A/N - Another fic for Allie a.k.a dance without sleeping. This one is bit shorter than the others I've written so far but I'm toying with the idea of continuing this so I hope you all won't mind. Unbeta-ed so all typos and errors are mine. Enjoy!
When The Sky Above Is Blue
Happiness comes more from loving then being loved; and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and to be hurt often, and to love again - this is the brave and happy life.
- J.E. Buckrose
She had a miscarriage just weeks after he'd left.
She had been intending to tell him, to let him know that they were going to have another child. Another addition to their family. Perhaps a new baby would be good for them and their strained marriage. But before she could, another argument had broken out between them. It had been the straw that broke the camel's back. The last thing she had heard was the slam of the door and then him driving away.
The first week had gone by at the slowest pace one could imagine. Minutes had seemed like hours as Reba went about the daily chores and managing the kids.
"Dad will be home soon," she had told her children when they asked about their father not being home. Jake hadn't seem bothered by it and Cheyenne had been too busy with senior year. Only Kyra had actually constantly inquired about Brock and then accepted her mother's strained reply despite not believing a single word of it.
And then, the call from Brock that he had found another place. An apartment. Reba had known then that it wasn't something they could avoid anymore - that she could avoid anymore. She had snapped at him and then hung up before he could finish what he had started saying.
She had been too proud to call him back once she had realized that he wasn't going to call back. But eventually, she had swallowed her pride and called him again a few days later, only to regret it immensely. Another woman had picked up the call, and Reba had recognized the bubbly voice as Barbra Jean's.
Barbra Jean. Reba had hired Barbra Jean to help Brock in his dental practice. He hadn't even liked the blonde in the first place. Was it her fault?
Reba wonders now what could have been if she hadn't been so proud. But she hadn't wanted Brock to stay just because of the baby. Reba wanted him to stay because he wanted to and because he loved her. If she had stopped him and let him know that they were expecting their fourth child, they might have had a shot at making it. She wouldn't have had lost the baby.
The cramping and the blood had been unexpected. It was a Friday, Reba remembers. Cheyenne and Kyra had been quarrelling over something and Jake had been pestering her to sign the permission slip for a field trip to a museum or something like that. She can hardly remember what is was for now.
Reba had been accustomed to crying in the shower. She wouldn't cry where her children could see her and her pain. So she would cry in the one place where her tears wouldn't show for the marriage that was crumbling before her eyes.
And perhaps, Reba thinks, that had been the cause of her losing the baby. The incredible weight of holding their family together and trying to be strong, all thrust upon her without a moment's notice.
She had slid down against the wall, one hand clutching her stomach where the pain twisted, unbearably sharp and hot. She had cried when she saw crimson flowing with the water because she had known what it meant. The next doctor's appointment had confirmed it for her.
She had no longer carried a child within her.
Not a word had been said to anyone about what had happened. Nobody had known about the child she carried so nobody would know about the child she had lost. Not even Brock. Reba hadn't thought that she could handle a relationship based on guilt and regrets. If she had told him and he had returned like a dutiful husband would have had, it would never have had been the same.
Reba pulls the comforter higher up, trying to keep the cold that isn't present away. The cold isn't outside, she realizes. It's inside and she doesn't know how to keep it away - to keep it from reaching and stabbing her heart.
She feels moisture on her cheeks and lifts up the back of her hand to brush it away. It might have been a little girl, she thinks and then lets out a soft laugh. "You would be almost as old as Elizabeth now, wouldn't you?" she asks, aware that it is already past midnight and that most of the household is asleep.
Regrets come often into her thoughts at night, before she sleeps. But Reba tries to hold it within an arm's reach from her. Regrets are pointless, she thinks.
Now, everything finally seems to be working out. She gets along well with Barbra Jean. Nevertheless, as good as a friend Barbra Jean is, Reba cannot shake the pain of hearing the other woman's voice through the telephone that very first time. She wonders what Brock will think if she tells him that she had been pregnant when he left. Will he feel guilty all over again? Most probably, she thinks. Sometimes, she longs for him to feel the pain she had felt but she suppresses the feeling almost immediately after it comes up.
It is not right, she tells herself. However, the little voice in her head is very persistent. He has a right to know, it tells her. About the child she had lost - they had lost. He is the father after all.
Six years on, he still has the right to know. She will tell him, she decides. After six years, she is finally ready to hurt; finally ready to be honest. He is smart enough, she thinks, to be understanding. Reba hopes he is. She will make him keep it to himself.
No one else needs to know.
Perhaps now when everything is finally calming down, news like this will not be as damaging.
Perhaps it will.
Reba smells flowers, the fresh breeze carrying the signs of spring in the air. There is a river nearby and the sounds of lapping water calms her.
There is a little girl, in a little white dress and she has the loveliest blue eyes Reba has ever seen. It isn't Cheyenne nor is it Kyra when they were young. For a moment she is confused.
"Come play with me Mommy!" the little girl calls, giggling and Reba smiles. She understands now. "Come play with me!" she calls again and this time, Reba follows. The cool ends of the green grass tickles her bare foot as she follows her little girl, the sun catching in her vibrant red hair.
"I love you Mommy!" she giggles, running up to her mother. She giggles some more when Reba scoops her up into her arms and she clings onto her mother's neck, breathing in her mother's lovely scent.
"There's Daddy!" the little girl exclaims, pointing towards a man in the distance. She wriggles out of Reba's hold and as soon as her feet touches the ground, starts to run towards him. "Come on Mommy! Let's go play with Daddy!" she calls, looking over her shoulder.
Reba laughs and follows her daughter willingly. "Be careful!" she cautions the little girl, still smiling widely.
Now, when the sky above is blue and there are no more tears to shed, the warmth of the sun on her face finally matches the warmth in her heart.
And there is no more coldness inside.
A/N - I'm a bit unsure if I should have another part for this one or a companion piece. I'm not sure how it'll work out if I continue this. I've always stuck to oneshots for my Reba fics and I'm a bit green with this fandom. It'll be most wonderful if you leave me reviews! And do let me know if you think another chapter will work out. I'll really appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to read!