"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Roger Stoppable asked as he, his wife, and the Possibles walked down the hall of the dorm their children shared at Go City University. "I mean, we're five hours early."
"Of course it is," James Possible answered. "We'll take them out to lunch as well as dinner. You know how precious free food is to a college student. Especially your son."
"That's no lie," Ruth agreed. "Oy, the meal plan we had to put that boy on just to keep him from starving…"
"Still," Anne said. "We should have called ahead. Given them a chance to…" She paused for a fraction of a second, her eyes meeting Roger's across the backs of their oblivious spouses. "…clean up their rooms. I'm sure they don't want us seeing them the way they are."
"Nonsense," Jim scoffed. "It'll be a nice surprise."
With that, he strode up to the door labeled as Kimmie's (she and Ron had been given singles, as much for the safety of prospective roommates as anything else. Late-night parties and snoring were one thing – monster attacks were quite another) and knocked on it. "Kimmie-cub!" He called. "Hello! We're here!"
There was a moment of rustling inside, then they heard Kim's voice at the door – through the door, really, seeing as how she didn't open it: "Daddy? Is that you?"
"Sure is, Kimmie-cub. Why don't you open the door and let us see what you've done with the place?"
"Daddy, I was sleeping," she groaned. "Why didn't you call?"
James Possible ignored the "I-told-you-so" look from his wife and pressed on. "Sleeping at noon? What has college done to you?"
"You're one to talk," Kim retorted, still not opening the door. "Mom told me about that semester you took all evening classes so you wouldn't have to get up before three."
"That was different," James argued. To his credit, he didn't even try to say how.
"Sure it was," Kim said. "Look, I'm not dressed and my room is a wreck. Would you mind waiting in the lounge for a couple minutes? Please and thank you?"
"Of course, honey," Anne Possible said, taking her husband by the arm and starting to turn him away. "We'll just be – "
Which was, of course, the exact moment that another, very familiar voice made a questioning mumble behind the door. If Roger had to guess, he'd have figured the mumble for "Are they gone?"
It was very quiet, and James Possible was a fairly oblivious man. But this sort of thing had been the focus of his paranoia since Kim hit puberty. He spun back toward the door and began pounding on it.
"Kimberly Anne Possible! Is Ronald in there with you?"
A sigh and a frightened whimper came from the other side of the door.
"Yes, Daddy," Kim – the source of the sigh – said. "He is."
Up and down the hallway, the students who'd been watching the events in front of Kim's door suddenly started to back away slowly, their eyes wide with fear.
"You really should have called ahead," Kim continued. "We wouldn't be in this sitch. Now please just - "
"We should have called ahead?" James Possible roared, stunned at her audacity. "You open this door young lady, I – "
"Daddy," Kim interrupted, her voice leaving actual frost on the door. "Imagine what Mom would do if Grampy interrupted you two at a time like this."
James paused, apparently imagining.
"Don't think I won't come out this door right now, in this bed sheet, and do it to you."
James finished imagining and decided to change his approach.
"Ronald Stoppable!" He bellowed. "You come out here right now! I want to talk to you! Maybe start measuring you for – "
The door slammed open. Up and down the hallway, huge football players dove for cover as the RA rushed into her room and typed a special code into her phone that sent the alarm instantly across campus:
Kim Possible had been cock-blocked. The planet hadn't been in this kind of danger since the Lorwardian invasion.
Kim stood framed in the doorway, her hair wild, a smell of sex that was almost a visible mist pouring out around her, wrapped in a bedsheet just as she'd said. One hand was holding that sheet in place. With the other, she reached out, grabbed her father by the collar, and dragged him down until they were nose-to-nose.
"Listen to me very carefully, Daddy," she said. Her voice was little more than a whisper, yet it was audible from one end of the hall to the other. No one dared make a noise. The rugby team even quieted their whimpering for fear of interrupting her. "What was happening in that room was not only my choice, I initiated it. So you will not say one single mean word to Ron about it."
"But - !" was all the protest James had time to make before she twisted her fist in his collar and cut off his air.
Across the campus, students, faculty and staff made their last appeals to their higher powers. Muslims began to bow toward Mecca. Catholics and Wiccans alike lit candles (many of the Catholics grabbing for rosaries as they did so). Buddhists began to chant mantras intended to ensure a better next incarnation. Jews began to recite the Sh'ma Yisrael. No small number of atheists experienced foxhole conversions.
"In fact, if you try to scare him away, which is what I think you were trying to do, I will be very, very upset. To tell the truth, I'm already very upset because we didn't get to finish."
In a secret base under the deserts of Nevada, Dr. Elizabeth Director slammed her hand down on a large red button.
"This is not a drill!" She announced as an alarm designed to sound like Kim's Kimmunicator began to sound and the most hardened agents began to scream in panic. "Repeat: this is not a drill! Kim Possible has been cock-blocked! We are initiating the Omega Protocols!"
Kim twisted her hand a little further, and her father's face began to turn purple.
"So if you try to actually scare him away, I will kill you. There will be no screaming, no shouting, no crying, and no arguing. I will unleash all twenty-three martial arts I now know, and I will end you. Am I clear?"
Deep in the heart of a volcanic lair, a supervillain wailed in terror.
"Oh, God, we're all going to die!" Shego sobbed.
"Probably," Drakken said, holding her tight. "But at least it'll be quick."
He spoke as one who knew. He'd faced this horror once before, when he'd ignored the X scrawled on Jim's dry-erase board that one time in college. What he didn't say was that, quick or not, this wasn't going to be painless.
"I love you, Drakken."
"I love you too, Shego."
"Am. I. Clear?"
"Crystal," James Possible gasped.
Kim released his collar, and the deep demonic voices that had been chanting the Dirge of Ragnarok suddenly cut off. The daylight returned and the rain of blood over Rodigan stopped falling.
"Spankin'," she said, her usual sunny smile returning. "Why don't you go down to the lounge and wait for us? We'll be right there. You really should call next time."
With that, she turned back into her room and closed the door behind her.
For a long moment, there was silence. Then James Possible adjusted his collar and cleared his throat.
"She's her mother's daughter all right," he said. Then he turned and started down the hall toward the lounge.
Just stopping by for a visit. Had this in my mind and it wouldn't go away. Hope y'all like.
Consider it a sequel to Thoughtful Gifts. Not specifically Valentine's Day,but definitely in the mood of the season, I think.