Series: Suum Fabula Carmen, second installment
A/N: If you haven't read the first installment of this series, you won't understand this one. It can be found on my profile, titled 'Lux lucis Meus Candela'. Like the first one, if you want to keep updated on the progress of this series, Author Alert, don't Story Alert, since the stories will all be separate. This series also has a corresponding Playlist on my Youtube page. Go to my profile for more information.
Additional Information: This series is post-war Snarry, and should mostly be angsty and dark with a little bit of humor. It is AU as of OotP, so Sirius is alive. It is unlikely that I will incorporate anything from the last three books. No horcruxes, no Hallows. Something IMPORTANT you should know is that all of the stories contain lines and inspiration from my favorite musicals. (They will be tweaked to my taste though.) Occasionally the lines/inspiration will come from a song that is by an artist, not from a musical. Today's inspiration is 'Another Day' from the Broadway musical RENT.
Warnings: Slash, strong language (though not quite strong enough to warrant an M rating), mentions of drug abuse, a brief bout of alcohol abuse (i.e. Sevvie-baby drinks himself into a stupor.), merciless cruelty on the part of the Authoress. -Evil cackle-
Severus Snape stared down at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey that he swore had been full just a few moments ago. He also swore that just a few moments ago he had been burning with a million different emotions. Now, it seemed as if his emotions were detached and slurred together, like an over-hydrated watercolor painting. He needed to sort himself out.
Lurching from his spot on the couch, he threw out his arms to steady himself as the room spun. Huh. It appeared that he was rather inebriated. He staggered over to the small kitchenette in the corner of his apartment, pulling down the ingredients for a simple sobering potion. He thanked whatever forces governed the universe that magic wasn't required for basic potions like this one.
His brief gratitude was short-lived however, because the moment he consumed the potion, his mind was clear. And, once clear, it automatically focused on the reason he had gotten smashed in the first place; Harry James Potter.
For the past three years he had been mourning his dead lover, only to find out that said lover was alive and well. The man had sauntered into his home and tried (almost successfully) to seduce him. Severus felt like he had been slapped in the face. The sweet, strong, ever-positive young man that had captured Severus' heart was long-gone. In his place was a leather-clad, heroine-addicted, self-destructive dancer. And damn-all if this new Harry wasn't sexy as hell.
Still, Severus much preferred the old Harry. He didn't know how to deal with all this. He didn't know how Harry had survived, he didn't know how Harry had found him, he didn't know why Harry had changed, and he was confused as hell. He didn't like being confused. So what did he do? He got rid of the source of his confusion.
The source of his confusion being one Harry James Potter.
He buried his head in his hands, running over his encounter with Harry in his head. As he mentally watched himself toss Harry out the door bodily, the ever-present ache in his chest spiked painfully. How had they gotten to this place? Harry was supposed to defeat Voldemort, Severus at his side. After the Wizarding World, overcome with gratitude, had given their blessings, Severus had been planning to propose, despite the fact that Harry was only at the end of his sixth year, and that he and Harry had only been together for a little under a year. He had even bought a ring. Plain but elegant, it now glimmered from Severus' own finger, serving as a constant reminder of what could have- should have- been. Stupid Gryffindor idealism. He should have known better.
Overcome with pain and regret, he didn't notice that anyone had entered his apartment until a pair of small, warm hands lifted his head. He barely registered tear-glazed green eyes gazing into his own black ones before a pair of familiar lips touched his. For an instant, Severus was thrown back in time, and he was kissing Harry desperately before they dove into battle. Hot tears that were not his splashed on his cheeks and some unseen force drove him to clutch the man in front of him desperately. They only had a few moments…
The next instant, he was acutely aware of what was going on.
"Who the HELL do you think you are?!"
Severus shoved Harry away, glaring at the other man angrily. Harry opened his mouth, but Severus cut him off.
"How dare you! Barging in here, thinking that you can just waltz in like that, as if nothing happened! As if you don't know that I'm confused as hell! You think we can pick up where we left off?"
Harry said nothing, but the look on his face was enough for Severus to get his answer. He sneered.
"You stupid little boy."
The look of shocked pain that crossed Harry's face was almost enough to make Severus give in, take it back, cross the room and never let Harry go, but his confusion and anger kept him glaring at the man in front of him. Each moment those green-eyes stared at him in shock was a twist of the knife in Severus' heart. He could hardly stand it. He tore himself from that accusing stare, crossing the room in long strides. He kept his gaze away from Harry as he spoke.
"The door is that way. Leave." He could practically feel the tears that Harry was fighting back. Severus opened the door; his back turned away from Harry, and sagged against the doorframe. If only- No! He could not get involved again! He spun around and stalked toward the green-eyed beauty still standing in the center of his living room.
"The fire's out! Take your- your drugs and your candle, and your eyes and your smile! Just leave! I can't handle this!"
His voice was bordering on hysterical, even to his own ears. Harry opened his mouth again, but Severus felt that if he heard that voice again, he'd crumble.
"No! Another time, another place! We'd start over; have a fairytale reunion, a long embrace. All would be solved, but not now! Looking for romance? Come back another day!"
He turned away from Harry, collapsing on the couch and burying his head in his hands. Silence stretched for so long that he thought that Harry had left. But no- a sweet voice, different from that of the sexy stranger from earlier, permeated the air. He looked up to find that there, clad in the garments of the dancer, was his Harry. For who else could it be, leveling such an intense gaze at Severus with those expressive green eyes?
"The heart may freeze, or it can burn."
Harry walked forward tentatively until he was directly in front of Severus. He knelt and gently placed his hand over Severus' heart. Severus closed his eyes, refusing to acknowledge the sudden sting of tears. He took a shaky breath, and waited for Harry's next words.
"Let me in Severus, and the pain will ease. There's nothing behind us, nothing to worry about. No future, no past. Just us, and this, and the moment. I live this moment as my last Severus; forget your regrets, or you'll miss out on life. On me. Don't tell me, 'Another day'. There's no day but today."
The anger that had deserted Severus flooded back, bringing with it his willpower. He stood up abruptly, causing Harry to scramble backwards.
"Excuse me if I'm off track! What do you know? If you're so wise, why do you need smack?"
He hoisted Harry up by his arm, then propelled him towards the door.
"Take your needle and your fancy prayer and GET OUT!"
Harry stood in the dingy hallway, staring at Severus again. He was obviously confused. Severus gripped both sides of the doorway, holding himself up, trying to withstand the excruciating pain.
"A long time ago you lit up my heart, but the fire's long since dead, and it's never gonna start."
He caught a glimpse of tears in those green eyes once more, before Harry spun on his heel and began to descend the stairs. Severus moved to the stair rail, watching Harry as he left. The accusation, hurt, and betrayal in the eyes of the man he loved- no! The man he had once loved, was too much to bear, and he found himself calling some parting words to the retreating figure.
"Another time, another place. The words of the song we sing would rhyme again. But we're on two different melodies now, and you can't fix that! Want to prove me wrong? Come back another day!"
Severus strode back out into his apartment and out into the bitter cold of the balcony. He needed to clear his head. He was surprised when he heard words float up to him. Glancing down, he spotted Harry standing on the street, arms wrapped tightly around himself, shivering and gazing up at Severus. Even from up here, Severus could see the vivid green of his eyes.
"There's only us! Only tonight! Let it go Severus! You can't see if you hold on to what happened in the past! You know that what we had -what we have- is right! I know you do. There's no better path for us to travel! No other course or way! No day but today!"
Severus forced himself to control his temper. How could Harry spout this stuff! There were too many unanswered question, too much confusion, too much pain.
"I can't control my destiny Severus, but I know that you are a part of it! I trust my soul, and it's telling me that we are here, together, for a reason! My only goal right now is just to live. To be happy. You are a part of that!"
Destiny! How could he talk destiny? There was no such thing! Some might have said that Harry had been 'destined' to face the Dark Lord, 'destined' for power, but that was all just luck of the draw! And if there was a destiny, and Severus was part of Harry's, then he should have shown up sooner. Not left Severus in three fucking years of pain. No one with a soul would have subjected him to that.
"Forget it all Severus! There's only now, only here! Give in to love! I know you still feel for me. Don't live in fear of what will happen. There's no day but today!"
No day but today! No day but today?! Harry was sadly mistaken. There was a whole life ahead of them, and Severus would rather live it alone than be torn apart again.
He barely cared about explanations, come to think of it. All he wanted was the pain to stop. Just… Stop.
He turned away from the railing and walked back into the apartment. He sank onto the couch and buried his head in hands as many floors below, a man sat on a sidewalk and cried.
A/N: Now, see, I can't figure out if reading 'Johnny the Homicidal Maniac' comic books is good or bad. On one hand, it wakes up my Muses. On the other, it encourages them to be absolute bitches to my characters. -Shrugs-
Anyway, that was the second installment. I already know what's going to happen in the third and fourth, and have a vague idea for the fifth. This one isn't as large as the last one, and I apologize to those who where expecting something bigger. Usually when I write, what I write only barely exceeds1000 words, and that's only on the WIP. To me, this is big. Especially for a one-shot. (Granted, it's a one-shot in a series…)
Anywho, I know I left quite a few questions unanswered, but I'll get to those. Any holes or 'WTF's' are supposed to be there.
Remember, Author Alert, don't Story Alert, and review please!