I've thought about Allen and his character. and I think he's a little more affected by his childhood before Mana than you'd think. This is based on the thought that Allen really lived on the streets before he was picked up by Mana. Also this is more like a flow of thoughts.
Disclaimer: Last time I checked, D. Gray Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino-sensei. Not to me, get it? After all, this is FANfiction.
Outer and inner.
For him they were two so different things.
It was funny how clumsy he appeared. Like a child learning the basics of moving.
Maybe he was. Or so it would seem. Kanda apparently had a problem with his outer shell.
There was no one who could have a problem with his inner. All of the people who knew, were gone. Except Cross.
But he didn't count. He had his own masks to keep up. Just like Lavi.
Their little secret.
Naïve, ignorant, blind, sweet.
How twisted it was, that face he forced himself to wear.
Every time he happened to see it in the mirror, he felt the need to broke it. But he couldn't.
How could he? A street rat like him. He'd been thrown away when he had learned to walk. Then Mana had taken him in. But there was a 3 year gap between. He hated the fact that he remembered but every painful second of it.
Maybe so, but he could only last so long. Every human being has a limited amount of inches inside that keep them alive. The deepest was honesty. Ignorance, perhaps, was already on the other side. But he held on to it. There was a certain kind of fear in him for others feelings. Mostly back then it had meant inhumane violence.
It is easy, to beat a defenceless child who no one would care for.
That's why it was so sweet, to not to know. But it was another curse that he bears in his mind. Because he knew, how the cold feeling just grew until you were numb.
He recalls all those times when he had been taken… If you were sweet, maybe they didn't hurt you so much. Maybe you could distract them so you could escape. Maybe if you were sweet, they mistook you for someone with a home. That rarely happened.
The ragged clothes and the skin coloured like the ashes tended to ruin the image.
Smiles were a foreign thing for him before he had met Mana. That was when a true smile had crept to his face, a light had shone to his soul.
Then Mana had been ripped away. Twice.
The light had disappeared but the smile hadn't.
It was merely a shadow of what it had been. A reminder of the past. Like his eye, like his arm.
What would they say if they knew? The ones that called themselves his friends.
The akuma were his goal, his reason. The poor souls.
His true smile was reserved to them. He wanted them to stop so that he could destroy them, so that they could fly away.
Fly away and remember their own smile. The one that reached the eyes.
"Oh….." Now Allen knows why sweetness hadn't worked back then.
The sound from his mouth had been sweet but his eyes had been hollow.
But now he had mastered the art of masks.
This one, the one he now wore, had the eyes included. It was funny how his Innocence emphasized that.
Allen liked poker. You'd think he wouldn't, after all the traumatizing from Cross. But he still liked it.
He was an expert in cheating and poker-faces.
Mirrors had an added thing in them nowadays. The ever-looming presence just over his shoulder.
Even in all its creepiness, it makes him feel a little less alone.
I think it's plain weird... care to leave me a review on your way out? I'd love you for doing that.