Chapter 5 – Reliving the Beginning

Edward said I had to go to school because it would help me blend in, but the more I thought about it, it seemed like I was putting my identity at risk exposing myself to numerous humans. Besides, 'school secret' is an oxymoron in itself. The Cullens were the majority in the house thus, eliminating my options; so school it was, and the consequences I would reap.

High school – the term never seemed to change its connotations for me even when life in most of its drudgery had given way to more time; time to think about negative things. Life here at the mansion was beautifully peaceful and intoxicatingly positive despite Jasper and me being the ones at the bottom of the vampire totem pole.

My first day of high school started as the Cullens dragged me into high school, even though it was mainly Alice who really did most of the pulling. Her hand gripped firmly around my left wrist as she encouragingly pulled me along.

"Come on, Bella," her voice much too high for humans to hear. "It's not that bad."

I grunted, unable to ignore the awkward stares from the students. I instantly felt a rush at the bottom of my tongue – venom flow at the scent of humans. I looked at Jasper who clearly was tortured as I knew he felt my thirsts; it was doubled for him. I had to move away from him or together we would end up in a major catastrophe. Edward who was nowhere in sight was in luck or perhaps he had fled at the realization of a forewarned tripled thirsts.

"Alright, Alice," I said, deciding to behave just so I could appear almost normal. "I'll behave."

She smirked with satisfaction; she definitely looked prettier than she did when she was forcing me along, I thought dryly but of course I knew she was beautiful no matter what.

Walking away, I wandered off, indistinct to what I was doing here. As I drifted away from Alice and the Cullens, I received more stares and looks from the humans. I returned certain glances that were responded with instant detachment. Surprised by the gesture, I realized the alarm that I brought to their instincts. That's better, I thought. My unusual chalky skin was certainly one of the factors encouraging their suspicions and fears.

I walked away feeling worried about their thoughts. Children were walking past me – back and forth, thrashing into my granite shoulders, unintentionally provoking the beast. My vacant glare eyed them with nothing but lust. The vibrant, runny crimson flowing in their veins was the only thing burning in my motionless mind. As I reached for one of the boys – spiky, dark-blond haired, smiley child, the others around us ran away and suddenly, a hand fiercely seized my shoulder pulling me away from the lively elixir. I stared at the untouched human who barely noticed me; he walked away with uninterrupted giggles escaping his somewhat built chest. He was completely oblivious as to what could have happened then and there – his uncomplicated life could have been over. What an idiot, I thought to myself.

"Bella," it was Edward, he was nearly shouting in his rough tone. "What were you thinking?"

I shook silently, understanding the predicament that might have followed if Edward had not been there.

"Look, Bella," he smoothen his velvet voice, speaking much too silently. "Stay close, you'll be safe here. The bell rang, that's our call. Your next class is with me. Come on, Bella; amor fati."

"I'll be safe here?" I was incredulous to what he had to say, there was no blame in his face. "It's not me who needs protection, it's them."

"I may be strong and fast, but I can't protect everyone, Bella," he half-smiled but I could see the sympathy in his eyes.

"Well, for a guy that's a start."

"What, being strong and fast?"

"No, admitting that you're not superman."

He nodded and smiled without teeth, "I suppose that's a compliment."

"Take it or leave it."

I was glad to see the halls had cleared as soon as Edward and I started to walk to class; I felt like I couldn't bear anymore of the trials the day had prepared for me.

I was briefly introduced to the class and to my surprise that dark-blond haired boy – my almost victim was sitting in the back of the class silently starring at me as were the other students – giving me glances.

Forks, was pretty small; given the population and the students at the school here, almost everyone knew one another; a redneck forest town. Images of Hansel and Gretel popped to my mind as I thought of Forks as a demographic region; a nice place to live, indeed.

I walked down to the only open seat there was in the clumpy Biology class – next to the other chalky vampire in class – Edward. I felt secure with Edward by my side; his arrogant demeanor intimidating the humans and causing them to flee his presence was ultimately a definite plus for me.

In the instant class started, Edward and I were mainly babbling in class in our usual inaudible ranged voices.

"Edward," I murmured to him, smiling deviously. "What did you mean by amor fati earlier?"

"Love of fate," he whispered back; his lips barely moving.

"Love of fate; what do you mean by that?"

"Even though it actually intended to motivate one to live purposefully despite the circumstances in the knowledge that death is inevitable to every man, it is not so in our case but I said so anyway hoping you would understand."

"Understand that I should learn to love my fate?"

"Acceptance perhaps; give up the hopes, they only seek to torture you. If there was hope, Bella, I would do everything in my power to return to the unadorned life of human foolishness."

"You're different, Edward," I replied stubbornly. "You've lived this life longer than I have; it makes you more accepting towards your state."

"I don't disagree with that. I can see you want it more than I do. But don't turn your eyes away from what being a beast makes us do. Do you for a second think that I would not give anything to trade the lives I took with my own?"

"I believe you would."

He stared at me quietly looking into my eyes; perhaps he was trying to decipher my thoughts. I was, as always grateful for this "gift".

The teacher prattled on, never noticing our quiet discussion. Every day it was like that; I barely paid the teacher any attention. I did my own studying – reading textbooks on my own at the speed of a machine. Besides, there wasn't anything I could learn from the teacher that I couldn't learn from Edward who has two degrees in medicine.

First day of school – I would have dreaded it in a different way if I had been human. I would have been haunted and horrified by thousands of stares watching my every move, but now I had more on my mind than to worry about those things.

I sat quietly next to a girl named Jessica in Spanish class. She started talking to me; I felt it was odd that she was unafraid of me. I gave her petty responses that I thought she expected from a human girl. Somehow I could see right through her fond façade that she was only using me for her own selfish purposes, but I was more concerned of hurting her. I looked away trying desperately to ignore her. If only she knew, but I could see through those dark eyes that she didn't. I tried to be nice to her so she wouldn't be suspicious, but her constant attempts to invade my personal space are exceedingly irritating as she lured and beguiled the monster closer and closer.

"Hey, Bella do you have a boyfriend?" She asked nosily, smirking like a little girl.

"Um, no, I don't"

"Oh, have you met Mike Newton? You know, he's the cutest guy in school!"

Before I could give my mindless response, she continued to brag about this human. I snorted in my head imagining what would be of him if I killed him, who would you brag about then? I virtually shook myself, eliminating thoughts of malice from my mind. How could a human girl make me condemn myself even more with tainted thoughts?

"He's so cute! Can you believe he finally asked me out this weekend?"

She continued to chatter and squeal like I wasn't there. I paid her the least attention possible, thinking of home, and Charlie. I sighed, knowing the lie I had to live for the rest of my pathetic existence. I absent-mindedly got up from my seat as the bell rang and rushed to the door, completely unaware of Jessica. I walked to the cafeteria as casually as I could. Looking around for the Cullens, my eyes carefully scanned the cafeteria. Edward sat alone at one table. As soon as he spotted me, he beckoned me to come.

"Where are the rest?" I asked puzzled.

"Emmett and Rosalie are getting their food," Edward answered with an undertone of sarcasm. "Jasper and Alice went out for lunch."

"Oh, is it because of me?"

"No, no," his voice became a reverberation of the background noise. "It isn't your fault. Just safety precautions, besides, I'm here so he felt bad that I had to feel what he did."

"I see."

"No, you worry too much Bella. Tell me, how was your first day of school?"

"It wasn't so bad except that girl – Jessica, I think she hates herself."

"Why do think so?" His eyes were mystified.

"She kept trying to come closer to me, endangering her own life."

He smirked. His eyes moved away from me to where the human girl was sitting. He turned back to me and smiled.

"Bella, you're not very nice," he said teasingly.

"What did I do?"

"She's slightly ticked off at you for leaving class without her and she's confused as to why I'm making friends with you."

"Why is that confusing?"

"You don't want to know."

I stared at him, wondering why he would say such a thing.

School became such a trial as each day advanced, not only that it was so entirely challenging to keep away from the humans but the fact that tedious rituals of homework and lectures were compellingly draining.

I had only been enrolled in the district school for two months and I was aware that the Cullens were beginning to feel uncomfortable by my draining attitude towards the dreary lifestyle. I felt bad, but there was no one, not even myself who was capable of undoing the situation. That night, after my least favorite class – gym, Edward rapped lightly on my door. After letting himself into my plain room – white walled, with nothing but a sofa and a bean bag, Edward informed me that we were going out.

"What time is it now?" I asked Edward, wondering where we were going under the dark sky.

"Ten, maybe; come on Bella, let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he pulled me by my arms, lifting me off the bean bag to where I sat listening to the only electronic device in my room – the stereo.

That night Edward was rather excited by the Cullen's secret agenda. I was quite happy to see them in high spirits, but something told me that were only doing that to keep me from being miserable; they were trying to lighten me up.

"Where are we going, Carlisle?" I played along, but I felt that the night would end disastrously and the day would rise too quickly. We walked into the forest; there was no driving or cars on this night hike. I noticed as we were walking that Alice and Jasper weren't there. "Where's Alice and Jasper?"

"I'm sorry, Bella, but this was Edward's plan and according to his rules, I'm not allowed to tell you." Carlisle replied with a smirk.

"Fine," I whispered, shocked with what I saw before me. In the middle of the forest, near a pond which reflected the full Moon's full luminous glow as if the sun had fallen into the murky pond. There were lights all around from the fireflies. I walked further down, noticing a wooden table with something that looked like a cake burning with candles. I then realized what day it was and why everyone had been acting particularly strange that day.

"Alice, was this your idea?" I laughed at their thoughtfulness.

"Of course, why, did Edward try to take credit?" she teased, pulling me into a hug.

"Is that a real cake?" I asked, surprised that they'd even think of that, none of us was going to eat human food anyway – we knew that.

"Of course, not," she laughed.

I walked towards it, realizing that she was right; it wasn't a cake at all. It was a bowl of flowers arranged elaborately, the colors were magnificent – red, yellow, purple, and fuchsia with green leaves sprouting neatly around with water flowing beneath and silver candles sticking high above the flowers.

"That's really pretty," I said. "Did you make it?"

"Actually with much experience from flower arrangement, it was Esme who made it. You know how she loves these things, especially for weddings and parties."

"Thank you, Esme," I said, reaching for Esme, giving her a hug.

"Happy birthday, dear Bella," she said, smiling warmly at me. "Well, make a wish dear."

I walked over to the bowl of flowers and thought of what to wish for. I didn't really know what to wish for myself. I thought about Charlie, I hope to be able to talk to him someday. I hope to be reunited with my family. I blew out the candles, knowing that my wish would never come true, not because it wasn't possible, but because I couldn't let it. I could see what kind of danger I was and then I thought of something. It was a selfish thought; nonetheless, I couldn't help myself.

The Cullens and I sat around the garden playing 'Monopoly'. We chatted in a laid back manner, every so often bursting with giggles and smiles. My first birthday as a vampire; I felt like everyone was thinking it, but nobody ever said it.

Suddenly, there was a roar in a distance. I looked up to see a blue sleek car with lights brightly flashing at us on the ground. I got up, seeing Emmett in the driver's seat with Rosalie next to him, a graceful laugh escaping her lips. As they jumped out of the car, I was confused not really understanding why they had brought the car here.

"Happy birthday, Bella," Emmett said, grabbing me off the ground and crushing me into a bear hug. "Here's a little something we all got you."

"What is it?" I said finally speaking as he let me go.

"It's a Jaguar XF."

"You shouldn't, I don't need a car." I said, feeling bad that they had spent money on me. "You should save your money instead of spending it on me."

"Don't we at least get thanks?" He asked, dissatisfied.

"Thank you Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie." I sighed.

They laughed, "You're most welcome."

I test-drove my new car home, with the Cullens chattering and laughing in the back seat. It was a pleasant surprise yet, the car was what I really didn't need; I went to school with Edward and didn't need a car. As we got home, Edward played me a happy birthday song on the piano with the rest of them singing along in angelic voices. I was very grateful, indeed.

Edward came to my room a second time.

"I would like to give you a gift personally, tell me, Bella what do you want?" He asked.

I immediately saw this as my opportunity.

"I want to see Charlie, Edward, please. I know with you there with me, you can at least stop me if anything was going to happen."

"But Bella, it's too dangerous. I'm sorry this happened to you; Gerhard will pay for this, I promise."

"No, don't worry about Gerhard; I just really need to check on Charlie." I felt disgusted with myself.

We walked silently towards where Charlie lived. I stared at the trees, meticulously noticing every detail. Every so often, I could hear my breathing getting heavy and Edward would stop and ask me if I really wanted to continue this.

Edward didn't say anything and it made me feel more guilty like I was making him apart of my personal crimes, but he said he didn't care.

I walked up to where I stood the last time I came here. It was as close as I could get to Charlie. Edward and I silently watched and waited for Charlie to move around. The lights in the living room were on indicating that he was probably watching TV like he normally did. I heard several shouts.

"Come on, come on, make a shot!" they were saying. I heard two voices, one was Charlie's and the other I recognized pretty well; it was Billy Black, Charlie's old friend. Both Edward and I were alert.

"We should go," I said.

Edward nodded, muttering something I couldn't hear. We were walking several steps away from where Billy and Charlie sat in the living room when suddenly the pack appeared. There were new faces I had not seen before.

"What are you doing here at this hour?" I noticed Jacob as he questioned us. "I thought I told you to never come back."

"If I remember correctly, I told you, you would be out of your mind if you think I would stay away from Charlie forever."

"We can take them," a dark haired boy slightly shorter than Jacob boasted.

"Wait, Jared," a blond one said. I knew he was the leader because there was something about the way he commanded their obedience. "Let's not be hasty."

"You vampires shouldn't be here," he said to us.

"We can go wherever we want as long as none of the humans are hurt; we have not broken our side of the treaty," Edward replied, his body tensing; I could hear the irritation in his voice. I felt anger around the werewolves; it was an odd feeling like a gut-hatred.

"Crystal heads, you better get out of here before we –", Jacob roared.

"That's enough, Jacob," the blond one interrupted.

The werewolves were arguing among themselves wanting to take us down, as we stood there amazed at how wild they were.

"You can't even control your tempers, how would you even control yourself from hurting humans?" I yelled.

As we continued to argue, Edward and the blond one were the ones keeping us from actually having a real fight. There were too many of them anyway, not that Edward and I would be able to take down the whole pack without the rest of the Cullens.

"What's going on out here?" I heard Charlie's voice, I turned to look and there he was standing with Billy trying to pull him back into the house. He looked at us, analyzing each of us in the dark. There was silence amongst us – the werewolves and the vampires; we froze at Charlie's discovery of us. As Charlie's eyes met mine, I looked away unable to bear the horrified look in his eyes as he let out a drastic gasp. I felt Edward grab my hand and wrestling with himself to pull me away from the scene but he knew it was too late; we had been discovered.

Clarifications: Although Bella is a vampire, she is unlike Edward who is bored and negative about the human race. Bella doesn't see complete bad in human beings and their petty actions. Edward's just that way from the time he's spent observing them, seeing the futile quality to their existence. Bella is as always, intuitive, and emotionally intact. They are such a compatible couple – Edward, a perfect protector to Bella, and Bella in turn is Edward's antidote to his bitterness towards the human race and hope. I know some people may think I'm making Jacob seem evil or mean but don't blame Stephenie Meyer's sweet Jacob; he's only doing what he thinks is right plus he can't help it if he hates vampires. Vampires are disgusting creatures in reality. Honestly speaking, Twilight has more similarities to Wuthering Heights than you would realize, but due to the beauty of vampires we don't see what kind of cruel creatures they really are. It's a choice to make to be better like the Cullens, but they really are monsters. I might have failed to mention this but my story basically takes place at the time of New Moon so about Victoria and James, we shall hear not about them for awhile. In the Twilight series I think what Edward's inability to read Bella's mind does is it brings Edward to take a closer look at Bella; get to know her. Instead of judging her like any other human being, and when he does get to know her, we see that he falls in love with her. This proves the theory of there is more than meets the eye.