First poem ever posted. It's really bad but I need to know what I need to work on. I'm into poetry these days so yeah. I'd love your opnion. And yeah, this is a little sketchy but I wasn't fully intending for it to be related to Bella and Edward


Does no one care?

As the blood seeps out, no one comes
Her screams are in vain, no one hears
A girl lies in her deathbed, no one sees

Does no one care?

Shudders run through her, no one helps
Her back arches in pain, no one comforts
Her throat grows raw from yelling, no one bothers

Does no one care?

Fire enters her veins, no one can extinguish
Ice chills her body, no one gives her warmth
Images blur, no one knows

Does no one care?

Death creeps up on her, no one stops it
It startles her, no one warns her
She's been beaten into submission, no one spares a glance

Does no one care?

Her angels dooms her to this life, no one notices
Her heart dooms her to love, no one sees through
Her soul dooms her's to his, no one's sad

Except for him, he cares and his heart's breaking
Because no matter what, he can only look from afar


Wow, I know it must suck somewhat but I need some pointers. Thanks.