Beautiful Disaster

A/N: I am so sorry it took me so long to update! I've been working on this chapter for a while now and it really took me long because I was so nervous about it. I hope you can find it realistic in some way. Anyway thank you for your lovely reviews and as always I'm sorry for the mistakes! You get Edward-shaped cookies if you reviews.

So this is love in the end of December, quiet nights, quiet stars. And I'm here Monday to Sunday, cause you're fragile, and I'm weak

I was floating. The air around me was caressing my skin in such a delicate way it could only be described as floating. This was what angels felt like, dancing in the air, away from all of their troubles, if they had any, of the people they had to protect, just floating. Everything seemed so perfect, the sky was just as I had imagined it would be. Soft and gentle, beautiful. As I turned my head I saw him, he was floating beside me. He was there, the wind messing with his hair. his eyes closed and his head titled back. Floating like a feather.

He looked like an angel.

That was when I realized that I wasn't floating. I was falling. I looked down and suddenly the wind didn't seem so soft or beautiful. It wasn't a caress. It was a violent whip, hurting my skin. I stretched my arms desperately towards Edward and screamed with all my strengh. But he couldn't hear me, his eyes were still closed and he was peacefully floating around the clouds while I fell towards the earth quickly. I was dying. When he finally heard me it was too late, for me at least.

And he watched me terrorized as my body continued on falling towards the earth.

--

"Rosalie I don't know if I should go to school today." I heard her sighed and looked down to my lap as I continued playing with my hands. "I mean..."

"Bella you can't miss school any longer, either you go or you drop out." she turned around and placed the dish on the kitchen counter, I bit my lip and almost drew blood out. "Bella..." she walked towards me and knee led in front of me. "Bella I don't want Charlie and Renee to take you away but you know what they'll think. Jacob is around again and you are acting just like...back then. So please..." she grabbed my hands and squished them between hers "Please come to school with me. I swear I'll punch Jessica Stanley even if she glares at you..."

"Forks has no secrets..." I grimaced, it isn't Jessica you are scared of the little voice in the back of my head reminded me. "I'll go Rose. But if I feel sick or..."

"You can run back here." Rosalie smiled brightly. "I promise, I won't get in your way." she got up and danced away from me but suddenly she stopped and turned around again. "Bella about that dream..."

"It's nothing Rose. It'll go away. Creepy dreams were always my thing." I smiled weakly at her and jumped from my chair. "Now let's go to that school and kick some ass!"

"Bella you are a terrible liar." she laughed as she grabbed her bag.

She's right.

--

"Bella!" I cursed mentally at Alice ecstatic tone. I was trying to be subtle and unnoticed but now I was sure that everyone in the parking lot was staring. I thought my hoodie was working. "Bella why are you dressed like you are homeless?" the tiny teenager got in my way as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Maybe because she is one." Ah. Delight, Lauren's voice interrupted Alice's monologue, I clenched my teeth. "Oh little Bella, did you have fun with your friends the stoners?"

"Shut up Lauren." Alice hissed. Now I was sure all of the people in the parking lot were staring. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and continued walking, but I was sure that Lauren and her group of wanna-bees were following me.

"Oh poor little Bella..." one of them muttered. "So lonely and misunderstood. Are you sad because your boyfriend left you as soon as he found out the kind of cunt you are? Edward was always to good for you anyway."

I know that. I wanted to say but instead I just kept on walking trying to hide the pain in my face. I hadn't heard his name in a very long time.

"He had his fun fucking you and now he left you. And what's up with the hoodie? You are a little far from eight-mile aren't ya?" It was Jessica Stanley this time. I bit my lip harder and almost started running towards the school.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

It didn't work. As soon as I entered the school the tears started running down my cheeks. I was determined to lock myself in the bathroom for the rest of the day as I turned into a hallway that was empty when something very bella-ish happened. I tripped. And I closed my eyes ready for more embarrassment when something happened. I didn't fall. There were two hands around my waist all of a sudden. Two hands that were...too familiar. I turned around slowly, and finally faced him.

Edward.

"You should watch your steps." he whispered, his sweet breath was all over my face, as he helped me back on my feet. "Bella are you alright?"

"Yeah..." I choked out and turned around, but he wouldn't let me go. "I need to go." I muttered but he was still staring into my eyes, his green burning my brown.

"You really should watch your steps." he breathed and he leaned down.

And he kissed me.

It wasn't like any other kiss we had. Sure we had been almost intimate but the feeling of this kiss was different. He seemed desparete, like he was thirsty after a long walk through the desert and I was full of the water he wanted, he wrapped his arms around my waist as my hands flew to his face and I moaned into his mouth. I needed him, no matter how much my mind was screaming at me that this would hurt so much when he walked away I couldn't stop. I needed him.

"I love you..."

His breathless whispered as he pressed me against the empty hallway wall and he kissed my neck made me weak in the knees. I fisted my hands in his hair and pulled him closer, trying to press his mouth against any spot, I didn't want him to pull away. I had to stop myself, I needed to stop or I would hurt us both so much more. But my body thought before my mind could react and I muttered the words he was waiting for.

"I need.." I need you, say it. "I need..." I tried again. "I have to go Edward."

--

I drove around for a few hours. I didn't want to go back to the house and face Rosalie, after all I hadn't even made it to the first period. But after a while there was nowhere to go and I knew that sooner or later I would have to face Rosalie and even worst my parents. But obviously there wasn't much to see. It was Forks after all. So I had to go back to my house eventually, but when I did I made sure that I could go in unnoticed. Luckily for me when I did arrive Rosalie wasn't there, all the lights were off. I jumped out of the truck as soon as I pulled up in the driveway and ran towards the house. I had to get into bed before Rosalie got here, I hoped it would be a while since she probably was at Emmett's.

I stumbled my way to my room and when I finally reached it I got inside and locked the door. I really didn't want to speak with Rosalie today. But when I turned around my breath got caught in my throat, there lying in my bed, looking as beautiful as ever, was Edward. He was sleeping, the moonlight out lined his form, I walked towards the bed slowly and crawled towards him as soon as I reached it. The soft thud of my back hitting the wooden floor made him shift on the bed, but when I reached out and my fingertips brushed against his skin his eyes shot open.

I was going to remove my hand but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his arms, and snuggled close to me, blowing his sweet breath all over my face. I sighed and he closed his eyes again, this time with a playful grin plastered in his face. Then I understood. He thought he was dreaming. I turned around and placed my hand against his cheek and as I stared at him I couldn't help the tears that were now rolling down my cheeks, and those were followed by the sobs, raking my body, making me shake in his arms, he opened his eyes and again and this time he stared down at me.

"Bella?" his voice was raspy but his breath was still sweet. "It's you?" I almost laughed. He thought that he was dreaming. Of me. I lifted my hand and cupped his cheek and one of his thumbs wiped away my tears. He smiled and suddenly his grip around my waist tightened. "It's really you."

"You're kind of...in my room." I laughed a little and he smiled. I saw the ghost of a blush coloring his cheeks.

"Damn, I'm so sorry. Bella I'm sorry really..." I understood he wasn't just apologizing for being in my room. "I must seem like a creepy stalker lurking your..."

I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. His parted lips gave me immediate access to his mouth and his breath invaded my mouth, his thumb was still rubbing my cheek and his other hand was pressed against my other cheek while his tongue explored my mouth carefully. Suddenly I felt a weight over my body and I realized that he was pressing every single inch of his body against mine. When he pulled away he pressed his forehead against mine and started placing small kisses all over my face.

"It's really you." he said as I giggled. "I love you." he murmured against my skin.

"We can't do this." I finally managed to breath out the words, the dim light didn't hide the strain of fear that blazed his eyes. "That's not what I meant Edward. We need to talk, we can't go on like this..." He kissed me again and smiled against my lips.

"I want to talk, but I'm...scared." he relaxed against my body. "I've never seen you as scared as you were two weeks ago, you looked mortified. I never want you to feel that way Bella, I only want you to feel the way you make me feel."

"I want to be honest with you." I whispered and he smiled in the dark. "But I'm scared too.."

"Bella..." he shook his head a little and laughed bitterly. "How many times do I have to say this for you to believe me? I love you. Three words. Eight letters. I l-o-v-e y-o-u. There's nothing you could ever say to make me let go. You're not getting rid of me that easily." he paused for a moment and then talked again. "If you feel uncomfortable at some point..."

"I'll stop. I know." he fell beside me and cradled me into his arms as he pressed his lips against my forehead.

"So there was this time when..."

--

"Quite a life story you have..." he finally spoke as he continued playing with a strand of my hair. "I don't judge you for what you did Bella. I can't imagine how you felt...how you feel right now."

Crazy. Completely and utterly crazy, that was what I felt like when I was with the other people. When I was with him it was different, it felt right, it was right. But I couldn't tell him. how would you react if your ex-junkie current girlfriend told you that you were her new addiction. I would run and scream probably. Tell her to stop calling me and never see her again. Yeah.You can trust and addict. They always want more. And that was what I wanted, more Edward. I couldn't get enough.

"I missed you..." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his chest. "Alice said you were like a zombie this days we were apart." he rolled his eyes.

"Alice was overreacting." he had me under his body again now and his nose was skimming down my neck.

"That's wrong Edward. It's wrong to you and to your family you can't do that when we fight..." I whispered as he continued pressing his lips against my neck. "Edward Anthony Cullen, Are you listening?" he chuckled.

"Bella..." he muttered against my skin. "Mhmm..."

"I can't believe I've lived this long without having your love," she whispered weakly.

"You've had it. I've always loved you," he said quietly, threading his fingers through my hair to rest his head against my heart, " I just didn't know your name."

"Edward.." I giggled a little "Edward that's the cheesiest thing you've ever said to me." one of his hands was playing with the buttons of my shirt.

"Well even my girlfriend makes fun of me now..." he muttered as he popped some of the buttons open. "Oh Bella..how will I go on?"

"No, no mister!" I said as I slapped the hand that was slowly reaching the last button. "You take your shirt off first, we know how it ended the last time."

"Bella..I'm not sure we should do this right now." he purred against my neck and then he slowly pulled away."I mean we..."

I interrupted him by pressing my lips against his and wrapping my arms around his neck, pressing every single inch of my body against his. He muttered something but I couldn't quite hear because I was too focused on removing that stupid shirt of his. I finally ripped it open and slide it off of his arms. When I was done I threw it to the side of my bed and I fell back to stare at him. He was beautiful, sitting there straddling me, the soft light of the moonlight shinning against his chest. It took my breath away. I licked my lips and waited for him to remove my shirt but he instead fell to my side and got up from the bed, and started searching for his shirt, I guess.

"Edward?" I popped myself in one elbow and stared at him. "What are you doing?"

"Bella...this isn't..." he muttered as his hand taunted the floor. "We shouldn't..." he whispered again "I mean..." he finally found his shirt and he put it on. "We are not doing this right now, Bella."

Ah.

I turned around and buried my face in the pillow. I felt an ache in my chest and suddenly the voice that had been tormenting me all day before our conversation.

Are you sad because your boyfriend left you as soon as he found out the kind of cunt you are? Edward was always to good for you anyway.

I felt something grabbing my arm but I couldn't focus. Maybe now that he knew that each scar he had seen in my body wasn't from falling down or being clumsy, maybe now that he knew the truth he didn't want me anymore. I didn't deserve him. People kept telling me when I had arrived here that I was too good for him but I had always known better, he was too good for me. Too compassionate, too loving. He needed someone innocent, someone who wasn't as self-destructing as I was. He needed someone strong. I was needy and weak.

"Bella..." he turned me around gently. "No, no. Love please don't cry. I'm not rejecting you..." I looked up, I couldn't bare to see the look in his eyes. "Bella you have no idea, of how much I want you...I've wanted you for so long Bella.." he whispered. "I just want this to be special, for you..." more tears flowed down my face and he rubbed his thumb against my cheek, whiping the tears away. "Bella..stop crying, please."

"Edward..." I sobbed. "I thought you knew...that this will always be special, as long as it's with you..." I managed and he smiled sweetly. "It's just that..." I sighed and more tears fell from my eyes. "You don't have any reasons to want me..."

"Bella..." he chuckled and then he pressed his lips against mine as he threaded his fingers though my hair.

I didn't know what came over him but suddenly he pulled away and he looked me directly in the eyes before he started kissing my face. First my eyelids, my nose, my cheeks, my mouth briefly and then he moved down my neck, sucking in my pulse point, he sucked so hard I was sure he was intentionally leaving a mark. He continued kissing up and down my neck and his hand travelled up, reaching my shirt buttons and started unbuttoning. He pulled the sleeves down a little bit and he pressed kisses to my exposed skin of my shoulder while he continued to unbutton it.

"You are beautiful." he whispered against my skin, blewing his breath over the skin he had just licked. "There's nothing about you that is undesirable Bella..."

He continued unbuttoning my shirt and when he was done he pulled me up a little bit, sliding it off of my arms. He ran his fingers over my bra and he licked his lips before reaching behind me to unclasp it, after he had he pulled the straps down my arms and threw it aside. He licked his lips and I figured what he was going to do. Before he could connect his mouth with my breasts I placed my hand on his chest and flipped us over, removing his unbuttoned shirt in the process. But as soon as I straddled him his hands flew to my waits.

"Nu-uh." I muttered as I lowered my mouth to connect with one of his nipples. "No touching.." I whispered against his skin, he moaned silently.

I moved my mouth lower and licked over his stomach but before I could get any farther he grabbed my arms and pulled me up reconnecting our mouths in another passionate kiss. He flipped us over again and suddenly I could feel him everywhere...I was hyper aware of his hands roaming my body, his breathing all over my face, his lips moving hungrily, almost violently against mine. He bit my bottom lip and then he kissed my chin and slowly started moving his luscious lips down my neck. Suddenly the air was heavy with lust and desire and I felt like I was drowning, I couldn't breath. I felt his hands unbuttoning and pulling my jeans down my legs slowly and his mouth going down until he reached my navel and planted a kiss there.

He grabbed one of my legs and placed it carefully over his shoulders and after that he started kissing my inner tight slowly taking his time, leaving marks along it probably. I sighed and then he aburptly pulled away but continued carresing it with his very talented fingers. I moaned at the lost of contact with his mouth and he chuckled as he stared at me directly in the eyes. I was getting goose-bumps when he finally spoke.

"You are so fucking beautiful Bella. And your legs..." his voice was thick, it was creating a heat pool in my stomach. "That week when the heat-wave hit Forks and you went to school with those ridiculously short skirts..." he paused for a moment and closed his eyes "God I just wanted to grab you and..take you against a wall..." I could feel my arousal now "I want you so bad...I want to be in between your legs...inside of you.."

"Come and get me then.." I muttered, his eyes shot open.

"What was that?" he asked contently and he leaned closer to me, I took advantage of this and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him towards me.

"I said...come and get me..." I smirked and he looked slightly surprised.

"Fuck."

And he was on me. Everywhere...his mouth was pressed against my nipple and his other hand was rubbing my breasts. The heat between my legs was unbearable, I wanted...scratch that, I needed a release. I buried my nails on his back and when he flicked his tongue over my nipple I thought I'd come right there, right then. When he pulled away I took advantage and moved underneath his body until my hands reached his pants and I started unbuttoning his jeans. He moaned when I pulled his boxers and pants down all together and brushed my hand against his erection. He pulled me back roughly, I moaned.

"Bella..."

He hooked his fingers under my panties and pulled them down painfully slowly. The electricity that was floating around us was making me tense and I could feel it every time when his fingers brushed against my skin. He finally got rid of my soaked panties and climbed on top of me again, pressing his forehead against mine and he licked his lips tentatively. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, collecting the sweat off of his neck with my tongue. He moaned.

"Bella we need..."

"I'm on the pill..." he looked at me quizzically "Rosalie's suggestion..." he smiled and then pressed his forehead against mine once again, his beautiful eyes burned into mine. The intensity of it was almost overwhelming to me. My breath was shaky and I needed to be closer to him.

"I'm sorry if..."

"It doesn't matter." I said as I caressed his back slowly.

"I lo..."

"Me too..."

And he was inside of me.

The sudden pain brought tears to my eyes and it almost felt like one of my limbs was being ripped. Like I was loosing something, it was my innocence that was being gently taking from me and still it felt like someone had cut my arm off. I stared at the ceiling and one single tear rolled down my cheek, my nails dug into his skin. He continued to stare at my face, I could see the worry on his eyes. The pain went away slowly and I lifted my hips and glued my eyes to his again. He moved slowly, gently. And then I felt it.

I needed him.

He fit in perfectly inside me, our bodies fitted like puzzle pieces but it was more than that. Something had changed, something was changing and we couldn't prevent it from happening. We hadn't been in control of this. His flesh slapped against mine and I moaned, throwing my head back in full ecstasy as he lowered his mouth to my neck and started sucking. I moaned even louder when he thrusted his tongue into my mouth harshly mimicking his movements. I moaned into his mouth and he thrusted into me, harder. But suddenly he slowed his pace.

"Bella..." he grunted. "Bella open your eyes...look at me Bella.." he demanded, I opened my eyes lazily my eyelids were heavy with desire "Tomorrow..."

"Tomorrow when we go to school..." he whispered "When someone says something about you...when they tell you anything about not being worthy.." he whispered hoarsely "I want you to remember this...I want you to..." he pressed his forehead into mine again. "I want you to remember the way I feel inside of you..." he muttered, how was he being so coherent? "I want you to remember the way I make love to you..."

"Nothing...ughh...feels as good as this..." I managed.

And then I felt it.

It felt like my dream but even more. Gravity was pulling me, ripping me apart and putting me together at the same time. All I could see was Edward's perfect face and I felt like my body was falling towards the earth but at the same time it felt like I was flying. Completely carefree, complete bliss. I felt whole, perfect. Like every scar in my body wasn't healed but erased. I was suddenly thankful for everything, for every mistake I had made, for every time I had failed to someone, for every descion, good or bad, that I had made. It had brought me here, to this feeling, to this moment. To him.

I crashed back into earth and I felt Edward collapse on top of me. His cheek pressed against my chest, one of my hands tangled in his messy hair. I sighed. It was perfect...I never wanted to wake up if this was my dream. But it wasn't...I knew it wasn't a dream. He removed himself from me at some point and pulled me into his arms. I wanted to complain because I missed his body pressed against mine but I was too tired and his arms felt too good.

I closed my eyes but my ears registered the sound of the front door being opened.

"BELLA! I SAW YOUR TRUCK! I KNOW YOU ARE HERE." I heard Rosalie shout and Edward's body shook with laughter beside me.

I was too tired to care. After all

Tomorrow would be a new day.