I make no money from this fiction, and I do now own DGray Man or any of the characters from the anime or manga. They belong to the creators and copyright holders, respectively.

The content below contains coarse language and strongly suggestive scenes.

The Problem with Eavesdropping...

The halls were quiet, dark and still, empty save for the one timid set of footsteps winding their way through the silence of the exorcist dorms. Quiet as a mouse, Miranda Lotto quickly made her way to a room she knew well. As she walked, her hair bounced and floated freely, rejoicing in the movement it was allowed after being trapped in a tight bun all day. When she found the room she was looking for, she suddenly stopped, uncertain, her hair fluttering for a moment before settling back into place. When it did she became all but a statue, silent and still, with an air of indecision.

He may not be in the mood for company.

She had come to welcome Allen home after a particularly long and drawn out mission with Kanda and Ravi. The light beaming from underneath the door was promising, inviting even, but still she hesitated. She knew that Allen wasn't on the best terms with Kanda, and that after a mission with the older boy, Allen was usually exhausted from just having to deal with him.

Still, she wanted to welcome Allen home. It was tradition, a ritual if you will, one she stuck to religiously, knowing how much home meant to the pallid boy who had been denied one for so much of his life thus-far.

God knows, she at least owed him a welcome home, after all he had done for her.

Resolved at last, she lifted a meek hand to the solid wood of the door and knocked, waiting silently for an answer. After what seemed like forever, just when she was about to give up and leave, she heard a voice from inside. She didn't hear exactly what it said, but she assumed it was some form of welcome, so she pushed the door open and stepped in, letting the door close softly behind her as she made her way to where she thought the voice had been.

At first glance, it appeared that Allen's room was unoccupied, and Miranda wondered if she had imagined the voice. Allen's suitcase was present, as was a second one, and two Black Order woolen jackets were laying crumpled on the bed where they had obviously been hastily tossed. One boot stood lonely in the centre of the room, its mate tipped on its side by the bed, alongside a second pair of the sturdy footwear.

Miranda took all this in carefully before turning on her heel and heading back to the door; if Allen wasn't here, she would just have to find him tomorrow.

When she was almost to the door, she heard something that made her stop dead. It sounded somewhat like a surprised grunt, coming from behind her. She warily turned around, spooked. The silence was long and thick, and just a tad eerie. Miranda couldn't breathe; she was too petrified to move.

Someone muttered something in a low, annoyed growl, making Miranda nearly jump out of her skin. She whipped her head from side to side, trying to distinguish where the voice was coming from. When she saw the light from under the en-suite, she didn't know whether to sob in relief or laugh at her own ludicrous behavior.

Allen was in the bathroom. That's why she couldn't see him when she came in.

She treaded back across the room, sitting on the edge of a plain, sturdy chair to wait for him. As the silence around her grew and her own heartbeat calmed, she was suddenly able to hear much more than she had before.

And her face promptly went beet red.

Someone gasped, then there was some shuffling and a growl. She could hear breathing getting progressively heavier and every once in a while there was an almost imperceptibly low moan.

She shut her eyes tightly, bringing her hands up to cover her burning face. She shouldn't be listening to this, it was private! She wished she had just stayed in her room, and waited until the next day to welcome Allen. She was so embarrassed! Just then someone hissed loudly, and her eyes popped open, wide as dinner plates.

That voice sounded familiar. But, it couldn't be...could it?

When that voice started speaking, it was undeniable.

"Dammit brat, are you trying to hurt me?"

It was the unmistakable voice of Kanda.

"Well, if you wouldn't move so damn much, this would be a lot easier for both of us."

The annoyance in Allen's voice was clear, making it rougher, huskier.

"Yeah, well, you were the one who insisted on doing this now. It's not my fault you couldn't wait. Your patience is like that of a three year old." Kanda shot back, clearly upset with the other occupant of the bathroom.

Miranda had heard enough, she quickly stood and strode towards the door, urgently wanting to get away and forget that she had ever heard this awkward moment. She had her hand on the doorknob when she heard Allen say something that froze her in her tracks.

"You might want to watch what you're saying, bastard." Then his voice changed, a slight smug purr reverberating through the room. "After all, I am the one with the leverage."

"Then just do it already, I don't have all night."

"Fine, fine. We'll do it your way."

Kanda hissed, and there was a small thump, and then an almost-whimper from the dark haired boy. Miranda squeezed her eyes shut tightly, unable to move, shaking as she willed herself to melt into the floor and not hear what was going on. Unfortunately, the sudden ragged breathing seemed as loud as a waterfall in the stillness of the room.

"Are you all right? Does it hurt?" The worry was thick in Allen's voice.

"I'm…fine. Just…..do it." Kanda gasped.


"…ahhh…Ah!...Nnnnnng….. "

Kanda suddenly cried out, and there was the unmistakable thud of body meeting wall in an unceremonious fashion. Kanda continued to breathe harshly, as Allen murmured something incoherent and reassuring. After a long, tense moment Kanda shot back urgently, almost desperately.

"Fuck, just get a move on already!"

"Yeah…" Allen gasped, sounding strained.

When Kanda cried out again, voice gasping and growing louder, Miranda's eyes rolled up into the back of her head and she finally, mercifully passed out.


Allen booted the bathroom door open, carelessly swiping a hand over his slightly sweaty face as he held the door for his dark haired partner, glaring slightly at him.

"Next time I'm leaving you to the medical unit, you are too much of a pain to deal with," he asserted, eying the angry purple bruises staining Kanda's shoulder and upper chest. "How the hell did you manage to dislocate it so badly anyway?"

Kanda merely snarled back in answer, clasping his right hand over his tender left shoulder. Now that it was back in place, it would be a snap for it to heal. "If you didn't have such a bleeding heart, you would've just snapped it back into place and we could have been done twenty minutes ago, but noooo, you, being the idiot you are, had to feel the need to go slow and ended up almost putting your own damn wrist out of place trying to endure the strain of putting it back in smoothly. Idiot."

Allen turned to snap back at him, stopping half way as he caught a glimpse of Miranda's crumpled form in front of the door. "Shit," he hissed, striding over and bending down to check her prone figure, relieved when he ascertained that she had only fainted. Kanda looked on, indifferent, as Allen gathered the slight woman into his arms.

"Where do you think you are going?" Kanda asked icily, glaring at Allen and he toed on his boots.

"I'm taking her back to her room. I think she was traumatized when she misinterpreted what was going on." He looked guiltily down at Miranda's pale face, truly sorry for being the one responsible for her fainting spell.

"It's her own damn fault for coming in unannounced." Kanda dismissed haughtily, rubbing his shoulder a little as the chill air of the room made him shiver slightly.

He was bare from the waist up, after all.

Allen turned an incredulous eye to the half-dressed boy, standing so casually in his room.

"You are such a pissy bitch sometimes."

With that parting shot, Allen turned on his heel and walked purposefully away. Kanda stood in the room and watched him go, not responding to the annoyed slap of the door closing. Annoyed, he sat on the edge of the bed and untied his hair before carefully swinging his legs up, settling himself under the covers. He arranged himself in a way that didn't put pressure on his shoulder, easily making himself comfortable.

Then, just to soothe his ego a little, he glared at the ceiling muttering to himself.

"He is so not getting laid tonight."

AN; Ruby here.

This is my first posted story on and my first DGray man ficlet as well. However, I am (if I do say so myself) a fairly accomplished author of Naruto stories on aff, the adult version of this site. Or, I was, until the two and a half years of writers block put a serious cramp in my writing.

Anyway, I ramble.

What I was going to say was that this story is entirely original, though the idea is not. I borrowed the idea of the misinterpreted eavesdropping from many a Naruto oneshot with the same general idea. However, since I didn't really see any DGray Man fics with the same feel to them, I thought that I would create one reminiscent of the ones I used to enjoy so much.

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

If you are of age and feel like reading some Naruto fanfiction, my author name on aff is Ruby Lips. If not, then power to you, no skin off mine.