Huys guys, just a short fic that I came up for Valentine's Day and sadly I'm late. But i hope you enjoy it. It really doesn't take any place from the series, their just on Earth and have a base really. I don't much about the characters due to short screen time so I winging some of it. I have to laugh, this is my first fic where I did not add any OCs or people I know in real life.

Warning: Blitzwing is not completely in character and he has a reason; everyone else is slightly out of character because of him. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Blitzwing, Blackarachnia, Starscream, Lugnut, or Megatron.


It was early morning at deceptiocon headquarters. The hallways were empty as Lugnut stomped toward the kitchen. Time for a well balance meal, a big bowl of energon with a side dish of energon and a glass of energon to wash it down. Maybe an energon goodie afterwards, he smiled gleefully to himself, as he opened one of the storage cabinets. Instantly, he became baffled at Blackarachnia's wedged form in the compartment space. From her snug position she glared at him and made a slicing motion across her throat for him to remain silent. Before he could utter a single word, a screech echoed down the corridor.

"Oh Blackarachnia!" it sang in a recognizable accent.

The femme flinch, snatched the door, and slammed it shut from the inside.

Down the hall Blitzwing with his random face skipped towards the giant mech. "Hello Lugnut, veautiful day! Have you zeen Blackarachnia?"

The towering mech just stare at the con through his one optic. Random was acting crazier than usual, and that was saying something. Not necessarily thinking he shook his head. Blitzwing's shoulders slumped, "Oh vell, I'll keep looking." The crazy con skipped out of the room cheerfully singing No Mercy's 'Where Do You Go My Lovely'.

Lugnut's head was too thick to take all that in, but he'd report it to Megatron later. It was time for breakfast. Turning back to the cabinet he attempted to open the door. Blackarachnia sure must have a death grip on it because it wasn't budging. He growled and stormed off to Megatron's quarters to tattle on the femme.

Once the sound of the heavy mech's footsteps disappeared Blackarachnia slowly swung the door open. The coast was clear. Walking over to a chair and propping her elbows on the counter, she rubbed her forehead. 'What to do, what to do, something backfired, this is not what was suppose to happen,' she mentally groaned. Rubbing her forehead eased the tension, so did the rubbing on her shoulders………………? All four of her eyes snapped open and warily peered behind her. Her gaze met Random's wild grin and orange eyes. "Vhat has you strezzed out Fräulein?"

Blackarachnia let out a battle cry and grabbed one of Blitzwing's arms and flung him over her and the counter where he hit the floor with a loud thud. The femme dashed from the chair and tore down the hallway, soon followed by Blitzwing.

-

"Megatron, that plan is a pile of slag, it will never work," came the annoyingly high pitch voice of Starscream. Megatron sat across the table in the conference room, his patience running thin. "Also," began the seeker but his sentence was cut off by Lugnut bursting through the door. "Megatron, Blitzwing is acting crazy." The two officers had half-cocked optics. "That's not out of the normal, he's always like that!" snapped the air commander. An eerie silence past before Lugnut added, "He's crazier than usual."

Both officers resumed their meeting, wanting nothing more than to finish and get away from each other. Lugnut realized they weren't paying any attention to what he said and started again, "But Megatron, something is wrong, he…" The two stared back, annoyed at the giant pest but their gaze swept past him just in time to see Blackarachnia run past the doorway screaming and waving her arms wildly; accompanied by Blitzwing cackling and chasing her, arms outstretched and hearts in his eyes. Both Megatron and Starscream's jaws dropped. But the madness didn't stop there, a loud racket came from the end of the hallway and Blitzwing's body sailed across the doorway and disappeared. A loud crash shook the base. The triple charger soon was skipping his way past the door again where Blackarachnia had went, whom they soon heard screaming, "BACK, BACK! Stay away from me you three faced freak!"

"And that's what happened before I came here Lord Megatron," finished Lugnut who had been oblivious to the commotion out in the hall. Leader and second command traded confused looks. "Starscream, what ever is going on in my base you are going to fix it now! Meeting adjourned," commanded Megatron, returning to his normal demeanor. He got up and left the room. Starscream muttered a dark statement about the decepticon leader, but was quickly yanked out of his seat by Lugnut. "Hurry, this way," he thundered.

-

It had been two hours, and no sign of the two cons causing the morning's ruckus. "I seriously doubt we'll find them on this end of the based," grumble the seeker. "I check the main room again," boomed Lugnut. Once Starscream was alone he groaned and leaned against the wall and off-lined his optics. Across from him the storage closet opened and Blackarachnia poked her head out, warily eyeing the corridor. In a flash Starscream had her arm in his grasp.

"Explain," he snarled.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she replied smartly.

"Don't play dumb, I know you're tied with Blitzwing's odd behavior today now fess up!"

"Make me!"

This was getting no where.

"If you won't tell I'll turn you over to Megatron, or worse," he gave a smug grin, "I'll let Blitzwing catch you."

The femme shuddered, considering her options. "Fine," she surrendered, "I had the night shift till early this morning and Blitzwing was to take my position. Instead he came before his shift and started nagging me on my organic mode! By the time his shift came I had already stormed outside to blow off some steam. Apparently a squishy, with wings on his back, heard my rant and offered me a deal. I couldn't refuse. He said if I wanted to embarress Blitzwing and have him appreciate me, all I had to do was shoot him with a little gadget he gave me and be the first being he saw."

"So you used an inferior being's technology. You know how degrading that is to us decepticons!"

"I didn't care at the moment! I wanted revenge so I yes I took the trinket and shot Blitwing dead center in the aft!" shouted Blackarachnia.

Starscream ridged an optic at her, "And so what happened after you shot him and he saw you."

She crossed her arms and glared to the side, "Nothing at first other than a high ringing noise and him standing there with a cold dumbfounded look. A few seconds later he asked me when did I start becoming attractive, grabbed my hand and kiss it! HE FREAK'N KISSED MY HAND! DO YOU KNOW HOW DISCUSTING THAT IS!" she screamed waving the offended appendage in his face. The seeker swatted it out of his way.

"So do you know how to reverse these affects!"

She angrily shook her head.

Starscream clenched his fists, "So you mean to tell me you shot him with the squishy's technology that you did not know for sure what would really happen, without knowing how to stop it!"

His answer came in silence.

"I suggest you find that human and get some answers out of it on how to fix this."

"Well I've been trying to get out of here since this morning! Everything has been backfiring!" she snapped.

Giving in Starscream groaned, "Fine, I'll distract him so you can get out unseen, but you owe me."

Blackarachnia opened her mouth to utter a nasty comment, but took it back when hearing, from what she could tell, Arnold Schwarzenegger trying to sing Haddaway's 'What is Love'.

"You better not let him find me," she snarled before taking off in the direction away from the noise.

Starscream snorted and turned toward the approuching mech. Blitwing was still random. "Vhat is love, baby hurt me….."

"Blitzwing where are you going?"

"Vhat is…….. oh Guten Tag Starscream, has Blackarachnia passed here?"

Starscream shifted uneasily, this new Blitzwing was creepier than the original. "Uh ya, yes she has, she ………….went to her quarters to…………. make herself more presentable for you."

Blitzwing grinned and was about make a mad dash for her quarters until Starscream put him in a headlock and lead him in the opposite direction. "What's the rush, she'll be angry if you spoil the surprize she has for you."

Random protested, "But I've veen looking for her all day, besides she von't get mad because it'z me."

'You really can't take a hint can you,' silently grumbled the seeker. This wasn't working, time for a different approuch. He stopped and sighed, easing his grip on triple charger. "Blitzwing, what I have to tell you is serious." Time to put those acting skills to the test.

Random frown and switched to cold, "I can be serious, but I need to get to Blackarachnia soon."

"Yea well, about her. I caught her and Lugnut down here making out and she said that you were a useless pile of scrap metal and that Lugnut could take you on any day."

The atmosphere seemed to turn icy cold all a sudden, Starscream stared uneasily, unsure of how the mech would react. Cold just seemed to stare off into space. His face a blank slate. Anger suddenly switched on, "ZHAT PILE OF SLAG VAS MAKING A MOVE ON MY VOMEN!"

Starscream sprang backwards in total shock.

"I VILL SHOW HER JUST HOW STRONG I AM, AND SEND ZHAT SLAGGER TO ZHE TRASH HEAP!" The crazy mech let out a battle cry as he tore down the hall for the main room.

Starscream remained in the empty hallway, 'Oh dear Primus, what did I just do,' he thought as an explosion ripped through the base along with screams from an unfortunate mech.

-

Upon entering the main controll room Starscream had the courtousy of witnessing Blitzwing blast Lugnut with his superheater canon. The heavy-duty mech run in a cirle in an attempt to avoid the firery missles while yelping in pain. At that unfortunate moment Megatron happened to enter the room. "STARSCREAM! What ever is going on I blame you for it!"

The seeker grimanced, "Mighty Megatron, it's not my falt, Blackarachnia shot Blitzwing with a squishy's weapon making him obsess over her and as you can see overly protective, so it was not I!"

"So, you have failed me 'in fixing the problem'!"

"Please my lord," he whined, "if we can just get him to the med bay and remove whatever she shot him with I bet it'll stop!"

The leader took this into consideration, "On my signal, tackle him."

Both pounced on the mad con and pinned him to the floor and held his arms behind him in a death grip before dragging him off to the medical ward. Lugnut followed.

"ZHIS IZ OUTRAGOUS! RELEASE ME!" Anger bared his teeth, still trying to get at Lugnut.

"Come Blitz, time for a trip to the med bay, and this time not for your bi-polar medication," said Starscream.

Once inside the two officers slammed the mech on on the table still securely holding him down. "Lugnut come over here and sit on him so he can't move." The giant obeyed and sat on Blitzwing's back, whom yelped at the crushing weight and kicked his legs wildly. "Starscream if you don't put a stop to this there will be dire concequences," said the decepticon commander darkly as he exited the room. Starscream gave an angry snarl upon advancing to a draw and fishing out a heavy armored glove. "Lugnut, make him shut up!" he snapped. The giant mech with the brain capassity of a two year old searched the table and counter for a heavy object. Picking a large piece of pipe, he thunked Blitzwing on the head, who fell limp on the table and ceased his kicking. His face changing to cold after being knocked out cold.

Retrieving a pair of teesers, jumbo sized compared to humans, Starscream proceeded to his victim. She said she shot him in the aft, his optics spied something inbetween to armor plates near the triple charger's rear. Carefully he plucked out what at first appeared to be a stick, but on closer inspection it turned out to be an arrow. Anusual one, the blade was in the shape of a red and pink heart. Blitzwing slowly came online and snapped back to his angry face.

"VHAT THE SLAG AM I DOING HERE! GET OFF OF ME LUGNUT!" He began kicking his feet again. The large mech looked over at the seeker for guidence. Still scanning the arrow Starscream waved his hand, "He's fine now, you can get off of him." The giant scappered off his friend. Blitzwing automatically changed back to his cool self.

"Vhat you have there?" he questioned.

"No sure, something Blackarachnia shot you with and you went head over wheels for her."

Blitzwing nearly rockected through the roof. "ZAT MEDDLING HALF-BREED SHOT ME AND TURNS ME INTO A FOOL! SHE VILL PAY!"

Starscream rolled his optics, "Calm down, appently the side effects from this thing would only last today until midnight."

"HOW DO YOU KNOW!"

"It says so right here," the seeker pionted to the end of the arrow near the feathers. In red pint it said 'Love arrow, be the first seen by your target and they will instanly adore you. Warning, some side affects may remain in the targeted even after Valentine's Day'.

For once Blitzwing was speechless. Starscream on the other hand was all ready forming plans to dethrone Megatron. 'If this arrow is useful may be I can shoot Megatron, have him see the the Autobots, and have him go after them, causing him to get blown up in the process. Allowing me the right to lead the decepticons as rightful leader," he smiled evilly. His thoughts were interupted my Blitzwing talking to himself out loud. "Zhat Blackarachnia vill pay for shooting me, maybe ve should shoot her vith zhat arrow." Random took controll, "Ooooooo, make her tranzform into a spider and shoot her near a flock of zea gulls!" he giggle manacially and fell on his back, kicking his feet in the air.

A deep 'ouch' rumbled accompanied by a high ring of a bell. Starscream and Blitzwing faced Lugnut, whom they had ignored, to find that the mech had attempt to pick up the heart blade arrow from the tray. Both froze, the arrow had slipped inbetween two armor plates in Lugnut's index finger and jabbed the wires underneath. The gaint mech looked back and forth at the two in the room. Suddenly he blurted, "Lugnut love you guys, want hug!" He outstretched his arms toward them. The seeker and triple changer let out a scream and rushed for the exit.

"Starscream," said cold.

"Yea"

"How long did you say zhe side affects of zhat arrow vere to last?"

"Until midnight!"

"Slag!"

-

Megatron sat at the computer monitor plotting until Starscream ran by the doorway living up to his name. Random Blitzwing sped by too screaming and waving his arms like the maniac he was. The leader raised a quizzical brow when Lugnut's thunderous footsteps stormed by, demanding a hug. Megatron swiveled back to the computer and posted a 'Help Wanted' ad. He definitely needed some new recruits.

-

Epilogue

Cupid spent his day, firing his arrows away,

Along came a spider,

Who bit his head cleam off,

And Blackarachnia enjoyed the rest on her day.


hehe I hate cupid. I hope this made you laugh, I'm thinking about doing a sequel called 'Blitzwing's Revenge'. Anyone like the idea?

Happy late SAD single awarness day. Oh and for those reading my fic 'Hibilation' I'm currently working on chapter 5.