Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.
WARNING: SPOILERS past Enies Lobby arc (mainly regarding the ship)
This was written for a challenge from cptnshinigami on the onepieceyaoi community on livejournal. I just couldn't get this fic idea out of my head, so I finally went ahead and wrote it. Thanks for the challenge!
Zoro wearily sat upright and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. With a loud yawn, he pulled himself to his feet.
He peered beyond the windows of the crow's nest. Only a thin mist was visible on the deck of the Thousand Sunny. Dammit, I slept through dinner, he realized with annoyance.
Although Zoro was never adept at judging time based on the night sky, he guessed that it was still a couple of hours before sunrise, which meant even longer until breakfast.
Briefly, he entertained the idea of wandering into the kitchen and attempting to find something to eat, but he decided it was too much trouble. Anything that could be eaten without being prepared was probably locked away so Luffy couldn't get to it.
Hunger is nothing a little bit of exercise won't fix, he decided abruptly. After turning on a couple of lights, he turned his attention to a heavily loaded barbell. As he lifted the large set of weights, Zoro quickly lost track of time.
"One thousand eight-hundred forty one…" he counted aloud, focusing on the slow, burning pain in his arms.
"Two thousand seventy-three …" he continued, beginning to feel a slight strain in his upper body. Just a couple hundred more, he thought to himself. He could feel beads of sweat trickling down his face and neck, despite the chill of the evening air.
"Two thousand two-hundred fifty-five…" he grunted. For a moment, he thought he heard a noise from below deck, but it was still pitch-black outside. No one would be awake yet.
"Two thousand four-hundred twelve…" The swordsman clenched his jaw suddenly, realizing that someone was entering the crow's nest. Who the hell could it be? Still concentrating on his weights, he glanced back just as a blonde head appeared through the open doorway.
"What the hell are you doing up here, you damn cook?" Zoro asked, his voice a mixture of anger and surprise.
Sanji wordlessly pulled himself up through the entrance of the crow's nest. A nearly-burned out cigarette dangled carelessly from between his lips.
The two men glowered at each other for a moment. Reluctantly, Zoro broke the icy stare to set the barbell down off to the side of the room. Then he abruptly turned his attention back toward the unwanted cook.
Sanji took his cigarette out of his mouth and flicked it out the door just as he was swinging it closed.
"Here, you shitty marimo," Sanji called out, tossing a small box to the swordsman.
"What the hell are you giving me?" He asked suspiciously.
"Idiot," he scowled, brushing a stray hair from his eye. "You can't tell?"
Zoro carefully opened the small box, and a delicious aroma wafted out and filled his nostrils. "Bentou," he murmured without thinking. His mouth instantly began to water, and he suddenly became aware of the ache of hunger in his stomach.
Sanji nodded slowly. He sauntered to the side of the room and casually took a seat against the wall.
The swordsman ungracefully set himself on the floor, and he quickly began shoveling tasty morsels of food into his mouth. Why does that shitty cook's food have to taste so good? Zoro thought with annoyance.
After swallowing a few hasty bites, he realized the oddness of the situation. He glanced up at Sanji. "Why did you bring me food?" he asked suspiciously.
The blonde man shrugged, resting his head back against the wall. "I saw the light was on up here. I figured that since you slept through dinner, you might have a craving for something."
Zoro narrowed his eyes at the slender man, trying to figure out if there was an insult in his words. Unable to find anything wrong, he swallowed another large bite. "Thanks," he mumbled reluctantly.
Sanji nodded, the corner of his lip turned up in a mocking smile. "As the ship's cook, I have to make sure no one goes hungry. I know you're not capable of feeding yourself without me."
"What did you say, you stupid ero-cook?" Zoro shouted, slamming the bentou on the ground with a loud clack.
The cook shook his head and pulled a box of cigarettes out of his pocket. "Just eat it, you can fight with me later."
Zoro glanced at Sanji suspiciously while he placed an unlit cigarette in between his lips. The cook was definitely acting strangely. Zoro picked up the bentou and began zealously stuffing bites into his mouth again, still wary of the blonde-haired man. "So why the hell are you up right now, anyway?"
Sanji lit the new cigarette, inhaling deeply. "I had a craving of my own," he answered slowly.
"Huh?" Zoro mumbled through a mouthful of food. With dismay, he realized he only had a couple of bites left. "Where's yours, then?" he asked, gesturing toward the bentou.
The cook puffed away at his cigarette for a few months, staring into space thoughtfully. "It's a different kind of craving," Sanji replied finally.
At first, the comment went over Zoro's head. He stuffed the last bite of food into his mouth and chewed slowly, considering the response.
Suddenly, his jaw dropped and he gaped at Sanji in horror. "Say again?" he blurted, hastily swallowing the last of his food.
Sanji smirked, the cigarette carelessly dangling from his lips. Zoro realized with dismay that he was paying excessively close attention to his lips. The corners of his mouth turned up again in a handsome smile, and Sanji carefully plucked the cigarette out of his mouth.
"You heard me, you shitty marimo," the cook replied calmly.
Before Zoro knew what was happening, his lips were being hungrily crushed against Sanji's. He wasn't even sure who made the first move, but the two men had closed the gap between them in what felt like a nanosecond.
The taste of nicotine filled his mouth as his tongue swirled against his lips and mouth. He felt the cook's fingernails rake his arm painfully.
Zoro crushed his lips against Sanji's once again, and slammed the slender man against the wall, desperate to feel his hard body against his.
"Fucking cook," Zoro cursed, stepping back a few inches as Sanji hungrily tore off his shirt.
"Shitty swordsman," Sanji replied automatically, rubbing his hands against Zoro's toned chest.
"What the hell makes you think I'm okay with this?" The green-haired man spat, impatiently undoing the buttons on the front of Sanji's shirt.
The cook's nimble hands slid down to Zoro's pants, and began swiftly unfastening the buttons. "Because I made you a bentou, asshole," he grinned.
"That's a stupid reason to think I'd do this—why the hell are there so many buttons on your shirt?" Zoro yelled in frustration.
"Here," Sanji said, quickly pulling Zoro's mouth to his own in another steamy kiss. The cook nimbly finished unbuttoning his shirt and let it slide to the floor as he rolled his tongue around in the swordsman's mouth.
Sanji violently shoved him against the wall, and Zoro felt something hard and painful poke him in the back, but he ignored it as the cook began sliding off his pants.
"All of your clothes are so goddamn hard to take off," a male voice called out, followed by the soft crackling of static. The voice sounded very distant.
Nami slowly sat up in bed and looked around in confusion. She noticed that Robin was also sitting up.
"They're not hard to take off, I just can't slide right out of them like your old rags."More faint static.
"Where is that coming from?" Nami asked groggily as she pulled herself to her feet.
"I believe it's the intercom," Robin replied, glancing up at the ceiling
Faint moans started to echo over the loudspeaker.
"Maybe we can hear it better outside," Nami said, briskly heading toward the front door. She started to ask Robin if she was coming, but the tall woman was already following her.
"Oh, shit, keep doing that," a low voice rumbled. It was definitely significantly louder outside of the bedroom.
Zoro mercilessly sunk his teeth into Sanji's flesh, raking them across his neck, and sucking his flesh aggressively. The response from the cook was more than favorable; the blonde man could hardly contain his moans.
The swordsman crushed his mouth against Sanji's and began angrily sucking at his tongue. He usually did not care for the taste of cigarettes, but for some reason the cook's nicotine-coated mouth was turning him on.
Zoro could feel his pants sliding down against his will, since Sanji had undone all of his buttons.
Sanji's insistent tongue flicked in and out of Zoro's mouth provocatively, and the two men continued to kiss, their lips firmly locked together. Without realizing it, Zoro slammed Sanji into some nearby workout equipment, and it fell with a loud crash.
"Stupid marimo," Sanji moaned, his lips still faintly pressed against Zoro's. "You'll wake up the whole damn ship."
"What the hell are you talking about, damn ero-cook? Nobody is awake right now."
The blonde man chuckled faintly. Annoyed, Zoro shoved him and slammed him on the ground. A moment later, he aggressively dropped down on top of the slender man and started yanking his pants off.
Nami and Robin, now standing on the main deck of the Thousand Sunny, looked at each other in shock. More moans could be heard over the intercom, accompanied by an unidentified rustling noise.
"Marimo? Ero-cook?" Nami said in disbelief. "Is that… is that really those two?"
The raven-haired woman nodded thoughtfully, her expression unreadable. "It's undeniable that it's them."
"Oi! You're up too!" Luffy called out loudly from the direction of the men's quarters, with Franky and Usopp in tow.
"Have you guys been listening to this?" Nami exclaimed.
"Somebody must have turned on the intercom in the crow's nest," Franky replied, glancing up at the mast.
"Yes, but did you realize who's up there?" she said, earnestly gesturing at the crow's nest.
"Well, it's gotta be Zoro and Sanji.. It sounds nothing like Chopper, and the rest of us are here…" Usopp trailed off.
The crew silently listened to the provocative moans coming over the intercom. Usopp's jaw dropped in horror, and Franky's eyes darted back and forth at the rest of the crew in disbelief.
"Oi, what do you think you're doing, bastard?" Zoro said.
"Maybe it's not what it sounds like," Usopp said hopefully.
"It's lubrication. It's going to hurt like hell if we don't use it."
The crew looked at Usopp doubtfully. "But what else could it be, talking about something like that?" Franky said to Usopp.
"I'm sure our questions will be answered if we keep listening," Robin replied, crossing her arms in front of her.
"Yeah but why the hell are you assuming I'm going to be on the bottom?"
Nami covered her mouth with her hands.
"It's not like we can't do it again. Unless you can't get it up twice in one evening…"
Luffy looked around at everyone in confusion.
"What the hell did you just say, you bastard?"
"I don't get it," Luffy said finally. "What are they doing?"
Loud, scuffling noises sounded over the loudspeaker again, along with grunts that sounded like the two men might have been fighting.
"Well, that sounds like fighting…" Nami said carefully.
"I don't think that's all they're going to be doing, though," Robin mused.
Moans began to echo across the ship again.
"You shitty marimo," Sanji murmured.
"Shut up and put it in already, stupid ero-cook," the other man moaned.
"Alright," Luffy said loudly, cracking his knuckles. "I better break this up." He abruptly stretched his arms out toward the mast, and quickly sent himself flying into the air in the direction of the crow's nest.
"Grab him, quick!" Nami shrieked.
Franky jumped out and tried to catch Luffy, but the captain had moved too quickly.
"Unngh!" Zoro and Sanji cried out in unison, followed by heavy pants and erotic moans.
"Alright, I'm going in!" Luffy yelled a moment later, his voice coming from the direction of the crow's nest.
Usopp's eyed widened in shock. "This is bad, this is really, really bad…" he muttered frantically.
"Luffy, get back down here! Don't go in there!" Nami screamed at him, shaking her fists in the air.
Robin shook her head slowly. "I think our Captain might learn an important lesson today," she said, a hint of amusement in her voice.
"It might be a lesson he needs to learn, since he couldn't figure out what was going on up there," Franky winced.
"Alright, I'm going in!"
Sanji and Zoro both froze and looked at each other in horror.
"Was that from right outside?" Zoro asked.
"Impossible, no one was awake a little while ago. Even if someone had awaken, they wouldn't come up here."
"It sounds like Luffy, though."
Suddenly, the two men scrambled to break apart from each other. Zoro was straddling the cook's lap, and Sanji had just slid inside of him a few moments before.
"Shit," Sanji gasped, a wave of pleasure passing over him as he started sliding out. "Don't move so fast…"
The door to the crow's nest flew open, and Luffy burst through the doors. "Alright, you guys, it's time to…"
Luffy stopped in mid-sentence and gaped at the two naked men. Zoro and Sanji stared back at him speechlessly.
"Oh, you guys aren't fighting," Luffy said finally.
Zoro felt his face grow hot with embarrassment. He started to slide back again, eliciting another gasp from Sanji.
Luffy burst out laughing, slapping his leg in amusement. "No way!" he shouted. "That's what you guys have been doing up here? Man, when I heard your conversation, I thought you were fighting!"
"What do you mean, heard our conversation?" Sanji asked nervously.
Luffy pointed at the controls for the intercom system. "You guys turned on the loudspeaker. We've all been listening to you for the past few minutes." He started cracking up again.
Zoro and Sanji looked at each other in horror again.
"You guys are never going to live this one down!" Luffy laughed, shaking his head at the two dumbstruck men. "Now come on, Sanji, get dressed and make us all some breakfast!"