Author's Note 1: This a Stargate: Atlantis crossover fic. It was written for Freelance, because she gave me the crossover prompt Ziva and Rodney. "I can kill you."
Author's Note 2: Author's Note: I realize that the two universes could never possibly coincide like this in canon because nobody from Atlantis made it back to Earth until after "Siege 3", so please just either ignore that fact, or call it an AU.
Rodney watched nervously as the silver-haired agent interrogated his teammate. Sheppard was talking to their director, also named Shepard, and Teyla had stayed back on Atlantis; that left him here in this dark little room with two other agents, a man and a woman.
When the man -- Tommy? -- crunched loudly on another potato chip, the woman whirled around. "Will you stop that? I am trying to listen!" she hissed.
The boyish agent reached slowly into the bag and retrieved another chip. He brought it to his mouth and crunched it very deliberately.
The woman scowled and took a step forward, snatching the bag out of the man's hand and then hurling it into the trashcan.
"You owe me seventy-five cents for those, Ziva," he pouted.
Rodney smirked with amusement, then returned his attention to where Ford sat in the interrogation room. "This is a waste of time," he sighed.
"I agree," Ziva said. "Gibbs usually does not waste this much time playing nice with a suspect."
"'Suspect'?" Rodney repeated and rolled his eyes. "Oh, please, if Ford's guilty, I'm guilty."
Ziva turned and looked at him, sizing him up. "Are you suggesting that you are his accomplice?"
"What?" He realized that she was being completely serious. "No… I just meant that-- Never mind."
She gave him a last suspicious glance, then turned back to the window.
Rodney, however, did not return his attention to the interrogation. He was still looking at Ziva. He'd always disliked the term "checking someone out", but that was exactly what he was doing. She wasn't the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, but there was something foreign -- exotic? -- and mysterious about her that captivated his attention. She was wearing her beautiful, long hair down, and had picked out a most attractive outfit that morning. Her knee-length skirt showed off her curves as well as her shapely legs.
Apparently he'd been a little too obvious in his staring, because Ziva frowned and said, "I do not appreciate your googling, Dr. McKay."
"Ogling, Ziva," her colleague corrected as Rodney quickly jerked his attention back to Ford.
"Whatever," Ziva said, waving a hand absently at her coworker.
When Rodney felt her gaze on him, he mumbled a quick, "Sorry." She seemed to accept this and didn't say anything more. After a moment, he asked, "Are you single, Agent David?"
Ziva kept her gaze fixed on the two men in the other room. "My relationship status is none of your business."
Rodney frowned at being shot down so quickly, then looked to the other agent for support.
The man raised his hand and made a gesture of a plane flying for a moment then crashing suddenly, complete with sound effects.
Rodney turned back around, frustrated. When Ziva uncrossed her arms a moment later, Rodney couldn't help but cast a sidelong glance at her, admiring the new, unobstructed view of her bust. Her blouse was just low enough to show some cleavage. Trying his best to be subtle, Rodney shifted his weight from one foot to the other, going up on his toes a bit as he did so, trying to get a better look.
Ziva turned her head and gave him an icy stare. "I can kill you."
Rodney was a little startled, and glanced at the other man.
Agent Unhelpful nodded and whispered, "With her bare hands." He grinned eagerly, as if he wanted to see Ziva try.
Rodney looked down, defeated. When Ziva again turned to watch the interrogation, he did the same, crossing his arms and thinking to himself bitterly, 'Hmph. She'd have let Sheppard 'google' her…"
Only seconds later, the aforementioned pilot entered the observation room. Looking at Rodney, he asked, "How's it going?"
Rodney shrugged because, honestly, he hadn't been paying attention to the interrogation at all.
"He has been quite…distracted," Ziva said, smirking in Rodney's direction.
"By the cool toys?" Sheppard asked in reference to the recording tech on the far wall. "Or by the pretty lady?"
Rodney was incredulous when Ziva blushed and quickly looked back through the window, trying to hide her smile.
When Ziva saw Sheppard yawn a moment later, she commented, "You seem tired, Colonel."
"I've been up for over thirty-six hours," he replied, rubbing his eyes. "Could you tell me where I can get a cup of coffee?"
"I can show you if you would like," Ziva offered.
"Even better." He flashed his charming smile.
Rodney watched enviously as his team leader and the beautiful woman left together. As soon as the door shut behind them, he heard the other man begin snickering.
"Need some ice for that burn?" he teased.
"Oh, shut up, Tommy," Rodney snapped.
"Don't take it so hard, Doctor," Tony said. "You'd probably get along better with our lab rat anyway. She's smart and likes guys with big…brains."
Rodney's eyes lit up, thinking of the last smart, funny, beautiful female scientist he'd had a crush on. "What's she like?" he asked. "Is she kind of nerdy? Is she blonde?"
Tony chuckled and nodded. "Oh, yeah. Blonde, beautiful, sexy voice. And I think she's even wearing her low-cut pink top with the matching mini-skirt today."
Rodney grinned. "What's her name?"
"Can we go see her?"
"If I get back in here before the bossman's done with the interrogation, it shouldn't be a problem," Tony answered.
"Do you think I'll like her?" Rodney asked as they left the observation room.
"Doctor," Tony smiled, "she'll blow your mind."