A/N: This is a product of two seriously crazy people who are just a tad too much obsessed with Grey's…. Hope you have fun knowing what me and my friend think of the last Grey's episode and the whole series in general….we're sorry in advance for scaring and scarring you for life.
A/N 2: I am finishing up the next chapter for Guy Hugs! Yay me! Blame boring English class!
Brooke and Hailey stood in the Attendings' Locker room awaiting an explosion…metaphorically speaking, of course. "I hope you're not losing your voice, Hail," Brooke said. "Cause we're going to be doing a lot of screaming!"
"Can we start with Rose?" Hailey asked with an evil smirk.
"Why do I get the feeling she's gonna book herself like Addie?" Brooke asked warily.
"I don't know…" Hailey replied innocently. They both grinned. "So………..McScrubWhore and MerDer?" Brooke nodded.
"You know Rose booking herself would just be an accident, right?" Hailey grinned with an evil twinkle in her eye.
"Right…." Brooke said sarcastically and rolled her eyes. "Remind me not to get on your bad side."
"Hey! There's Mer! OMG! OMG! OMG! It's really her!" Hailey exclaimed, jumping up and down.
Brooke looked at Hailey in amusement. "If that's your reaction to seeing Mer, I don't even want to know what you'll do when you see McDreamy!"
Hailey stopped jumping. "Ooooh, McDreamy…..wait, he's being McAss right now! I mean, seriously! He wants to freaking marry her but then he goes and kisses McScrubWhore! Seriously?!?!" Brooke nodded in agreement.
"Speak of the McBastard…." Brooke stared at Derek and made a face. She turned to Hailey and opened her mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. "You're seriously drooling over McAss?"
"He's hot! So sue me!" Hailey went back to staring at Derek. She then made a face. "Ew, McScrubWhore is here!"
Brooke smiled. "Let the games begin!"
"Oooh games!" Hailey giggled. She linked arms with Brooke and began to skip, dragging Brooke along.
Hailey stopped in front of Derek in awe. "May I help you?" He asked her.
"Oh you can do more then-"
"Yes you may!" Brooke interrupted Hailey. "First you can start by telling McScrubWhore to leave you the hell alone!" Brooke stated and stared at Rose with an evil twinkle in her eyes.
"What did this child just call me?" Rose (McScrubWhore) gasped.
"Oh no she didn't!" Hailey and Brooke exclaimed simultaneously.
"What the hell did McScrubWhore call me? A child?" Brooke glared. "Bitch is going down!"
Hailey giggled. "Ooooooh, you're in trouble!" She giggled again. "Serves ya right, McScrubWhore!"
"I hope you know that the only reason Der asked you out was because he and Meredith just broke up and you're just the rebound!" Brooke took a deep breath. "You really think he's that into you? Puh-lease! He could care less about you! You could be lying on the ground bleeding and professing your undying love for him and you know what he would do? Leave you there to bleed to death!" Brooke scrunched up her face. "If you're lucky he might send Cristina to save you. But there would have to be a lot of blood for her to come save you. And the only reason she would save you is so she can do a surgery, and then kick your ass later!"
Hailey laughed. "What now, bitch?" Brooke and Hailey high-fived.
Meredith turned to Derek. "You asked her out right after we broke up?" she asked in a small voice.
"Oh shit…." Brooke and Hailey said in unison.
"Way to go!" Hailey screamed at Brooke. "Meredith, I totally understand the broken, dark and twisty thing you have going. Don't be mad at Derek….okay, be mad at Derek. But you love him! Don't let him get away this time. Look at him!" Hailey commanded.
She and Meredith both glanced over at Derek. "He's pathetic without you. You guys are meant for each other. You two are my inspiration! You, Meredith, are why I believe in soul mates. And no, I don't mean that in a psycho-fan way or a lesbian way. If someone who was as broken as you were, no offense could be fixed by a man, then I believe that there is someone out there who can fix me too." Hailey began to sniffle and a soft sob escaped her mouth. Brooke put her arms around her twin. "Just please, please….don't let me down."
"Look what you did McAss!" Brooke glared at Derek.
"I didn't do anything!" Derek said.
Brooke rolled her eyes. "You broke her. You broke her! First you didn't tell her you were married! She had to find out from Addison! Do you know how much you hurt her? And you had a chance to fix everything, but nnnnnoooooooo! You decided to stay with Addie even thought you freaking told her you were in love with Mer! I mean, seriously! And even when Meredith started to move on, even though it was killing her, you accused her of sleeping with McVet! Granted, he was creepy, you had no right to make that assumption. And you slept with her and prom because you kept looking at her and she couldn't breathe with you looking at her! Now that I totally understand, cuz hey, if I were her, I wouldn't be able to breathe either."
Hailey looked at Brooke. "Are you doing the whole series?"
"Uhmmm, no. You can do three and four….like when McAss over here said he didn't want to breathe for her anymore."
Hailey glared at Derek through her tears. "I forgot about that."
Brooke grinned evilly. "Oopsies!"
Hailey's face scrunched up and she took in a deep breath. "How in the world could you tell the person you love, LOVE, that you didn't want to breathe for her anymore?!?!? SERIOUSLY! And now, after she wants to move on with you and wants to take the steps, you have to be a McAss! You have to ask this nobody out over here!" Hailey points at Rose. "So don't ever say you didn't do anything! You did everything!"
"Why is everything my fault? Why is non of it hers?" Der yelled.
"Because you're freaking McAss! And she did nothing wrong!" Brooke yelled back.
Rose stepped in between Der and Brooke. "Are you guys seriously fighting about a relationship that doesn't even exist anymore?"
Hailey and Brooke stared at Rose in shock. "Hell yeah! And it does still exist! Before he asked you out, he told Meredith he wanted to build them a house, he said he wants to marry her and have kids with her! So yeah, it still exists!" Brooke screamed.
"You just got served!" Hailey giggled.
"Book her, Hail!"
"Not yet,…I want a piece of her first!" Hailey grinned. "Look you little whore bag, you are a nothing! A fucking nobody! Derek doesn't love you, HA, he could care the fuck less about you! So don't even think for one minute that you are in a relationship with him! Do you understand? No! Of course you don't because you have no fucking clue what the hell is going on! That kiss meant nothing to Derek, absolutely nothing! You are absolutely nothing! Derek is just being McAss right now!" Hailey glances over towards Derek and shoots him a death look.
She pulls her book out of her pocket and faces back to Rose. "So you can pick up your jaw from the ground and take your snotty, worthless ass back into someone else's life. Oh, and don't forget to take this with you. You know what, I'll help you pack!" Hailey grabbed Rose's arm and dragged her down the hallway. Seconds later a stifled scream was heard. Derek and Meredith turned to run after the scream. Brooke caught a hold of both of their arms.
"It's better if you don't go back there." Brooke warned. A minute later Hailey appeared from the hallway with an evil grin smeared across her face.
"Where's Rose?" Derek asked.
"Oh, McScrubWhore, she told me to say goodbye for her. That she never meant to do any harm. Se went peacefully and quickly." Hailey explained. Her and Brooke both snickered.
"Now, more important things." Brooke grinned and kept giggling.
"What's so funny?" Meredith asked.
"Nothing. I'm just expecting a half-naked Mark to pop out!"
Hailey started laughing. "Ooooh, McSteamy!"
Derek looked at the girls. He then turned to Meredith. "What are they talking about?" Meredith shrugged.
Brooke quickly sobered up. "I knew I shouldn't have told you about Addie!"
"You had to tell me about Addison so I would understand the whole 'Remembering-their-last-kiss-in-perfect-detail-while-giving-her-the-McDreamy-look'. Remember?"
"Oh yeah. That's just so –sigh- romantic…..It was a Thursday morning. You were wearing that ratty little Dartmouth t-shirt you look so good in. The one with the hole in the back of the neck." Brooke began quoting.
"You'd just washed your hair and you smelled like some kind of flower. I was running late for surgery. You said you were gonna see me later and you leaned to me, you put your hand on my chest and you kissed me." Hailey took over. Both girls looked at each other and finished the quote in unison.
"That's slightly creepy…" Meredith whispered to Derek.
"And stalker-ish." Derek replied.
The two girls looked at MerDer. "Awww, they're talking!" Hailey whispered.
"I know!" Brooke said. "Forgive me for breaking this up." She said to Hailey. "Yo! MERDER!" They turned to look at Brooke. "M'kay, here's what's happening. We," she said motioning to herself and Hailey. "are going to help you work through all the issues you have cuz we want you to be happy. We know you both love each other. But you guys have some trust issues that let you hurt each other too much. Which is why we need to work through them cuz if we don't, then we will have lost our hope for the happy ending we know you guys deserve."
"We'll start with McAss over here." Hailey pointes to Derek.
"Would you stop calling me McAss!" Derek pleaded and gave Hailey the "look". "Please Hailey?" sighed Derek.
"Okay." Hailey sighed and turned to Brooke with love in her eyes. "He gave me the look AND said my name!"
"Oh…..No! You are not getting out of this one by giving the McDreamy look!" Brooke yelled at Derek. She sat Hailey down and stepped back towards Derek and Meredith. Hailey was still dazed and mumbling something about Australian men. Brooke giggled at her twin. "Anyway, back to you two."
"Yes, where should we start, Derek?" Meredith grinned.
Derek sat down and pulled Meredith down with him. "You really want to talk this over, then fine. We'll talk it over, but I'm not doing it with two kids in the room ready to criticize me for all that I've done."
Brooke and Hailey looked at Der. "Hey!" They yelled in unison.
"And besides," Brooke said while pulling two papers out of her bag. "We're certified psychologists." She gave the papers to Derek.
Hailey pulled Brooke to her. "What the hell are those?!?!"
"Our PhD's!" Brooke whispered conspiratorially. Hailey grinned.
"Rockstar!" Brooke imitated Izzie.
Der looked at the two girls. "Fine, you can stay, but stop calling me McAss."
"Okay McSucksSoMuchHeDoesn'tDeserveAMcNickname!" Hailey said. Brooke and Mer giggled while Derek sighed.
"McAss is better." Derek sighed in defeat.
"What I thought!" Hailey smirked.
"Now, let's begin. The doctor's are in." Brooke announced. She pulled two chairs up for her and Hailey. Hailey pulled out a notebook and pen and place it in her lap.
:You're going to take notes on this?" Meredith asked.
"Actually, I was going to ask you guys for your autographs." Hailey spoke softly as she blushed. Meredith nodded and took the book and signed her name then handed it to Derek who signed his name beneath Meredith's. Hailey took the book and held it against her chest and left out a dramatic sigh. Brooke rolled her eyes.
"Anyways, let us start from the beginning. Actually let us start from where Addison…" Brooke began.
"The bitch," Hailey interrupted. She giggled.
"From where Addison interrupted your peaceful relationship." Brooke finished.
Hailey turned to Brooke and pointed. "Addison!"
Brooke rolled her eyes. "Just because I'm a redhead doesn't mean I'm Addison." She shook her head. "Anyway, where to begin…"
"He lied to her." Hailey said.
"McDreamy was McMarried!" Hailey said with a glare.
"Right. Derek, why didn't you tell Meredith about Addison?"
"I didn't want to ruin what we had. At first I thought we were just a one-night stand, but then I kept seeing her everywhere. I wanted to be with her, I wanted to wake up with her and go to sleep with her in my arms. Meredith was my breath of fresh air, she saved me from drowning. When Addison and I split, I felt dead and empty, but then I moved here and met Mer," Der looked over to Meredith. "She made me feel alive again."
Brooke leaned over to Hailey and whispered. "He's pulling me back in…"
Hailey grabbed Brooke's shoulders and shook her violently and screamed, "SNAP OUT OF IT!"
"Brain damage!" Derek jumped up.
Hailey stopped shaking her twin and went to where Derek was and sat him back down in his chair. She put her hand on his had and whispered, "Don't worry your pretty little head." And continued to stroke his hair.
"What are you doing?" Derek asked.
"Nothing!" Hailey replied quickly and snapped back into sad reality. She walked back over to her twin and whispered "It touched Derek's hair!" as she held her hand to her chest.
Brooke smiled. "I wanna do that." She whispered. "How did it feel?"
Hailey went into a daze. "Soft and silky…."
Derek snapped his fingers. Both girls looked at Derek. "It's just hair."
"But it's something to hold onto during sex…." Meredith mumbled. Hailey and Brooke giggled.
Derek sighed. "Women."
Brooke and Hailey stopped laughing. "Derbear, I've got a question for you." Hailey said.
"Derbear? Seriously?" Brooke asked her twin. Hailey shrugged.
"What did you need to ask me?" Derek asked Hailey.
"If you're still in love with Meredith, why aren't you fighting for her? Why are you letting her leave"
Derek sat and stared back at Brooke. A silence passed over the room. Finally he spoke. "I…I don't know." He turned to Meredith and took her tiny ineffectual fists in his. "I'm sorry for being…well for being McAss. I am I love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you, I want to have kids with you. I am so unbelievably in love with you. And I'm sorry." Derek wrapped Meredith in a hug.
"Awwwwwwwwwww!" exclaimed Brooke and Hailey at the same time.
:Oh…my hotness!" Hailey gasped. Mark had stepped into the locker room from the bathroom. A towel was wrapped around his waist and steam was surrounding his perfect form.
Brooke giggled. "A little late but it still counts."
Hailey cocked her head to the side. "Why is Mark in a towel….dripping…..wet?"
"Who cares? McSteamy is looking damn McSexy in all his drippy glory!" Brooke said.
"There's a party in the locker room and I wasn't invited?" Mark asked.
"You can be invited to my party…" Brooke giggled. Hailey began laughing.
Mark turned to MerDer. "What's up with them?"
"Heart-felt confessions." Brooke replied.
Mark rolled his eyes. "I swear he's a woman…"
"I know I'm a woman!" Hailey stated seductively, touching Mark's wet, steamy arm.
"HAILEY! Down girl!" Brooke yelled at her twin and pulled Hailey away from the irresistible hunk-of-a-dream.
"But, but he's so……McSteamy!" Hailey muttered. As she was shoved down into a chair once again.
"Trust me, I know!" Brooke said with a twinkle in her eyes. Both girls giggled. Static filled the room. The girls turned to see Mark messing with a radio.
"I need music while I get dressed." Mark replied. The girls giggled again. "Could you guys go back to your McCouple so I can get changed?"
"Aw, but you need a check-up!" Hailey said.
Mark rolled his eyes. "Turn around you little pervs!"
Both girls sighed and turned around. Hailey spotted Cristina out the door and squeed. "Crissy!"
Cristina turned around to see Hailey flying towards her. She was too late for turning around because Hailey already had her in a death grip.
"Hi! I'm you! You are like sooooo cool! And I know you are hating me right now for this hug, but I'm here to help. My name is Hailey," Hailey sputtered out at top speed.
Brooke pulled Hailey off Cristina and sighed. "You really need to stop attacking people."
"What the hell does she mean 'she's me'?"
"I'm a really, really big fan of you!" Hailey continued and pulled out the notebook again. "Can you please, please, puh-lease sign this?" she begged.
"Uh, do I look like I want to sign it?" Cristina shot out.
"I'll give you another hug…."Hailey threatened.
"Fine, fine. Just give it here." Cristina sighed. She signed it and handed it back to Hailey.
"Thank you!" Hailey squeed.
"Weird psycho…" Cristina muttered. "You're creepier than McVet!"
Hailey stopped smiling. "HEY! I am NOT that creepy! McVet totally sucked ass!" Brooke nodded in agreement.
Cristina rolled her eyes, then her mouth dropped open. "Holy crap! McSteamy's naked!" The girls turned to the locker room.
"Ooooh! I totally understand why Izzie wanted to call him McYummy!" Brooke said with a really very big grin.
Hailey was speechless as drool formed in her mouth. "Do you three mind?!?" Mark yelled from the locker room.
"Not at all." The three of them said in unison. Although all three of them reluctantly turned around.
"Damn!" Cristina said.
Brooke turned to her. "Are you sexually frustrated?" Hailey giggled.
Cristina glared at them. "Screw you guys!" She turned back to the locker room and marched towards Mark.
"Yang, what the hell are you doing?"
"Shut up!" Cristina yelled before pushing him up against the lockers and kissing him.
"Holy crap!" Hailey and Brooke said.
"My turn!" Hailey yelled, running towards Mark.
"Aren't you a little young?" Mark asked.
"Nope!" Hailey pulled you her license proving she was nineteen. She giggled.
"Okay." Mark sighed. Hailey jumped and giggled as Mark wrapped his arms around her. Then she was in a lip lock with McSteamy.
"Damn," Hailey sighed as he pulled away.
Brooke giggled. "Me too!" She ran up to him and jumped into his arms, doing a damn good impression of Noah and Allie from The Notebook. "Whoa baby!" Brooke exclaimed with a dreamy smile after the kiss ended.
"Well that was interesting." Mark said smiling.
Hailey and Brooke giggled. "Back off bitches, he's mine!" Cristina glared. She pulled Mark by his towel to the showers.
"I think we know how Liana and Leah Sloan were conceived!" Hailey said. Brook nodded her head in agreement. They turned back to MerDer. "Awww, they're so cute."
Derek and Meredith were holding each other close and speaking softly. Brooke turned to Hailey. "Who are we yelling at next?"
"Hmmmm…." Hailey pondered. "Oh! I know! George and Izzie!"
"Ah, yes." Brooke agreed. Both girls wondered down the hallway in search of the couple.
"Maybe they aren't here." Hailey suggested. "Maybe they're at home. Oh! We get to go to Meredith's house!" Hailey squeed and jumped excitedly.
They left the hospital in Hailey's red Yarus and drove to Meredith's house.
If you're still reading this, well, I'm sorry for lowering your IQ, but hey, you lowered it with friends!
Chapter two is in the process of being written!
Hailey and Brooke