Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo. I do not own the concept of the PPC, it was created by Jay and Acacia. Kana, Cerrin and Trip are my original characters.

Legal: I can use any story written by you under -Fair Use and Parody-. Besides, fanfiction is technically illegal, since you are infringing copyright, so you do not have a legal leg to stand on if you complain about me using yours or anyone else's fanfiction.

Mission Two, Part One: The Late Blooming Bellflower

"Good morning." Kana said as she walked into her response centre. The young man who was lounging on the sofa didn't even look up as she walked past him. "And get out of my office before I forcibly remove you."

"I haven't got anywhere else to go." He said, and glared at her. "Cerrin said I could stay here."

"Cerrin's a soft-hearted idiot. How she puts up with you I'll never know. Go back to your own response centre, Trip."

"I'm not going back there." Trip said and shook his head. "That girl is weird! She never talks at all."

"She's your partner, you shouldn't talk about her like that behind her back. And besides, she's probably just ignoring you. Now get out." Trip glared at her, but got up anyway. "And give back that bottle of bleepka. You know you're too young to drink it."

"Screw you, Miss Mom." He muttered, pulled out the bottle of bleepka from inside his jacket and shoved it into her hands. "Tell Cerrin I'll be back later."

"Of course." She shut the door the second he left. A few seconds later it was opened by a confused looking Cerrin.

"Hey, why's he leaving? I thought he had nowhere else to go."

"He has a response centre now." Kana told her.

"Oh, that's great!" Cerrin chirped.

"Indeed it is." Kana walked over to the fridge, opened it and placed the bottle of bleepka back inside it. Cerrin sat down on the sofa and sighed.

"It's been really quiet recently."

"Perhaps the number of Sues in the Bleach fandom has decreased." Kana said and closed the fridge door.

"Maybe we can have a holiday-"


"Maybe not." Kana groaned. "I'll see what it is." She walked over to the console and read the screen. "A Mary Sue. The Sue's name is Yuka Takashiro. According to her back story, she's from one of the four main noble families, she makes Byakuya Kuchiki fall in love with her," Kana stopped while Cerrin mimed retching "...if you're finished, I'll continue." Cerrin nodded. "She's also rude, disrespectful and powerful enough to knock out Kenpachi with her shikai. She also becomes a captain and can fight on a par with Aizen."

"That's not good for us." Cerrin sighed. "Can we kill someone like that?"

"It's going to be difficult. We'll have to be very careful and plan our attack strategically. Get your CAD and your katana and we'll set off." Kana rested her hand on the hilt of her zanpakuto and pressed a button on the console. "Oh, wait a moment. I have to set your disguise." Kana pressed a button on the console. The disguises came up on the screen. She selected the shihakusho and then pressed another button. "Have you gotten any better with your katana?" She asked Cerrin.

"Yes! I can swing it without falling over!" Cerrin grinned and swung her katana around, demonstrating her now impeccable sense of balance. Her aim still needed a lot of work though and she made a huge scratch in the wall. "Oops."

"Just don't try to fight with it." Kana sighed and pressed another button. A blue doorway of light appeared in the middle of the room. She picked up her remote activator and picked up a small canvas bag from next to the console.

"Can I kill the Sue this time?" Cerrin asked as they walked towards the portal.


"Aw, but…"

"You can barely swing that katana; I'm not going to entrust you with an important job."


"Shut up." Kana shoved Cerrin through the portal and then followed after her.

They landed right outside Sixth Company's barracks, where an unusual looking girl was walking towards the captain's office with a bundle of papers in her arms. They quickly hid behind some Generic Shrubbery and watched her. Cerrin smoothed down her newly formed shinigami uniform and sighed.

"You didn't have to push me."

"It seemed like the most effective course of action." Kana said. "Point your CAD at that girl; I have a feeling that she's our Sue." Cerrin peered over the top of the shrubbery and pointed the CAD at the girl.

[Yuka Takashiro. Non-canon. Shinigami female. Mary-Sue.

"She's our girl." Cerrin nodded as she crouched back down.

'Yuka Takashiro was a small, young, slim girl with long black tousled hair with half of it tied back. There was also a small black tattoo like thing under her left eye (you'll soon know what it's for) and has a gigantic soul slayer (like Ichigo's) tied to her back. Her skin is pale and has grey eyes.'

"She was? Well, if that was the case then we wouldn't be here, would we?" Kana asked no one in particular.

"Ugh, I hate it when they mess up their tenses." Cerrin groaned. "And that sword looks too heavy for her."

"It should be, but remember, she's a Sue." The Sue entered the office, which gave the two of them a chance to move. They walked over to the office quietly and peered through the window.

'She saw a tall man wearing a silk white scarf and head piece signing reports calmly at his desk'

"That's phrased badly. It looks like Byakuya's wearing a white silk headpiece as well as his white silk scarf." Kana whispered. Cerrin giggled. They watched as Yuka dumped some papers on his desk. Byakuya looked up and glared at her.

"He seems in character so far..." Cerrin whispered, and pointed the CAD at him.

[Byakuya Kuchiki. Canon. Male shinigami. Out of Character 5.12

"It only goes downhill from here." Kana watched and listened. Yuka told Byakuya he was worthless at introductions, and then introduced herself.

"Wait, if she's supposed to be from one of the four noble families, wouldn't she know who he was?" Cerrin asked Kana.

"Even if she wasn't, Byakuya is quite famous in Soul Society. She'd know who he is, if she wasn't a Sue. They're quite lacking in logic, as you should have gathered by now." Byakuya finally introduced himself and the Sue replied with;

'"Aha! The beak speaks!"'

"What does that mean?" Cerrin asked.

"Microsoft Word's spellchecker changes Byakuya to beak, but I don't think this is the case." Kana replied. "I think she's just stupid." Renji walked past them and entered the office.

'"Make that two presents in one day, aren't you lucky Mr Grumpy?" Yuka sang.

"What did you call me?" Demanded Byakuya.'

"That should be 'Byakuya demanded'. Whichever way you say it, he didn't demand anything. She should have written 'he demanded to know' or 'he asked'." Kana said. Cerrin added 'bad grammar' to the charge list.

"I can't believe she'd call him that." Cerrin remarked. "And she's still doing it!"

"I know! You can't speak to your superior officer like that! The Thirteen Guard Companies are a military organisation, not a playground!" Kana rattled on as she watched the Sue cheeking Byakuya. Cerrin wrote that down, along with 'misuse of punctuation'. They watched as Renji told the Sue off, and she just brushed him off, laughed and then left. He looked confused, which wasn't surprising given her attitude. Or perhaps it was the fact that his captain wasn't doing anything about it that confused him. Rukia popped up nearby, walking along the path and carrying a single cup of tea on a tray.

"Oh no, she's going to be friends with Rukia." Kana sighed.

"Rukia came all the way to Sixth Company's barracks to get tea? Don't they have it back at Thirteen Company?" Cerrin asked, and looked at Kana for an answer.

"My guess is that there was supposed to be a scene change, but the author forgot to write it properly." The Sue asked Rukia if Byakuya was her brother.

"You just met him, you know that he is. And if you know Rukia why don't you know her brother! They have the same last name… forget it. I'm expecting logic from a Sue." Kana sighed and massaged her temples with her fingers. "I wish I'd packed some Bleeprin now." Cerrin continued noting down the charges, and also wrote 'get Kana some Bleeprin' at the top of the page. The Sue and Rukia had a short conversation about Byakuya's late wife, Hisana, with Rukia staying mostly in character and not going into detail about Byakuya's personal life. Kana and Cerrin cheered silently, and watched the Sue run off. They got up and ran after her, making sure to keep a decent distance and not be caught in the open areas. They followed her through the Generic Streets all the way to Eleventh Company's barracks, where the Sue got jumped on by Yachiru.

'"Oh, was that you, Yuka?" I heard a familiar voice behind me. I spun round with Yuka on my arm. It was Zaraki Kenpachi, and he had some killing intent in his eyes.

"Yes, Captain?" Yuka piped up. He was basically the only captain she called 'captain' (besides Yamamoto) because she was in his squad after all.'

"No, you call every captain 'captain'. If you were in the army in the real world and you didn't show respect to your leaders you'd end up cleaning the toilets with a toothbrush." Kana stated.

"Or doing push-ups in the mud." Cerrin added.


"I would love to see a Sue doing that." Cerrin said with a gleeful smile on her face.

'"I sensed a load of reiatsu (spelling?) coming from you… and I think I'd like to see it all in action…" Kenpachi drew his sword.'

"He doesn't pick fights with everyone." Kana growled and slapped her palm to her forehead. "How much reiatsu does she have if Kenpachi can sense it?"

'"Wait Captain, it's against the rules to-" Yuka gabbled as she sweat dropped.' A giant cardboard sweatdrop appeared above her head and fell to the ground. Cerrin wrote down 'using sight gags in prose' on the charge list. Kenpachi then charged at the Sue and swung his sword at her. She somehow blocked it with her own zanpakuto, and left the two agents agape.

"She just blocked Kenpachi!" Cerrin stared at the sight. "Unbelievable!"

"Impossible, more like." Kana snarled. "Write that down." Cerrin wrote it down hastily as the fight continued. The Sue, somehow still blocking Kenpachi's zanpakuto, released hers.

'"Bring down 1000 souls to your mercy, Raiken!" (Phonetics?) (??)'

"Unoriginal name, but not too awful, besides the fact that she's using a kido type weapon in Eleventh Company." Kana said. "Write that down, and make sure to note that she's also breaking the laws of Seireitei by releasing without the wartime order in effect."

"Got it, got it." Cerrin wrote it down quickly. "Er, you don't have to read the charges, do you Kana?" Kana looked at the notepad and the almost illegible scrawl covering the pages.

"You can read them." She sighed. Cerrin smiled and tucked the notebook into her robes. The Sue released a burst of electrical energy from her zanpakuto, which travelled through her and Kenpachi's swords, electrocuting Kenpachi and knocking him out. "Er, wait, shouldn't she have electrocuted herself if they're connected?"

"Yes." Kana groaned and punched the floor angrily. Even though she'd known it was going to happen, actually seeing the Sue defeat Kenpachi was so much worse. Cerrin got her notebook out again and wrote down 'defeating Kenpachi'. She decided not to put it away again, to save some time. After the Sue knocked Kenpachi out she started panicking about having to call Fourth Company.

'A voice from behind whispered "Is everything alright?"'

"A voice from behind what?" Cerrin asked as the disembodied voice spoke.

'Yuka's reactions caused her blade to move right to the anonymous person's neck; he almost fainted. Yuka cocked her head at the shinigami; he had a strange bag tied to his back to show he was from 4th squad. He had big frightened eyes with short blue hair.'

"It looks like she's trying to hoard semicolons." Kana remarked. "And that shinigami's eyes are frightened." They watched as his eyes cowered in fear from the Sue. "Not that I blame them." Yachiru told the Sue that Kenpachi would chase her for as long as she lived, (Kana hoped that this would result in the Sue's inevitable death, but she knew that would never happen) and then the Sue asked the shinigami with frightened eyes who he was. He introduced himself as Hanataro.

"Doesn't Hanataro have black hair?" Cerrin asked.

"Yes." Kana said.

'Yuka sighed; she now has to be on the run nearly every day now… she saw something small and pink go past her. Yuka looked over her shoulder and saw a tiny little pink petal float next to her. More came; Yuka caught one and stared at it. She quickly climbed above the roof to see where the petals were coming from; she saw a manor. With a garden that had trees growing Chinese bellflowers. Yuka looked left to right; no one was around; she went into the garden and stood underneath the tree. She smiled. It was a long time since she had seen one of these.'

"Stop using semicolons; they're not necessary." Kana muttered as they followed her, using Generic Shrubbery for cover. "Crap, now I'm doing it as well. And ugh, the tense changes…"

"Can I add 'breaking and entering into someone's house'?" Cerrin asked.

"Go ahead."

'Yuka was watching the tree with such awe she didn't notice Byakuya was watching her.'

"And he was thinking 'I must call security, there is an intruder in my garden'." Kana said, and laughed quietly. "There's a chapter change soon, the scene just carries on though. Cerrin, get back down, she'll spot you." Cerrin glared at the Sue and ducked behind a shrub.

"Not while she's entranced by that tree." She whispered, and folded her arms. "Huh? Flowers don't make you glow." She said, watching as the Sue looked at some flowers and her face started glowing.

"Apparently, these do." Kana looked at the Sue. Her face was glowing bright pink like a fluorescent light. "And Byakuya is acting very out of character. I don't think he'd tolerate someone randomly deciding to hop over the wall of his manor and prance around his garden." Cerrin pointed the CAD at Byakuya.

[Out of Character 34.67

"No character rupture yet." Cerrin said.

"Not ye-aaagh!" The two of them were suddenly flung forward by an unforeseen scene change. "Doesn't this girl know how to change scenes?"

"I don't think so." Cerrin groaned and got up. They were standing in a Generic Room, where Yuka, Byakuya, Ikkaku, Yumichika and Yamamoto were talking. Luckily they'd landed behind the Sue, so they quietly walked out of the room and hid behind the door, watching.

'You've got to be joking." Moaned Yuka.'

"That's funny; I've been thinking that the whole time." Kana remarked.

'Byakuya Kuchiki, Yuka, Ikkaku and Yumichika were chosen to go on a mission to kill some hollows at the Human world in Edo. (Japan)'

"Edo?" Kana stared at the Words, her expression one of incredulous amazement. "When is this story set?"

"Apparently not long before the main storyline." Cerrin told her. "Didn't you see that on the mission briefing?"

"Yes, but here's the thing. There is no place called Edo in Japan. Tokyo used to be called Edo but its name was changed in 1868."

"Wait, are we back in time now?"

"Evidently, the Suethor must think Edo is a place in Japan in the present day." Kana sighed. "Why does no one do research before writing?"

"If they did there'd be less badfic and we'd have less work."

"Cerrin, that would be a good thing." They watched as Byakuya and the Sue got their gigai and selected their clothes to wear in the human world. The Sue was given a bag of clothes to choose from. She picked a small tank top and mini skirt to wear, and then complained that the clothes were too revealing.

"You picked them." Kana glared at her. "There's a big bag there, pick something else then."

The scene shifted again with no mention in the Words; Kana and Cerrin were flung into the human world with not so much as a 'they went through the Senkaimon' to move the story along. Cerrin got up and rubbed her bottom.


"That... hurt." Kana growled. She'd done a faceplant into a pavement. She got up and rubbed her grazed nose.

To make things faster the four decided to split into two groups. Ikkaku and Yumichika went south; Byakuya and Yuka went east. They were suddenly surrounded by a group of hollows.

"Can't they just look at their phones to see where they are?" Cerrin asked Kana as they trailed Byakuya and the Sue. "And how can two high ranked shinigami suddenly be surprised by hollows?"

"If the hollows could suppress their reiatsu, they'd have to be Aizen's experimental hollows. If they were, it's possible that they wouldn't be able to find them easily." Kana said. "Such great description! You can really feel the tension here." There was no description of the hollows or what they did whatsoever, resulting in very bland, blurry hollow shapes running around, doing nothing. She laughed again as she noticed that the two of them were still in their gigai. The author hadn't written about them leaving their gigai. Trying to fight in a skirt and tank top was not advisable. Silly Sue.

"Hey; Kuchiki; do you want a competition to see who can defeat the most hollows?" Yuka asked.

"I do not play such petty games like that." Byakuya said coldly.

"He's slightly more in character now, thankfully." Kana said. The Sue released her zanpakuto. In addition to having an electric current going through the blade, her zanpakuto made storm clouds gather. Kana looked at the Words. She read that ' the weather went black' and there was a loud thunderclap, but no lightning. The whole sky went completely black, including the clouds.

"Shouldn't there be lightning if there's thunder?" Cerrin asked.


"So why isn't there-?"

"Sue logic. Stop asking questions and write that as a charge."

"Um, the whole sky is black." Cerrin looked around. "Not just the clouds..."

"The Suethor wrote that the weather went black, without realising that weather is a term for all atmospheric conditions, not just the clouds."

Byakuya watched her in amazement; her skills almost matched captain level; to have a soul slayer to change the weather even; Byakuya knew only of Captain Hitsugaya of 10th squad to have done that.

"I'm quite certain that most powerful elemental zanpakuto can affect the weather. Let's see, Yamamoto's does, and I'd imagine that Ukitake's and Kyoraku's would, given their presumed elements." Kana mused.

"She's just making herself look 'speshul' and showing off to Byakuya." Cerrin huffed and folded her arms.

"Stop sulking. And brace yourself, there's going to be a sudden scene change again." Kana said, having read ahead in the Words. Byakuya killed the rest of the hollows and then the Sue asked him to take her to dinner. He agreed, and the story snapped to a Generic Restaurant. Kana and Cerrin quickly hid behind a seating booth and watched the Sue eat.

'Yuka ate two small bowls of mushroom soup; then a large dish of sushi; one large bowl ramen; four helpings of rice with seaweed; fried tofu and spicy vegetable soup; then some wasabi. She even went into dessert and asked for three helpings of fried ice cream.'

"Ugh." Kana stared at the Sue. "That's not possible."

"That's really gross..." Cerrin watched as the Sue ate and ate. After eating all that food, her stomach had expanded so much that she looked like she was pregnant.

"I bet if we took her to the Reality Room her stomach would rupture." Kana remarked. "What do you think?"

"I think I'm going to be sick." Cerrin covered her eyes with her hands and turned away from the spectacle and clutched her own stomach. "Eurgh." She groaned, trying to keep it down. Kana patted her on the back and watched the Sue eat. Byakuya was sat across the table from her. He looked as embarrassed and disgusted as you'd expect. The only thing keeping him from getting up and leaving was Yuka's Sue-thrall. They talked, and the Sue mentioned that her father had tried to throw her out once. Byakuya stopped eating when he heard this (Kana thought it was a marvel that he was keeping his dinner down after watching the Sue eat) and looked surprised.

"I'd throw my kids out if they ate enough to feed the Von Trapp family every meal." Kana muttered. "Good grief."

"Has she stopped?" Cerrin whimpered, slowly turning around.

"You can relax now, they're leaving."

When Yuka and Byakuya went out of the shop and heard a familiar voice "Well, isn't tonight a beautiful night."

"...They did what?" Cerrin asked. "Shouldn't there be more after that?" Kana shook her head as she and Cerrin followed them. Ikkaku and Yumichika were walking up to them. Ikkaku was injured and having to use Yumichika for support, and not looking very happy about it either.

"If Ikkaku and Yumichika were fighting hollows, the reiatsu in that would be off the charts, and Byakuya would definitely have sensed it and come to help. I hate Sues and their warped logic."

"What the heck happened to you?"

"Adjuchas; and a lot of them."

(Adjuchas are hollows but are more smarter than Menos Grande)

"More smarter..." Cerrin laughed.

"Looks like someone didn't do their research." Kana said.

"I thought they were just stronger and smarter than Menos Grande?" Cerrin asked as the two of them followed the Sue and the shinigami retinue, making sure to keep a good distance.

"They are, but it's more complicated than that. Think about it. One Menos Grande is a huge emergency for Soul Society, but in this fic several Adjuchas are attacking and there's only four shinigami, only one of whom is a captain, fighting them? There's lack of logic, and then there's just plain stupidity." Kana motioned to Cerrin to follow her as the Sue confronted the Adjuchas, who had no description other than being 'a large creature'.

"'A large creature'. Amazing description." Kana remarked sarcastically. "You know, I'm wondering how this crap got so many reviews."

"When did they leave Ikkaku at a hospital?" Cerrin asked, looking at the Words. "It wasn't mentioned."

"Bad writing. They wouldn't take him to a human hospital." Kana said. "Like he'd let them take him there anyway."

In the middle of the fight; Yuka's left eye began to blur.' Part of the Sue's face became grey and blurry, like it was covered in fog. -, Do I have to have it now! Her left eye soon became nothing but darkness but she also saw an adjuchas pulling some source of energy all into his arm and…

"Then he hit the Sue with a cero blast and she died. The end!" Cerrin chirped.

"Her eye is darkness. That's actually very creepy." Kana said. The Sue had a black hole where her eye was supposed to be.

"Damn it!" Yuka charged towards where Byakuya was; she only just in time pushed him to the ground then an adjuchas fired a large white laser into Yuka's body which ran round her body like a circuit.

"Cero is red!" Kana sighed and smacked the wall with her fist, then decided it wasn't enough and smacked her head in the wall instead. "And it does not run around someone's body like a circuit, it just blasts them… why do I even bother?" Cerrin decided to ignore her and instead watched Byakuya kill the rest of the hollows by himself. Yumichika just stood around, looking like he wasn't sure why he was even there. When the fight was over he picked up the Sue and said he would take her to hospital. Kana looked up from her head banging. "They would not take her to a human hospital. Gah!"

"What about Ryuken's hospital?"

"Eh, he wouldn't treat a shinigami. Isshin is just a normal human at this point. And we're not even in Karakura; we're in 'Edo'."

"True." Cerrin sighed. "Um, that looks odd."

"What does?"

"The words, they're saying that-" She didn't manage to finish her sentence before they were flung forward again. Kana fell onto a tiled floor and Cerrin landed on top of her.

"Where are we?"

"Generic hospital. Get off me." Kana said, and groaned angrily. Cerrin got up and stumbled a little. "That's enough. We're going to the next chapter."

"There's a Truth or Dare game in it." Cerrin whispered, and covered her eyes.

"We'll cope." Kana got up and brushed her clothes down. "We have to."

"Why is this fic so much worse than the other one?" Cerrin sighed and leaned against a Generic Wall.

"You think this is bad? Try reading some of the mission archives. Or the Legendary Badfic."

"No, I like ice cream and lavender and I really don't want to be put off them." Cerrin said.

"My guess is that the Sunflower Official gave us an easy first mission so he could wring a little more work out of us before we went completely insane. Come on, let's not hang around here." Cerrin nodded, and followed Kana as the Words swirled around them and they went ahead to Chapter 3: The Dare Game. They ended outside a Generic Room in a Generic Area of the Thirteen Guard Companies. Yet again, there was no setting or exposition whatsoever.

"Let's play a game of Truth or Dare!" Declared Yachiru.

"The Suethor picked the only person in the canon who would actually suggest playing it whilst sober. She earns a zillionth of a point." Kana said, reading the words. "We know who Baldie and Yumi are. We don't need to be told. Actually, I meant to tell you earlier, Cerrin. Put 'inserting pointless author's notes into the story' onto the charge list.

"We could just skip the whole chapter." Cerrin whispered. "Please? Pretty please?"

"Hand me your notepad and I'll make notes from the Words." Kana said. Cerrin gave her the book and her pen. "Thank you. Now, there are a few good charges in this chapter, let's just skip to the part where they make Byakuya join in." Cerrin groaned. "Oh hush."

"It's not so bad I guess." Cerrin said, and read the words as they portalled forward. "Just standard dare stuff... wait! She's hugging him?"

"It was a dare, apparently. And Byakuya does not blush that easily."

"If she kisses him I'll stab her."

"Can't you be patient?"

"No!" Cerrin hissed. Kana ignored her and opened her canvas bag.

"Let's occupy ourselves for a while. I have some trail mix." She pulled a paper bag out, and then rummaged around for her deck of cards. "Do you know how to play Egyptian Rat-screw?"


Cerrin did not know how to play Egyptian Rat-screw; in fact she was quite bad at all of the card games Kana had attempted to teach her, so in the end it had come to…

"Snap!" Cerrin smacked her hand down on the pile and grinned. "I win again."

"Yes, you did." Kana said, not even looking as she placed her cards down. "Looks like the dare game is getting more interesting." She commented before eating a handful of trail mix.

"Why is the Sue trying hold hands with Byakuya?" Cerrin asked looked in through the window.

"Yachiru dared them to do it. Heh, she's pretending that she doesn't want to do it."

"He's refusing to do it!" Cerrin whispered, and then smiled. "Yay!"

"Not so fast..."

"Then we'll spread word you got afraid to do a simple dare." Yachiru answered. Everyone knew how Byakuya protected his pride for the Kuchiki family. His hand reached closer to Yuka.

"He's playing Truth or Dare with a group of lower ranked officers. I'd say his Kuchiki pride is pretty much gone by now." Kana whispered. Cerrin was seething and gripping the handle of her katana tightly. "Oh, calm down. It gets worse." Cerrin sighed and let go of her sword. "Oh, the Sue's still complaining about it. Write that down." The game progressed, and after ten minutes, Cerrin had won several more games of Snap and the game was over. Kana packed up her things and watched the scene. All the shinigami who had been taking part got up and left. Kana observed their expressions; they all looked confused and unsure why they had been playing a silly game. Byakuya and the Sue tried to let go of each other's hands, but were somehow stuck together. The explanation given was baffling to say the least.

"How the hell could Yachiru, of all people, use a kido that a captain couldn't break?" Kana looked at the sight in disbelief. "There's lack of logic, and then there's just stupidity." They followed the Sue and Byakuya as they walked around waiting for the spell to wear off. Byakuya's expression was a mixture of annoyance and disbelief. Cerrin and Kana felt pretty much the same. After a long while of this, the Sue came up with an idea.

There was only one option; they had to sleep together.


"Binding spell number one: Restrain." Kana intoned, and the spell restrained Cerrin from running up to the Sue and disembowelling her.. Cerrin fell to the floor and rolled around, struggling and trying to break the kido.

"It's not that simple to break, you know."

"I'm going to kill her! Kill her dead!" Cerrin snarled.

"We have to charge her first, idiot."

"Well let's do it now!"

"We can't. Byakuya may be trying to hard hold on to his character, but the influence of the Sue is strong. He'll likely attack us if we try to kill her, and she's strong as well. We have to bide our time and strike when we can."


"I'll let you kill her." Kana said.

"Really?" Cerrin gasped. Kana nodded. "Yes!" Kana sighed and released the binding spell.

"Keep calm." Kana said. "We're nearly at the next chapter." The scene changed and they were in chapter four, where gossip was spreading that Byakuya and the Sue had hugged and spent the night together.

"That's probably the only logical thing that's happened in the fic." Kana said. "But of course, no one does anything about it, least of all their families. Looks like I spoke too soon."

Even though Yuka was one herself; she hated nobles; they were all stuck up and care only for their pride. Byakuya actually had some human feelings there. She was sure of it.

"Bad grammar. And yes, she's so special. She's a noble who hates how stuck up the rest of them are." Kana sighed. Renji walked past them and the Sue ran straight up to him and asked him where he was going.

"To the Human world, Rukia hasn't been back in a month and Captain Kuchiki and I are going to see what's wrong."

"No, they were going to retrieve her. Renji knew that." Kana said.

"When did Rukia go on the mission? I don't recall seeing that in the words."

"I think it was there, just glossed over in favour of hijinks."

Soon Yuka went walked back into her room; she felt dizzy and sick. Her left eye began to sting like mad; she saw Jinbando fighting a shinigami with a huge soul slayer like her's; next to him was three humans and a black cat. The image blanked and then she saw Ichimaru Gin release his soul slayer at Jinbando who half opened the gate to Seireitei; his huge body was knocked backwards by force and beneath him were a bunch of kids who only just came out… Yuka went out unconscious.

"Jinbando? What the hell?" Cerrin said. "That's not even a typo, the letters are in a completely different order!"

"Ugh, just my luck. A mini-Menos."

"A what?"

"A mini-Menos." Cerrin looked blank. "Don't you remember anything you were taught?" Kana asked. Just as she did, a small Menos Grande popped into existence about three feet away from them. It was roughly around the size of a Labrador, and it growled quietly as it floated around. "Minis are created when writers misspell canon names. They correspond to the canon they're in, and are usually mini versions of canonical creatures. Thus, the Bleachverse has mini-Menos."

"Aw, it's cute." Cerrin said, kneeling down to pet it. Jinbando let out a quiet 'rawr' and nuzzled her hand.

"I hate the damned things."

"Should we bring it with us?"

"We have to. They tend to follow agents, so don't worry about losing it."

"Come on Jinbando, let's go kill a Sue." Cerrin giggled and picked Jinbando up. "Good boy!"

"You're very strange, Cerrin." Kana said. "Agh!" The scene suddenly shifted again, sending the three of them flying into a Generic Shrub outside of Fourth Division. "I am really, really getting tired of this." Kana said as she picked leaves out of her hair. Jinbando wriggled out of Cerrin's grip and stood watching the two of them. They stood up and looked in the window. They watched Kira and Hinamori tending to the Sue. Her vision of the future had made her pass out and she'd been taken to Fourth Company. "Write down 'having extrasensory perception' on the charge list. That's not a canonical ability." Kira and Momo told her that Rukia had been brought back and was awaiting execution. The writer hadn't said which if them had said it, so they both spoke at the same time. It was fairly amusing. The Sue shoved Kira out of the room, got dressed and asked Momo which cell Rukia was in. Momo told her Rukia was in 'cell thirty-eight', despite the canon trying to assert that Rukia was being held in Sixth Company's holding cells.

"It's trying, bless it. Poor canon." Cerrin said and picked up Jinbando as they followed the Sue towards the prison block that had suddenly appeared in the middle of Seireitei. On her way there, the Sue bumped into Renji, who told her not to try and save Rukia because 'the court of pure souls' had decided it.

"She means Central Forty Six." Kana told Cerrin, who looked confused. "The Court of Pure Souls is the translation of Seireitei." The Sue then ran to the West Gate (it wasn't written in the text, but that was where 'Jinbando' and the 'ryokya' were, so the scene shifted to the West Gate). "She didn't even need to intervene there! Ichigo and everyone else survived and got through by themselves eventually."

"She's showing off." Cerrin muttered and held Jinbando tightly. The mini wriggled a bit and growled.

Yuka went through another exit and looked at the front entrance where Jinbando was attacking a dandelion head shinigami. Yuka frowned; she never seen him before. The humans were there the cat… it was happening too fast; Jinbando opened the gate suddenly he got pushed out by a large force; Yuka spotted the children.

"Write down 'crimes against the English language'." Kana groaned. "Ugh, it's terrible." Cerrin let go of Jinbando and got out her notebook. "And also, put 'taking over canon characters' scenes'." Cerrin scribbled it down quickly and the two of them ducked behind a Generic Building and peeked around the corner to watch the scene unfold.

"Ichigo looks different." Cerrin said. "He has a dandelion flower for a head…"

"Ah yes, the description said he was a 'dandelion head shinigami'."

The humans and the shinigami looked behind Jinbando's body and saw Yuka still holding the weight of Jinbando's back.

"Gah…" Kana stared at the Sue, completely at a loss for words.

"That's not even… how is she… bwuh?" Cerrin wasn't much better. They watched the gate fall, and skipped through the words to outside the Seireitei's wall. After a brief conversation with the 'ryokya', the Sue ran back into Seireitei. Yes, just like that.

Yuka ran back into Seireitei. Towards where Rukia was kept.

"How the hell did she do that without using the gate?" Cerrin looked bewildered.

"I have no idea." Kana replied. "This is getting worse the longer we're in it. Hurry, we need to find a good moment to strike. Let's skip ahead. She has a short conversation with Rukia, then she goes to the Kuchiki mansion to yell at Byakuya." Kana pressed a button on her remote activator and they portalled forward to the scene after that, where Byakuya was speaking to his advisors at the Kuchiki mansion.

Byakuya was sat on the floor in front of five elders. One who was his teacher; the others were advisors who served under the Kuchiki family.

"Byakuya Kuchiki; we are here to discuss something." Said 1. (I'm just going to name these people 1-5; number 3 is the teacher)

"It would take hardly any time to find a list of names and just give them all simple names! You don't refer to people by numbers. And why are they telling him he should get remarried now, of all the inconvenient times? What a useless bunch of advisers… why are you giggling?" Kana stopped ranting and turned to look at Cerrin.

"They said number two." She sniggered, rubbing Jinbando on the head. Kana rolled her eyes and decided to ignore her and focus on the mission. She heard a loud yell from somewhere nearby.


The Sue had arrived. Kana decided to ignore the stupid use of all capital letters for now, there were more pressing matters at hand.

"Hurry Cerrin, we have to note down the charges." Kana grabbed the giggling redhead's hand and dragged her along, following Byakuya to the entrance of the mansion.

"Kuchiki! There you are! I need to talk to you about something."

"There is nothing to discuss, leave." Byakuya stated.

Cerrin silently cheered and Kana shook her head. The Sue yelled at Byakuya some more and stormed off, leaving Byakuya looking slightly confused.

"That girl is strange." He muttered. "I can't shake this feeling that there's something wrong…"

"Poor Byakuya." Cerrin whispered, and let go of Jinbando. "I'm going to go talk to him." She got up and walked over to him.

"No, Cerrin, you're not supposed to talk to the cano- get off my bag you little freak!" Jindanbo was biting Kana's bag, trying to get to the trail mix inside. Kana tried to yank the bag out of his mouth whilst trying to chase after Cerrin, but she wasn't having much luck. "Stop!"

"Um… C-captain Kuchiki?" Cerrin stammered and bowed her head. He turned around and glared at her.

"Who are you?"

"Er…" Cerrin couldn't think what to say next. Kana considered using kido on Cerrin, but didn't fancy having to explain it to a captain. Stupid agents were one thing, but stupid Agents in the vicinity of their Lust Objects were harder to deal with. She yanked her bag harder, trying to rip it away from Jinbando.

"I'll give you the damn snack, just let me get my neuralyser!" The mini growled and shook it's head. "Oh, you want to play like that, huh?" Kana drew her sword. "Back! Away! Shoo!" Jinbando growled nervously and let go of the bag. "Good little freakish thing… eugh, Menos saliva…"

"I'd just like to say that I think that girl was really out of order yelling at you like that sir and I'm… uh…" Cerrin stared up at Byakuya's face. "And…" She flung her arms around Byakuya, much to his surprise. "I won't let that Sue get you!" Kana stopped dead still as Byakuya looked past Cerrin and at her. And Jindanbo. His eyes narrowed and he glared at her.

"What exactly are you girls doing?" Kana tried to think of a plausible explanation, but couldn't bring one to mind.

"Oh, fuck it." Kana closed her eyes and pulled a small device out of her bag. "Close your eyes Cerrin!" She yelled as a bright flash of light enveloped them all.