Final chapter!

Warning: Howard and Vince are so getting together in this (or are they???). The rating has been upped for a reason though...

A HUGE thanks to everyone who's reviewed. You're all stars xxx

A/N So mega sorry if I made anyone's spleen fall out:-o

Plus there's going to be quite a lot of POV switches. I hope it's not too confusing.

Disclaimer: Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding own this (of course!)

The quote's from...I'm really not sure! Shrek?! lol

"I'm accidentally in love..."

I can't do this.

Vince obviously hates me now. And even if he doesn't...well, nothing's changed has it? I'm still leaving. My feelings are unreciprocated as always. Aren't they?

Then again, if he hates me so much, then why's he walking towards me now? Oh no. I know why! He's gonna hit me for being such a knob to him isn't he? Yes that's gotta be it.

No wait, if that's true...then why is he smiling???

I can't wait any longer. This has to be the longest freaking walk to him in my life.

It's Howard. My Howard. How dare he make me - me of all people - feel nervous?

Suddenly I charge at him. I was never one to wait, so why start now?


I find I'm laughing as he covers his face and recoils in terror, as if I'm gonna hit him or something.


As soon as I reach him, I instantly pounce, pulling him into a great, big hug.

He staggers back from my weight before letting out a strangled, "Viiiince!"

He struggles for a few minutes, but to no avail (ha ha!). There's no way I'm letting him go! I hold on like a deranged (yet very fashionable) limpet, clinging to him for dear life.

I laugh, totally expecting the words "don't touch me!" to follow. But it doesn't. Instead, to my surprise (and extreme pleasure) his arms go round me as he hugs me back fiercely.

"I'm so relieved," He murmurs "I didn't want to part on bad terms…"

I decide to ignore that and whisper determinedly into his shoulder, "You're not going anywhere Howard Moon."

"What do you mean by that...?" He chokes, voice muffled by my embrace.

"You know what I mean," I don't know where all this courage has come from, but I'm very glad it's there; "You know you can't leave me."

Sadly, he pulls away from me then, "Vince...uh...I've got to little man. You don't understand..."

"Don't understand what?" I take a deep breath, might as well go for it now... "That you're madly in love with me and think you have to leave coz you think I don't feel the same?"

He gasps hard and leaps back. It's as if I've hit him. My heart feels like it's gonna burst. I can tell by his expression, that this was so not the best course of action to take. But I'm tired. So tired of lying and pretending. All I know is how I feel and that now is the time to do something about it. I have to trust these feelings. They're all I've got.

"Vince! I don't know...I mean...WHAT?!"

For one heart stopping moment, I think I've got it all wrong. But then I look at him. I mean really look at him. He's blushing all the way to his roots. His eyes dart around, not daring to look directly at me. He looks nervous. Embarrassed. Humiliated even. Oh god. I must be right. He thinks I'm winding him up though. I can tell. He also looks hurt. This is probably why I gabble in a rush (before I can change my mind):

"But don't worry 'coz I do love you too."

He gasps yet again, yet this one manages to sound completely different. At first I think it's because he's shocked and happy (who wouldn't be?!). Like the way they react in all those daft soap operas we both pretend not to watch.

Then the voice that replies to me is so full of despair, full of hurt and sarcasm that I realise with a sinking heart, he doesn't believe me.

"Very funny Vince," He chokes, a sob tangled in his voice as he turns from me and legs it. Runs away yet again.

"Howard! Wait!" I bellow, suddenly feeling VERY frustrated.

He doesn't stop. Doesn't even turn around. But this time I'm not giving up...

Why do I always seem to be running these days?

I slow down as I finally reach our flat. Not the smartest place to hide, I know, but give me a break. It's hard to think straight when you heart has been stomped on.

How could he be so cruel? He must know there's some truth in what he accused me of. He's not that stupid. But then again, I bet it was Naboo who helped him to suss it all out. Right, he's on my Hit List I'm telling ya. I'm gonna fly at him like a breeze block of pain...

I think of that day in the shop as I walk up the stairs. The way Vimce teased me - fake flirted with me. He's doing it again now, I just know it.

He can't have been serious. He said it like he was mocking me. And anyway, who say's 'I love you' in such a casual manner? A liar, that's who.

I slam the door on my way in.

How could he?

I stomp to my room and drag my suitcase on to my bed. I instantly begin to shove all my clothes into it - all unorganised and everything. That's just an indication state I'm in. For once, I'm too angry to be neat. Or even to cry.

"You know you can't leave me."

Oh yeah, really? Watch me.

I have to get out of here before he gets back. Especially now that he knows. I know I don't have much time but...




I decide to ignore him. I freeze. Maybe then, he'll think I'm not here.

"There you are!"

Then again, maybe not.

"Go away Vince." I say as I hear him barge into my room, making sure my back is turned to him. If I see that face, I know I'll crumple. And I can't let that happen.

"Oh Howard you goon, what you doing?!" His voice is shrill, edged with frustration and mockery. A wave of fury dries my tears as I spin to face him. He's frustrated??? What the hell does he have to be frustrated about?!

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting the hell out of here. I've bloody well had enough!" I -I am ashamed to say- screamed at him.

His eyes widened, "WHY?! What does it freaking take to make you stay?!" His voice was louder than mine, and I have to say, it did make me jump rather a lot.

"What?" My brain isn't working properly but still I try to force a reply, "I'll tell you what I want. I want-

"Shut up Howard!" He interrupts me angrily (sadly, even in a moment like this I find his sudden bout of bossiness shamefully adorable) "You listen to me right? I LOVE YOU! I mean really love you, you idiot!!!! This isn't a game. It's not a way to make you stay.- I LOVE YOU!!!"


Did I really just say that?!

Or has my body been hijacked by Old Gregg or something? Coz even to my ears, that sounded a little creepy!

I study Howard's reaction. His lips wobble as he looks all confused and freaked out. He's so adorable.

Waiting for him to say something is just too much. That, and his newfound cuteness gives me the overwhelming urge to do what I did next.

Which was to pull his face to mine and kiss him passionately.

Yeah, I'm a real minx. So sue me!

I put my arms around him as he does the same to me (finally - phew!). My mouth happily melds against his as I laugh into the kiss, thinking I'm going to explode from all this happiness. He's kissing me. I mean really kissing me back! His body is all hot and heavy against mine...


"Ssssh!" I order, not wanting him to say anything. Not wanting him to stop kissing me for one second. Not wanting him to ever stop.

"But Vince, I just wanna say..." I nibble his lip gently, trying to distract him. I can't let him stop. I won't let him.

He pulls away a bit, "Vince!" He laughs looking puzzled, "Let me talk! I just want to say I love you too."

Oh, right! Well a momentary pause is acceptable for that of course!

I look at him and smile (from ear to ear, I'm sure) - as if to say I know (and "yay!")- before pulling him back into me again.

He trails hot kisses down my neck, his hands seem to be all over me at once. It's so explosive, as if he really wants me, yet still manages to be gentle and exciting. I've never felt anything like it. And I know, I'll never want to with anyone else but him ever again.

He lifts me up as I wrap my legs around his waist. The suitcase gets pushed off the bed as we fall backwards on to it. Clothes are ripped off, the desire to get closer, to feel skin on skin is impossible to resist. Somehow I just know we're so going to make up for lost time...!

So the story has a happy ending for both of us. Who'd have thought a guy like Vince Noir would fall for someone like me? Apparently, he'd always felt the same way as I did. Surprising, I know! Seeing as we're so different and all...

I look at his sleeping figure that's draped across my bare chest in the dark. It feels like the most natural thing ever. I'm exhausted, but I've never felt happier. I softly push some of his hair out of his face before snuggling back down next to him.

I really am the luckiest man in the world.

Damn. I just know Naboo's gonna brag tomorrow about knowing all along (he's so not on my Hit List anymore though)!

Don't go looking so smug now! You know we'll still drive each other absolutely crazy, like we always do.

But for once, I've never been more glad to have been in someone's shadow for so long.

And you know what? He was so worth the wait!

Hehe! Okay, that got kind of heavy at the end...but hey, it was meant to be a darker story and all...

I hope you liked. Feedback always appreciated! xxxx