His cane thumped against the carpet of Wilson's floor, and Wilson groaned internally before looking up politely from his paperwork. It was a bad thing when House had enough time to bother him before lunch, as it meant he'd had an idea.
The last idea had involved pretending he wanted to go out for lunch, kidnapping Wilson, and driving him to a strip club. Wilson firmly believed that House was the catalyst for his third divorce. And his second. And, if you wanted to get technical, his first as well.
"What do you want, House?" Wilson asked wearily, and House grinned at him.
"I've worked it out. You're in love with me."
His mouth fell open, and he blinked at the man in front of him.
"You," he enunciated clearly, "Are in love with me."
"But I'm not gay! And even if I was, why would I be in love with you?"
"For starters, you put up with everything I do. Even my mother didn't put up with me for as long as you have. All your marriages failed because of how much time you spent with me, and finally, there's the amount of time you spend on your hair every day. It's positively obscene!"
Wilson shuffled his papers, and coughed quietly, as he thought about how to answer House. He could quite easily deny it, all the evidence was circumstantial at best, and the fact that he was an oncologist should tell everyone that he was a sucker for lost causes, which described House perfectly. However, why bother lying?
"Alright. If, and only if, you were right, what would you say?"
"Well, if I was right, which I am, I would say something like; 'Dr. Strangelove is on tonight, and you're bringing the food.'"
Wilson stared at House. "That's it?"
"Let me get this clear," he said suspiciously, "If I were to tell you that I was in love with you, the only thing you would do would be to tell me about a movie that was on tonight."
"Nope," The man shook his head at the frustrated oncologist, "That would be all I would say. I would do this."
He leaned over the desk, and gave Wilson a short peck on the lips. Wilson was having none of this, and grabbed the back of his head, turning the peck into a full-blown kiss.
"Well, you were right." Wilson admitted, somewhat gratuitously, and House laughed.
"Of course I was. I'm always right."
Wilson rolled his eyes, and House swooped in for another kiss.
"Dr. Strangelove is on tonight. You're bringing the food. Chinese sounds good."