Do not own Stargate Atlantis, if I did then Season Five wouldn't happen and Season Four never did except for Doppleganger, a really neat show, watch it, again and again and again. Having said that. THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR SEASON FIVE SO BEWARE And Also M/M kissing and some derogatory remarks which might offend and strong language also mild language. You have been warned so don't read if you don't like and don't bother me if it offends you, take responsibility for your own choices.


Colonel Sheppard walked into Doctor McKay's lab to find him sitting there, not working at his computer but drinking. By the look of things, Rodney had been drinking for quite awhile. There were empty bottles of liquor all over the table. Rodney had his head in his lap and when John touched his shoulder, he looked up and John could see he was crying.

"Rodney, what is wrong?"

Rodney gave a gulp, wiped his eyes and took a drink from a bottle; he put it down and burped.

"Carter is gone, Elizabeth is gone, Carson is gone, and Ford is gone. That stupid Doctor Keller is still here with her stupid voice and her girly, girly manner"

John interrupted "Keller is a girl"

"You know what I mean"

Rodney turned to look at John, grabbed his jacket and pulled him close. John had to turn his head when Rodney breathed on him.

"You know what I think; I think it is a conspiracy by the US government to put their own agents into Atlantis. They deliberately killed Carson then being him temporarily back then lose him again, just to put that Keller bitch in here. They hate Doctors you know, that's why they killed off Doctor Fraser at SG Command. I miss my Carson. Then when they didn't know what to do with Carter, they couldn't promote her anymore, where would they put her, O'Neill is in charge in Washington DC, so not there and Landry is in charge at Stargate Command and you Yankee pigs would never allow a woman to be in charge of anything, a real backward hick country. So they kill off Elizabeth and put Carter in charge. She goes from active duty to sitting behind a desk and she is pathetic at it. So weak" in a high feminine voice trying to imitate Samantha Carter, Rodney said "Oh Colonel Sheppard you are so wrong, a slap on the hand to you" Rodney slapped John's hand who pulled it back as it stung and shook it "No desert for you, bad bad bad people, what would IOC say"

Rodney took another drink. "Anyway Carter's gone now, she may visit but you know who we got as a replacement?"



"Oh god, not my ex-wife?"

"Nope, not Wicked Whitchpo of Earth"

"Doctor Daniel Jackson? He would be great; with his knowledge and experience we might be able to beat the Wraith back"

"Nope, nada, Neyt, Negative, no"

"Then who?"

"Richard 'Dickhead' Woolsey"

John looked at him in shock "You have got to be kidding me. They put a desk accountant in charge of a warzone"


"Are they that stupid?"


"The Wraith will conquer us in a day"


John put his head down on the table and started to bang it. Rodney took another swallow; John stopped banging his head and grabbed the bottle and drunk.

"That has to be the stupidest decision the powers that be have ever made. Richard Woolsey in charge of Atlantis. God help us all"


"What a stupid, stupid, stupid choice"


"What are we going to do?"

"Don't expect me to save you, that's Radek's job now"

"What?" John looked puzzled

"Here he comes to save the day. Not me anymore. Now I am a coward and stupid, now it is Radek Zelenka who knows what to do. I'm next, you know, it is me that they will get rid of next. Wonder how they are going to kill me" Rodney grabbed John's jacket again and screamed "I DON'T WANT TO DIE, JOHN, SAVE ME, FOR PITY SAKE, SAVE ME!"

John hugged Rodney close and stroked his back. "There, there, we will think of something. You will not die, you will stay and save Atlantis and all of us as you are a genius. Now we just have to think of something before Dickface arrives"

"Well, I know how to make ZPMs so I could make three, we put them in and fire up the Stardrive and hide out in the Pegasus galaxy?"

"That is a brilliant idea" John grabbed Rodney and kissed him. "Let's do it"

John grabbed Rodney's hand and dragged in out of the lab and down to the Gateroom where everyone in the city, had gathered having heard the news. They were all depressed and wanted to die. The two ran in and John yelled "Rodney has saved us again, Radek and all other geeks, follow his instructions. Lorne and fellow soldiers, obey their instructions. Rodney Can Make ZPMs and we are going to fly this city away from here and hide. No-one will be able to find us until we want to"

Everyone cheered and ran to do their job. Radek clapped Rodney over the back and Teyla hugged him, then Ronan picked him up and hugged him also.

"But we can't do this" wailed Doctor Keller in a whinny voice. She collapsed when Ronan blasted her. He then picked her up and threw her through the gate, after Chuck had dialed up earth.

Everyone cheered again and a third time when the city blasted off. No way would a pathetic, weak, stupid, idiotic man like Richard Woolsey take over Atlantis. They were free.

The End