Ok, this is my first english fic, I don't know yet how many chapters it will have, but I hope you will like it.




I remember the words with so much clarity, like I had really spoken them.

'...Ai shi... tteiru... forever... sayonara Kenshin...' are them, and then I waked up.

I can't remember since when I have had these dreams. I only know that when i am asleep, my mind goes to another place, to another time, where i am another person, it is true that my name is the same "Kaoru" but there my last name is Kamiya when in reality it is "Hayashibara". I never really care about what happens when i am asleep, after all every time i waked up i can vaguely remember little details, almost nothing important. Until "he" appeared.

I dreamed of a place where i am a different person and myself at the same time, my father, in my dreams, was a samurai who taught me kendo, and the belief that the most important thing is to protect the ones we love, with all my heart, and with all my power. At 16 i dreamed that my false father died. When i woke up that day i went to the temple before school and prayed for the dead parents of all the people and to keep safe and healthy my own father.

My real parents don't know anything of these dreams, and i don't think i will tell them any time soon, but my nii-san knows. He found out a week ago.

A year and a half ago more or less i began to dream of a redheaded man. His name is Kenshin, or should i said 'was' Kenshin?

Two weeks ago I woke up sweating, trembling with fear and rage and resentment, still confused i lay in my bed all night just looking at the ceiling. Questions were all i had, why did that happened to me? Why now? Am i crazy? The last question didn't want to go. Am i crazy? Am I? Maybe i should go to a psychiatrist or something.

'...Ai shi... tteiru... forever... sayonara Kenshin...' that words keep dancing on my head once and again. I can't stop them. Those were my last words in my dreams, since then, two weeks ago, i haven't dreamt about that estranged life any more.

Before 'he' appeared in my dreams they didn't matter to me too much, most of the time i didn't even remember that i have dreamt something at all. But since i saw 'him' everything in my life change. The dreams became more clear, and more vivid.

Some times i went to bed early just to dream with him, to see his sweet face in the morning, or his smell, the sound of his voice when he called my name, how his hair moved with the wind. I can remember what he likes, i remember our chats in the dojo, all the times i just stop to watch him wash the clothes, or when he played with the little girls, but i can't remember the names of the girls. I know that i lived in a dojo, and i know that i practiced kendo with a young boy, but i don't think
i can do a kata now, not even to save my life. In the reality i have never learn to use a bokken even if i wanted to, i remember asking my parents for it a long time ago, however i learned karate, and that type of martial arts.

I can remember too that i was bad in the kitchen, which was one of the reasons of why i learned how to cook when i was 17. But i think i don't like to be in the kitchen too much, it's boring. I certainly prefer to watch 'him' cook, and to eat his plates too. I miss his miso. And here comes that question again, Am i crazy? How can i miss something i had never eaten in the first place?

The only clear face of my dreams is the one of my redheaded. For the other ones who lived with me, well, i can hardly remember their voices and their faces, and little things about them, but mostly it's confusing.

Maybe what confuses me and hurts me more than anything, is that two weeks ago, in my last dream i died.

I dreamed that i died. And every time i think of it, my heart is in pain, i want to scream, and to shout, and... i don't know. Since then i haven't dreamed about the past any more.

What i would give just to dream with 'him' again, just to see and listen to him again, like before.

Thanks god my niisan came on vacations those days. He noticed that something happened to me easily, even if i try to appear that everything was fine.

My niisan is 21 years old, three years older then me, 'cause i am 18. He has blue light eyes, mine are blue, and he is very tall, and strong. Two nights ago i was training on the gym near home, it was like 9 p.m. more or less. The gym was empty, something i was grateful for. I was kicking the doll, trying to ease some of the tension, without results, when he appeared in front of me. I was angry with all the world, so i asked what was it he wanted. He just looked at me, with his cold calm. He took off his trenchcoat and put himself in a defense position and asked me to fight with him.

And i did it.

With all my force. And i am not a black belt in karate for nothing. I kick him and strike him with all my power, with all my hate, and my pain, faster and faster, until he screamed at me to stop.

When i hear him, i stop immediately, and i begun to cry, like i haven't cried in years. I cover my face with my hands, and i fell to my knees, crying and crying. He came near me and hugged me and began rocking me, trying to ease me. But i just cry more and more. And between sobs, i told him everything, about the dreams, about the past, about 'him', about 'me', about 'us'. About how much i love a man that doesn't exist, about his little imouto going insane, about how much scared i was.

And he listened to me. He didn't say anything at all, just listened. I think i have never ever talk too much about something so private with anyone. But i am glad Aoshi was there for me. I think i love him more now that ever before.

When i asked him if he really thought that i was crazy he looked at me. His eyes locked with mine. And Aoshi smiled, one of his sweet and very unusual smiles, and then he began to laugh, and i laughed with him. Like when we were little.

And then i knew that no matter what will happen, I will always have someone to love, even if that person is Aoshi my big brother, the cold ice, how his friends call him. To me, he is the biggest brother ever.

We went for a walk that night, and he asked more things about my dreams, and my life, and i asked him too, about his life, and how well he is, being so far from the family, because he studies in the University of Tokyo and we live near Yokohama. And he made me feel secure and loved.

When we return to home that night it was near 3 in the morning. Mom was mad with us.

The next day, i decide to move to Tokyo, so i went to my University and asked for a transfer to the University of Tokyo. Aoshi and i thought that maybe the best for me was a change of air.

And now i am in a plane, with my sleeping brother next to my seat. Going to Tokyo, the big Tokyo, the city where my dreams take place... better not to think about that. I am planing to begin my new life, with new dreams, i know that it will be difficult, but i don't care. Hayashibara Kaoru has decided something and not even a tsunami can change my mind now! Today is a new day and the sun shines in the sky. I will go on no matter what and that will be with a smile on my lips.

So, what do you think? Should i continue?

The first chapter is done, I just need to edit it. And Kenshin appears in it :) , but if anybody had read the prologue, then why should i send it??? Onegai made reviews!! Even if it is to tell me that my fic is the worse you have ever read.

Arigatou for reading!


kendo: it's the practice with a sword or bokken. Like Kenshin's and Kaoru's.
Niisan: Older Brother
Imouto: Little sister
Ai shitteiru: I love you.
Sayonara: Good Bye