Terra was back. She hadn't been welcomed with open arms, except for Beast Boy, but she had been welcomed back into the team. She and Beast Boy had continued where they had left off.
Raven had to suppress her feelings. She didn't like Terra, but she had forgiven her. She couldn't afford hating her. Hat was too strong a feeling. Too close to what her father would want her to feel.
So Raven forgave, and tried to forget. But she still woke up with screams. Having nightmares of being drowned in mud. She could still feel mud down her trout, in her nose, covering her eyes. Still feel the aching heart of betrayal.
She tried to forget, but couldn't. So she kept her distance. She didn't trust Terra, and probably never would. Raven didn't have a problem with that. As long as she didn't hate her she was fine.
Raven was meditating on the roof. It was dawn, and nobody, except her, was up. She liked it like that. Being alone, yet knowing her friends were only a few feet away.
"Hi Raven. Busy?"
Raven opened one of her eyes, and looked at Beast Boy. She sighed, but landed gracefully and turned to the boy.
He was looking past her. Either to shy or to shameful of what he was about to ask her.
"I was just wandering. What do you feel about Terra?"
He looked into her eyes, and it took all her control not to let her heart jump a beat.
"What do you feel about Terra?"
"Why do you care about my feelings for her?"
He looked away again.
"I'm going to ask her to marry me."
Thou she tried very hard not to, her right eyebrow still rose.
"And you want my permission or…?"
"Just tell me what you feel about Terra Rae."
Raven's eyebrow sank. He was eighteen. He could do whatever he wanted to do with his girlfriend. He was her friend, she should be happy for him. And yet, she really felt like crying. She hadn't felt like crying since Malchior betrayed her.
"I don't hate her."
"You don't hate her? That is how you feel about her Rae? Thanks."
"Don't be mad at me, you where the one who ask me. And besides, if you love her my opinion shouldn't matter."
He was angry. She didn't need to be empathic to understand that. And this just made her mad. He had no right to be angry with her.
"If that was all?"
And before he could say another word, she phased through the ceiling and back to her room. She closed her eyes, burying the anger he had stirred inside her. Beast Boy never buried his emotions, but faced them head on. He had that privilege. So when just minutes later Raven heard a knocking on the door she knew who it was.
She walked over to the door, and looked at the boy with her hard-earned deadpan face.
"What did you mean with you don't hate her?"
Beast Boy walked in to her room, and Raven felt her irritation fluster in her, before her strong will killed it.
"I don't hate her. I don't hate her. What kind of response is that? Why not just come out and say I don't like her."
Raven didn't look at the man just walked over to a chair and sat down. Picking up the book she was currently reading.
"Okay. I don't like her."
Beast Boy grabbed her book right out of her hands.
She looked directly at him, and to her satisfaction, he took a step back. She took her book back.
"Why don't you like her?"
"You really want to go down that road?"
It was a rhetorical question. Beast Boy didn't understand rhetorical.
Raven sighed and closed the book. Looking up at him.
"If I tell you, will you leave me alone?"
"I don't trust her. Now, go propose to your girlfriend and leave me alone."
He looked shocked.
Finally she physically pushed him towards the door. When he was almost out the door he seemed to wake up, and he stopped. Grabbing both her hands with his. Her anger grew, and glowed in her eyes, as well as throwing her books on the floor. He didn't seem to care.
"You don't think she has earned your trust?"
"By doing what? She betrayed us. Betrayed you. I'm empathic. I could feel how much she hurt you. Every time she hurt you."
"So. I forgave her."
Raven looked away.
"Pain caused on the people we care about, are often harder to forgive than pain given to us."
Beast Boy was so confused, and she could feel it very clearly. She wanted to help, but didn't know how.
"So all this time, you have been working next to someone you don't trust."
"I have been doing my job. Now please leave."
She was growing tired with having to suppress so many emotions, and really needed to meditate.
"You said you would leave."
Her voice was drenched with her growing desperation.
"One more question."
"Why? Why haven't you said anything? Why have you forced yourself to work, to live, with her if you hate her?"
Raven looked into his eyes, and the biggest emotion she was suppressing was almost impossible to keep control over.
"I don't hate her."
"She makesyou happy."
He wrapped his arms protecting around her, catching her of guard.
"So do you, and you are much more important to me than her. Always been."
She covered him in black energy and forcefully teleported him to the hall outside his own room. When he was gone, she fell to her knees and couldn't help the few tears running down her face.
Beast Boy looked at the closed door. He knew what was waiting on the other side. That was a done deal. He looked down the hall. Towards the room he had been forcefully been removed from.
It took him exactly 9,5 seconds to once again stand outside her door. He knocked, and though he didn't get a response, he still knew she was there. He could sense her.
"Did you ever consider, that the reason I gave my heart so freely to her, was because I didn't believe you would want it?"
Raven closed her eyes, and on the other side of the door sank down to the floor.
"What would make you think I didn't want it?"
Beast Boy could feel her on the other side, and sat down on the floor as well.
"Sometimes people do things because they have to do them, and not because it's what they want. You must have known Beast Boy. I don't want you to be alone just because I'm forced to."
"You're not alone. You're never alone."
"But I can't be together with you."
Beast Boy felt like crying.
"My heart is yours. Truly, wholly and deeply. My heart will always be yours, and yours alone."
"Go propose Beast Boy. I don't want this for you. Go propose."
Beast Boy rose, and left. Raven couldn't stop the tears running down her face. Her room utterly destroyed.
"Thank you Beast Boy. You will never know how much that meant for me. How much you have meant for me. But I'm a demon's daughter and love, like all feelings, is a luxury I'm not allowed to have. Therefore I need you to feel for the both of us, and one day in a place with no time and space maybe you can teach me to feel like you feel."