A/N: I know, I know, I should be updating my other stories right now. But once again, there was this discussion with my sister, and this fic was born. It was just one of those things that gets stuck in your mind and won't leave. Seriously, if you want to write a humour fic and can't find any inspiration, have a five minute conversation with my sister. She has abilities of randomness that I can't even describe.
Disclaimer: Transformers doesn't belong to me.
It was really amazing. Sideswipe thought as he sat in the brig. How much trouble could come from a few harmless pieces of paper with adhesive on the back. I mean, come on! As pranks go this was lightweight, nothing, just a harmless little moral boost. Almost everyone could find humour in the situation, especially the humans (who were currently still incapacitated because they were laughing so hard). Prowl was completely overreacting, as usual.
It had all started when Sides had agreed to join Bumblebee and his two humans on a little town trip. He was newly landed and extremely eager to see more of Earth, which fascinated him. Sunny might gripe and groan about organic matter and dust getting all over his paint job, but Sideswipe loved it here. He had fallen in love with the planet from the moment he had began picking up transmissions from the orbiting satellites. The planet was just so…alive…there was no other way to put it. After vorns of drifting around in space, he found his new home delightfully full of life and noise. Not to mention that humans seemed to appreciate his particular brand of humour better than most Autobots. And man, could they ever make a sweet alt mode! Even Sunny had stopped complaining about the 'mud ball' when he had gotten a good look at the possible alt choices.
In any case, Sideswipe practically jumped at the chance to interact with humans outside of the base. He had tried to convince Sunny to come with them, on the pretext of showing off his new, sleek Lamborghini self, but Sunny had refused ("I still have plenty of humans around here to gawk at me without getting a fleck of dust on my paint.") So it was that Bumblebee and Sideswipe found themselves parked outside the mall, attracting many an impressed look, while Sam and Mikeala shopped. Or, more accurately, Mikeala shopped while Sam carried her purchases.
Sideswipe was enjoying a very pleasant conversation with the scout when he noticed something odd on several cars around him. Bumblebee, He commed. What's with the little pieces of paper?
After a quick scan to see what his friend was referring to, Bumblebee smiled internally and sent a quick data burst with the relevant information. They're called bumper stickers, He explained. Their purpose is unclear, but they seem to be some sort of vehicular decoration often meant to convey some particular trait of the driver.
Ah. Sideswipe commed his understanding. Then he started getting a particularly good idea and a low rumble of laughter began in his engine. He quickly hacked the local communication network and placed a call to the two humans inside.
"Sideswipe?" Sam answered. "What's wrong? There an emergency on base?"
Sideswipe quickly reassured him. There was no emergency on base; he just needed their help for a little something he was planning.
The next morning had begun fairly normally for Ironhide. He had come out of recharge, had his energon ration, and was preparing to spell Jazz off in the communications room when he noticed he was getting some odd looks from his fellow Autobots and humans alike. The most confusing had been in the recreation room when Captain Lennox had simply snickered at his casual good morning, and Epps had called out from across the room. "Couldn't have said it better myself man!" Which had sent the entire room into helpless laughter. Ironhide had no idea what was going on, wondering if there was some kind of mass epidemic going around among their small allies, until he had caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror. There, on what would be his rear bumper if he transformed, was a piece of paper embossed with a grey cartoon cloud and enthusiastically written 'BOOM!'. Ironhide gave a longsuffering sigh and, making a metal memo to have a 'discussion' with the twins, made to peel the irritating thing off his chassis. It wasn't until five minutes and much cursing later that Ironhide discovered something less than amusing. The fragging thing wouldn't come off!
Still growling under his breath about what exactly he was going to do to the twins once he caught them, he made his way to the med bay. Hopefully, Ratchet would have some solvent or something to get the sticker off.
Unfortunately for Ironhide, he found Ratchet in a similar situation. When the weapons specialist walked in, he found Ratchet in front of a mirror, furiously cursing and scrubbing at his rear bumper. There were several different bottles of what seemed to be different solvents on the table in front of him but, from the tone of his constant stream of vulgarity, none of them seemed to be working.
As irritated as Ironhide was at the moment, he couldn't help but snicker once he saw the bumper sticker decorating the medic's arm, depicting a recent popular horror film. He couldn't help it, given ol' Hatchet's nature, the movie Saw was just slightly apropos. Unfortunately for Ironhide, his involuntary chuckle caught the attention of said Hatchet.
"By all means, laugh it up!" The medic snarled. "When I get my hands on those two slagheaps, I swear to Primus I'll reformat them both into toasters! I mean it this time!"
"Get in line." Ironhide muttered, motioning towards his own unwanted decoration. His sarcastic quip simply prompted another round of cursing before Ratchet turned and strode purposefully towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Ironhide dared to ask.
Ratchet responded without turning around. "To find the twins!" Ironhide just looked at the empty door for a moment before running after his friend.
Walking through the base, the two quickly realized that they were not the only victims of the twin's glitched sense of humour. Almost every mech was now decorated with some sort of bumper sticker, much to the amusement of the humans on base. Though, to be fair, even Ratchet had to laugh when they came across Wheeljack, newly adorned with 'Warning! Explosive!'.
Cybertronian reactions to the little joke seemed to vary from mech to mech. Optimus was less then pleased with his boldly printed 'El Presidente', complete with sombrero, while Perceptor just sat and stared at his in confusion ('Black holes are where God divided by zero'). Others, such as Jazz ('I see dead people') and Arcee ('Girls kick ass!') seemed to take it all in stride. In Arcee's case, she found herself rather proud of the little sticker and even decided she would like to keep it. She had almost been violent when Wheeljack suggested some methods of possible removal. No one, however, could understand why Prowl's sticker showed only an apple (though Mikeala, Sam, and Miles had all broken down into uncontrollable giggles upon seeing it, Bumblebee had decided not to ask).
It was unanimous in everyone's optics that the twins were responsible, there was no other explanation. That's why everyone was so shocked when Sunstreaker stormed into the rec room, looking like he wanted to break something.
"Where is he?" The yellow warrior growled.
Ratchet, whose mouth had just opened to begin yelling, quickly clanged shut, his anger dulled by his sudden confusion.
"Who?" Ironhide asked, looked just as perplexed.
"That fragging brother of mine!" Sunstreaker yelled. "When I get my hands on him…" He used this as a jumping off point for an impressive tirade, often switching between Cybertronian and English in his anger. It wasn't until they saw his rear bumper, now proudly declaring 'Aren't we just a ray of freaking sunshine!', that they understood his ire.
"His own brother?" Jazz asked in disbelief. "I thought you would've been in on this."
"And risk my paint?" Sunstreaker scoffed. "Not likely! I've already scratched my finish trying to get this stupid thing off. I'm going to kill him, when I catch the little slagger…"
"You'll have to wait." Ratchet told him firmly. "'Hide and I have first dibs."
It took the majority of that day to dissolve whatever glue sideswipe had used on the stickers and another two before they finally found the red twin hiding out at Mikeala's house.
Both Prowl and Ratchet had roared up to the dwelling, sirens blazing, while Ironhide and Sunstreaker had followed behind. Realizing that he had been discovered, Sideswipe had made a valiant effort to run for it, only to be cut off by Optimus at the end of the street. Finally admitting defeat, the red warrior simply followed his superiors back to base without saying a word. He didn't even transform once they had arrived, simply sitting back on his shocks and waiting for the fireworks.
Ratchet, on the other hand, had transformed the moment it was safe to do so, mouth open and fully ready to start them off. He stopped, unexpectedly however, with a sound strangely like a stalled engine.
"What?" Sideswipe demanded from his position on the floor, not really sure what to make of the look the senior Autobots were giving him.
"Sideswipe," Ratchet said slowly, as if he couldn't believe his optics. "What is on your bumper?"
Finally transforming out of alt mode, Sideswipe looked down to where Happy Bunny grinned ('Your anger makes me happy!'). He offered a sheepish shrug to the incredulous looks.
"What?" He asked again. "I liked it."
A/N: Ok, how was it? Good? Bad? Tell me what you think.