Disclaimer: I do not own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya or any of its characters.

Valentine's Day and the Uses of Scandal

"This is boring."

I don't know what Haruhi expects Valentine's Day to be. After all, she finds love such a useless emotion as to call it a mental illness, so why should a day to celebrate a 'disease' like that be anything other than stupid?

"Just because love is stupid, doesn't mean it has to be boring. Even on a dumb day like this, there should be something exciting. It's a well-known fact that a high number of significant or surprising events always occur on Valentine's Day!"

I don't think that's the kind of 'fact' that will ever get printed in a newspaper.

"Hmph. At any rate, I thought that something interesting would occur today, but there have been no scandals or surprising confessions at all."

It was lunch time, and Haruhi had mysteriously declared that I was to accompany her to the SOS Brigade clubroom. As always, I struggled valiantly, but soon found myself dutifully following her, bidding a sad farewell to the delicious lunch I had prepared that morning in the knowledge that Kunikida and Taniguchi would be kind enough to 'take care of it' for me.

I don't know what she thinks she'll achieve by going to the clubroom, though. If anything 'scandalous' were to happen at all today, it would be in the classrooms or the hallways, where there are other people. Nothing's going to happen in the club room. At least, I hope not.

"You can't expect a scandal to just happen. Why don't you start something? Don't complain when you haven't made any effort to get chocolates for people yourself."

"It's not my fault that there aren't any boys in this school worth the effort."

Only because you place your effort at such a higher value than anyone else's. Do you want me to kidnap you and create a dramatic love scene, then?

"Don't be disgusting."

That rules out one explanation for Haruhi's odd choice of lunch room. Thank goodness. Although you could be a little nicer about it! It isn't necessary to go so far as to call me worthless or disgusting, you know. It's not as though I want to date a girl like you anyway.

She shot me a dark look and I wondered what she was going to say in reply. But she said nothing – I guess I'm not worth the effort, eh? Then she threw open the club room door and froze in shock.

"Eh? S-Suzumiya-san?" came that cute, familiar voice. Ad as I moved behind Haruhi to see what she was staring at, I, too, could only gape at the sight of cute little Asahina-san with her hair ruffled, skirt askew and blouse half-undone, pushing an equally dishevelled Tsuruya-san onto the table in the middle of the room. Asahina seemed to be frozen in position – one hand on Tsuruya's shoulder, the other edging under the bottom of her shirt – for several moments while a blush rose slowly to her cheeks, then suddenly jumped away from the table and tried frantically to tidy herself up.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I just… we… it's not… didn't think…"

Tsuruya, for once, said nothing, just shooting us an impish grin before she went back to watching Asahina.

"Mikuru-chan, stop that!" Haruhi ordered, and she stopped babbling and froze again, hands hovering at the front of her shirt. "This room isn't officially used for SOS Brigade business at recess, so you're free to use it at lunch time any day you want. Sorry we interrupted you!"

She actually bowed. Has the Earth stopped turning?

"C'mon, Kyon, let's leave them to it. Have fun!"

And with that, she stepped back into the corridor and shut the door behind her. Immediately I heard Tsuruya erupt into gales of laughter, followed by an embarrassed wail from Mikuru. Haruhi just stood there with the biggest grin I had ever seen on her face and walked away with such a spring in her step that she was almost skipping.

I guess that answers the question of what Haruhi thought made an 'interesting' Valentine's Day event, and why Asahina and Tsuruya had decided so suddenly to 'deepen their friendship'. But as I stood there in shock, I heard the laughter subside to a tender chuckle and Mikuru's wails turn to gentle murmurs, and both finally turned to silence. I walked after Haruhi, shaking my head. It seems that for once, her desire for 'interesting things' and the use of her powers had been for the best. Haruhi's meddling had made people happy.

If she decides to turn the SOS Brigade into a matchmaking club, however, I will take no responsibility for the disasters that follow. And if she thinks she can pair me up with Koizumi for her amusement...

Well, that's probably not worth thinking about.