It wasn't really a tradition. No, traditions were things that happened over and over again through time. Monthly official Marauder meetings were tradition, seemed like they always had been…but this, this was more of a pact. The four of them had agreed on it back when they were 12. They had all felt that this was a hysterical idea when they had thought of it, but now James wasn't laughing. Instead, he was embarrassed, cold in all the wrong places, and really wishing that the ground would swallow him whole.
Unfortunately for James, the ground was not so kind and remained as it was…with no perfectly placed holes waiting for him. So he continued walking with his three best friends, completely naked (except for his flip flops) and carrying Remus' muggle golf bag. He was also levitating a rather large box full of oranges.
Yes, the Marauders had all agreed (and signed an oath) that whenever one of them got married in the future, they would all go out and play one last game of golf with oranges as single friends. Unfortunately for James, the guy getting married would have to caddy for the others…naked.
"Come on guys! Can't we go back?" James practically whined.
"Not a chance in the world." Said Sirius. "We all agreed, remember?"
"Yeah, but I didn't think you were serious."
He winked "Oh but Prongs-y, I'm always Sirius." (A/N: I'm sorry about that terrible pun.)
"Well look on the bright side—" started Remus with mock pity.
"I can't really see one…"
"There is. At least Peter is too drunk to remember any of this ever happening."
Peter looked as if he was trying much harder than necessary to string some words together. He finally managed, "Hey! I-I an-not glunk!"
James, Sirius, and Remus broke out laughing, and Peter eventually started laughing at himself as well. Although he was completely oblivious as to what was so funny.
"Another bright side James," said Sirius "Is that the camera I brought doesn't have any film."
"Oh thank Merlin and his frilly laced knickers for that!" James looked unbelievably relieved.
"How on Earth would you know what Merlin's knickers looked like?" Remus chuckled.
James had a completely straight face. "No particular reason. We just got a little cozy during seventh year."
Remus looked aghast before bursting out laughing once again. He had definitely had a little too much tequila at James' bachelor's party. They all had.
"Alright, we're here!" Sirius waved his arms in front of him for emphasis. "Perfect place for a game of orange-golf, if I do say so myself." He placed a tee in the dirt road and turned to James. "Can you pass me the no. 2 wood? I've gotta' make this first shot count."
James put the golf bag so that it was covering him up as best as possible and reluctantly pulled out the desired club. Sirius took it, put an orange on the tee, and lined himself up. He hit it as hard as he possibly could, right over the gate and into the Hogwarts grounds near the Whomping Willow.
"Whoa! That was nearly 200 meters!"
"Always the tone of surprise, Remus." Sirius said with mock hurt in his voice.
"Well I never thought anything could break through the protective barriers around the school. Dumbledore put most of them up himself."
"Oh yeah, because if Voldemort ever tries to take over Hogwarts he's gonna' take down the walls by throwing fruit." Sirius smirked and Remus stuck his tongue out at him.
"James, I'll take the same club. But this time, I think I'll hit it…toward the Herbology greenhouses." Remus picked up an orange, put it down, lined up and…Bam! It easily cleared the gates and soared right at the glass buildings. "Fore!"
"Fuck!" cried Remus.
"Great shot, Remus."
"Sod off, Peter."
"Moony, such language! You never curse. Who have you been hanging out with?"
"You." Remus cracked a small smile. "Well at least we can't get detention anymore."
"Ha! Doesn't mean someone won't. Filch'll blame whoever he can for the chance to punish someone." Said James
"Ah, I remember when we used to be that 'someone'." Sirius looked off dreamily.
"Yeah, but all those times, we'd actually done something." Remus sighed.
A resounding "So?" came from all around him.
The game continued pretty normally from there. Peter, in his completely wasted state, actually managed to hit it over the gate a few times. Sirius seemed to be getting the most distance, even though he wasn't even concerned which direction he was hitting. Remus swore he hit Mrs. Norris, but the only other who saw was Peter (who was so intoxicated that no one believed him).
Even though Sirius had sworn up and down to James that "My bloody camera doesn't have any film! I'm a pureblood; I don't even know how to work it properly." he continued to make the thing flash several times throughout the evening. Eventually, James gave up and made himself believe that Sirius really was doing it just to be obnoxious.
After about an hour, when the box of oranges was nearly empty, they saw a dim light heading towards them. Whether it was their loud laughs and screams or the occasional orange hitting the castle that alerted someone to their presence, they'd probably never know. They also couldn't quite make out a face, but the limp assured them it was Filch.
"M-Mrs. Norris?! What have those rotten kids done to you now! There, there. Daddy's here now, you're alright. I'll make them pay."
"I told you I hit that cat!" Remus whispered "I told you, but noooooooo, Remus doesn't have aim that good." Sirius looked flabbergasted. That's right, completely and utterly flabbergasted. "Wow." Seemed to be all he was capable of saying.
"Umm, guys. Don't you think we should probably run?" James was looking at his friends like they were completely mad. Filch was starting to make his way back up to the castle carrying his beloved cat, but once she was safe he was bound to come back and look for who had done it.
"Aww, can't we just wait until he makes it back in. It's only a matter of time before –"
Whoosh! Splat! Crash! Meow!
Filch had slipped on one of their oranges, flipped over in the air (if you asked Sirius how it had happened), and then belly-flopped right on top of poor old Mrs. Norris. A hushed ripple of laughter went through the Marauders. For several minutes they watched Filch try (and fail) to get up, while constantly slipping on more of their fruit.
Finally, Filch managed to get a firm grip on the ground and stood steady. "You goddamn kids!"
"Yeah, run!" Remus yelled, a bit louder than intended. Filch apparently heard him and began limping as fast as he could in their general direction. Wasting no time, James started throwing clubs in the bag. Sirius was looking for all the oranges on their side of the gate and definitely was not taking any pictures of Filch. Peter was laughing at a leaf (don't ask). Remus was giving them all a play-by-play of Filch and really accurate guesstimates on exactly how long they had to get everything done.
With all their things together, they all grabbed on tight and Disapparated to Godric's Hollow about a block from James' house.
"That was awesome…a bit chilly, but totally awesome!" Said James, "I can't wait 'til you guys get married."
"Me either," replied Sirius, "we definitely knew what we were thinking when we planned this one out." He smiled.
Remus looked over into his golf bag which James was still carrying. "Hey mate, where's the wool cover for my no. 3 wood? You didn't leave it did you?"
"Nope, it's right here on my 9 wood."
"…Ew James! My mum made that!"
"It's really soft. Can you have her knit me a sweater for my birthday?"
"I-I think I might hate you."
"Ha! You love me and you know it."
"Like a fat kid loves running."
James pouted. "That hurts Remus, right here." He pouted at pointed at his heart.
They were walking up to James and Lily's front door now. They couldn't be sure, but most of the lights in the house were on, so Lily's girlfriends were probably still there.
"Lovely." James' voice was dripping with sarcasm.
Remus could barely contain himself. "Lovely's right!" He nearly flew up the front steps and knocked on the door. "Oi Lily! Just wait 'til you see these pictures of James."
James laughed, turned to Sirius, and playfully hit him on the shoulder. "I thought you said there wasn't any film in the camera."
"…You said there wasn't any film in the camera!"
Good? Not worth it? Review! Just know that no matter how massed up this story was (because who hits oranges w/ clubs naked at their old school), it was inspired by the amazing stuff my doctor gave me for the flu I've have for over a week. Oh, and I wrote this at like 3 am : )