Title: 5 Times Dean Talked to Sam About Babies
Fandom: SPN mostly but a little HL in chapter 4& 5.
This takes place in the Immortal!Dean 'Verse but it stands
Characters: Wee!Chesters, Teen!Chesters, Sam and Dean Winchester. Plus Katie (Part 4) and Richie Ryan (Part 5)
Disclaimer: The characters you know and love all belong to their respective creators. Except Katie she's mine
5 Times Dean Talked to Sam About Babies
Sam at 5
"That's really why the sky is blue, Dean?" Sam said around a mouthful of Lucky Charms.
Dean glared at his little brother across the kitchen table. "What, you don't believe me?"
Sam screwed up his face in deep thought. "I guess."
"Anything else? 'cause my cereal's gettin' soggy." Dean reminded him. There was never just one question with Sam.
Sam pursed his lips and leaned forward as if ready to share a deep, dark secret. "Well…I was wondering. Where do babies come from?"
Dean paused, spoon full of cereal halfway to his mouth. "What?" he demanded and dropped his spoon back into the bowl.
Sam looked embarrassed and took another run at the question. "Babies, Dean. How to they get here?"
Dean sputtered. His mouth opened and closed as he tried to think of the best story to tell Sam. "Ask Dad." He finally decided.
"Dad's not here. Don't you know?" Sam asked quietly. Disappointment lined his small face. "I thought you knew everything."
Dean straightened up in his chair, indignant at the idea that he lacked this knowledge. "Of course I know. I'm the big brother, ain't I?"
Sam's eyes lit up. "So?" he waved his hands at Dean encouraging him to share this great secret.
Dean had never had the fairy tales. Dad always told him the truth about everything but he couldn't tell Sam how it really worked. Sammy still had the fairy tales.
Dean cleared his throat. "When a man and a woman fall in love, they get married. When they want a baby, they go outside and wish on a shooting star." He began.
"And then it gets delivered like the mail?" Sam interrupted.
"No, dorkface. They go to a doctor and he gives it to them. That's why women always have to go to the hospital to get their babies." Dean explained. He smiled to himself. That sounded like a good story.
"Is that what Mom and Dad did?" Sammy asked seriously.
Dean frowned. He didn't like thinking about mom. He pushed the feeling down.
"Yeah." He shrugged. "They made the perfect wish and got me. Not sure what went wrong when they wished for you."
Sam at 8
Sam flung open the door to the crappy apartment and stomped up to Dean who was lying on the couch watching TV. His face red with anger he stood blocking Dean's view.
"Hey out of the way, doofus." Dean demanded and tried to push Sam aside. But the small ball of anger, stood his ground.
"You lied to me." Sam yelled.
Distracted as he tried to look around Sam, it took a minute for the accusation to register. "Huh?" he mumbled.
"You lied to me." Sam said again.
Sitting up, Dean quickly rifled through all the recent lies and evasions he'd told Sam. Feeling prepared he asked, "About what?"
"Sammy, what are you talking about?" Dean tried to remember what he might have told Sam about the subject and came up blank.
"They aren't made by wishing." He said angrily. "A man takes his…"
"Whoa there Sammy. I know how babies are made. I don't need to go over the details."
"The other kids made fun of me and told me the truth. I said you wouldn't lie to me. But you did. Didn't you?" Sam was shouting, now.
Dean stood and glared down at his brother. "Hey, you were what 5 or 6. It wasn't a lie." He insisted. "I told you in a way you'd understand."
Sam stepped back and thought about this. "Just an explanation for a little kid?" he asked as he eyed Dean with suspicion.
"Really?" Sam wondered as he plopped down on the couch.
Dean sat beside him. "Absolutely. I'm you big brother. It's my job to make sure you know everything I know."
Sam nodded but the suspicion remained on his face as he looked over at Dean. "Have you ever lied to me, Dean?"
Dean smacked him on the shoulder. "Of course not." He lied.
Sam at 16
"Dean, what are these?" Sam asked as he held the small blue box Dean had shoved into his hand.
"See that's you problem right there. That's why you're still a virgin." Dean explained.
Sam rolled his eyes. "I know they're condoms, Dean. I meant why are you giving them to me?"
Dean smiled. The quip died on his lips as Sam held up a finger. "You know what I mean." He demanded.
Sam had full bitch face going and Dean just couldn't help himself. "Do we have to have this talk again?" Dean smirked. "Well you see Sammy when a man and a woman get naked…"
"Dean, I'm just going on a date. I'm not getting …naked. And don't call me Sammy." Sam insisted.
"Geez, don't be so uptight. You really need to get laid, Sammy." He said purposefully emphasizing the nickname his brother despised.
"I'm sixteen. I do not need to get laid." Sam insisted as he shoved the box back at Dean.
"Dude, it's because you're sixteen that you do need to get laid and you need these," he waggled the box in Sam's face, "to make sure there are no complications."
Sam smacked the box away. "You're disgusting. I'm taking her to the movies. There will be no baby making." Sam grabbed his coat and headed for the door of the apartment.
"Baby making. That's what you're calling it?" Dean laughed. "Try calling it fucking and maybe it will make more sense to you."
Sam paused and turned to face his brother. "No Dean. It's called making love and you should only do it with people you care about." He said quietly.
Dean couldn't contain his mirth, "Dude, are you serious? You are definitely never getting laid."
Sam shook his head. "You just don't get it do you, Dean?" Sam sighed and exited out the door.
"Hey, you forgot your condoms," Dean shouted as the door snicked shut. He waited but Sam didn't return. He looked at the box. "Well, no reason for these to go to waste." He mused aloud. Smiling he pulled the Impala keys out of his pocket and headed off to find the nearest bar.
Sam at 27
Dean waited in the airport for Sam and Katie to clear customs. They'd been in Scotland for two weeks and Dean was secretly pleased that they hadn't returned early. He finally caught a glimpse of them walking toward him, arm in arm.
He allowed himself a bit of giddy congratulations. Sam was looking at Katie with such adoration that he knew he'd been right about that girl. Sam was in love and Dean was a genius.
"Hey Sam, Katie. Over here." He called to them and waved a hand in their direction. They returned his greeting and came to meet him.
Dean grabbed Katie's duffel with a smile and gave Sam a smack on the arm by way of greeting. "Good to see you, man. Flight okay?" he asked.
"Yeah. Trip was great." Sam confirmed and smiled at Katie.
Dean grinned at the looks passing between the lovebirds. "I can see that." He smirked
"It was so beautiful," Katie added. "Aside from the moment of pure terror at Debra's grave, I had a great time.
Sam laughed and pulled Katie close. Dean was right, Sam was definitely in love.
"So…" Dean paused for dramatic effect. "When are you gonna make me an uncle?"
Sam stared at him. "Dude, back off. We've known each other two weeks."
Katie pushed away from him and feigned a hurt look. "What's wrong Sam? Don't you want to make babies with me?"
"What? No… I mean…" Sam sputtered into silence.
Oh, Katie was good Dean thought and snickered at the stricken look on Sam's face. Seriously, it was too easy. "Yeah. Sam don't you want to make babies with Katie?" Dean echoed.
Sam's mouth flattened into a straight line as he glared at Dean. "This isn't funny Dean."
Katie was snickering too and he shifted his glare to her. "And you. Remember rule number one."
Katie laughed and waved off his displeasure. "Yeah. That rule really doesn't work for me."
"What rule?" Dean asked.
"The one that says I'm not supposed to feed the Dean." Katie explained through her giggles.
Dean let out a huge belly laugh, "Oh, we are going to get along just fine."
Sam was still glaring at her. "You're supposed to be on my side." He said incredulous.
"Oh baby, I am but you take you brother so seriously. It's funny. I can't help myself." She smiled brightly up at him and Sam melted.
"I guess I do." He admitted and leaned in to give her a quick kiss.
Dean watched the exchange and cleared his throat. "So, about those babies?"
Sam was smiling at the joke now. "Fine but you're on diaper duty."
"Hey Man, that's your job. You're the dad. I get to be the awesome Uncle Dean who spoils them rotten.
Sam at 30
"What's taking so long?" Dean groused as he paced up and down the waiting room.
"Man, will you sit down. You're making me dizzy." Richie quipped.
"Dude, you don't have to be here." He glared at his friend.
"And leave you here to keep annoying the nurses by yourself? No way. Now sit down." Richie commanded.
Dean slumped into one of the stiff, garishly colored chairs. "I was not annoying them."
"Asking them every ten minutes for an update?" Richie laughed. "Seriously, I'm surprised they haven't thrown you out. These things take time." Richie knew it was a losing battle. Patience was not one of Dean's best qualities. Hell, it wasn't one of his qualities at all.
"Oh and when did you become an expert on labor and delivery?"
Richie sighed. He was gonna kill Ellen for insisting he stay with Dean while the rest of the group was home sleeping in real beds. "Trust me this is a cake walk compared to the time Mac delivered a baby in a collapsed subway tunnel."
Now he had Dean's attention. "Remember Anne Lindsey?"
"Yeah, we got rid of that spirit haunting her house." Dean recalled.
"Yep, Mac delivered her daughter Mary." Richie was about to continue with the full story when the double doors to their right opened and Sam walked out. He was still dressed in the blue delivery scrubs and was grinning from ear to ear.
Richie had to restrain Dean from charging his brother and the bundle he was carrying. Dean shrugged him off and more slowly went to stand in front of Sam. Richie hung back letting the brothers have their moment.
Dean met his grin. "So…?"
"It's a boy." Sam answered and cooed down at the baby in his arms. "Hey little guy, this is your Uncle Dean. Don't listen to a word he says.
"Very funny, Sam." Dean held out his hands and waggled his fingers anxiously. "Let me see him." He demanded.
"Dean, meet your nephew." Carefully Sam handed the bundle to his brother. Dean wrapped the small person into his embrace and began stroking his little face.
"Wow." Dean said quietly. "You done good, Sammy."
"Thanks, glad you approve." He said sincerely
"So what are you gonna call him?" Dean asked not taking his eyes off the new Winchester.
"We're naming him Jonathan Dean Winchester." Sam stated simply.
Dean looked up at him. "Seriously." His voice hitched
"Seriously." Sam echoed.
Dean let loose a huge grin. "Bitch"