Author's note: If this has been done before, so sorry! It most likely has, but I couldn't resist anyway. A box of captain crunch would taste soooo good!
"WHERE'S THE FUCKING CAPTAIN CRUNCH, ROGER?!" While Roger may have been addicted to Meth, Mark was addicted to something far more life corrupting. Captain fucking Crunch. He wanted his daily dose. His daily dose of cereal-y, crunchy, Captain-y goodness.
"I fucking told you! WE'RE OUT, DUMBASS! Now shut-up. I've got a head-ache and a fucking lack of inspiration." Roger said, slouching on the couch. He had a notebook in one hand, and a pen in the other.
"Maybe, your lack of inspiration is because you are a starving artist. If we had some fucking captain crunch…"
"I hate Captain Crunch. It reminds me of bad sex. I'm a Frosted Flakes man. That tiger on the front is fuckin' hardcore." Roger said, sitting up and leaning on the side of the couch.
"That Tiger is gay. He probably sleeps with the rooster on the corn flakes box." Mark retorted. " And then cheats on him with the sun on the Raisin Brand Crunch box."
"That tiger is a player. He gets with all of the Cereal icons. I can just imagine it: on Sundays, he sleeps in late with Toucan Sam. Then, Monday through Friday, he sleeps with the regulars; The Trix rabbit, The Choco-puffs bird, (he's cuckoo for Tony the Tiger's choco-puffs,) etc., and then on weekends, he has orgies with Snap, Crackle, and Pop." Roger said with a smile. "Oh, and he gets Lucky with the leprechaun, too."
Mark laughed. "Oh. My. God. I will never be able to eat breakfast again in my life."
"Oh, and with Captain Crunch- let's just say Tony's ridden his ship a couple of times as well." Roger said with a devious smile. Mark closed his eyes and shook his head.
"Who wouldn't? I'd so go guy for him…" Roger looked at Mark as Mark looked at his watch. "FUCK! IT'S GETTING LATE, AND I WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH!"
"You're not gonna get it anywhere. Not at two in the morning, anyway. Unless, of course, nightclubs now serve Breakfast at two in the morning."
Mark kicked the coffee table. "Crap. I want freakin' Crunch-y goodness."
"How 'bout some pot instead?" Roger suggested.
A WHILE LATER…
Mark took another drag as his head fell back on the couch, and he looked up at the ceiling. "Mandy-,"
"My name's Carla." Roger said as he too took a drag.
"Okay- Marla- can I tell you something?" Mark said as he sucked in the smoke that surrounded them.
"Yeah?" Roger said.
"We- are- all- going- to- die. All of us. No matter what we do. You could die this very second." Mark was quiet for a second, as he lost himself in the white, swirled ceiling. Then, suddenly, he randomly outburst; "CHICKENS!"
Roger, (or Carla, as he called himself,) was lost in his own high. "Wouldn't it be awesome… to do someone right now? I'd go for some Tony the Tiger…"
ALL OF A SUDDEN-!
There was a high-pitched whistle noise, as a ship burst through the wall. Mark and Roger jumped up at the sight of the large wooden vessel. Leave it to Mark to shout: "It's Captain Crunch!!"
And leave it to the Captain to say: "Yes, it's me! Jump on board, kiddies!"
Roger hesitated as Mark floated up to the ship… magically. "Kiddies? What the hell- you pedophile!!?"
Captain Crunch stared at Roger. "Listen, boy. Get in the ship, or stay home and self-stimulate. What're you going to do?"
This comment was followed by Roger's wide-eyed glare. "How did you know I…?"
"Oh, please! We all knew that the whole reason you stayed in your apartment for all that time was so you could practice onanism." The Captain said. "Now; are you coming, or not?"
"Sure." Roger sighed as he floated up to the deck.
Just as that happened, Roger and Mark became animated. Literally.
"Whoa." Mark said, looking at his colored arm. "I'm like…Tom and Jerry…"
"So am I… except… awesome." Roger looked at his ass. "Wow. Everything is better in 3-D!"
"So… like, what are we doing here?" Mark asked.
"Oh, we have to advertise. So… yeah." Captain Crunch said.
"How exactly do you do that?" Roger said, as he walked over to the bulk stack of cereal.
"I dunno… just pretend that you're having cereal orgasms!" Mr. Crunch said. Roger and Mark looked at each other with a grin.
(INSERT CAPTAIN CRUNCH ADVERTISMENT HERE.)
As the ship pulled into the apartment once more, Roger and Mark uttered their final good-byes to CC.
"That was fun." Roger said as they climbed off of the boat.
"It was. But, I think those little kids will find that part with me making-out with the Captain a bit creepy. I wasn't serious when I said I'd go guy for him…" Roger stared at Mark as to say, 'oh god…'
"ANYways..." Roger said. "I think… we should do some pot now."
Sorry 'bout that. That's the product of me, being silly and watching smutty Spring Awakening. :D
ANYway, review. Please. I need some redemption.