Ok. Another songfic. :) This is basically Edward trying to comprehend his feelings for Bella, and writing her lullaby. :) The song is "A Lonely September" By Plain White T's. I love the song, and hopefully I did Edward justice. Please Review even if it's to say I totally screwed up (I really hope I didn't though). Sooooo Read On!

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING. The song is by Plain White T's and everything else is the brilliant Stephenie Meyer's

EPOV:

I sat on the edge of my piano bench, trying to get my mind off of Bella, hoping that music would give me some sort of relief to my confusing thoughts, but all the time knowing that all of my thoughts would lead back to her. Nothing went the way I originally planned it. I was supposed to be content with myself and only myself… but with Bella, she changed everything. She changed the way I looked at the world, the stars, everything. I still couldn't understand how a small human girl could have such a strong impact on me. Even with my gift I could've never come close to imagine the complex feelings and emotions that came with loving someone. I loved Bella, and I knew that I shouldn't. I should stay far, far away from her.

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

It's almost comical. That first day when she came to this rainy town I thought she was the demon, bent on destroying my will, my self-restraint, everything I've built with my family. But now I'm the one with the potential to destroy everything she loves. I was never supposed to fall in love with her.


Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

Stop it Edward. You'll hurt her. You can't love her. It's not possible, be rational please, for Bella- my mind kept screaming at me, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around her. What pulled me toward her? Why was she such a temptation toward me? Why couldn't I read the mind of the one that I actually wanted to read? Why did this all have to be so complicated? Why did I have to intrude on her life? Why her? It can't possibly be the reason I think, can it? Do I actually love this human? Is it possible for the predator to fall in love with its prey? Obviously it is, and I honestly don't think I would change a thing, even if I could.

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own

I now know I was suppose to fall in love with her, I can't imagine living another century without knowing the feeling, without knowing her. But she was never supposed to return the feelings. How can an angel love a demon like me? I was a monster; I'm constantly putting her sweet, innocent life in danger; it could end so easily with me by her side. If she should ever perish, I would follow right after; I could never exist without her.

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back
I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

I turned toward the piano, trying to produce some sound. Usually I had no problem composing, but I didn't know how to start. How could I ever capture my Bella's innocence, sweetness, selflessness, loving nature into a song? It wasn't possible, but then again I'm starting to believe that nothing was impossible.

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

My fingers started to flow across the keys, starting in a minor key and slowly making its way to major, just like our relationship- starting off strangled, but hopefully ending in a graceful note. I couldn't imagine if it didn't. I stiffened a little, but I still allowed my fingers to move across the piano. I could never imagine my Bella like that, so cold, never being able to see her beautiful blush or her smile. It's simply unimaginable. But how can I rip myself away from her? I'd be empty; I wouldn't be able to function anymore. I was in to deep. I can't lose her, no matter what. I'll just have to be on my guard all the time, a small price to pay to be in the presence of an angel.


Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

As the lullaby started coming to a close I realized that I never wanted to leave her side. I could never hurt her. As long as she wanted me, I'll stay. I'll always stay close by, no matter what, just to make sure she's safe, to make sure she's happy, content. She deserves so much. I love her, and she loved me. Forever.


And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did