This was the first fic I ever wrote. I've done several others since then but this where it started Hope you guys enjoy it!

Sam realized that the person he was fighting, the person who he now had pinned to the floor, was none other than his big brother, Dean Winchester.

"Dean?...What the hell you doing' here man?"

"Nice to see you too Sammy…miss me?" Dean asked with his cocky little grin. " I mean you must miss me a whole lot to be sittin' on top of me."

"Shut up Dean…you didn't answer my question…what are you doing here?"

"Jeez can't a guy drop in on his kid brother once in awhile to see how he's doing?"

"Dean!" Sam warned as they both lifted themselves off the floor.

"Alright, alright, I…"

Before Dean could finish, a long legged blonde in her smurf PJ's was a few feet in front of him.

"Well hello there…you must be in the wrong dorm room …cuz there's no way my kid brother could snag a babe like you."

Same just rolled his eyes and introduced Dean to Jess.

"Dean this is my girlfriend Jess…Jess this is Dean."

"Dean… as in brother Dean?" questioned Jess.

"So, you've heard about me," Dean replied with a smartass grin. "All good things I hope…if not…don't listen to Sammy over here, he's always been jealous of my good looks."

Jess couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, Sam got one part right at least…you sure are cocky."

Dean simply let out a laugh. "Oh, this isn't cockiness sweetheart…it's confidence…pure, unadulterated confidence."

"Wow," Sam thought to himself…Dean hadn't changed a bit…which brought an odd sense of comfort to Sam

To be completely honest, Sam was damn glad to see Dean again; it had been too long. With that said, he also knew that Dean was probably here for a reason and not just "stopping by."

"Jess will you excuse us, Dean and I need to talk."

"Sure thing," replied Jess politely

Dean and Sam walked outside to the back.

"Sammy, you sly dog…is this what you've been doing away at college…romancing the girls?" Dean chuckled. "Guess you take after big brother more than you like to admit."

Sam couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Dean, once again man, why you here?"

"I need your help."

"With what?"

"Dad's been gone for over 2 weeks, and I have no idea where he is."

"Dean, he's always gone, man, and half the time he takes off to god knows where, but you know he always comes back."

" I dunno , this time feels different, I think he found a trail leading to the demon."

" THE demon?" Asked Sam, stunned.

" Yea, Sammy."

"How do you know?"

"Cuz dad wouldn't talk to me about what he was hunting or where he was going…and he always tells me at least one of those details."

"So dad didn't actually come out and tell you that he found a trail to THE demon?"

"Of course not Sammy!You think he'd ever do something like that?"

"No, I guess not."

"I just have a feeling man, something big's going down."


"Sam I need your help..."

"No you don't Dean…you've been doing fine without me."

"That's what you think…"Dean whispered to himself.

If Sam only knew how much his brother missed him, missed him to the point that sometimes it was just hard to breathe, so hard to go through another day without his kid brother. If Sam knew all the times Dean ended up badly hurt on hunts, badly hurt because he had no back up, no one to protect him the way he'd always protected his little brother…If Sam only knew…

"What was that?" Questioned Sam.

"Nothing," Dean snapped back. "Look Sammy, I do need your help, but most of all I WANT your help."

"Dean…I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"I'm done with that life, Dean…I told you and dad that. Hunting's not for me…it never was." Sam paused for a moment. "This is where I belong Dean…at Standford, with Jess"

"That's great, Sam , you meet a girl and you forget all about your damn family…is that it?"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Whatever, dude. Look I'm not asking you to leave this behind. I just need your help, even if it's for the weekend, even just to point me in the right direction towards where dad could be. I promise I'll drive you back first thing Monday morning."

When Dean had thought about asking Sam for help on previous hunts it was often the case that Dean didn't NEED Sam's help but just WANTED to be around his kid brother, so he'd always talked himself out of it. But this time was different. This time felt different. He would need back up. He just knew it.

"Look, Sammy I really think I'm gonna need back up on this one. I just have a feeling."

"Dean…no! This little hunt can go on forever. A weekend of my help won't do you any good."

"And how the hell would you know?"

"Dean don't drag me back into that life. I've made a good life here; a life without hunting, without fear and sadness, a life without loneliness."Sam froze just as he finished that sentence, kicking himself for saying that last part

Loneliness, that word just seemed to hang in the air.

"Sammy, how could you have been lonely? You had me and Dad."

"Dean that's not what I meant.I just mean, I feel like I belong here." Who was Sam kidding? He didn't belong there anymore than Dean belonged in a Toyota Corolla! But still, Sam was trying so hard to convince himself that he did belong at Stanford, maybe even trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince his brother.

"Well then, I'm happy for you, Sammy. Really I am. I'm just asking for a little help here, man…and geez, you get to spend some time with big brother. Wouldn't that just be awesome?" Dean said with a huge smile across his face.

But Dean's smile was quickly wiped away.


"Sammy…Please man. I haven't bothered you in two years. I'm just asking a simple thing. It'll be good for us. I miss hanging with you, kiddo. I miss having my geeky kid brother around. Do you know what it's like doing this job solo half the time?Having you around made it bearable, man. With you gone, it's just…it's not the same."

Dean rarely ever begged or got sappy like this,but his brother had a way of making Dean do things, things other people wouldn't have a chance in hell getting Dean to do, and this was a prime example.

Sam sadly smiled. "Dean I miss hanging with you too, but it's not a simple thing like you say it is. I'm sorry man. I'm done with that life. I can't help you. I'm sorry…"

"You're a selfish bastard you know that! I ask for your help one freakin' time and you slam the door in my face!"

"I'm not being selfish Dean! I know Dad. He's gonna drag me back into that life."

"You left once, I'm sure you'll have no problem doing it a second time."

Dean almost felt guilty the minute those words left his mouth, and he saw the hurt laced across his younger brother's face.

"God, Dean! You make it sound so bad! I was just going away to school..following my dreams!"

"Following your dreams, huh?"

"At least I know how to." Sam was now starring right into Dean.

Dean's head snapped up at the comment. "Come again?"

"Dean you always used to talk about wanting to be this and wanting to be that, like a fireman! You said you wanted to be a fireman before I went to school but you never even tried to do it. You never tried to follow your dreams, all cuz you wanted to be a good little boy in Dad's eyes! Just because you didn't have the guts to follow your dreams doesn't give you permission to ruin mine!" Sam barked with anger and hostility.

Those words stung Dean like a thousand bees all stinging him at once. If only Sam knew why he hadn't followed his dreams, of the sacrifice he had made so Sam could have his dream. How could Sam even think that Dean would want to ruin his dreams?

As Dean stared into the eyes of his baby brother with the hurt that was now clearly laced across his face,Sam began to feel guilty, but he held his ground, staring back at his brother with no apology in his eyes. There was utter silence for what seemed like an eternity as both men stood, now staring at the ground.

"Sorry, I bothered you. Take care of yourself, Sammy."

As Dean turned and headed back to the car, the guilt began to eat at Sammy. Why hadn't Dean yelled back after Sam's last comment. Why hadn't Dean even made a sarcastic comment or given Sam a dirty look? Why did Dean's face all of a sudden look defeated and…sad. Oh God, Sam, what the hell did you just do, you moron?

And just as quickly as Dean had arrived, he jumped in his car and left.

Sam watched as the Impala drove into the night, his heart breaking knowing that he may have just permanently damaged his already fragile relationship with his big brother.

A week went by and Sam hadn't heard from Dean. Not that he was expecting to. He and his brother didn't exactly end off on good terms, but still, in the back of his mind, he wished and hoped that his brother would call. Sam had picked up the phone several times, even gone down his contact list until he reached Dean, his finger lingering on the "Call" button. But each time, he had stopped himself.

What would he say to Dean if he called? Sam still didn't want to go hunting again, and he still wanted to stay at Stanford, but would a weekend have really hurt him? All his brother asked for was a weekend, a weekend for the two to hang out, a weekend where Sam would watch Dean's back like old times. After everything Dean had done for Sam his entire life, all the sacrifices he had made, Sam couldn't even give him a lousy weekend? What the hell was wrong with him?!!

And the things he'd said, Oh God the things he'd said. Why had he been so mean? Although he didn't know why that last comment he made to Dean had hurt him so much, he knew that it had, because Dean was never one to shy away from an argument or fight, he always had to have the last yell, but this time had been different, he just backed off, and that was not like Dean.

You messed up Sam, you messed up big time.

All these questions and thoughts had been bombarding Sam's mind everyday since Dean had driven away. Dean was sure that this thing, whatever it was, was big, and he had asked Sam for help.


Sam just realized what he had done. He'd turned down Dean's plea for help. Dean, who never ever asks anyone for help, had come to Sam, and Sam had just shut the door in his face. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me, big brother, now please don't let the door smack you on the way out!

How could he have been such a jerk, such an asshole to the one person who had always had his back and watched out for him? To the one person who had sacrificed so much for him, the one and only big brother he had?

Sam was driving himself crazy. He knew what he had to do. He had to call Dean, apologize for being such an ass, apologize for not giving Dean a weekend of his time, apologize for all the hurtful things he had said.

Sam picked up the phone. One ring. Two rings. Thr…

"Sammy…" came the voice at the other end, but it wasn't his big brother's voice. No, it was much coarser and deeper.


"S-s-sam-my," John's voice was shaky, and he sounded as if he had been crying. Sam realized that he hadn't heard his dad this shaken up since he was 12 and he, his dad, and Dean had gone on a hunt where Dean had almost gotten…

Sam felt like his heart had just sunk into his stomach…


"Sammy…I…I was just about to call you."

"Dad! Wh-where's Dean"?

"Sammy, I think you should come to Kansas, as soon as you can, son."

"D-d-dad..." Sam's voice was shaking uncontrollably now.

" Is…Dean…is he…okay?"

" Get here as soon as you can Sam. Please Sammy, please."

TBC- I'll post chapter two tomorrow