Patching the Trousers

Or: This is entirely Kay the Cricketed's fault, because yes, dammit, Leo needs babies.

Concept: Take other mutant turtles that have shown up in the various TMNT universes. Shrink them. Put them in a box. Put the box in Leo's room. Insist that the baby!turtles call him "mommy". Also, Leonardo does a lot of dimension hopping, so let's see how many plot holes we can chuck him through before he gets airsick.

Timeline: Patchwork, but mostly based on the end of Fast Forward and heavily biased towards the 2003 cartoon. The new characters that show up and some of the events described are taken from both movies and spin-offs.

Pairing: April/Casey, Raphael/Leonardo, Michelangelo/Donatello, some hints of OT4, and I wanna introduce Splinter to Casey's Mom. I think that I'll make Mrs. Jones/Splinter my new crack!OTP.

Warnings: Crack leik whoa, slash, turtlecest, mommy!Leo, and author insertions cleverly disguised as various OC's.

Summary: Once is chance, twice is coincidence, but three times is enemy action.


Sequence the Second Interlude: Exposition Fairy With Safety Pins FTW!


"Oh for the love of chocolate and peanut butter!" Retkon whined as she stared at the mess the Trousers of Time were currently in, "How the hell did this happen?"

Sighing, the Seamstress pulled out her tools and went to work, tracking the tangle to its origins.

"So it started here in Reality-3, with a self-correcting independent time-jump." She muttered, gold claws, six-dimensional needles and a steaming iron flashing in the light of Null-Time as she patched, darned, hemmed and straightened the Trousers out, "Then went here, where the Law of Humorous Casualty kicked in, as per Reality-8 regulations – a quick couple of stitches here and we won't have to deal with anyone popping out of existence, hate filling out the paperwork for that bunk – then we've got interference via magical summoning to Reality-6. Ah, right, the Rule of Plot Momentum taking effect, which sent it over here to Reality-9, then bounced it over to Reality-7. Ha! Caught you!"

Retkon paused as she looked back over the legs she had fixed, before then turning a disgruntled expression to the barely visible Leg she was holding.

"Oh spank me silly and call me a hairless monkey, how did you manage to get yourself from your nice solid R-Numerals over to R-Not-Bloody-Likely?" She scowled down at the far more solid looking mass that was tangled in the fragile threads of the far-flung reality it most definitely did not belong in. Retkon tightened up the seams and quickly slapped on a patch.

"There." She sighed, wiping her forehead, "That should keep you from ripping this reality apart any further. But bloody hell, I hate having to deal with messes like these."

"You do realize," Retkon groused to the solid patch on the barely-there Leg, "That I'm going to need your cooperation to move you without totally busting the seams on this Leg. Honestly, why can't you heroes just stick to your own designated areas of the multi-verse? This was supposed to be my day off! Merde!"

Throwing her hands up into the air Retkon stepped into the Timestream of the Leg she held in order to deal with the mess that had been made, "Just because I deal with the outer reality doesn't mean I should be taken for granted!"

Thirty minutes of subjective time later she stepped back out into the Null-Time. Still muttering to herself she plucked the bright patch from the tenuous threads holding it in place. A couple of safety pins from her left side held the edges of the hole together, "Now don't do anything to tear yourself any further, I'll take care of this and be right back!"

"Honestly!" Retkon grumbled as she located a reasonably solid, yet suitably alternate reality to patch the turtle and his brood on to, "Can't anyone just stay where they belong anymore? No, they have to go jumping realities and times like ruddy leapfrogs, making a great huge mess of things. Then I have to go and fix the cock up they've made of the Trousers. Nobody appreciates the effort a good Seamstress goes through nowadays."

"There!" Retkon stepped back and grinned brilliantly, "That should suit the letter of the contract nicely! A world of turtle-people, nothing for him to complain about there."

Turning away from the Alternate-Evolution Leg, Retkon flitted back over to the Leg she had pulled the patch from and carefully rewove the threads to fill in the gap left by the removal of Hamato Leonardo and the rest of his little multi-verse tour group, "Damn fragile low-probability realities. If they aren't fading out they're imploding themselves! I have put too much effort into keeping this one going to watch it fall to pieces now! Hardly ever find human type Hamato ninja anymore. It's always turtles-turtles-turtles, except when that one planet where they're rats. "

"Done and done!" Retkon said as she knotted the last thread, "Now to finish with the rest of it."

Quick as thought, Retkon found herself on a completely different level of Null Time. Looking around with a frown the Seamstress wove one of the gauzy patches of her outfit between her long fingers, "Now where is, ah. Gotcha."

Renet eeped as a shimmering arm was draped over her shoulders and a familiar voice purred in her ear, "Renet, darling! It's been far to long. How are things?"

"Gah! Retkon? Like, what are you doing here?" Renet jumped out from under the Seamstresses arm, "You, like, work on the Outside Levels, don't you?"

"Oh pish! Aren't I allowed to visit an old friend?" Retkon waved one hand indigently, "One would think that you weren't happy to see me!"

"Uh, that's like, because I'm not." Renet said, rolling her eyes.

"Whyever not?" Retkon blinked, looking hurt.

"You made fun of my hat!" Renet accused, pointing a finger in Retkon's face, "And you, like, pissed off my boss! I hardly got to have any fun for, like, ever after you showed up!"

"Well I am sorry poppet." Retkon said airily, waving aside Renet's finger, "But you do have a very stupid hat, and Lord Sims is very short, so it's hardly my fault for pointing it out."

"Oooh! You!" Renet stomped her foot.

"There, there, sweetling." Retkon cooed condescendingly, "I know you must be horribly bored, stuck working on the Inside of Time like this. Why just a moment ago I had to clean up this huge tangle in the Trousers. Some poor thing from Earth-3 managed to get himself sling-shot through a good five Realities before I managed to catch him and patch him over to a stable Alternate to wait for rescue."

"Like, Earth-3?" Renet was trying very hard to look like she did not care about the conversation, but was failing rather badly, "Who was it?"

"Hmm? Oh, some little green fellow, what was his name?" Retkon gazed upwards for a moment before snapping her fingers, "Leonardo, that was it. Had a bunch of the most adorable little darlings with him."

"So, uh, he was, like, a turtle right?" Renet asked, worrying her lower lip.

"Oh, yes." Retkon nodded, smiling ever so slightly.

"So, like, where did you patch him over too?" Renet questioned nonchalantly.

"Oh, one of the What-If worlds. You know the ones, where the dominant species is different from the most common realities?" Retkon shrugged and patted Renet's cheek, "Well it's been wonderful talking to you dear, but I really must be going."

"So soon?" Renet stumbled over the words, now she would never find out which world Leonardo was stuck in.

"Things to do and worlds to save, you know how it is." Retkon flashed a grin and leaned over, tucking the fabric she had been playing with into the top of Renet's bodice, "Here you go, a little something to remember me by. Ta-ta!"

Renet frowned at the place Retkon had been standing before she pulled the fabric out from where the Seamstress had tucked it. Renet held it up to the light and looked at the way it shimmered in her hands. It was one of Retkon's Leg scraps; probably kept from the last time she had hemmed the Trousers. It was all Retkon wore, pieces and patches of the Trousers of Time that she had clipped or removed during her mending.

"Holy cow!" Renet's eyes flew wide open as she realized what she was holding, "I bet this is probably from the world where she dumped Leo! I gotta go tell the guys! They're probably looking for him and this'll tell them where to look!"

Renet ran off towards Lord Simultaneous' palace at the fastest pace she could muster in her thigh-high boots.

Sighing and rolling her eyes from where she had stood watching just outside of Time, Retkon shook her head, "Took you long enough to figure it out, you little moron."

Job complete, Retkon fluttered off to find something to amuse herself with until the next time her skills were needed.

Hey, filling in plot holes is a full time job, you know.


End of Interlude Two.


End Notes:

This is just some background set-up information on Retkon's sudden appearance in Leo's kitchen. I enjoy writing this chick far too much. XP

Foreshadowing! There goes the plot! Watch it go. Run like the wind!