Author's notes: Thank you very much for the great reviews and to all the people who read the first chapter of this crack fic. I was amazed by the amount of clicks!

I hope you will enjoy this second chapter. Personally, it's my favorite and it made me laugh like a maniac as I was writing it. I hope it will cause you the same effect. Enjoy :o)

Chapter 2

Soundwave walked in silence beside his Commander, both mechanoids heading toward one of the lowest parts of the Nemesis base.

It had been disturbing not to find any Decepticon at their posts, but the promising possibilities of his new strategy had Megatron in a strangely very good mood, enough to forgive his troop's careless attitude toward their duties. His soldiers hadn't seen action in a while and they deserved a moment of irresponsibility.

And when the gibberish was heard from Storage Unit 4-B, the Decepticon leader knew he would find the typical image of common drunkenness: random fights, unconscious bodies lying on the floor, empty energon cubes scattered about…

But certainly he wasn't ready to see what hit his crimson optics as soon as the door of the Storage Unit hissed open.

Upon first glance, there was nothing uncommon. His soldiers were spread all over the room, most of them with energon cubes in hand. Yes, nothing out of the normal… except for the fact all of them had their spark chambers opened, their intimate circuitry barefaced, uncovered. Even Soundwave hesitated at the bizarre image.


The Supreme Commander's voice had the same effect as if a nuclear bomb was shattering the base to smithereens. Laughs stopped, voices froze in their respective vocalizers, energon cubes fell to the floor when their terrified owners couldn't held them anymore.

Silence - complete and deadly silence - reigning eternal seconds. The optics of every Decepticon fixated in horror on their furious leader.

Megatron advanced slowly among his troops, his face a mask of anger, his indignation growing every second toward the degrading image of public nudity.

All the Decepticons bowed their heads in embarrassed shame, except for an unconscious Starscream, who was lying on his back on a big metal box at the end of the room in a quite obscene position, his spark chamber opened. Reflector and Swindle were beside him. Up until the moment their infuriated leader had arrived, they had been recording and taking photographs of the overloaded exposed Seeker for future blackmail purposes. One could never pass up such a grand opportunity.


A symphony of awkward metallic sounds could be heard as all the Decepticons obeyed in a hurry. Only Starscream remained uncovered.

Megatron was about to continue shouting when a strangely happy Thundercracker assaulted him, hugging him by the shoulders.

"Megs! What´s up you slagger?!" the blue Seeker cheerfully said between hiccups.

Megatron's right hand closed brutally around Thundercracker's neck, totally amazed by the disrespectful manner the normally serious Seeker addressed him with. He fought his desire to crush the flier, restraining himself into only throw him onto the floor.

"And just how much energon did you drink tonight, you fool?!" he roared, still astonished by the behavior of one of his most sober and reserved lieutenants.

Skywarp, seeing his best friend unable to speak, dared to step forward, praying to Primus for their safety. "Huh…just quarter a cube, Lord Megatron…" he said, a deep respect in his vocalizer that only existed when addressed his Commander. "He's...he's not used to high grade…sir…"

Megatron dimmed his optics in disgust. Definitely surrounded by morons.

"Reflector!" he commanded. "Make sure you record this entire disgusting scene! I already knew I had an army full of imbeciles, but I never thought such low levels of degradation could be reached! All of you are complete wastes of metal alloy! You don't deserve to be called Decepticons!!"

Megatron's words hit like brutal punches. Many of the lectured mechanoids prepared mentally for a possible random destructive wave from a certain fusion cannon.

"What's the reason for this perverted exhibition?! Answer!!"

Nobody spoke. The bowed heads and optics fixated to the floor multiplied.

"You are cowards as well, I see! You are so good at embarrassing yourselves but are not able to accept the responsibility for your actions! I curse myself for depending on you dolts to win this war! Maybe we should just forget about our cause and surrender to the Autobots!"

With Thundercracker out of function, Megatron looked among the crowd for the only mechanoid that would be able to give him answers under the current circumstances.


The addressed Combaticon trembled as he stepped forward. "Y-yes, Lord Megatron?"


The Combaticon leader hesitated but he lifted his head stoically. Just as Megatron had thought, he wasn't as overloaded as the others.

"Lord Megatron, we… we were only playing…"


"Yes, Lord Megatron… Skywarp was showing off about his dimensions… he said femmes love them…"

Megatron seemed to relax a little.

"So that's what this is all about? A matter of size?"

Onslaught nodded shivering. "Yes, Lord Megatron."

The Decepticon Supreme Commander folded his arms across his chest.

"Giving so much importance to the size of your intimate circuitry only proves your immaturity as mechanoids as well as warriors. This foolish antic is nothing more than that of a sparkling's behavior! I'd better not ever see such vileness again! Is that clear?!"

"Yes, Lord Megatron…" a chorus of shameful voices muttered at the same time.


All optics left the floor and floated onto their leader.

"Mine is the biggest!" continued Megatron. He opened his own spark chamber.

Mandibles dropped to the floor as optics rose in astonishment as they looked at their leader's immense masculinity. Definitely his success with the opposite gender wasn't only because his supreme military rank.

Behind Megatron, Soundwave slightly shook his head and walked toward the exit.

"Hey, Soundwave!" cried Drag Strip as he ran toward the blue mechanoid.

The Decepticon Communications Officer didn't seem to listen to him.

"Wait!" continued the Stunticon.

Soundwave went through the threshold of the door and stopped in the darkness of the corridor.

Drag Strip reached him. "Where do you think you are going? It's your turn! You still haven't showed your dimensions!"

"Foolish behavior not appreciated," was the monotonic response.

"Come on, you drone! Why do you have to be so cold all the slagging time?"

"Exhibition of intimate circuitry irrelevant to the Decepticon cause. Imminent waste of time," the Communications Officer icily replied.

"You coward slag! You're afraid to…" Drag Strip stumbled over something on the floor as he leaned on the wall to regain his balance.

"You're afraid to show because you're so tiny!" continued Drag Strip.

"Tiny?" repeated Soundwave, his voice totally emotionless.

"Yes! Tiny…rickety…small!" shouted back the Stunticon.

"Step back, Drag Strip."

"Oh, really? Why?"

"You are standing on it."

Drag Strip jumped back at what sat on the floor.

In the darkness of the corridor, he could hear Soundwave retrieving the immense wire that was laying on the floor, returning it somehow to his spark chamber.

The sealing sound of the spark chamber closing as well as the chest compartment of the Communications Officer announced the conversation was over.

Drag Strip remained speechless in total amazement.

"Soundwave superior."

Soundwave's monotonic voice arrived to the Stunticon's audios as it echoed through the walls of the corridor.


Well, that was it for this little crack fic. Let me know if you enjoyed it. No offense to males but I think all of you guys like to show off how "big" you are. Decepticons couldn´t be that different. Another reason to love this big bad metal guys!

Thanks to my sis KayDee Blu for being my beta and my devil advocate. Hugs!