A Hounding Secret summary: Bumblebee struggles with 'HIS' secret. Needing a place to mope, the youngling retreats towards the outlook … Hound of course was thinking the same thing. One-shot, crack-fic off of the 'Promise Not to Tell' story line. [2007 movieverse]

Note: Blame 'Lady FoxFire' for this plot bunny, because of her review on chapter 6. Also, this fic is based somewhere loosely between chapters 3 and 6. 'Bee can also talk … just to make my life a little easier. Also, this was beta'ed by the wonderful 'Litahatchee'. Also … don't be fooled by the drama-tastic beginning … this is a crack fic. What? I'm sick and need something to humor myself.

Disclaimer: I have two words for you if you think Transformers is mine, "Idiot." … Oh wait, that's one.

Rating: Older teen … discussion of mature themes.

Image: 'Sister Mother' by GreenAppleFreak.

A Hounding Secret

Bumblebee's door wings sank as he stood outside Prime's door. His knuckles were a fraction of an inch from knocking on Prime's door, yet he was unable too. A part of his spark was fighting furiously to just 'tell', while his CPU trembled with horror. If he told, that would be the end of it. He would no longer be able to call himself a free mech. She would be a prize … a nightly pleasure for all the mechs to share; later, dumping her by the way side so she could birth an endless amount of sparklings, till she died.

The femme buried her head in her hands. Sh-she couldn't do it. She was just too scared. Before Bumblebee could even walk away, though, there was a whoosh of cool air as the door she had been standing in front of opened. None other then Optimus Prime stood before her, a look of question in his optic. "Bumblebee? What's the matter? Do you need something?"

"No-no!" squawked the smaller 'bot as he stumbled backwards, earning him a squawk from another mech that must have been standing behind him. The little mech swallowed as he looked up at Ironhide's angry expression. 'Bee tried to ignore the fact that he was trapped between two mechs … but his spark whimpered in need.

The black mech frown as he looked down at 'Bee. "What's the matter kid?"

"N-nothing!" stuttered 'Bee before pushing off and stumbling away from the two staring elders. A quick lie popped in his CPU as he stormed off, not wanting them to become suspicious and follow him. "I was just going to ask if you wanted to come, but you guys seem too busy to go to the lookout."

A cold silence hung in the partially constructed halls of the Autobots new base s the yellow being disappeared without another word. Optimus's optics flickered with worry before he spoke, never looking away from the spot where 'Bee had disappeared too. "There have been no signs of any other Cybertronians, Ironhide. Do you think he knows? It would explain his strange behavior of late … especially, with the Allspark gone."

"I don't see how he could Prime." added Ironhide as he shifted on his feet in a nervous manner. This was a touchy subject, and under no means was Bumblebee supposed overhear them. It would probably cause him to go into shock.

The larger 'bot watched the empty hall a little longer before looking down at Ironhide; a sad flash appeared in his optics. "What did you want by the way Ironhide?"

The Weapon Specialist shook his head slightly, as he turned his gaze away from the empty hall as well. "Noth'in much. I just wanted to tell you Hound's sulked off somewhere again. Apparently, Ratchet threatened a limb after he finally got all the mud out of his circuits."

Optimus sighed. "Well, we'd better go get him before he's buried this time. I don't see why he just doesn't do normal … wait, none of you have normal hobbies do you?"

"Nope." Stated Ironhide a little too proudly as he ran his hand over his revealed cannon in a loving manner. There a metallic clang as the cannon went back into place. "I'll go get Ratchet and Will. There is no way I'm leaving him alone with Wheeljack for more than a minute."


Bumblebee sat in his bi-pedal form, his face buried in his legs as he silently wept to himself. Why hadn't he told Prime? Why hadn't he told him and just ran for it? It would have been easier then dealing with this horrible ache in his chest. It was like someone was crushing him from the inside out. He could hear his very armor cracking from the stress. How as he supposed to go on like this? He … he was a freak. "W-why am I a FREAK!"

The words ached crisply through the falling night air. 'Bee hated this feeling. This feeling of mind and soul having a war over his body. Why could he just split in two and be done wit it. He-he –

"You're not a freak kid."

'Bee froze; his very intakes seemed to catch on themselves as he felt a hand lightly place itself on his shoulders. There was a grunt and a soft hum of moving metals parts, until the earth beside him let go a grunt as well, when the mech plopped down beside him, crossing his legs Indian style. The youngling's optics twitched as he forced himself to look over to see whom was sitting next to him … deep down he prayed it was Megatron. At least he knew that way his mind would be made up for him … he wouldn't tell a soul, because he'd be dead. Despite how badly he wanted it to be true, Bumblebee knew Megatron wasn't army green.

"H-hound?" murmured the smaller mech, his own words garbled as if he grunted more then spoke.

The slightly larger mech was staring up at the turning sky, as if he hadn't even noticed 'Bee's misery. The mech sighed and gave a comforting squeeze to 'Bee's shoulder before pulling his hand away. Hound then grabbed that free wrist of his with his other hand, so that his arms dangled effortlessly between his legs. His optics were dull as he looked at 'Bee. "Look at this place 'Bee."

The smaller Cybertronian looked around to humor the older 'bot. He knew everything about the outlook … everything.

"It is constantly changing … this place is the very essence of life." Hound spoke softly, as if in a pained whisper, "much like the Allspark. Now, just because we are made of steel and metal doesn't mean that the same rules that apply to the life on this world, doesn't apply to us." Hound turned away from the smaller transformer, "It's a sad truth, but living isn't meant to be easy 'Bee. We are all a part of life, species come and species go."

The wind itself stopped in 'Bee's optics as Hound's optics bored into him in a knowing manner … Hound knew didn't he? He knew. He had connected the dots, as Sam would say, and Hound finally saw the final picture. The small femme let her proud shoulders crumble. There was no more playing hide and seek … she had been found out, and now it was time to come and play another game. Bumblebee didn't want to play, but like she had a choice anymore. "H-how did you find out?"

Hound tilted his head. It was rather obvious that 'Bee was upset about the destruction of that Allspark … who wasn't? "Believe me kid … it wasn't that hard to figure out." The mech nearly jumped out of his skin when a wailing cry escaped the vocal processor of the mech next to him. The green mech barely had time to grunt in surprise as 'Bee threw himself into Hound's, weeping like a sparkling.

"Please Hound! Don't tell Prime! I-I don't want to be the species' bitch!" screamed 'Bee as he buried his head into Hound's chest, trembling, "I don't want to be a breeder. Please," cried the yellow femme as she looked the shocked Hound in the optic, "don't tell Prime I'm a femme!"

Hound froze, barely noting the femme that was now crying in his chest. Had he just heard that … no, no, it couldn't have been? His optics slowly rounded back down at 'Bee whom was still wrapped around his chest crying like he-she had just killed Prime herself. It was true wasn't it? I made sense now that he thought about it. 'Bee's fear of Ratchet getting under his chassis; his distance from the rest of the group; his resistance to talk or even mention femmes. Is this the secret that 'Bee had been harboring all these years like a frightened child? A part of Hound want to laugh until his processors forced him into stasis to keep from overheating, the other half wanted to cry just like 'Bee, but he was long past the days of crying … and it seemed secret keeping as well. One good secret deserves another.

'Bee trembling slowly subsided as he felt Hound run a comforting hand over his helm. Slowly, as if daring fate, 'Bee looked upward waiting to see if his execution date had been set.

Hound chuckled at the camaro's frown. "It's alright 'Bee … I have a secret as well." There was a click as Hound started to open his chassis. 'Bee instinctively pulled away from the larger mech, expecting the worst … but a soft golden light danced forward to greet her instead of touching hands and invading sparks. "I'm a femme as well."

"You're a what! Hound y-you're a femme?"

Both mech's jumped as a scrawny beast stumbled out of the bushes nearby panting. Will looked up at 'Bee, and 'Bee looked at Hound, and Hound looked at Will, and … well, it just continued like that for a few minutes until Hound pointed at 'Bee. "So is 'Bee as well, it seems."

There was a thud as Will passed out, tumbling into the soft grass like a dead chicken. The two mech's stared at the grasses that partially concealed the hidden human, only too nearly to jump out their metallic armor once again when a metal foot landed next to the collapsed human. The looming forms of Ratchet, Ironhide, and Optimus himself stumbled out of the bushes. There optics seemed to bore holes into the very spark chambers of the two femmes in front of them.

"'Bee's a femme?" asked Ratchet curiously, running a scan over Will to make sure he wasn't dead before looking back towards the cowering camaro. Hound nodded.

"Well … shit." grumbled Prime as he shifted his feet apart and placed his hands on his hips. "We are in the same situation we started with! Like we need another femme! There's more then enough of us now."

Bumblebee looked up at her commander, pulling away from Hound a little more. What did they mean? They didn't? No, they wouldn't have … but they weren't all femmes and … but … had they been planning on her being a mech? The lines started to connect in 'Bee's shaken processors. Oh Primus! Nothing was going her way was it! Was it? Primus was laughing at her … she just knew it. A voice suddenly interrupted her musings and somehow 'Bee drew herself out of her mental break down to listen to the others and perhaps shed a little more light on the situation.

"Well," added Ratchet giving a sigh, "Project 'Bee the Sugar Daddy is stuck, and since we are all going to deactivate as old maids, we just as well have some fun with it."

"Like what?" moped Ironhide as she shifted the unconscious, slightly drooling Will, in her hand once more, "and how the Primus do you turn off this leaking?"

"Well," stated the CMO nervously, "I miss my bosom." The medic made a bouncing motion towards her chest. All the other femme instinctively looked down at their chests as well.

There was a crash as Bumblebee collapsed to the ground from pure shock. The young femme promptly shook the dirt off her head and looked up at the other four 'bots. All four of them were now making motions towards their chests, trying to remember how big theirs use to be. Thi-this wasn't happening. This was a nightmare! They were all femmes like she was, weren't they? They had just been in disguise as well. But … but … do Cybertronians have wonder bras, because if Ironhide's were really that big- Bumblebee mentally slapped herself. Stop! Stop! Panicking remember?

"I think mine were about this big," motioned Prime, holding her hands out in front of her chest, moving her hands in a cupping motion.

A huff filled the landscape, echoing over the terrain as Ironhide slowly laid her human in the soft grass, which was weeping in the evening wind. "Please Prime. Yours were smaller than that. Everyone knows that I had the biggest ones."

'Bee watched with a glazed expression as all the older femmes started to bicker about who had the biggest hooters before the war. She cocked her head and looked down at her hands, before slowly rising to her feet, a breath of a question in her vocal processors. She stopped a yard or two out of the circle of bickering femmes. "Um … guy-gals … aren't we in the same situation that we started with, and shouldn't we be … I don't know? Panicking? I mean … now, instead of there being no femmes, there are no mechs! How can you ramble on about bust size when we are still going extinct! For all we know, every last Cybertronian is dead, or a femme! In the words of Sam, "We-are-so-screwed!""

Optimus and the others all stared at 'Bee. A silence fell over the lookout and Ironhide threw her gaze back over towards Optimus. "I told you we should have kept Blackout. I told you we needed a sex slave, but you were like, "No … we can use 'Bee when he gets a bit older.""

A traumatized squeak escaped 'Bee, but the older 'bots kept bickering.

"I thought we agreed on Bonecrusher!" Hissed Ratchet as she leaned forward, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No-no. See … that's why we didn't keep one. You all thought –" Optimus suddenly went silent and her optics brightened as she felt something large click against her back. There was combined gasped of surprise from all the bots, as they took a few steps back, hands showing.

"You though what Autobot?" hissed the shadow that slowly arranged its head so it could peer out at its captive audience from behind Prime's back. There was a cruel giggle as something small landed at the figure's feet, twitching madly.

"Y-yah A-auto bots!" hissed Frenzy as he scampered around Optimus's feet in a mocking manner, just daring one of the Autobots to attack, and thus, get their commander shot in the back.

"I knew we were forgett'en somebody." added Ironhide as she threw the rest of the femmes a look before returning her gaze back to Barricade. "You hear anything we just said?"

Barricade's red optics became slits. Why the Primus weren't they panicking or at least growling at him? He had a cannon to their commander's spark, yet that seemed the least of their concerns. "No. Whatever plans you did have are ruined, anyway."

There was a nod of approval from Ironhide and the other femmes around her, before she spoke again, directing her gaze up towards Optimus. "Prime … you think … maybe?"

The commander nodded her head, and before there was even a hum from Barricade's cannon, he got an elbow to the gut and went down with a roar, grabbing at his midsection. Prime quickly grabbed the Decepticon by his wrist and twisted it slightly, earning her another roar of pain. Optimus tilted her head. "Barricade … are you a femme?"

The Decepticon slowly looked upward, his free hand still over his dented midsection. He was going to die anyway, so why lie about it. "No … even if I was, I'd kill myself before being your breeder." to Barricade's surprise, a sigh of relief came from all the other mechs instead of a hiss. How was that a good thing?

After the sigh of relief escaped Ratchet, she sighed and shook her head. "Primus, why does everyone always think that? Breeder."

"I don't know." Added Ironhide, "Damn, stupidest thing I've ever heard. Like any real mech would want to share." A tint of amusement gleamed in her optics as she took a few steps toward Optimus, whom was motioning the Topkick nearer with her free hand. Barricade had already closed his optics … expecting death from the Weapon Specialist.

Optimus chuckled as she grinned down at Ironhide. She slowly tilted her head so she could whisper down to the Weapon Specialist. "Get the ropes … and don't forget the small one."


Paw07: "Always know how to make fun of your own writing; I mean those poor critics' fingers must be getting tired so do a little yourself. Then, and only then, can you call yourself a true writer."

Image link: art/ sister-mother-123061264