A/N: In answer to everyone's questions as to whether or not I will continue with this parody and include the next two movies: yes, but! not immediately.
I'm starting another story after FOTRP is complete, so it may take several months until I can create a sequel. Sorry about that, but I pronise I will continue to write humorous fanfiction!!
(FYI: my new story coming soon is a parody of the Eragon movie. Tell your friends!)
The FINAL Chapter!: You Will Not Be Missed
"A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind," said Legolas worriedly. The Fellowship had gone to shore to rest up.
"Are you sure it's not just Gimili?" asked Aragorn.
"No... it's something far more sinister than lack of fashion sense..."
Pippin looked around. "Where's Frodo?"
"He's off being emo."
Sam looked around. "Where's Boromir?"
"Oh no..." said Aragorn, "He's trying to follow the plot!"
"We have to stop him," said Gimili, "Who knows what evil will occur?"
"I have a plan," said Legolas. He wrote a note, then attached the note to an arrow. He shot the arrow in a random direction and it landed in the Uruk-hai camp. Lurtz unfurled it.
WHEN YOU SEE BOROMIR, SHOOT HIM.
"I'm taking the plot into my own hands!" yelled Boromir. He was, indeed, trying to follow the plot by attempting to take the Ring from Frodo.
"It would seem like wisdom," pondered Frodo, "But for the warning in my heart."
"Warning? Why do you recoil? I am no thief!"
"Oh really?" said Frodo, an eyebrow raised. "Then what happened to all the salted pork that went missing a few days ago?"
"That wasn't me, it was Gimili! Or maybe it was Sam...he's almost as fat as a dwarf...Anyway, I'm just sick of being picked on! I ask only for the strength to be popular! And maybe to defend my people," he added as an afterthought.
"You are not yourself. To be honest I was expecting this from Aragorn."
"If I you would just lend it to me-"
"I'll give you an I.O.U.-"
"Come on, I'll give you the Horn of Gondor for insurance!"
"What about candy?"
Frodo ran towards Boromir. Immediately Boromir dove at Frodo, but, as if expecting the attack, the hobbit put on the Ring. He kicked Boromir a couple of times then ran away.
"Honestly, did you really think I would fall for that old trick?"
"Frodo!" Aragorn had found the Ringbearer. "Where is the Ring?"
"Don't worry, I gave up my plan to steal the Ring...besides, I'm more concerned with keeping the plot from advancing than saving Middle Earth at the moment."
"Look after the others," Frodo said sadly, "Especially Sam. He still wets the bed."
Aragorn noticed that Sting was glowing. "Run, Frodo! I'll fight off the orc extras!"
Frodo ran; Aragorn began to fight the orcs, doing lots of cool stunts. Legolas and Gimili came in to aide Aragorn.
"How did you know I was here?" asked the Ranger.
"There were signs all over the forest that said 'HELP ARAGORN, THIS WAY.' "
"Frodo, hide over here!" whispered Merry.
Frodo shook his head.
"What's he doing?" asked Pippin.
"He's following the plot."
"NO!" Pippin came out of the hiding place, only to see that the band of orc extras was drawing near.
Merry looked at Frodo "Well...as long as you're following the plot... HEY! HEY YOU! OVER HERE!" Merry began waving his arms; Pippin followed suit.
"OVER HERE! WE'RE DECOYS! FOLLOW US!" shouted Pippin.
In a matter of seconds they were completely surronded. At the last second, before they were sure they would face certain death, Boromir rushed in as the intro to Eye of the Tiger started to play. Boromir hacked down Uruk-hai left and right.
"It's Boromir!" shouted Merry.
"Isn't that weird?" said Pippin.
"Let's have a beer!"
Boromir was shot. The music stopped playing. Then he got back up, the music resumed, and he started fighting again.
The same thing happened. Twice in a row, in fact.
The hobbits looked on in horror instead of running away from the orcs that were trying to capture/kill them.
"It's been nice knowing you."
"Why don't we just run?"
"I don't know...maybe we should try to avenge Boromir's impending death!"
"But I'm not dead...quite yet!" said Boromir. The hobbits ignored him.
"Yeah, good idea!" The hobbits charged towards the orcs, swords in hand. But when they reached the orcs, it looked like they were trying to hug them to death. The orcs scooped them up and carried the hobbits off.
"Mr. Frodo!" shouted Sam. Frodo was already halfway across the river. Sam ran into the river but stopped abruptly, hopping on one foot.
"AH! GLASS! I've got glass in my foot!"
37 stitches later...
"Go back, Sam! I'm going to Mordor alone!"
"Of course you are! And I'm coming with you!"
"I don't see the logic in that!" Frodo continued to paddle to the other side.
The remaning Fellowship had a funeral for Boromir.
"I'm a man of few words." said Aragorn, pondering what to say. "Boromir, you were an asshole and you will not be missed." He turned to Legolas and Gimili. "Ready?"
"And a one, and a two, and a three-" the trio pushed the boat into the river. They watched it go.
"I think it's stuck on a rock," said Legolas a minute later.
"I am not going out there!" said Aragorn. "Just shoot an arrow at it or something!"
"Geez, do I have to do everything myself?" Aragorn shot an arrow.
"You hit Boromir!"
"It has failed," said Gimili, "The plot has been followed and the Fellowship is broken.
"Hurry! After Frodo and Sam!" said Aragorn.
"Merry and Pippin? Those losers? But-well...I suppose so. Leave all that can be spared behind, including your weapons."
"Then what shall we use to fight the orcs?"
"We will discuss that while we are running!" And the three ran off.
"I don't suppose I'll ever see them again," said Frodo.
Sam took out a copy of Return of the King and turned to one of the last chapters, then put the book away. "We may yet, Mr. Frodo. We may yet."
Frodo jumped in surprise. "Sam?! Where did you come from? I thought I ditched you!"
The screen faded to black, and the end credits appeared. Suddenly, a familiar voice spoke.
"Aragorn! Legolas! Gimili! Do not fear, for I come back to you now at the turn of the tide!"
"Next movie, idiot!" said the director's voice.
"Big deal. It's spoiled in the trailer anyway."
A Parody of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Random Parodyness