Disclaimer: If I owned it Sakura would die...
Warnings: OOC behavior, angst, mentions of attempted suicide, possessive Gaara.. Lemon.
If given half the chance would they love me?
I do not think so.
I know that they won't.
They never have before so why should they start now?
No one will ever really love me, no one will ever see me for me. All they can see is the youkai that resides inside of my soul. They cannot see beneath the mask, the facade. They are unable to see past the smile and the grins, behind the false laughter and the bright eyes. They are unable to see the bleeding, scar covered child that cries beneath the mask.
All they see is the youkai that killed everything in its path. They never see the suffering that their misplaced anger and rage has caused. They never noticed the child that was driven to suicide at the age of seven because he could not handle the beatings and torture any longer. They never see the child who lived through the slashed wrists only to wake up the next morning to be tortured again by anyone he crossed paths with.
The others my age never bothered to look beneath the mask that I wear so flawlessly. They never bothered to ask about the bruises and cuts on my arms before they healed. They never bothered to ask if I was alright when they saw me on the street with my lips split and my clothing torn. And when I was placed on a team my teammates and my sensei never bothered to notice the broken look in my eyes the few times that I allowed my true self to shine through. And after a while I had stopped trying to make them see.
It had become a test that I had refined over time to see weather or not someone might actually care enough to want to be with me. I would act normal or the same way that I acted in public and then I would let my heart and my true feelings shine through my eyes at odd moments and see if they noticed. Or if they cared enough to comment. I never found anyone who really gave a damn. The closest had been Iruka and that was before Kakashi came into his life. After he fell in love with the jounin instructor his time and opportunities to be with me were cut in more than half and his drive to spend time with me dropped to practically zero. And that forced me to open my eyes and see just how little he cared for me in the first place. Sure Iruka loved me in his own way but as it turns out it wasn't enough, and now I had it no longer. He had found another more suitable to love than I.
After all it is more suitable to love another ningen than it is to love a youkai is it not?
I was not angry when Iruka was all of a sudden too busy to spend time with me.
Suddenly it was Kakashi this and Kakashi that and maybe next times where always soon to follow. I was saddened of course but most of all I was happy and slightly relieved. I had been waiting for something like this to happen all of my life. I had always known that Iruka would leave me one day. After all I had Iruka for almost my whole life in one form or the other. In the beginning it was only a day or so every month and later it turned into a day or two every week after my graduation exams and the confrontation with Mizuki. That had only been four or so years ago and that was four years of slight happiness that I did not deserve.
I had been selfish for keeping Iruka to myself all of this time. I was relieved that the time that I had been dreading had finally come and gone. I had waited for years for Iruka to turn from me and to find someone else to spend all of his time with. I guess that it was appropriate in a way for it to be Kakashi-sensei. After all he was my sensei as well and both of them had been forced into close contact with me. A small sense of comfort to me was that maybe my existence had helped to bring them together and helped them find love.
And so life goes on and people change. It has been five years now since Iruka and Kakashi moved in together, four since Hinata and Neji came to love each other, three since Rock Lee and Sakura fell in love, two since all of the Rookie Nine had become jounin, myself included but only because of Tsunade-baa-chan, and one since Sasuke said he hated me.
And sometimes I wonder if given half the chance would he take back those words?
Would he apologized for ripping apart my heart and soul and then leaving without a second look back? And for the most part I do not believe he would. And that alone makes my soul bleed crimson. It hurts to know that the only person that I myself truly loved actually hated me with all of his mind, body, and soul. What hurts worse was remembering that he was the one to tell me so to my face. I remember the look on his face the day that he told me how he truly felt about me and how he wished that I would go away so that he would never have to look upon my form again. I did something then that he would have never suspected and that I will never regret. I walked forward and wrapped my arms around his body and I held him tight. And I smiled at him with clear bright eyes and told him that one day soon he would get his wish and that I wanted him to have no regrets. And right before I pulled away from him I whispered in his ear three little words that I would have given my soul to hear returned.
"I love you."
But my soul's worth does not measure that high, and that I do regret. I should have never said that to him but I could no more take back my words than he could take back his. So instead I left, just turned and walked away as if nothing had ever happened, as if no one would ever know. And no one would ever know. After all it wasn't likely that Sasuke would tell anyone what had happened and I had no one to tell to begin with. Sasuke had been my only true friend or so I had thought. Turns out I was wrong once again.
I was allowed to do missions solo now much to the relief of all the other shinobi and myself. No one wanted to work with me either because of the kitsune I contained or because of my reputation for drawing trouble. I did not want to work with a team that was more likely to slip a kunai between my ribs than my enemies were. And there were many in the village that would do just that at the first opportunity. And so now I work the same way I live, alone always alone. I never take a team, not for any mission. My strength is now so high that I fear to show anyone what I am truly capable of. I could finish what the Kyuubi had failed to do. I alone could crush Konoha and bring it to its knees and there was no longer any Fourth Hokage to seal me away. And yet I know that no matter what they do to me I could never return it to them. It was not in my heart to cause this village more pain than I already had.
And so I began to plan. I thought carefully about how I could give them peace of mind regarding my existence. How could I allow them to find peace and finally be able to set aside their grief? Leaving Konoha was not an option. After all if I became a missing nin they would send hunter-nin and would constantly live in fear that I would return and destroy their village for a second time. That left a second option, a slightly more appealing one. Death. It was the perfect solution.
But how does one in my position go about dieing properly?
All it would take would be one mishap on a mission, one miscalculated step in the intricate dance of kunai against kunai and maybe it would end. But I could not die that way. To do that would mean my name would be etched on the memorial stone, and that would be a crime to the villagers. My name had no business being near those of heroes. But even that left a third option. Suicide. They would not honor the name of someone who took their own life.
But for me to kill myself would take work.
And so I trained and time passed on. Soon it had been six years since Iruka and Kakashi moved in together, five since Hinata and Neji came to love each other, four since Rock Lee and Sakura fell in love, three since all of the Rookie Nine had become jounin, myself included but only because of Tsunade-baa-chan, two since Sasuke said he hated me, and one since I began to kill myself.
Death by my own hands would not come quickly, it would take time, accuracy, precision and dedication to achieve. For one year I had dedicated myself to my own death and hiding my dedication for any and everyone until the time was right. I would fulfill the one dream of Sasuke's that I had the means to accomplish. I had once said that I would die for my team and now I aimed to prove it even though we were no longer together. And so I took measures to weaken myself. I did not eat sometimes for weeks on end and I only took water every couple of days. I could live a long time without nourishment, I had discovered that early on in childhood when there was no one there to feed me and before I had been old enough to do it on my own. When I took missions I wasted more chakra than necessary and when at home I trained longer and slept less giving my supply little time to replenish itself.
And slowly I noticed my healing rate start to drop and my wounds lingered longer
My powers were slipping.
And no one noticed.
They never saw the broken looks or the exhausted tilt to my shoulders. They never noticed how I barely ate the ramen that I ordered or how I never stopped training.
They were only glad that I had quieted down and no longer annoyed them like before. And if they wondered why they never bothered to ask. I soon became what I had once fought so hard about Haku being called in the past. I became a tool, a weapon, but I was worse than what Haku had once been. I had become a soulless doll that only looked like a man but was inside a dead and battered weapon that was almost to the point of snapping. And when I finally did break I would simply be thrown to the side somewhere to rot in a place where no one would be bothered with me anymore.
It was not until Gaara arrived unexpectedly that a single person noticed my condition. He walked into the village one day out of the blue showing the guards his identification and strolling in his silent way to the Hokage's' office. He had passed me on his way inside but I did not think that he noticed me and I did not bother to call out to him. Later when I was sitting on top of the Hokage mountain he appeared behind me.
"Gaara. It does me good to see you again."
"Uzumaki Naruto, where is he?"
"Nani? Gaara I am right in front of you!"
"You are not Uzumaki Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto would not be this weak."
I couldn't contain my laughter at that statement and I barely contained my wince at how bitter and broken the sound was when it came out of my mouth. "I guess that you are right Gaara. Uzumaki Naruto is not this weak, however Uzumaki Naruto died two years ago. I am afraid that I am all he left behind."
"Hai. This village, these people, they helped him kill himself slowly day by day, year after year. They killed his soul."
"Pathetic. He dare to let weak ningen destroy him. He was not worthy then."
It angered me a little bit to hear Gaara call me pathetic and for some reason I wanted him to know, to realize what had really happened to me over the years.
"Gaara would you like to see?"
"Would you like to see how he...how I died?"
He hesitated for only a moment before giving a short nod of his head and watched as I pushed myself to my feet.
"You trust me don't you Gaara?"
No of course he didn't. No one really ever did, but for some reason I had hoped that Gaara would be different this time. That perhaps he had come to value me a little bit. But I was fooled again. I smiled sadly at the red-headed Suna-nin.
"Can I borrow a kunai?"
Wordlessly he tossed one at me, no expression crossing him when I caught it barely inches from my face. I gently tested the sharpness of the blade against the pad of my thumb and nodded when it sliced cleanly into the skin a small ways. I watched entranced as the blood ran down my arm before snapping my gaze up to Gaara's noticing the slightly puzzled look in his eyes before he whipped them clean.
"Could you perhaps make me a bowl of some sort out of earth?"
Glaring at me for my simple request he nevertheless did as I asked and soon I had gathered with the help of a kage bushin all of the necessary ingredients. I had the earthen bowl, a small amount of water, a bit of my chakra and a simple wind jutsu contained inside the bowl, and I had four of the necessary items. Next I pulled a small bit of metal from a part of my battered jacket and placed it in the bowl and all was almost complete.
"Gaara, sit down this will take a while."
He complied, unhappy I could tell with my supposed ordering around of his person.
I resumed my own seat some ways in front of him and placed the bowl between us, laying the borrowed kunai on one of my folded legs.
"Are you ready?"
I guess that was a yes so I began. Hand seal after hand seal flew by. Tori, Uma, Inu, Nezumi, O-ushi, Tora, Usagi, Hebi, O-hitsuji, Saru, Ousu-buta, and finally Ryuu.
All of them in perfect form and swiftness flew by in various orders until my hands stilled over the bowl in a new form never seen by anyone but myself. Kitsune. I had done the forbidden. I had created the seal of the trickster, the hand sign of the kitsune, a mark of evil to any who had been tricked or wronged in their lives. I had broken an ancient and unwritten law. No one signed the kitsune. Even Gaara was startled I could tell but I could muster no more than a half-hearted smirk that quickly died. Rapidly the bowl began to smoke and glow and a howling noise rose into the air as sudden as a ookami howls at the moon or a kitsune calls warning to pack mates. It need only one more ingredient.
Blood, my blood and a decent amount of it at that.
Lightning fast I picked up the kunai in my hand and brought it slicing across my wrist at a downward angle. I quickly tilted the pouring wound over top of the bowl and watched the life liquid flow into the contents of the container. The smoke and light that followed were as red as the blood that flowed from my kunai wound.
Beams of light shot into the sky above us spreading out to fix themselves into a small screen of sorts. Gaara stared up amazed and in awe, not a usual state for him, as he wondered what it was exactly I had done.
"It works better if you lay back."
His head swiveled so quickly to face me that I would not have been surprised to see it come flying right off. I chuckled at the thought even though it wasn't funny. I did that a lot now days. Seems I had a bit of a morbid sense of humor. Hn, who would have ever known...
I silently followed my own advice, hoping that he would fall in suit, and lay back to watch the show that I did not need prompting to remember. Nonetheless I would watch it again, if only to refresh the memories that had faded and to strengthen my resolve. I was only happy that the village slept and the guards were too far from me to see the 'screen' that I had erected. This was none of their business, it was between Gaara and myself. I had to let someone know so that when I was gone perhaps not everyone would dance upon my grave. I was glad that this did not use enough chakra to gain more than passing interest that wouldn't fade as soon as it came. After all my life was about to be written in the stars in a twisted way.
I felt him lay back and settle beside me, his sand swirling briefly before calming at his command. And as he glanced upwards the show began, and I could feel a bitter smile trace across my lips; and what a show it was.
The first memories that appeared were not my own, but I had them my whole life, never making the connection until the day that I learned of what I was.
There was trees, and waves, and falling rock. Smoke and smells that burned my eyes and tongue. Then little black gnats that stung at me over and over again, serving no purpose but to further piss me off. As anger grew my vision was suffused with crimson and my senses twisted around me. Then there was a flash, a giant toad and a figure cloaked in black. I felt a pulling, a tugging at my body and soul and I felt myself drawn against my will. Then above the two that had become my world, I saw the growing figure of the death-Kami as it rose up and extended its clammy hands forward. My struggles renewed themselves and I knew what was happening. They were sealing me away, caging what should never be contained. And as my strength failed faster and faster all that I could hear was a different kind of cry, a soft sobbing of something small, and fragile, something delicate, something soon to be cursed for all eternity. And as my vision grayed and faded the last thing that I saw was sunlight hair and sky-touched eyes.
As the sights faded and the screen turned gray for a moment I turned to Gaara and saw that his eyes were wide.
"Are those memories of...?"
"The sealing? Hai, through the eyes of the Kyuubi itself. That is what his final moments look like."
With that I turned my face forward again as the screen glowed, hoping that Gaara would take the hint.
The next memories were shorter and less detailed since they came from the mind of a infant child. But they were all an influence upon my life not so much as the first but still an influence. Scenes flashed before us and I felt numb as small bits and pieces of my childhood flashed before us both. I saw myself again as a toddler crying in the middle of the floor where I had sat for a week, hungry, cold, and frightened, nursing the cigarette burns on my arms, waiting for a guardian that would not return for another six days. I watched as a four year old as my last guardian walked from my home never to be seen again. Watched as I learned quickly to scavenge through the garbage of the local restaurants whenever the money the Hokage had granted me ran dry and I could no longer buy any kind of food. My love for ramen developed before my eyes again as I learned of the cheapness of the meal and how it would fill my starving stomach decently.
The memories of looking in the mirror in my apartment and the windows of stores and seeing my ribs sticking through my skin and wondering if all the other children looked like that as well. Then when I was five how the beatings started. How they would ambush me in alleyways while I scavenged for food and how they would back me against the walls and kick at me, cursing my existence all the while. How the cold stares grew stronger everyday, and how the pain coursed through my tiny heart each time a mother pulled their child away from me telling them that I was bad and not to play with me.
Then my sixth year came and it saw me staring in the mirror in my bathroom, tears running down my face mixing with the blood from my broken nose and the sweat that came from running from the villagers. I talked out loud to my reflection that night, one of the few times that my voice echoed through my apartment.
"You can't cry anymore." my chibi voice said to the battered reflection in the childish slur of a six year old.
"If you keep crying they're only gonna hit you more. And it hurts and red stuff comes out. So you gotta act happy even when you feel blue. Maybe if you smile and laugh all the time, someone will love us and take us away from here. Maybe there is somewhere where no one hits us. So if you smile bright enough maybe we can leave, maybe there won't be any red stuff anymore."
And after that day I was always smiling, even during the beatings I smiled at my tormenters, hoping that someone passing by would see my smile and take me away.
No one ever did, and now I know no one ever will.
And as I passed into my seventh year things grew tougher. There was academy and I needed clothing and all I could find was the orange jumpsuit and ragged black undershirts that I would later become famous for. I didn't have many clothes, just a few shirts and some shorts not counting the orange suit, and two pairs of underwear. I found my nightcap in the garbage one Christmas after some kid threw it out cause it was ugly. It was my only Christmas present and I cherished it.
Money grew harder to come by as it seemed the old man had forgotten about me from time to time. But I didn't blame him and I wasn't angry; he had better things to do than worry about a mere orphan.
With school came the hatred of the other children, and the scorn of their parents came quicker after seeing what their children had to share a classroom with. On the playground I would sit alone on the swing that no one dared to touch since I always sat there. I watched day by day as they all glared and wished me dead with their eyes. I took it all until one day it was simply too much and I snapped. I had jumped from the swing and giving the crowd my biggest grin and loudest laugh I waved bye to them all and ran off home.
At seven I knew what suicide was, I had known since I had overheard the older shinobi speaking of a comrade that had taken the cowards way out. So I went home and grabbed a dull knife, walked into the bathroom, and sat down on the tiled floor.
I held it up to my eyes and stared at it before slowly bringing it down and pulling it harshly across my skin. I watched as the tiny droplets of blood welled and I knew that it would not be enough to make me die. So instead I got up, went into the kitchen and found something to eat and decided to fix that tomorrow. The next day I managed to steal one of Iruka-sensei kunai and that night when I had returned to my home I once again ventured into my bathroom and sat upon the cracked and faded tiles. I had picked the sharpest of all Iruka-sensei kunai and I hoped that it would work.
Wordlessly I sliced first one wrist and then the other wincing slightly at the pain as my flesh tore and I felt the blood come forward and rush from the wound. I stared at it for the longest time before the nerves in my hand weakened enough for me to drop the kunai and the blood loss made my body tip to the side. They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you are about to die. For me it was no different, except for the fact that there were no happy memories at all. Only pain and suffering, only beatings and cuts and blood. And I realized that maybe this really would be better after all, that maybe I would finally find the place I had dreamed about for over a year, a place where pain was a stranger. And my vision grayed and
I slipped into darkness.
When I woke the next morning I had rushed outside thinking that I was dead and was finally in that place, only to be confronted with the cold stares and sneers that followed. I soon realized that I was alive, that I had lived through trying to kill myself and that maybe that place was not meant for me. Perhaps I had not earned it yet?
And so more memories flowed from the bowl and my blood and lit the night sky in a symphony of pain and misery. I ran a translation for Gaara, filling in the blanks when memories became too fuzzy from pain and suffering to be seen clearly. I watched his face taking in his slightly disbelieving look as I laughed and giggled and smiled through the explanations, sometimes elaborating on things left out and others pointing out wounds on my younger body that had been particularly painful. And the scariest thing about it was that I did not cry a single time through the reliving of my younger years.
During one of the short intermissions that was necessary for the jutsu to re-establish itself inside of my blood he turned to me and spoke.
"How is it that you still smile after all of this?"
"Cause Gaara it's not real!"
"The memories are fake?"
"No silly the smile. None of them are real. They are all fake. They always have been. I-I don't think I really know how to smile, not for real. Now hush, the show is back on."
And more memories passed through the screen, each worse in some ways than the other and yet better than some. And for the first time Gaara was able to see just how fake my smile really was. And finally the recent ones came, the ones where I watched as Iruka finally pulled away from me. He didn't even say goodbye, he just stopped coming and eventually I stopped expecting to see him again. I think the last time had been six months ago and that had been only in passing. Then the most painful of memories came and my smile only grew as I began to speak along with the memory.
It had been cold that day, freezing actually, and yet I bounced around in my normal clothes only adding a scarf to protect from the wind. Tomorrow was a special day for me, both in good ways and bad ways, and I wanted to spend it with someone who might actually care for me in some way, and I desperately wanted that person to be Sasuke. I had decided to stay outside and lay on my back and watch the clouds like a certain lazy-nin we all knew, until I gathered my courage enough to go seek out Sasuke myself. I was pretending to be engrossed in my task when I felt the flicker of a familiar chakra and I couldn't stop my heart from speeding up or my face from blushing, making me thank Kami for the cold.
Sasuke, and he was coming towards me. Fast.
"Dobe. What in the hell are you doing?"
"Ne, ne cloud watching teme what does it look like to you!?"
"You're an idiot."
"Take that back teme!!"
"Not worth my time."
That one stung, it really had and I decided to put down the gloves of war and try for a truce for once. I would like to spend the day with him peacefully for once.
"Oi, Sasuke-teme, you wanna hang out with me for a while tomorrow?"
"WHY!!? It'll be fun I promise! We can relax or maybe train together and stuff."
"Onegai!!! Onegai! Onega-"
"NO! Goddamnit dobe I don't want to spend the day with you tomorrow or ever!!"
"I hate you why can't you understand that? I would rather spend the day with
Sakura and Ino than you!! You're annoying and stupid!! I wish that you would just disappear so that I didn't have to look at you anymore!"
I had trailed off unable to think of anything to say at first. I just sat there and stared at him with wide shining eyes as I finally realized that it was of no use. No one would ever love me, not Iruka, not Sasuke, not anyone. And suddenly I didn't feel any pain anymore. It would come later I knew but for now I was numb, blessedly numb from the soul outward. I looked at him for a while and then I lurched forward and told him that I would give him his wish soon and that he shouldn't feel any regret. And then as I pulled back from him I smiled again and whispered that I loved him in his ear, before turning and walking away.
After that the memories faded and started to play the newest ones. The ones where I plotted my death and I didn't want Gaara to see those yet. I was going to tell him what would happen to me. I had decided that I was going to ask him if he would be the one to take my body from the village and just take it into the woods somewhere and drop it. It didn't matter just drop me and let the animals tear me apart. I just didn't want the village to have to deal with my body. So I tossed the kunai at the bowl shattering it into pieces and cutting off the screen completely. I stood up laughing and giggling and bounced around Gaara and called excitedly to the Suna-nin.
"So Gaara, do you understand now? Do you see how they killed me?"
"Uzumaki, how can you...why are you so cheerful about all of this?"
"Cause Gaara it has been two years since that last memory and it's finally time!!! I am so excited!!"
"Time for what?"
"I am going to give Sasuke his wish!! It's took me a two years but now I can finally do it!! A whole two years of planning and training and now I can finally do it!!!"
"You speak foolishness."
"Do I really Gaara!? Now why would you say something like that?" I pouted.
"A vessel cannot kill themselves. The youkai within automatically heals us."
"Hai. However the baka fuzz ball can't heal me if it doesn't have the extra chakra!!"
"Baka the kitsune has more chakra inside of him than Shukaku does. There is no way the supply has run low unless it has not been allowed to..."
Gaara trailed off and I was more than able to see the dawning understanding in his eyes. He was finally aware of what I had done to myself and just how serious I was about what I intended to do.
"You're so smart Gaara!! You understand what I am going to do so easily!!"
"Uzumaki I will not allow this to happen."
I frowned, this was not what I expected to happen. This was not the way that I had planned things out to take place. Gaara of all people was not supposed to try and stop me, it just seemed wrong for some reason. As I looked at him in the face I could for once see the violent storm of emotions swirling in his eyes. And they frightened me.
"I will not allow this to happen. I will not allow you to leave this world without me."
It was spoken in such a calm, smooth tone that it sounded almost practiced. It was as if he had waited some time to say those words to me, and he said them with utmost confidence. I did not understand, why would Gaara say that he would not allow me to leave this world without him? It was not as if he had any special attachment towards me. It was not as if he cared about me in the same way that I cared for him. And I did care for him, much in the same way that I cared for Sasuke. This was another thing wrong with me. How could I practically love two people!? I do love Sasuke, I have for some time now, but to almost be in love with Gaara as well!? There was something horribly wrong with me, I should not be in love with two people at the same time, especially not these two. Then again I always have had bad luck so why not these two. It's not like anyone would love me anyways so why not fall for the two men that I had even less of a chance to be with than normal.
"You're talking crazy talk now Gaara! I've made up my mind and you can't make me change it!!"
With a swirl of sand and a deep throated growl, yes a growl, he was on me. Before I could really blink he was on top of me, pinning me to the rocky ground with his body. I could feel the blood rushing to my face at the feel of his body pressed so closely to me, for once without his sand running interference.
"Since you have no care for your own life I will take it from you."
I blinked up at him trying to ignore the way his moist breath fanned across my lips and face, I knew that by now I had to be doing an impression of a tomato worthy of Hinata. To say the least his statement puzzled me to no end. What did he mean he was going to take my life from me? Did he mean that he was going to kill me instead of letting me kill myself? I pondered it for no longer than a second, it was an acceptable notion I guess. Either way I would die and Sasuke would have his dream fulfilled.
"So you want to kill me instead of letting me kill myself?"
His eyes flickered briefly and for an instant I had the feeling that what ever it was he was about to say would be a lie.
"Hai, you will turn your life over to me and you will die how ever and when ever I say. I will not allow you to leave this world until I wish it."
"Okay then, I guess I can agree to that. The outcome will be the same either way I guess so let's have at it. Oh but Gaara please try to make it look like a suicide."
I bared my throat to him, exposing my jugular so as to make it all the easier for him to slit my throat and end it all. My eyes closed I waited for him to take the opportunity and run with it. And waited, and then waited some more. Finally I opened my eyes only to gaze into teal colored orbs.
"Gaara what are you waiting for?"
Disappointed that he was not taking action I went limp in his hold prepared to allow him to simply strike on his own time. It did not matter to me when he did it, now or some time within the next twenty minutes the result would still be the same. I was however, extremely surprised when I felt the puncture of fangs in my neck. Startled my eyes flew open and I could not contain the scream that bubbled up into my throat at the harsh ripping of my skin as his incisors sunk deeper and deeper. The pain came quickly and yet faded after a brief moment only to come crashing back down in a harsh wave.
It was unlike anything I had ever felt. The pain was cutting and very real, and yet it was almost as if after that initial strike I was seeing and feeling it from afar. Like liquid fire it rushed through my body, touching and imprinting each and every one of my organs. And soon, before I had even realized what was happening the feelings changed. The fire was still fire, only gentler and more comforting than painful. It was as if I could suddenly feel the presence of another inside my body, someone besides the Kyuubi, someone who...cared for me.
I could feel my life's blood draining down Gaara's pale throat as he drank deeply from my neck. The sensation was erotic to say the least; it made me burn again in ways that I had never experienced. It made me hungry. I moaned, unable to help myself, and I could feel my face turn crimson from embarrassment. Crimson like his hair and our blood. I shuddered as he pulled back from me, gently disengaging his fangs and closing the wound with a sensual and lethargic lap at my skin as if he were reluctant to move. In truth I myself did not want him to go. I wanted to stay like that forever, to stay where I felt as if I was actually wanted for the first time in my life. I wanted to stay there underneath his body and let him drink up my essence until I was empty and he was filled to the seams with me. I wanted to be a part of him so that if only for a little while I wouldn't be so alone in this life.
Finally he withdrew completely from my neck and propped up on his forearms he looked down at me with what I could only call satisfaction in his eyes. The glint of that emotion in his face slightly disturbed me.
"Now Uzumaki Naruto your life belongs to me."
"Gaara what have you done?"
"I have bound you to me. Your life is now mine."
"This was not what I wanted Gaara!! Why? Why couldn't you just let me die in peace? Why couldn't I manage to do one thing right for once in my life!?!" I screamed at him. It was wrong, I knew that. In some part of my mind I was aware of the fact that we had never really struck up a deal. He had claimed my life and I had agreed assuming that he meant to end it. It seems as if I had been tricked once again. I slumped down in defeat, just too tired to continue fighting anymore.
"Fine Gaara. Fine. Do whatever you want with me, I can't find the strength to really care anymore. All I want to do is sleep, I just want to sleep and never wake up again." I was numb by then, drawn even further down into the web of despair and helplessness that had become my life. I just could not help the feeling that fighting would get me nowhere. I, for once in my life, just wanted to give up and forget about everything and everyone. All I wanted to do was die in peace for Sasuke and I couldn't even manage to do that right. And so for once I let myself do something that I wanted to do, I let myself fade. I just zoned out, my body going even limper in Gaara's grasp and my breathing slowing. I could feel my heartbeat lowering as I fazed from reality. I just wanted to disappear...just go invisible. Disappear, fade away. It became a mantra in my head and I began to believe that it could happen, that I could make it happen.
Disappear, fade away. Disappear, fade away. Disappear, fade away. Disappear, disappear, disappear.
Just fade away...
I could feel it rising inside of me, the darkness. Swelling up, it was rising closer and closer to the surface and for once I wasn't afraid. I welcomed it, wanted it even. The darkness could make me disappear, it would force me to fade away. I wasn't sure how I knew that but I did. I knew it in the same way that I knew when danger was coming or how I knew what everyone was thinking when they looked at me. Perhaps it was the Kyuubi or maybe it was me. However, it did not change the fact that I knew and always would know things I should have no knowledge of. And so I let it take me. I let it rise up in a wave and crash over me until there was nothing to be seen anymore, until I could see nothing. I let the darkness rise up around me and for once I just let it take me away. The last thing I saw were glinting teal eyes staring down at me with what could only be called possession in their depths.
When I came to all was dark. The blank blackness pressed in all around me until I felt as if I could not breathe. It was then that I noticed the warm weight around my waist and the presence behind me. It was strange to wake up with someone this close to me. I had never in my life awoke to find someone pressed against my body and almost clutching me to them as if afraid I would disappear. I closed my eyes again, content to for once have physical contact with someone outside of a fight. And even if it was happening by mistake I would cherish these moments for the rest of my existence.
After what only seemed like seconds what I had come to realize was an arm tightened around me, pulling me further back into the curve of the body behind me until we lay spoon fashion. It was the subtle movements and the scent that arose with them that brought me to realize exactly who it was that was clutching me to them like some sorely missed and dearly loved teddy bear. It seemed as if tanuki liked to cuddle as much as kitsune seemed to. The smell of sand mixed strangely enough with a hint of clover and underlined not so strangely with the sickly sweet scent of blood alerted me to the fact that even in my sleep Gaara would take no chance of me escaping him.
I shifted restlessly, debating on what to do next. I could try and move away from him and hope to escape to somewhere I could be alone for a spell. Or I could lay here for Kami knows how much longer and nervously await the moment he awoke and then have to listen to him curse his own stupidity for binding us together.
"I do not sleep. You should know that by now Naruto."
"Gaara..." I was shocked, it was strange really to be in this situation. I had never had to deal with awkward morning after scenes, not that this was a morning after in the normal sense. It flittered through my mind in an irrational attempt to escape from reality, that this was one of the first times I remembered Gaara ever calling me by anything except for my full name. Shaking myself from my haze I realized that he was right. I was more than aware of the fact that Gaara did not sleep. It was one of the many things that had first caught my attention, the thick black rings around his eyes had ensnared my curiosity until the day that I gathered enough courage to ask him what caused them. When he had informed me of his inability to sleep I had been unable to stop the sorrow that had flittered through my body. To never know the rest and calm numbness of sleep must truly be hell. To never be able to escape reality and live inside ones dreams must be one of the worst kinds of torture.
Although it is hard to miss what one had never had in the first place.
"I am sorry Gaara. I am aware that you do not sleep. It is just that I was shocked to wake up in such a...strange position. I have never slept with someone before. Waking up with someone like this is awkward for me to say the least."
"You will grow accustomed to it." Even in the state that I was currently in I could hear the pleased tone in his voice at the fact that I had never slept with anyone before.
I scoffed, "You act as if you intend for me to sleep like this every night!"
"That is exactly what I intend." I could practically feel the certainty in his voice and the finality in the way his arms tightened around me.
"Gaara" I laughed, "that is impossible! You live in Suna, I live here, and I can not leave Konoha, you know that as well as I do."
"You will not have to leave Konoha, I have been re-stationed here as of yesterday."
This time shock could not even come close to describing how I felt.
"Why? I mean why would your village send you here? Are you not Kazekage?"
"No. I stepped down from the position not long ago. As a matter of fact my last act as Kazekage was to request my own transfer here after my resignation."
"I still don't understand. How can shinobi even transfer villages? I did not think that was even possible."
"It is a new treaty between Konoha and Suna that I developed along with your Hokage. A transfer shinobi from each village in order to foster a deeper friendship between villages. I believe one of the new crop of jounin was sent to Suna and I was brought here."
I nodded in recognition to the plan. It made perfect sense on a political level and yet I could not help but wonder what the real reason for Gaara's sudden transfer was.
And as curious as I was about his reasons, it was difficult to ask him about them.
"Gaara...if you don't mind me asking, why you? Why give up your position and come live here? Konoha isn't that wonderful for those of our kind ya know. Everything isn't as wonderful as it sometimes appears to outsiders."
He was quiet for a long moment and for a time I believed that he would not answer me. Just as I was about to completely give up hope he spoke.
"It is...difficult, even for one such as myself, to rule or hold any position of power in a village full of people who fear and despise my very existence." I could tell by the tightness in his voice that it was difficult for one normally so closed mouthed to open up and say something like that aloud. And apparently he was not done either.
"It was never the power of being Kazekage that I truly desired, I have no interest in power such as that. The only kind of strength I value comes from training, not position. However, to have the ability to make the villagers fear for their lives as they wondered what I would do to their homes was too powerful a lure to resist. It was not until later that it was warped into the desire for them to see me as more than the monster and youkai I showed them. When I realized this I knew that I was not fit to wear the robes of the Kazekage and I no longer desired to do so. I hold no respect for my homeland and as such I refuse to lead its warriors."
I was in awe. I had never before heard Gaara speak such words. It was like for the first time ever he was speaking from his heart. And yet I realized that he had not answered my other question. Why had he decided to come live in this village?
"Gaa-" I started to ask him again but he surprisingly cut me off with more words.
"As for this village I am fully aware of what it is like. I am not naive` in the ways of the world, especially when it come to how those of our kind are treated. I too have experienced my share of suffering over what I possess inside my soul. Sometimes mental torture is just as bad as physical, but I am sure that you are already aware of that."
I nodded unable to speak. Oh how I knew! Sometimes I would almost rather take the beatings and abuse than have to hear the horrible words that hate filled souls could spew. I lay there for a while, certain that he was finished this time. After all what else was there left to say? Staring to the side I could just make out the stone walls that surrounded me as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I realized that we had somehow been moved to the cave that I knew was etched into the side of the Hokage monument. The sudden placement of a hand on my shoulder and the turning of my body until I lay flat on my back startled me.
Now looking up from my position I was able to see the shimmer and glow of Gaara's eyes in the darkness, making me realize that he now hovered over top of me. The touch of his hand on my cheek was an unexpected and yet not unpleasant surprise.
"And most of all this village has what I want most in the world."
"What?" I almost whimpered.
"Gaara..." I gasped, unable to withhold my soft sound of surprise.
My coming statement was quickly muffled by the press of lips upon my own. His mouth molded over mine, a gentle, testing intimacy. Whatever the test was, I apparently passed it. He moaned low in his chest, the most appealing sound I had ever heard another person make. I could feel my body being lifted upwards until my chest pressed against the hard muscles of his as we half sat half lay on the ground, and yet I could not find the strength to pull away, or the desire. His arms tightened like steel bands as one of his hands rose up to palm the back of my neck.
His tongue went deeper.
He tasted as good as he smelt I thought crazily. Like mint and rain. In moments my head was spinning in an erotic rush, my blood heating and my body set ablaze, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. And as if he knew, he savored his victory, refusing to hurry a single lick or pull, enticing me to respond in kind. I could not help my pleasured sigh as I accepted. To me there was nothing better than this. To actually have contact with another person like this was divine, and I soon realized I wanted more, so much more. And as if sensing my needs and desires he spoke.
"Touch me," he breathed against my lips. "Put your hands on my skin."
It was all that I needed and more than I had ever hoped for. An actual invitation to touch him was not what I was expecting to happen. My hands wasted no time in finding their way under his shirt and onto his chest. They traveled so quickly and surely that I could almost swear they had a life of their own. I was amazed at what they found underneath his clothing. He was muscled, much more so than I would have expected from someone who did not normally use taijutsu of any kind in battle.
You would have thought he would be soft and yielding but there was not a single bit of give to him that I could feel. His skin was smooth and unscarred unlike mine which was rough, tanned, and littered with the physical reminders of the emotional pain that I carried around daily.
Suddenly I groaned. He was sucking on my neck like it was his last meal causing lava to shoot through my veins once again. Clearing my thoughts I concentrated on running my palms across his body. I wanted to remember this, remember the feel of him, his smell, his taste, everything about him. I wanted him imprinted in my senses just like this for the rest of my life, so that when he left me I would have something to carry me through the cold days ahead. I could see in the cave now that my eyes had adjusted to the darkness. An advantage of holding the Kyuubi was that it enhanced some of my more animalistic traits, for example giving me almost perfect night vision after my eyes were given a moment to adjust.
I wasted not a moment more and quickly stripped his shirt from his body. He was pale was the first thought that crossed my mind. His skin was like moonlight, pale and smooth, and oh so enticing to touch. I couldn't resist. I ran my palms across his collar bone and down over his heart only to flirt along his stomach and down across the expansion of skin that was stunningly smooth and yet exquisitely sexy that led teasingly down into his pants. His skin so stunningly beautiful once free of the rough coat of sand armor that he had worn for so very long.
It was then that I really noticed the dusky little nubs that all but begged for my attention. My hands drifted upwards unexpectedly drawn to them. Softly at first I rubbed my finger tips across them before scoring them lightly with my nails. I could feel the intense shudder that racked his frame as the sucking on my neck doubled in urgency. He liked it. Brazen now with my fresh success I rubbed at them harder, scoring them sharply before rolling them lightly between the pads of my fingers. He groaned, the sound reverberating against my skin. Suddenly I wanted, no needed, to taste him again.
Pulling away from the blessed mouth that dominated my neck I gently pushed at his shoulders until he lay underneath me on his back. Hesitantly I straddled his waist, still unsure if my presence would be welcome upon his body. I did not know if he wanted to possess me without granting me any part of himself, or if this was to be an equal ownership. Would we share each other equally or would I once again be stuck in the position of giving all of myself to someone who could give me nothing in return? It was true that I had never given my body to another, but I had given away everything else of any value that I possessed. Not that I am even sure that my body would hold value of any kind to another person.
His hands came up to grip me tightly by the waist as his hips surged upwards grinding his erection against my own. I gave a sigh of relief that quickly turned into a ragged moan. The feelings were so intense. I had never felt such heat and pleasure in my bones. And his hands on my hips, holding me to him let me know that he wanted me to take part in this relationship. And so my hands crept down to massage and stroke the flesh that was exposed before my hungry eyes. So as my hands traced and mapped the contours of his body my eyes set out to memorize every aspect of him.
Over his chest, down his stomach, my fingertips making a brief trip into his bellybutton and then down to flirt with the buttons that held his pants together only to pause. I nibbled my bottom lip as I stared at the clasp. I was nervous. To undo those buttons would be to take the next step, a step that I could not go back on. The only question was did I trust Gaara enough to believe that he would not hurt me when I gave him my body?
His hands crept down to cover my own and I looked up into his eyes confused. He shook his head and gently flipped us until I was once again on the bottom.
"Tonight," he looked down at me and said, "is about you Naruto. Next time my body is yours to explore, but tonight I shall prove to you that I care for you."
I stared up at him in wonder over the fact that he wanted to prove anything to me.
No person in my life had ever wanted to prove anything like that to me. It was always I that had to prove my worth, my love, my determination. Even with Tsunade-baa-chan I had been required to prove my devotion before she trusted me.
Smiling ever so gently up at him I nodded my head and relaxed underneath the comforting weight of his body.
My jacket was quickly disposed of with an urgency that suggested he had waited years to do so. For what seemed like the longest moment he simply stared down at me with such hunger that I feared for a moment he might actually eat me. And something inside told me that perhaps I would not mind if he did. I could not help but blush as he skimmed his hands gently down my body.
But when his hand brushed across the first scar I went rigged. Mentally I cursed myself. I was too tainted for even one such as him. The scars on my body were testament to my weakness and I knew that for one who valued strength as much as Gaara did, they were badges of my unworthiness. I pulled away as much as I could from my position on the ground and I turned my face from him when he attempted to search my eyes.
A growl built up in his chest and erupted from his throat, startling me with the sheer raw emotion that could be felt within it.
"Why do you turn from me!?! Why do you shrink from my touch!?!" I could taste the pain, confusion, and anger in his voice.
"Do not tell me that you find me so distasteful that you cannot allow me to touch you? Do you fear me? You know that I would never hurt you!"
I cringed. How could he even begin to believe that I could find him distasteful? If there was anyone that disgusted me it was myself. Fear him? I feared myself more. I feared that if I allowed this to continue that somehow I would end up ruining Gaara in ways that he was not even aware he could be ruined in. I stared up at him, sadness and resignation in my eyes. Once I explained to him my reasoning I fully expected him to pull away and realize his mistake. He would leave and find someone with whom he could truly be happy.
"I-I could never find you distasteful Gaara, if anyone disgusts me it is myself. My scars are a testament of my weakness and I do not wish for you to feel them. If you touch them you will know exactly how weak I really am. As for fearing you, I fear myself more. I do not wish to corrupt you any more than I already have."
The fist that struck the ground near my shoulder hard enough to send up debris, startled me to say the least. I glanced up, and spotted the look of sheer anger and disgust upon his face and my heart stopped beating. He had finally realized and now it was over, he would leave me here and I would be alone again. Then perhaps I could finally finish what I had started.
As suddenly as that thought flashed across my mind a hand shot out and gripped me by the throat tightly. I flinched back, recoiling in shock. True I was a trained shinobi, but anyone who was faced with an angry Gaara while flat on their back would be frightened as well. I squeezed my eyes shut as the hand tightened ever so slowly.
Then suddenly it loosened until the grip was almost a caress, as the fingers slowly flirted with my jugular and danced along my skin.
A sigh sounded through the air as his forehead touched mine. I was startled. I had not expected the hand to loosen, nor had I expected him to linger after my little speech.
"I realize now how very fragile you are Naruto."
I grimaced, unwilling to face what was coming next and yet unable to run from the truth.
"You are right. Your scars are a testament, a record if you will. However, you are wrong about the story that they tell." A hand brushed down across my ribs cupping and caressing a deep wound I had once been given by a villager.
"To some they may be badges of weakness, but to me they are banners of strength. They draw for me the pictures of your past. They sing to me the songs of every battle and beating that you have ever survived. They speak of all the blood that has flown across the grass, and sand, and water, in the name of a village that was never your own. To me, Naruto, they tell of a strength that is greater than any other I have ever known. They tell me of a shinobi that is a true hero, no matter what anyone may say about them."
Gentle lips touched my own, more of a caress than a kiss.
"You are like a crystal goblet Naruto. So beautiful and rare, yet very few appreciate your existence. Others use you over and over again with nary a thought. They never notice the slowly spreading cracks along your base. It is not until you shatter in the very palm of their hand that they will realize you were breaking. And when they next reach for you only to find that you are not there, they will remember the day you shattered. And from that day on, they shall mourn your loss."
I was breathless. That was without a doubt the most touching thing anyone had ever said about me. I had been referred to as many things in my life, bastard, monster, youkai, worthless, dobe, and many others, but never anything so precious and beautiful as crystal. I was shocked out of my thoughts by the tongue that slithered out to lave at my ear, and the hot mouth that sucked upon the lobe afterward. It sent a shiver of pure want and need down my spine.
"Do you know what glass is made from Na-ru-to?"
Glass? I could barely remember my name with that tongue teasing me.
"Glass is made from sand. Once collected and cleaned it is super heated. It will one day become a beautiful mirror, or sculpture. Someday it will hold great meaning to someone. So I have to wonder...what will happen when you mix my sand with your heat? Will we make a river of glass wherever we go? I can not say that I would mind that. It would be jagged and broken at first and thus it will stop anyone from coming after us until we are far away."
The lips moved down again until they were pressed against my own.
"So, Naruto Uzumaki, will you be my glassmaker?"
A gasp left me against my will. Even after he had already claimed my life as his own by the simple sinking of his fangs into my skin, he still asked me what I wanted. No person in the history of my life had ever asked my opinion in something as important as this. Most cases I was simply sent to do the jobs that no one else wanted. And in those cases I was always sent alone since there was nobody who wanted to work with a youkai. And in that instance I knew exactly what I would say.
My hand slowly reach upwards to cup his cheek, as an answer spilled from my lips.
"Hai, Gaara. I will be your glassmaker. I will be anything you want me to be from now until the end of time."
The purr that sounded through his body made my vow well worth it. It was without a doubt the sexiest thing I had ever heard.
"Then you agree to be mine!?!" The growl was back in his voice but it was underlined by that rugged purr as well.
I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks again as I took a ragged breath.
"Hai Gaara, I will be yours."
Hands gripped my shoulders driving me further down into the ground as his body fit against mine even more closely than before.
"You will be mine in everyway!?! You will be my companion, my partner, my mate!?! Do you agree with this!?!"
A mate? That was something that I had never really considered. I knew that with the Kyuubi inside of me if I was to ever marry then that person would more than likely become my mate in the future. Even though I loved Sasuke I had never considered mating him. My thoughts with him had never really focused in that direction. I had never been able to consider the idea that Sasuke may actually love me back enough to mate me. I had of course hoped and even prayed for his love but a small still voice in the back of my mind had always told me that it would not happen.
But to mate with Gaara....now that was something I could see in my future. I do not know when it happened but suddenly I could not envision myself with anyone else.
"Hai. Companion, partner, and mate. To you I will be everything. Iie! We shall be everything to each other!"
Perhaps I did not love Sasuke as much as I once did. Perhaps I was never meant to be with Sasuke from the very beginning. Perhaps everything that I had been through had only been a precursor to this very moment in time. Maybe, just maybe there really had been a reason for everything that I had suffered throughout my life.
Maybe it was all just a means to an end, a way to shape me into the person that Gaara would come to want. I suppose in some small way that helped to take a bit of the pain away.
"There is only one thing Naruto; I have one rule that I wish for you to abide by."
Even though I was content now with whatever life deemed fit to give me I was still made wary by the mentioning of rules. I suppose it was a part of being kitsune, having inherited their inner fears of being imprisoned that made me so against rules.
"I only ask you to not be near the Uchiha when I am not with you. I feel that very soon now he will realize just how valuable the thing was that he so carelessly threw away. And I believe that he may very well try and win back what he never realized he wanted in the first place."
"What exactly are you talking about Gaara? I do not understand."
His hand slid down over the length of my arm until his palm rested over the frantic beating that was my heart.
"This. He has no idea just how valuable this is. It is more precious than all the riches in the world and more powerful than any jutsu ever seen. Your heart will be my greatest treasure and my most pleasurable conquest."
"So stay away from him unless I am near you. Do you understand?!"
His lips crashed down on my own once again and I could feel that this kiss was different from all of the rest. This one was intense, more so than the ones before. It was feral, and it felt as if he was trying to consume my very soul.
I felt that I would gladly give it to him if he but asked.
Finally the kiss was broken as his lips trailed upwards once again until I could feel his breath fan across my ear.
"I will go ahead and warn you now Naruto Uzumaki that I am not an easy person to deal with. By agreeing to be mine you are sealing your own fate. I will never allow you to leave me no matter what. You will feel pain while you are with me, there is no doubt about that. I will hurt you though it will not be intentional. You will bleed but I will be there to lick your wounds clean with my own mouth. You may cry but I will be there to dry your tears. You may finally abandon your mask for I will never forsake you. I am only now just learning how to be human in most ways. It will take me time to learn how to be gentle with you, and how to express my emotions to you, but I will try to learn as quickly as possible."
His hands trailed back down to my waist where they began to play with the buttons on my pants that were still intact.
"But know that I will work your body until you can no longer see straight"
A button was undone.
"I will taste your skin, and you will taste mine."
And another followed.
"I shall take you in ways you did not know were possible."
The last was undone.
"And you will enjoy every minute of it."
The pants slipped down over my legs and I was vaguely aware of them being thrown off to the side. I could feel the moist trail left behind as his lips trailed down to my belly button. I shivered as the breeze from outside the cave brushed across my now naked body. I jerked as a soft kiss was placed upon my inner thigh, much to close to my erection for comfort.
"You will never seek this pleasure with another for there will be no need for you to do so. I will want your body often and you will give it to me without regret. Do you understand me Naruto? You will feel no regret at all!"
I could not help the moan that escaped as his breath continued to brush across the most sensitive part of my body.
"This body is mine now! You are my mate and no other will touch you! No other will taste you. No other will possess this body. If anyone ever attempts to take what is mine I will destroy them!"
I arched back and a scream was ripped from my throat as once again fangs puncture my skin, this time in the sensitive flesh of my inner thigh. But this time it was different. I did not scream from pain but from the white hot pleasure that ripped through my body. It was as if the pleasure came only because of Gaara. It was like he was the center of my universe and the provider of all things that I needed or wanted. I knew then that if I was to ever try and be with someone other than Gaara like this that I would feel only pain.
His husky voice floated up to me from down between my thighs as I felt a cool palm wrap itself around my heat.
"I will drink from you as I wish and you will never say no to me."
I moaned raggedly. The red hot feel of his skin upon that part of me was almost more than I could take. At this point I was sure that I would have eagerly agreed to anything he asked of me just to make sure that this feeling would never end. It was divine pleasure and torture all at the same time. I had never in all of the years of torment and anguish found a pain that felt so good. I thought that if I could only keep this pain with me forever I would never need any other in my life.
"I would have you scream for me again this night Naruto. I would have you scream for me until your voice is gone and you can no longer find the strength to move. Only then will I give you what it is you seek. Only then shall I grant you the ultimate release."
Those words were the some of the sweetest that I had ever heard. To me they went far beyond the realm of sexual acts. They showed that Gaara wished to possess so much more than my body, that he wanted all of me in every way and that he would not be stopped in his quest for total domination of my person. I could not for the life of me find it within myself to dislike his plans for my person. This would not be an equal relationship in any way. Gaara would dominate me and my life in many ways, however it was in such things that I found my greatest happiness. The knowledge that I had found someone who would consume so much of me was comforting in its own way. It was if I had finally found my place in the world.
It was here in Gaara's arms.
I would never regret that.
My body relaxed even more, something I had thought was impossible, and Gaara taking my posture as the answer it was meant to be began to run his hand slowly up and down my length. The feeling was like nothing I had ever felt before in my life. I had never explored in such was unlike most of those my age. I had felt as if it would make me dirty, that touching my own skin would somehow taint me even further. I had never felt what the others had so calmly referred to as lust or want. Even with Sasuke my thoughts had not turned in such a direction. Gaara was truly my first in such ways, he had even managed to beat me to myself it seemed.
I moaned again as the fire that was in my blood began to quicken and writhe almost in time with the pull of his palm against my flesh. I could feel his eyes on me and for some reason it only heightened my pleasure. It was if the knowledge that Gaara was the one watching me made the pleasure so much greater than it would be on a regular basis. Even as untried and naive` as I was about such things I could tell in my soul that this was special, that this was not what happened between all those others who gave their bodies shamelessly.
"You are so responsive Na-ru-to. So very delicious in your innocence. I find myself wanting to keep you just like this for the rest of our eternity. Perhaps I shall have you like this at least once a day for me, moaning and mewling my name into the night air."
The thought of always being like this, of feeling this almost crushing pleasure every night for the rest of my life was almost too much for me. And Gaara, the things that he spoke of, the simple words that came from his lips seemed to drive the flames higher. Unable to stop myself, my hips bucked higher and harder into his awaiting palms.
"Ah, so you like this do you? You enjoy the way that I speak to you do you not Naruto? Answer me!" I could practically taste the smirk in his voice.
"Y-Yes!" I managed to stutter out around the burning lump in my throat.
"Good. Remember what I told you Naruto. You shall feel no shame in anything we do together. There is no shame in the things that we share and no one shall ever tell you otherwise. Enjoy what only I can give you Naruto. Tonight is only the first of many nights my kitsune. The pleasure shall know no bounds."
The promise in his voice was clear and I knew that there was much truth in his words. There was no shame in acts shared between mates. Our bond, no matter how it came to be, was a sacred one, something no other could put aside. I would fulfill my promises to Gaara and give myself to him completely with no regrets. I would be his, forever.
"All of m-me is yo-yours Gaara. All of me!"
"I would ask for nothing less Naruto. You belong to me, just as I now belong to you."
As if those words where the last that he could bear to speak his teeth snapped together so loud that I could clearly hear the sound echo off of the cavern walls. The hand that had been both tormenting and pleasuring me withdrew from my body and I whimpered in need, lifting my hips upward in a desperate attempt to entice his hands back to my body. My actions were met only with a growl as hand wrapped themselves firmly around my hips and I was flipped over onto my hands and knees. This position left me feeling vulnerable and almost submissive. I was shocked to learn that I liked the idea of being almost owned by Gaara and I could feel my heat grow.
As if sensing my thoughts Gaara rumbled above me and I was helpless to do anything but moan when he ground his hips down firmly against my backside. The feel of the fabric of his pants against my skin was erotic all in it own way. To know that he was still partially clothed while I was fully exposed to his every whim and desire was exciting and scary and yet I would not trade this for anything. Not to erase the pain of a thousand beatings would I exchange one second of my time here with Gaara. Each moment was beautiful and I would treasure them all.
His hands left me and before I could miss their touch I heard the rasp of his zipper as he slowly drew it down. Next was the sweet sound of his pants landing somewhere in the corner of the cave. I was frightened as any person in my position has the right to be; and yet I was calm. The fact that it was Gaara that had me in such a submissive pose was enough to set my heart at ease.
I was snapped out of my daydreaming by the cool shock of Gaara's skin upon my back. His hands began to roam once more and I could not help but writhe upon the ground, not bothered by the stones and rocks that scrapped harshly against my hands and knees. His skin felt exquisite, like a cool spring against the fire that was my body. He calmed the flames and yet his every action seemed to drive them higher.
His palms traced the curve of my shoulders, down to the hollow of my back before sliding gently down to firmly grasp my backside.
"I have waited so long to have you like this before me. During the chunnin exams when I saw you in that hallway all I could think about was ripping off your clothes and slamming you to ground. All of my fantasies since then have been about having you naked and sliding deep inside of you. I would take you back to my village and keep you there forever. It was always the most...fulfilling fantasy."
"I-I dreamed of you once as well. A-after you and I fought, there was so much heat and flames. I woke up feeling...good."
"You will dream of me again. I will consume you so that I am all you think of awake or asleep."
His hands once again took up that tracing motion, running from my back to the tops of my knees. He slowly drug them upwards, passing by my heat but letting his fingertips flirt playfully with my tip. Up they traveled to flicker softly across my nipples before one daring little finger worked its way to my lips.
"Take it inside like you shall soon take me."
I complied. Taking his finger gently into my mouth I suckled, being careful not to nick it on my own overly sharp fangs. Gaara suddenly shifted his fingertip, slicing the pad of his finger clean open and filling my mouth with the taste of his blood. It
was divine. I was shocked that I had managed to somehow harm him and so quickly
I jerked my head back and craned my neck around to look at his face. I was desperate to know if he was angry at me or not.
He smirked and gently quieted me with a simple look. Drawing away from me he sat upright on his knees in all of his naked glory. He was beautiful in everyway to me.
His flesh pale and undamaged. Beautiful
"Relax. Discomfort is natural in this. But know I shall not hurt you."
I nodded, trusting in the one that I had given myself over to. His fingertip had healed already in the small time we had spoken and so he quickly bit into it similar,
I could not help but think, to the way one would to summon a spirit. When the blood had once again coated his digit he quickly but gently pressed into my entrance. It was unusual to say the least but not particularly painful. The blood from the now closed wounds on his fingers helped to coat my passage and to dull the slight stinging sensation
Then a second finger and a third were added and the stinging increased. It was as Gaara had said uncomfortable but there was no real pain. I had felt pain and this was nothing in comparison. The fingers withdrew and I could feel something slightly larger probing at my entrance. I knew then that it was time to complete the bond. He would take all that I had to give, and I would give my all.
His entrance was slow, and from the shaking I could feel in his body behind me I could tell that it was costing him greatly.
"G-Gaara. Please do not go s-so slow. Hurry."
The growl that followed told me he had reached the ends of his restraint. He slammed forward, his momentum lifting my knees from the ground and driving me down to rest on my forearms. He moaned as it took him deeper.
The slight discomfort from his entry faded quickly as he began to move. Each stroke was shallow and I something within me knew that if he only went deeper things would change.
"Deeper." I moaned, unable to contain my thoughts and desires from him.
His chest that was pressed against my back rumbled as his pace began to quicken and he drove himself deeper. Gone was the gentle lover from before. The beast that he had told me of had surfaced and seemed desperate to get his share. I felt him lean back until he was once again balanced upon his knees as his strokes became frenzied. Suddenly the fire from before was back again three times hotter than before. It was as if I had been plunged straight into a bath of fire and each of
Gaara's strokes drove the flames higher.
The intensity was frightening. I felt as if I were breaking apart and being put back together all at the same time when suddenly he stopped. A hand came down to grip my knee and suddenly without withdrawing from me Gaara had flipped my position so that I was laying on my back and he was nestled firmly between my thighs.
"I want to see your face when you cum Naruto. I want this image of you imprinted on my memory for the rest of eternity."
His strokes resumed and his pace quickened, each time hitting that spot, that something deep inside of me that made my body writhe and twitch beneath him.
That feeling from before returned even more intense than in the beginning. I could feel my body building up to something and it scared me. I was frightened that I would shatter and never be put back together again. I look upwards into Gaara's eyes and saw the love or perhaps it was obsession in them and decided that trusting him was not a mistake.
"Let go Naruto. Fly for me. Moan for me. Cum for me."
I moaned and throwing back my head I let loose. And just as Gaara had said...I flew.
I awoke the next morning to the soft fall of lips upon my brow. My eyes blinked open and were met with the sight of a fully clothed and unsmiling Gaara.
"Good morning pet."
"G-Gaara." I blushed as the events of the night before came barreling back to me. Shaking my head I cleared my muddied thoughts and smiled up at my new life, the one that I could see reflected in his eyes. I trusted Gaara with everything that I was and would not ruin that with silly doubts.
"Good morning Gaara!"
"Today Naruto we begin the rest of our lives together." He ran a hand softly through my hair. "Tell me what you want and I shall find a way to make it so."
To have someone like Gaara offer me such a thing was shocking but I knew that there was only one thing right now that I wanted from him.
"I want a home Gaara. I want to finally have someone to come home to that loves me. Can you give me that?"
He rose slowly to his feet and with barely a look at me walked towards the mouth of the cave. Behind him his sand slithered across my body, slowly dragging the remnants of my pants to me. Nervous now I quickly dressed and stood shaking and silent, awaiting his answer. The sand that lined the cave floor suddenly shot forward and curled around my body and dragged me forward towards the entrance and straight into Gaara's open arms.
"Look at this village Naruto. Find the house that you wish to live in and it shall be yours. However regardless of your choice always remember, no matter where you live, I shall always be there...loving you."