My knees hit the wood,
My heart hits the floor.
The pain rears high,
swallowing me;
the only thing left that's whole.

I'm sitting in my bed.
Just staring.
Staring is all I can do.
I can't think, can't do it,
because all of my thoughts lead back to:
a time; a love;
that's not so long gone,
because it was never really there.

My room is dark, the house is silent.
My heart no longer beats,
and if I was aware enough to notice,
it might even be unnerving.
You know I've never felt so numb.
Always been a bit detached,
but this...I'm fading.

"Wake up..."
they ask me.
The doctor;
my father;
my mother;
my friends.
"Wake up Bella...
Come back.
We miss you."

There was story once,
a few maybe,
about mermaids; sirens.
They call out to you,
they call to bring you under,
never to return.
I'd rather follow those voices,
because waking up...would be even scarier.

I can be happy drowning.'s easier like this.
Becoming nothing at last;
I'm already on the edge of it anyway.

It kind of makes me want to laugh,
But mostly it just makes me cry.
There's no danger left anymore;
but I'm closer to dead than I have ever been before.
The hole is wide open,
and I can never be right again.

So I'm throwing away all the music,
and God forbid the TV is on.
Because though everything reminds me of you anyway,
I'm going to try this hopeless case.

And I've lost everything, you know;
the one thing I have ever held dear,
which is the one thing I never really had...
It's okay, you can laugh.
I suppose it is pretty funny.

Just like this:

"I love you.
I miss you.
And I can't think about you.

But I'll never forget.

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

They say that time heals all wounds, but all it's done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you."
- Ezbeth Wilder