And just like that Ruby was gone and Dean found himself standing alone in the parking lot trying to wrap his mind around everything he had just heard.
It was like living inside some twisted demented nightmare, nightmares the Winchester family knew far too well, this particular nightmare...well this was a new one for the books.
Dean was alone, he was alone in this battle now, and the only hope he had to cling to, that he could possibly be saved, was diminished the second he came to the realization that Ruby had lied to Sam.
"The answer is yes by the way, yes the same thing will happen to you. Might take centuries, but, sooner or later, hell, will burn away your humanity. Every hell-bound soul, everyone, turns into something else. Turns you into us, so yeah, yeah you can count on it."
"There's no way of saving me from the pit is there?"
He didn't know why he was so surprised by that two letter word, he knew it was coming by the look on her face, but it didn't make it hurt any less when he heard it. He also didn't know why his heart had sunk all of a sudden at that moment. Maybe it was because he knew Sam would be devastated with the news. Or maybe…just maybe…it was his own devastation surfacing, knowing now that the one thing that could've possibly saved him from the pits of hell, had flat out lied.
Over the past few weeks he had subconsciously started to have a little faith that Sam could be right, that this demon Ruby could somehow save him. Dean would never admit this to Sam, but after talking to that Cassie demon, it had changed him a bit, he still hated demons with a passion, but there was this odd sense of, well he didn't know what it was, but he figured if Cassie could be that, for the lack of a better word, nice, deep down he thought maybe that Sam wasn't so wrong about Ruby. Sure he bitched about Ruby all the time and hell, he had even tried to shoot her with the colt, but that was because she had just pissed him off, and everyone knows that it's not smart to piss off a Winchester with a gun, especially Dean.
At this point Dean had positioned himself against the impala because the ground below him had started to spin. The events of the last 2 hours or so, from the revelation of Ruby's past, to her little conversation with Dean, had taken its toll on the eldest hunter. He was now faced with the reality and knowledge that he would eventually become the exact same thing that was responsible for shattering his life at the mere age of 4; that he would become the same thing that took his mother, took his father, took his kid brother's girlfriend, and eventually even took his own soul. Dean shuddered at the thought, and then another thought hit him.
"Every hell-bound soul, everyone, turns into something else. Turns you into us…"
"Turns you into us," thought Dean. Dean couldn't help but laugh at the irony that was his life. Dad made me promise to kill Sammy if he ever turned evil, but Sammy may have to end up killing me now. That thought killed him. He knew how helpless he felt when his dad had told him he might have to kill Sam, and he wished that feeling oh helplessness and utter despair on no one.
But now Sam, Sam may have to go through that. Dean only hoped that Ruby was right when she said that it may take centuries for him to turn into a demon, because centuries meant that Sam would be long gone, old age being the death of him around 95 or 100, that way he wouldn't have to see his older brother turn into something they despised and loathed, and he wouldn't have to kill his own brother, because Dean knew that would surely kill Sam. But most importantly, that way there was no way that the demon him could ever hurt Sam, because he would rather spend eternity down in hell, then ever harm his little brother.
Dean couldn't even begin to put his emotions in check, just the thought of becoming a demon...it would be like a normal person finding out that one day they were going to become a heartless serial killer, and they had no say in it what so ever. That's what it's like for a hunter to be turned into a demon.
But he couldn't think about any of that right now he needed to go see how Sam was handling all this. The events of the last two hours couldn't have been any easier on Sam than it had been for Dean, and although all Dean wanted to do was curl up on a bed and shut out the world, he had to be there for Sam, he had to make sure his little brother was okay. So Dean Winchester did what he does best. He put on his brave face, shoved all the pain and fear, and hollowness deep down inside and walked back into the motel room.
He walked into the room and saw Sam sitting on the farthest bed from the door. His feet were hanging over the bed, his elbows were on his knees, and his hands were clasped together in a fist and brought up to his mouth. He looked terrible, he looked exhausted, and he looked aged. He was starring at the floor and Dean knew full well the hell Sam's mind was probably putting him through.
Dean shut the door behind him and slowly walked over to his bed, sitting on the edge facing Sam, so he was the closest he could be to Sam without having to sit on Sam's bed.
"Hey," smiled Dean handing Sam his drink from the vending machine. "I got your favourite."
"No thanks, Dean," replied Sam as he didn't stir from his position.
"Sammy you know, you stare any harder and you're gonna burn a hole right through the carpet," chuckled Dean, trying to get some sort of normalcy back into their conversation. But Sam wasn't having any of it. He wasn't in the mood to joke or really do anything right now.
When Dean got no response, he knew that this was as good a time as any to "talk". In all honesty he didn't want to talk, if he had it his way they'd never talk about it, but he knew that Sam would want to talk about it, that Sam needed to talk about it, because well, that's how Sam dealt with things.
"So…" started Dean, trying to get rid of the awkward tension and pain that had filled the room. "Wacky night huh?"
Still nothing, not even a stir from Sam.
"Sammy c'mon dude, just say somethin', anything!" Dean rarely ever resorted to begging, but he needed his brother to talk, otherwise he knew full well how fast things could eat away at a person, and when it came to Sam, things ate away at him 10 times faster than normal people. He hated this, more than he could ever say, he hated being the source of Sam's pain and agony, and he hated it more that he couldn't do anything to ease it or make it go away.
"She was a human once." It came out barely a whisper, and if Dean hadn't been listening so intently, he probably wouldn't have heard it.
"Yeah, and you were right about her, she's not so bad," replied Dean. "She saved my life you know, with some weirdo hoodoo potion of hers…which by the way totally tasted like ass," he said as he made a disgusted face.
If it was any other day, any other situation, Sam would've surely laughed at the face Dean was making; but not today, today nothing could make Sam smile let alone laugh.
"Were they all human once?" questioned Sam, knowing full Dean had probably asked Ruby the same thing. He had seen Ruby talking to Dean outside and he was about to go out to listen, but he didn't have the stomach for it. He was scared to hear what they were talking about, he was scared that she would confirm his worst fear. It would just be too painful to hear, but right now, he needed to know, he needed to know what was going to happen to Dean if he went to hell.
Dean glanced at the ground, now starring just an intently at the carpet as Sam was.
Sam slowly started to nod his head. He had expected it, but it hit him like a thousand stones at once. He was thankful that he was sitting down, because he was sure his knees would've given out if he had been standing.
"Would never have guessed huh? The way they act, that they were human once? Ruby has somehow managed to keep most of her humanity though, minus those black eyes of course," replied Dean with a smile.
They both sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Dean really didn't want to have to tell Sam what Ruby had told him about hell, so he kept his mouth shut and decided to answer only the questions that Sam would ask him. After what seemed like forever, Sam finally spoke.
"How has Ruby been able to remain so…humane?" questioned Sam finally raising his eyes off the ground and onto his big brother. For a second Dean could've sworn he saw some sort of hope in Sam's eyes.
"I-I dunno Sammy, she said she remembers what it's like to be human," he said as he smiled at Sam.
"That's good," Sam replied, moving his eyes to the ground once again.
"Yeah." Dean bit his lips as he looked at Sam, not sure if he should be saying what he was about to say, but he needed Sam to know this, to hopefully relieve some of the burden.
"Sammy, Ruby…she uh…she told me that it usually takes centuries for a hell-bound soul to turn into a…you know…so I mean you don't haveta worry about you know, having to off me or anything like that." Dean had wanted that to come out a little subtler, but he was never one for words.
Sam's eyes shot up and had this incredulous look to them. "And that's supposed to make me feel better?"
"Well, yea, kinda, I mean at least you know…"
"Know what Dean!" Sam said raising his voice a little more than he intended as he practically jumped off the bed. "That I won't haveta be the one to kill you, that some other hunter will do it instead!"
"Sammy, that's not what I meant man, I just don't want you to have to be the one who…you know…"
"No…no!" stammered Sam as he shook his head. "No one's gonna haveta kill you, cuz you're not turning into anything Dean. Ruby, she told me that she can save you, she told me that knows how, she said it was possible! And now, you know she's not like every other demon, you know she's still humane, she can help us Dean, she can help you out of this deal!"
Dean was hoping that they wouldn't have come onto this part of topic so quickly. He hated to do this, especially when for the first time since he walked through that door, Sam actually had some colour in his skin and he looked hopeful. But he didn't have a choice, Sam was going to find out way or another and it was better that he heard it from Dean. So Dean got ready to tell Sam, he got ready to tell Sam what will be probably be the hardest thing he'll ever have to tell his brother…well…minus the "good-bye" he'll have to say when his time was due. That thought alone broke his heart, "one thing at a time Dean, one thing at a time"
"Sammy, about that…"
But Sam didn't seem to hear him as he continued to talk.
"Dean we haveta go find Ruby, she knows how to get you out of this, I mean she is a demon after all, so she'll know things, things that we have no idea about, things that…"
"Sam…Ruby she…" Dean tried to intervene but Sam didn't seem to hear that either and continued what he was saying.
"…things that only demons would know. She knows how to get you out of this, she just said it was a matter of timing, but I'm sure she'll tell us now, now that you don't wanna kill her, now that you'll listen to her, she can…"
And this time as Dean cut Sam off, he made sure that Sam heard him.
"SAMMY WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND!" he yelled as he rose from the bed and walked over to Sam.
Sam stopped pacing the room and he immediately threw his attention to his brother.
Dean had this look in his eye that scared Sam, scared him more than any supernatural creature ever could. It wasn't a look of anger or annoyance, or even hatred for that matter, it was a painful look…one of hopelessness and fear and dread, and as much as Sam wanted to grab his brother and hug him in that moment, he instead stepped back and almost flinched at the sheer intensity of pain in his brother's eyes. Sam had never seen that look before. He saw something close to it several times after their father died, but this…this was bigger.
"Sammy," he started with a shallow, soft, calm, pain-filled voice. "Sammy, I'm sorry, but Ruby, she…she lied to you Sam, she can't save me…she said that nothing could."
Sam froze on the spot, his eyes borrowed into his brother's and it was as if his whole world had just crashed around him.
"What," was all he could muster out, and even that was so soft and quiet, but Dean could hear the heartbreak in that one single word. Sam's eyes immediately started to fill with tears. "No…no, no, no, no, she…she had to be lying Dean, she told me that she could save you!" He yelled hoping that if he yelled hard enough it would come true.
Dean placed an arm on Sam shoulder and gripped it, partly to make sure that he was holding Sam up when he was about to say this next part, and partly because he needed that physical connection with his brother.
"She said that so you would talk to her Sam…she knew she couldn't save me, but she also knew that you would waste her the minute you saw that she was a demon unless she told you something you so desperately wanted to hear."
It broke Dean's heart to say that to Sam, it broke his heart to see hope disappear from his baby brother's eyes, it broke his heart to see Sam breaking in front of him.
Sam could feel the room spinning, and he knew Dean was trying to say something but he couldn't make out what it was. He felt his knees buckle, but he also felt a strong set of arms catch him. The emotions running inside of him were too strong for his body to handle, but somehow he managed to clear his head and get the dizziness to pass.
He stood back up, with Dean's help.
"Sammy, you okay kiddo?" questioned a worried Dean. He was trying to lead Sam to the bed to sit down but Sam wouldn't budge.
"Sammy, just come here and sit for a bit," said Dean in a caring, soft voice.
"Where's Ruby?" questioned Sam in a quiet, creepy calm monotone voice, as he looked up at Dean. Now it was Dean's turn to flinch and almost back away in shock at the look in his brother's eyes. The pain-filled, hopeless, fearful eyes were now filled with anger and hatred that burned through like a scorching heat.
"Where's Ruby?" repeated Sam with more ferocity in his voice. Dean was about to answer when the front door swung wide up as Sam's eyes shifted to the figure standing in the doorway and Dean turned his entire body around so that he now had the same view that Sam had.
"I'm right here Sam," replied Ruby as she walked through the door.
Sam took two steps over to the duffel bag that was on his bed and took the colt out. Before Dean was able to stop Sam from grabbing the colt, Sam already had it pointed at Ruby's head.
Dean and Ruby both froze in their tracks.
"Sammy…what are you doing?" Dean asked as he stepped a little closer to his brother.
"What does it look like I'm doing," he replied, not shifting his eyes from Ruby's head.
Ruby decided that this would be as good a time as any to try and make him understand.
"SHUTUP RUBY!" Sam was breathing a little heavily now and Dean found himself actually take a step back at the ferocity of Sam's voice and the wild gleam in his eyes. But as soon as he realized that he had taken a step back, he immediately stepped forward to his original stance.
"Sammy, look man, just put the gun down and we'll all talk," suggested Dean.
Sam shifted his eyes over to Dean, the gun still trained on Ruby, and he let of a grunt.
"Talk, Dean? Since when the hell have you wanted to "talk" with a demon. Hell, you're the one who wanted to waste her from the beginning, and now I wanna waste her too, so I don't really see the problem here?"
"Sam, would you just…"
"I told you to shutup Ruby," snapped back Sam, but this time in a more calm, unemotional manner, which to be honest, was worse than a screaming, ranting Sam.
Dean raised his hand up to Ruby in a way as to tell her to let him handle this one, because if she said another word Sam would shoot her. He then turned his gaze back onto his little brother, whose hands were trembling now, which was quite evident by the swaying gun in his hand. Dean knew that Sam wouldn't be able to hold up the angry, fierce, hate personality for long. He knew Sam's emotions would creep in and get the best of him. And right now, it seemed that his emotions were about to do just then as Sam's eyes welled up in tears.
"Sammy…just put the gun down, please," choked Dean as he slowly started to reach for the gun, but Sam was quick to move his shaky hand away from Dean.
"Why Ruby?" Dean felt his heart break for about the umpteenth time today as he heard the absolute despair in those two words. "Why did you lie to me, why did you make me think you could save him when you couldn't, why did you give me hope when there was none!" They were more of statements than questions.
Wiping the tear that had managed to fall down his cheek he spoke up again before Ruby could even answer.
"Nevermind, I know why, but why would you do that just so you could talk to me, I know you're a demon but you seemed different…I didn't take you out to be a cold hearted bitch!"
"Sam, I'm sorry okay, but I didn't have a choice, you would've shot me the minute you saw what I really was."
"You don't know that," whispered Sam quietly.
"Sam you had that colt trained on me in a matter of seconds when I first showed you what I was. And let's not forget how quick you were to shoot that crossroads demon, the option of exorcising her didn't even cross your mind. You didn't get what you wanted so you shot her, knowing full well that she was possessing a human."
Dean looked from Ruby to Sam in disbelief. He knew that Sam must've shot and killed the crossroads demon that night he snuck out, because of the missing bullet in the morning. And to be honest, he hated that Sam went off like that, but he understood, and he even told Sam that. But the way Ruby was describing what happened, well that was something Dean would do if he really had to, not something his kid brother would do…well at least not a few months ago…before…before he was brought back to life.
Dean had that same sinking feeling in his stomach that he got every time he thought that yellow eyes had been right, that Sam somehow came back not entirely himself. But he didn't have time to dwell on that, he had to deal with the matter at hand, and he had to make sure that Sam didn't shoot Ruby.
"I know you Winchesters, everyone knows you Winchesters. Like I told Dean, you guys are kinda bigoted, and I mean if this was a year ago I wouldn't have needed to pull this tactic with you, with Dean yeah, but with you no… but lately…lately you're more of the "shoot first ask questions later" typa hunter than Dean is, and well, I just couldn't take my chances, I mean if you were willing to shoot a human possessed by a demon without even so much as a second thought, I hardly think you would've even given the time of day to explain myself," she finished.
Sam knew she was right, he knew he would've wasted her if she hadn't told him that she could save Dean. But it didn't make him hate Ruby any less, it did however make him lower the gun a little, but just a little.
Dean saw the gun slowly descending a bit and took this as his chance to tell Sam that they needed her.
"Sammy, look, I know you hate her right now okay, and I don't blame you one bit, but you can't shoot her."
"Why not?" questioned Sam with a shaky voice. This day had just taken its toll on him and Sam didn't know how much more of this he could take.
"Cuz we need her help Sammy."
"Her help…why do we need her help, what could she possibly help us with? She said it herself she can't save you, so why the hell are we still keeping her alive! She's a demon, Dean. You're the one who said we haveta kill every damn demon!"
Sam saw Dean flinch and immediately regretted letting that out of his mouth, knowing the knew information on what his brother would turn out to be in hell.
Dean didn't know why he flinched, well he knew why he flinched, but he really wished he hadn't and really didn't want to tell Sam why they needed her. He didn't want to tell Sam that they needed her to help teach Sam how to survive on his own, how to survive without him.
"Sam…" It was Dean's turn to sound shaky. He was trying to get the words out, but as he looked into Sam's empty eyes, he couldn't…he just couldn't.
Ruby was watching the interaction between the brothers and the human part of her hurt for them. She remembered what it was like to love someone so much, but she had to admit, she had never loved someone so wholeheartedly like these two brothers loved each other. In a way she felt their pain, she felt the sorrow, and she took pity. So she decided to tell Sam so that Dean wouldn't have to.
"Sam," she started directing both brothers' attention to her. "Dean doesn't want you to shoot me because he needs my help. He needs my help to get you ready for this war, to get you ready to fight this war on your own…without him," she ended, saying that last part a little quieter but with affirmation.
Sam looked back at Dean with tears welling in his eyes, he knew what Ruby was saying was true but he was just hoping that Dean would jump out and say something else. Ever since Dean struck the deal, Sam really believed that he would get his brother out of it, that he would somehow save Dean. Sure at times he told Dean that he was changing so that he would be able to fight this war alone, but those were just words. He really had no intention of letting his brother go, and he had faith that he could save him, though at times that hope faltered. But now, now Sam didn't know what to do. Dean hadn't changed his outlook, he still accepted the fact that he was going to hell, but now, for the first time in months, Sam actually felt completely and utterly helpless. He felt his hope and his faith, that his brother would get out of the deal, slowly starting to fade, and that crushed him beyond words. Because if he had no hope in saving Dean, he really had no hope in ever being happy again and he really had no hope in going on.
Dean could see Sam breaking inside and he reached over and squeezed his shoulder. Sam still had the gun in his hand but it was completely held down by his side now.
"Sammy, I know this sucks, like totally sucks, but we need her help okay. We can't shoot her, you said it yourself, this is a war, and it's a game of strategy, she can help. And I'm not saying we trust her completely, you leave that part up to me ok, I'll watch for that, but she won't be much help to us dead, okay?" Dean stood there looking for an answer in his brother's eyes. "Kay Sammy?"
"Kay" Was all Sam could gather himself up to say.
"Okay," Dean reaffirmed sighing and taking in a deep breath as he nodded at Sam. Dean decided that it was time for Ruby to leave, she had done what she needed, and the truth was out.
"Ruby, I think it be best…" but before he could finish there was a gust of wind and Ruby was no where to be seen. "…if you leave" finished Dean shaking his head.
Sam had thrown the colt back in their duffel bag and had positioned himself exactly the way he was sitting when Dean had walked in, except this time his hands were clasped together down by his knees.
"Why does she wanna help us, Dean?" asked Sam trying to get his composure back a bit.
"Asked her the same thing Sammy, it's the same reason for why she still kinda humane, it's cuz she remembers what it's like to be human," he said as he made his way to the edge of his bed.
Sam sat there nodding his head slightly. "In a 100 years will you still remember what it's like to be human too Dean?" he heard himself thinking.
Dean sat there starring at the ground. "I hope in a 100 years I still remember what it's like to be human too Sammy." Dean heard himself thinking.
"Good thing dad crawled out in time huh?" Dean spoke up with a smile and looking at his brother, breaking the silence.
"Yeah," Sam replied with no emotion in his voice. Sam was happy that their dad made it out of hell, that he wouldn't be turned into a demon too…it was just right now…well right now he just really couldn't smile about anything.
"Sammy…it's gonna be okay kiddo," Dean said with a reassuring smile, that well, wasn't very reassuring. He knew it wasn't going to be okay, but he had to be the big brother, he had to help Sam deal with this, and then if there was time, he'd try and deal with it himself, though he didn't know how anyone could deal with turning into a demon.
Sam looked up at Dean with tears pooling up on the edge of his eyes, and shaking his head slightly.
"Nothings ever gonna be okay Dean, especially not now, not as long as you're still going to…" Sam couldn't finish and Dean didn't need him to finish. They both knew that things were royally screwed and that Dean's situation just got 10 times worse.
"I believed her Dean," he choked back as he let a couple of those tears fall down his face.
God Dean hated to see his kid brother crying.
"I know you did Sammy," he replied sighing and reaching over to grab the back of Sam's neck.
"No Dean, I like…I really believed her," he said, his voice cracking with pain. "You…you told me not to, that she was just lying, but I…I wanted to believe it so bad…so bad, Dean…and I did." Sam's head was lowered now but Dean could still see the tears falling off his face and onto the ground.
"I know Sammy."
"W-what are we going to do now, Dean?" sobbed Sam. The desperation in his voice, the need for his big brother to save the day as usual, have a plan up his sleeve, have a way out of this mess, was too much for Dean to handle.
Dean couldn't take this anymore, he could feel his own tears threatening to fall, and if he broke down in front of Sam…well he just couldn't, he had to make sure Sam would be okay. So before Dean let the tears fall he decided to leave the room.
"Sammy, I-I dunno, but we'll figure it out okay. But uh I-uh…I'm gonna go get us some snacks okay," replied Dean as he stood up, not making contact with Sam's eyes.
"Sure, Dean," Sam replied now starring at his hands. He knew Dean wasn't going to get snacks, they didn't need snacks, the vending machine run was the snack run. But he knew that Dean needed to get himself together, he could hear the shakiness in Dean's voice and he knew Dean was broken, just as he was. And as much as he wanted to tell his brother to stay, he kind of wanted the alone time to compose himself too and get himself together.
So Dean grabbed his jacket and headed out the door.
When Sam heard the door lock, he waited for a couple seconds, and then he just let everything out.
He brought his hands up to his face and he began to cry. Not the little whimpering kind of cry, but full out bawling. He couldn't help it, everything was just beyond screwed up. He had just found out that his big brother, his hero, his best friend, would become a demon if he went to hell. He would become the same thing that he had devoted his life to killing and ridding this world of. And all because of a stupid, dumb, idiotic, selfless, loving deal Dean had made to save him. He didn't know what to do anymore. The only hope he had of saving Dean had lied to him, filled him with false hope to get what she wanted. It wasn't fair! Dean sacrificed everything, everything, to be a hunter. He put everyone before him, and now…now to turn into a demon after all that. Dean didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve any of this, and Sam couldn't help but feel that all this was his fault. He was going to lose his brother to the pits of hell, and he found it really hard to find a purpose in life anymore.
Sam couldn't describe this feeling. He couldn't remember a time where he felt this…empty. Not even when Jessica died or when Dad died…"yeah cuz I still had Dean, the only person I've ever needed"…It was like Sam had this hole in his heart, this dark pit that was just waiting to consume his whole body. Sam knew what it was like to lose loved ones, the constant battle within yourself to just survive the next day. But Dean was all Sam ever needed to be okay. But that would soon be gone too.
Sam wondered if this was what it was like for Dean to lose Dad. For Sam, losing mom was sad, losing Jess was heartbreaking, losing Dad was devastating, but losing Dean…that would be life ending in all ways that mattered to Sam.
And then he thought of what Dean must be going through. Well actually he knew full well what Dean was going through, well to a certain extent. When Sam thought that he was going to go dark-side, it had nearly destroyed him, so he could only imagine what was running through Dean's mind.
So Sam cried, he cried for his brother, he cried for himself, but mostly he cried to let it out, because the minute Dean walked through that door, he promised himself that he wouldn't cry anymore, that he would try to be strong, because he could see it in Dean's eyes, Dean was about to break, and Sam would be damned if he wasn't there to pull Dean together like he had done for Sam his entire life.
Sam didn't realize this, but Dean hadn't really gone anywhere. The curtains to the room were mostly closed but slightly open, open enough for Dean to stand by the window and see Sam, without Sam seeing him. He watched as Sam brought his hands to his face and start bawling. He saw the heaving and the trembling of Sam's body, and he felt the pain.
Dean hated this, he hated being the source of Sam's pain and agony, and he had never seen his brother cry like that before. It was heart wrenching to watch and it was hard. It was hard to deal with his brother's grief and his own grief at the same time. Everything was threatening to swallow him in, and he didn't know what to do anymore. He would never admit this to Sam, but he felt completely and utterly hopeless and scared out of his freaking mind. He didn't want to turn into a demon…he didn't want to forget who he was, who Sam was. Dean stood there staring at his broken little brother. Dean had the same expression on his face that he had had that night as he watched his father's corpse burn…and the tears began to fall. One by one they made their way down his face until finally he couldn't take it anymore, he didn't want to think anymore, and he sunk down against the window and he began to cry. The hurt, anger, frustration, fear, and agony of it all taking its full toll on him as his body just gave in.
Dean wasn't one to cry, he could actually physically count out on his fingers all the times he had full out cried. And as Dean crouched there with his hands on his face, crying, he hoped that he and Sam would have enough energy, have enough fight left in them, to make it past these next few months. But above all, he hoped that Sam would be okay after he was gone, that he would survive, that he would move on. That's all Dean had to hold onto now, all he had to get him through.
Ruby stood behind a bush by the motel and it actually pained her to see Sam and Dean this way. Demons had talked about this utterly despicable and stupid devotion these two brothers had to each other. The selflessness and love they shared, and how that same devotion was exactly what had given the demons exactly what they had wanted, Dean Winchester's soul. The human part of Ruby thought it was sweet, she had never seen two human beings so attached and so devoted. Demons call her weak for being able to show this kind of sympathy, but she remembered…she remembered what it was like to lose someone, she remembered what it was like to have no hope.
As Ruby looked on at Dean's crouched position, with his elbows on his knees, hands covering his face she smiled to herself noticing how Sam and Dean were pretty much in identical stances as they cried. It wasn't the happy sort of smile, but instead the sad sort of smile, as she realized something…
The window, which Dean was outside of and Sam was inside of, sort of served as a mirror; a mirror into one heart and one soul, possessed by two human beings, two human beings because you cannot tell which is the man and which is the reflection. A reflection with an odd symmetry, one man shorter and his reflection seemingly taller…or is the shorter man the reflection? An illusion maybe, but definitely a broken image…a broken image of a lost soul, and two devastatingly broken men.