as ever, her eyes had become the most damned red color. I looked at her neck; there were no scars or punctures in her pale, long neck. I know it was stupid, but I checked for fangs but her teeth were ultra white, and no fangs. I wanted to go home, but a part of me just wanted to–

All of a sudden my thoughts were interrupted, as the smell of – I looked around, a young man dressed handsomely in a black suit was passing by at the end of the alley. I could see beneath his skin – the living, red substance that made my mouth start to run with some tasteless, viscous liquid. It felt like I was drooling. The back of my throat felt dry and it ached. Without any other thoughts I jumped on him, already imagining the taste of his blood. I couldn't think of anything else but his blood. The look on his face, it was of pure horror – pale and distorted. He tried pushing me off, I held his neck firmly, if he were to move, it would break which would neither bothered me nor affect me.

"P-please, p-please," he gasped.

I was completely oblivious to his voice. Suddenly I started to feel something as I looked into his fear bleached eyes. The feeling was so subtle, I almost didn't feel it. I felt like I knew him, almost immediately. I somehow understood him, knew what he was going to do, and what he was trying to do. I knew the love he felt for his family; a mortal feeling lost to me forever.

I sat on him, staring at him intensely, wondering why he was giving me these emotions, and why everything he was going to do was wide on the open across his face. Leaning in, slowly, and gradually reaching for his throat, I could see his blood pumping in his veins; he was like a fountain of life. Slowly, closer and closer, I breathed in the sweet scent – I felt intoxicated and felt like I couldn't get enough.

No sooner, I realized I was drinking out of him; I felt like I was somewhere else. I drank out of an unquenchable thirst; an insatiable thirst. I suddenly felt stronger and more complete. As soon as he was dry, I abandoned his body as he was of no benefit to me anymore. Realizing what I had done, in comparison to how I was wronged in the same way, I immediately felt regret, but there was no real grief or remorse, and that made me guilty and somewhat horrified. I felt like humans were for my food, and that was it. I was so confused, like I couldn't trust my own feelings.

Voices in my head both encouraging and discouraging my actions; they were telling me so many things. Some were just making me guilty, others were just plain revolting. It became hard to stand up and breathe; I had to get away. My head was getting really crowded. Frustrated and disgusted I tried to run away from myself. I was like a ghost as I ran across the open ground into a different zone; away from all these people.

Clarifications: Most of you are probably wondering what kind of power I had in mind for Bella. It feels so good to be an author even of someone else's characters, I have so much control. Anyway, I noticed how clumsy she was when she was human; do you think that she would be worst as a vampire? That idea would have been hilarious. I think a lot of people are predicting that to come in Breaking Dawn.

I have decided against this idea for several reasons. First, I am a much too serious writer to be making parodies of something I consider to be a well written piece of art. Second, I'm just too lazy to go there.

The power I had in mind for her was more of a lengthening of intuition. In other words, she knows things about people without reason. How she does is simply out of the question.

I understand I fall short in writing of Bella's character and personality, but there is one thing you must understand, she isn't human anymore. Vampires are selfish creatures who only use human beings for their own benefit. The more human blood she devours, the more she becomes evil. It is a choice that is influenced by a lot of things. That choice is up to her. Even though it is hard, it is not impossible to overcome it.