A/N: Hullo, loyal readers of mine (I sure hope there are more than one)! I am here again, but this time with my very best friend who is helping me writing this (and lending me her computer for an evening), Lunie-chan. This is a first for the both of us, a NejiTenten.
Hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: Do we really need a disclaimer? We're girls. We're Canadian. We're fangirlish (Lunie more than me). Oh well. If we really need one, then no, we don't own Naruto, because if we did, it would be awfully cheesy and SasuSaku-ish.
By Queen of Pascalities and Lunie-chan
It is a well-known fact that Hyuuga Neji isn't afraid of anything. Right?
See, there is actually something that is scary enough to make him (almost) pee in his pants. Weird? Sure. Unexpected? Yeah. Stupid? Very much. Scary? To the Hyuuga prodigy, yes. To us common people, not at all. We think.
So, it all started when Mr. Smarty-Pants-I-Believe-In-Fate subtely wondered aloud why Tenten, Ms. Weapon-Master-With-Quite-A-Temper, took the subject of names so personally. He had recently observed that she would get cranky whenever he started ranting about the unfairness of the Hyuuga clan and about the fact that his last name should get him respect. This conversation subject owned him quite a glare, and his companion suddently excused herself and left.
Un-oh. Warning. Apologize now while you still have all your limbs.
Warning unnoticed. Baaaaaaaad idea.
Now, we know what you are all thinking. Neji should have accepted what happened as a sign of fate. But Neji, being suddenly and inexplainably dense today, decided to follow and question his teammate.
Yeah, a real prodigy.
So there he goes, peacefully annoying the sacred summoning scrolls out of Tenten with his veeeeery innocent questions.
"Oy, Tenten! Why are you upset? Did I say something wrong? Are you having a bad day? Did you get up on the wrong side of your bed? Are you mad at me? Are you ignoring me? Are you PMSing? Are you having your period? Are you pregnant?"
At that point, Tenten came to a stop. A very sharp and angry stop. She slowly turned around, her eyes clouded by obvious rage that probably made her intestines boil. Bad omen, if you ask us, but if you ask Neji, well, he probably thinks it's only because she's not feeling well. In the non-healthy kind of way.
"Did you just ask me if I was pregnant?" She asked in a low(er) voice (than usual).
And you know what the prodigy did?
"Er, yeah!" he replied cheerfully. Yes, we know. Not like Neji at all, but hey, fanfic, remember?
"Well, no, Neji, for your information, I'm not pregnant, because I am twelve years old, single, meaning not married, thus not pregnant." She said slowly as if speaking to a three-year-old.
"Then why are you upset?" He asked as innocently as ever.
"Because-... Ah, nevermind." She grunted.
"No, tell me."
"Aw, come on!"
"Neji, I said no! You're behaving like a child!"
Now that hit a spot.
"No, I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"No, I'm not!"
"Yes, you are!"
"Yes! Like a child and like a girl!"
Needless to say, our little prodigy, who was not quite behaving like himself, was gobsmacked. Flabbergasted. Speechless. Bouche bée. Touching the ground with his jaw. Take your pick. He was shocked.
And then he shut up. He had reached his word quota for the next three months. Tenten sighed and closed her eyes, annoyed. She put a hand on her hip, raised the other one to scratch her forehead and reopened her eyes again. Much to her dismay, Neji was still there, with an innocent yet slightly stuck up look on his face, obvously waiting for her to answer. She sighed again.
"Just please, please stop talking about your stupid clan and your stupid name. It's annoying me to hell." She stated.
Neji stared at her in a "really?" way and she sighed yet again.
"Yes, Neji, really. You have no idea how irritating it is." Of course, being the only one with common sense in her team, Tenten had to tell him calmly and with diplomacy. But was Neji going to drop the subject?
And, come to think of it, one more sentence couldn't hurt him, right?
Oh, how wrong.
But he didn't know that.
And we ain't gonna tell him, are we?
So, as we said, he wasn't going to drop the subject. And of course, realization hit him right in the shin and, instead of displaying painful pain, his features lit up in a knowing way, sending shivers of fright down Tenten's spine.
"Tenten! You don't have a last name!"
"I KNOW FREAKING WELL I DON'T HAVE A GODDAMNED LAST NAME, STUPID! YOU THINK I HAVEN'T NOTICED!? LAST TIME I CHECKED, I WAS THE ONE WHO NEVER HAD A LAST NAME, I THINK I'VE KNOWN THAT FACT FOR A LONG TIME NOW! AND YOU! YOU GO AROUND CLAIMING YOU'RE UNGRATEFUL BECAUSE OF YOUR NAME, YOU JUST REMIND ME THAT I'M A POOR LITTLE GIRL WHO HAS NO OTHER NAME THAN TENTEN AND THAT I'M THE ONLY ONE IN THIS GODFORSAKEN WORLD WHO DOES!"
"Well-..." Neji started.
"WELL WHAT?" she belowed (as if she hadn't been belowing before).
"Y-you're not t-the only o-one. R-rock Lee d-doesn't have a l-last name e-either." Neji squeaked.
"OH GREAT! JUST GREAT! THANKS FOR PAIRING ME UP WITH LEE, THAT'S VERY APPRECIATED! NOW, WHY DON'T I JUST GO AND MARRY HIM? MAYBE HE'LL ACCEPT ME, SINCE WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON! YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO! I'LL GO OFF, MARRY LEE AND LIVE A HAPPY, LAST NAME-LESS EXISTENCE WITH HIM! AND WATCH OUT, HYUUGA NEJI! I'LL COME BACK AND HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! I'LL KEEP ON TELLING YOU THAT YOU'RE SOOO MISERABLE WITH YOUR NAME! AND THEN I'LL BEAT YOU TO A BLOODY PRODIGY BYAKUGAN-HELDER PULP! YOU'LL HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED PAIN LIKE THAT BEFORE! YOU'LL SUFFER SO MUCH, EVEN ALL YOU FREAKING HYUUGA ANCESTERS WILL FEEL IT!"
"JUST YOU WAIT, HYUUGA NEJI!
She poked him in the chest.
Needless we say, she wasn't happy. She even was reciting My Fair Lady.
And also, needless we say, Neji was a teeny weeny little scared.
As in, all the blood left his face, his limbs can't move and his brain has gone off-power.
And he peed in his pants.
Tenten was panting, her face red with fury and her eyes glistening. She raised her hand high in the air, then swung it in Neji's face. His head flew to the side and he made an "humpf" sound. She stared at him for a few seconds, then gave a big sigh (again), straightened herself, turned on her heels and stomped away, heading to whatever place that was far enough from Wet-Pants Wonder.
In his mind, all Neji could think of was "Who'd have thought women could be so scary?" but he still couldn't move.
It was Team 7, just returning from a mission, who finally found him a few hours later, when his pants had finally dried and a bird had come to nest on his head.
"Oy, Neji! What are you doing there standing like an idiot?"
"He's standing like an idiot, dumbass," Sasuke grunted.
"Maybe someone should take him home," Sakura said, being the motherly girl she is.
"Yes, you're right Sakura," Kakashi said. "Naruto, get him to the Hyuuga compound."
"Eeeeeeh? Why me? Why not Teme?"
"Would you be admitting that Sasuke is stronger than you?"
"Aaaah! No, I'm not! I'm the strongest! I'll do it! Let me do it! I'm stronger than you, Teme! Dattebayo!"
"Naruto! Stop yelling and get Neji to his house!"
Three years later
"I just remembered something."
"Do you remember that one time when I got so mad at you I made you pee in your pants?"
Tenten looked at him.
"Don't worry. It doesn't bother me that much anymore not to have a last name. Especially since you offered me to take yours."
And nervously laughed inwardly.
What a dreadful memory.
A/N: Well, there it is! We hope you all liked it. If you are actually someone who reads one of my (Queen of Pascalities) stories, go check out my profile, there's an important message.
We beg of you.
It is a life-or-death situation.
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Queen of Pascalities and Lunie-chan