DISCLAIMER: Negima is not mine. If it were, Setsuna would suffer from a permanent nosebleed.

PREFACE: quite possibly pure crack. Derived from my girlfriend wondering aloud whether Setsuna would act like a typical bird during mating season (i.e madly attracted to shiny things and prone to swoop) if Konoka managed to get pregnant.

Which, or course, led to wondering how Konoka would get pregnant in the first place...

Ye gods. Cloverfield, attempting humour, and multipart humour at that. Run and hide.

Egg Belly.

Part One

As most things do, it started with sex. Of course, there was more to it then that- all sorts of things had happened to make it possible, and there were many, many relationship-related problems and good-natured shenanigans from their friends to deal with, but the thing everyone remembers is that there was sex involved at one point or another.

This part, at the very least, starts with a kiss.

It wasn't a very unusual kiss, being very similar in motivation and execution to any number of kisses performed anywhere else in the world. The circumstances were quite possibly unique, though, and it was certain to the two participants involved and their two and a half watchers, it was somewhat special.

She draws back, trembling with the thrumming of power. Her fingers touch her lips. Konoka is smiling, and her heart beats faster still. She can still feel that press of soft lips on her mouth-

"See, Ane-san? That wasn't nearly as hard as you thought it was now, was it?" chuckles Chamo, counting out wads of vaguely transparent ermine dollars, becoming more real as the seconds pass.

She's not blushing yet, although Setuna can feel the hot snake of blood rising past her collar.

To kiss her ojou-sama so, and in front of people!

Well, admittedly, Asuna looked only politely interested and Negi was too busy being... well, Negi to understand the significance of the moment, but Chamo seemed to want to make it as perverted as only the small creature could.

But Konoka was smiling at her. Smiling, with that look in her eyes that made her stomach twist, her body shiver, and Setsuna melted a little inside.

The rose glow that surrounded them was fading, so too the circle, and she could feel reality seeping back in, pulling her away from that intoxicating magic- but that didn't matter.

Only the kiss did.

At least until, with a hissing 'pop!' the cards appeared. Konoka squealed in delight and snatched hers out of the air, Setsuna letting hers float down to her.

"Look! Asuna, I've got a card of my own now!" chirped Konoka, jumping up and down in an excited, squirming dance. "I've got a card of my own and it's with Set-chan!"

"Hey, stand still- I wanna see too, y'know-"

Even Negi seemed excited, whipping out his cards to see the differences between their pactio's.

"Makes you feel like a collector's item, huh babe?" smirked Chamo, smoking a so-called "fake" cigar.

Setsuna, mustering all the dignity she could whilst turning the colour of a tomato, ignored him, turning her card over, and over in her hands. Strange, that it had felt so different from the rushed pactio with Negi. Strange that this pactio would feel so good...

Feeling eyes on her, Setsuna turned to see the red-head glance meaningfully in her direction. She could almost feel the sweat start beading on her brow.

"Well, now that you've done this, wouldn't taking the girl out on a date seem like the proper thing to do?" asked Asuna quietly. "You've already kissed her once, and if you're just not interested, wouldn't it be unfair to string her along? I'd let her know how you felt if I were you."

Setsuna shifted a little, feeling uncomfortable, but didn't get the chance to answer.


"Hm?" Setsuna, looking around, flushed even harder at the way Konoka was watching her.

"I'm glad I made this pactio with you, Set-chan. Come on! Let's go show Eva-chan! I'm sure she'd want to see the cards!"

"But, but ojou-sama-"

Being dragged out the door in her pyjamas by an overly hasty Konoka, Setsuna was too preoccupied to notice the cheers and whoops of Asuna and Negi, clapping hands together in victory.

"Hooray! Finally, Asuna-san! We got them to pactio!"

Chamo, still counting his money, smirked, tallied up the total in his head. Minus wear and tear on chalk, it still came up to a healthy amount...

And stopped.

If he could get this much from ...sponsoring a probationary pactio, how much more could he earn from a permanent pactio...?

Perhaps he ought to have a word or two regarding a certain young lady to a reluctant samurai...

"Setsuna-san likes Konoka-san, Setsuna-san likes Konoka-san!"


"I think that's pretty damn obvious, Negi."

"B-but you didn't have to hit me, Asuna..."

To everyone else watching, namely Asuna, Negi and Chamo (not including the two sparrows perched outside the window), it wasn't really that surprising the next sunny Saturday morning during breakfast when Setsuna worked up the courage (read: grew a pair) and asked Konoka to the movies- admittedly in a very loud voice, coloured the shade of overripe tomatoes and very, very quickly whilst standing ramrod straight.

In fact, she'd fainted before Konoka had answered, but of course the girl was going to say yes, anyway.

And so it was, a very proud Asuna found herself discreetly watching when a half-stunned half-demon had shown up to collect her ojou-sama.

(Who, of course, had squealed with joy as soon as Setsuna had left, and spent the rest of the day organising a suitable outfit, washing and straightening her hair, co-ordinating her nail polish with both her handbag and her underwear, learning ancient Greek and re-tiling the bathroom and all the other things that girls tended to do before an important date.

Asuna was impressed with the length of effort Konoka had gone to, even joining in with Negi to agree that she looked "Very lovely, Konoka-san."

"Yeah, that top really suits you, and it goes nice with the skirt. You're gonna knock her socks off, girl!"

Konoka winced a little at the hearty slap on the back, but was thrilled none the less.

"She did say we were have dinner before hand, but you don't think I'm too overdressed, Asuna?"

The redhead snorted.

"Konoka, I wouldn't be surprised if your dear Set-chan shows up in a tux! She was stammering like she wanted to ask you to marry her, not just ask for a date!"

"Oh Asuna, that's mean! Set-chan's just shy!" scolded Konoka. "and besides, you know if she asked me to marry her I'd say yes," she added, giggling.)

"Now Setsuna," snapped the red head to a bewildered half-demon, "you're to have her back by eleven-"

"Asuna!" interjected Konoka, flushing pink,

"-and not a minute later. And if her lipgloss is as so much as smudged-"

"ASUNA!" protested Konoka, now a dull red,

"-I'll know who to blame, and you can rest assured it won't just be me after you, but Negi as well."

"Asuuuunaa!" wailed Konoka, "you're scaring Set-chan! If you keep going on like this, I'll never go out on another date!"

At this, Asuna grinned. And winked.

"Kidding, kidding- go on you two, and have a great time! Now go!" and the last with a firm, but well-meaning push out the door, and the two found themselves in the hallway.

Setsuna shuffled from foot to foot a little, then flushed, but managed to meet Konoka's eyes.

"Um," she said, swallowed, and started again. "C-C'mon, ojou- um, Kono-chan. The movie starts at eight, and we've still got to have dinner yet."

Konoka smiled, and instead of blushing, Setsuna found herself feeling a little calmer, a little less nervous.

It's funny what the smile of someone you love can do for you.

"Okay, Set-chan," chirped Konoka, slinging her handbag onto her shoulder and twining her fingers through the other girl's, "whenever you're ready."

Setsuna smiled.

She knew this had been a good idea...

She just knew this had been a bad idea! If she wasn't accidentally spilling soy sauce on her ojou-sama's skirt, she was tripping over and cracking her head on a signpost –the bruise now a brilliant purple, and in the shape of an inverted R-

(well, that wasn't that bad, admittedly. It had hurt, but half-demons heal fast, and the pain and humiliation was most definitely worth the kiss on the forehead)

-and now, some... some... some man had to decide to be clever!

A treacherous thought whispered that although you're not supposed to bring weapons to movie theatres, think how much easier this would have been if you'd had brought Yuunagi...

"C'mon, sweetheart, ditch the shorty, and I'll show you what a real man can do."

Konoka, arm still about Setsuna's, stumbled back a bit from the alcholic miasma that washed over them from the greasy, haphazardly-dressed figure blocking their path. Setsuna repressed the urge to gag, and, at the same time, resisted the temptation to slit the man from neck to kidneys with the jingling keys in her pocket.

Murdering misguided suitors on one's first, official date was not the way to impress the object of one's affections...


"Set-chan isn't short." Snapped Konoka, drawing herself upright regally. "She's of an acceptable height for a woman her age."

Oh hell.

"Woman, eh?" leered Mr. Charming. "Well I say the two of you should come with me, an' I'll show some things that only a man can do... you got a problem with that shortcake?"

Well, okay, maybe she didn't dress very femininely- short skirts, whilst easy to move in, just weren't her thing. And yes, though she was wearing pants, they were women's pants, well tailored and of a damn finer cut than whatever the hell that guy was wearing-

And to be called...shortcake!?

Konoka, whilst unaware of her loved one's thoughts, nevertheless could tell something was wrong with her dear Set-chan. Her fists were clenched, her cheeks were flushed and she just seemed plain unhappy. That and the blue vein throbbing on her left temple were very good indicators that someone was going to be hit with something sharp and pointy.

She had an inkling it wouldn't be her.

"-so whaddya say, huh, sweetcheeks-"

(If Mr. Drunken Charming hadn't pinched Konoka's cheek, and hadn't closed his grimy, grubby mit about her wrist, the following events wouldn't have happened.


"You will not touch the ojou-sama!"

Kilometres away and under the bed, wrapped in soft cloth and most certainly still an inanimate object, Yuunagi still heard her master's call. And rose, mere cloth wrappings not enough to stop irresistible force, and shimmered like moonlight on still, star-strewn water. And vanished.

And reappeared in her hands, jacket fluttering loose and wings burst forth in a feathered rush of air, blade catching the shine of streetlights like honey on a spoon, the air tearing into a blue arc as the blade swung-

The drunk fell, fingers briefly catching on Konoka's sleeve before thumping onto the ground.

His chest rose and fell with a rasping snore.

Perhaps the soaring blade had been a dream. Perhaps it had not.

At any rate, here they were. Setsuna stepped over (onto, foot crunching into the unfortunate drunk's face with all the force she could muster) the body, and lifted her hand up to take Konoka's.

Their eyes met, and Konoka smiled her special smile, the one she didn't get to see very often, where her nose crinkled up a little and her eyes half-closed and her soft mouth formed into a sweet curve of perfection.

Setsuna was very literal-minded, but that didn't mean she couldn't see poetry in the world from time to time.

Her fingers brushed against her own rough, calloused ones. The sword was no where to be seen. The brunette let herself be helped over the prone figure. They stood still for a moment.

"We'll miss the movie if we dawdle any longer, Kono-chan."

"I know! C'mon, then!"

They walked on, the stars twinkling merrily above them, and, unnoticed –understandable on Konoka's part, as she was never that observant, and even more so on Setsuna's (Konoka's top was low cut enough to be barely legal)- a dark figure lurked behind them.

There was a glimmer of light off glass. It could have been a reflection off a windscreen of a parked car, or maybe not.

Unseen, in the dark, their stalker grinned.

"Oooh- You got me buttered popcorn! Thankyou, Set-chan!"

Setsuna was blushing, that was easy enough to see, although Haruna had to wonder why the girl had chosen this particular movie to take her date to, of all the choices available to her.

Although, a movie was a good choice for optimal gropeage, and a horror one even better. After all, who knew where one could 'accidentally' place one's hands whilst pretending to be scared...?

Mind reeling with all the doujinshii possibilities, Haruna hastily wiped the fog off her glasses.

This was real life, not a yuri manga! Though if she was very, very lucky, it might turn out like one...

Gah! Hold it in, girl! Just hold on, see if those two do anything interesting, and maybe you'll have enough "inspiration" to churn out a good-looking doujinshi or two. For your own personal use, of course...

When the lights dimmed and the previews began to roll, she found herself having to lean forward and squint to see if anything was going on- not that anything was; Konoka just seemed happy to chat with Setsuna about whatever popped into her cute, but air-brained head, and Setsuna was content to listen.

Eventually the movie started, and fifteen minutes in for covert operation Gilded Lily: See The Girls Kiss (or G.L.S.T.G.K for short), seemed like a sure-fail.

At least, until Sakurazaki hastily looked around –forcing Haruna to crouch down in a sticky puddle of spilt soft-drink- and tried the old 'Yawn-and-Hug'. Suprisingly, Konoka didn't see through it, and let the shorter girl rest her hand tentatively across her shoulders.

Well, whaddya know? Shorty here has at least heard about the main reason people take their dates to movies- to deviously feel them up, of course.

At least Konoka seemed to be letting her. Haruna sat back and tried to open a packet of popcorn as quietly as possible. Apart from the lovebirds, she was the only one in the theatre and she didn't want Setsuna the Suspicious figuring out she was here. After all, she'd seen the girl's combat skills first hand, and didn't particularly feel like being on the pointy end of her sword.

'Pointy End of Her- no, His Sword', huh? Good name for a yaoi samurai comic. Must keep that in mind for later...

Thrity minutes in, and apart from the little shrieks and screams that came from the Konoe girl every time the mutant alien zombies came on screen, not much seemed to be happening.

Until the crafty little minx tried the old 'Shriek-and-Cling'.

"Aaah! Monster! I'm scared, Set-chan-", and even in the dark, Haruna just knew she'd gone for gold and launched herself at the other girls' chest. "Hold me, Set-chan," she pleaded, dark head dangerously close to Setsuna's own, "I don't know if I can watch the rest of the movie without your help."

Haruna marvelled at her. Crafty little minx was right! She'd made them –well, Setsuna, anyway, not knowing that Haruna was here- believe she was just a dumb bimbo who knew nothing about dating, and here she was, pulling out one of the trickier techniques in the book!

(The thought that Konoka could have been genuinely scared of the thirty-metre tall radioactive monster hadn't even crossed Haruna's mind, and was so frightened of the perverted things it had seen there, it didn't look likely to either.)

Setsuna, for her part, flushed a red so bright it was nearly incandescent above the dim, flickering gloom, shrieked "Wah! Ojou-sama!" and cautiously edged her arms around the other girl, trembling like a virgin in a porn flick.

Yeees! Go kendo girl! Now when she freaks out at the rain of bloody mutant eyeballs –Haruna having seen this movie twice before and knowing every potential-grope spot- go for the kill!

Of course, that was ten minutes before the end, so she had a fair bit of Z-grade Technicolour drek to wait through.

Oh well, shrugged the bespectacled voyeur, at least I have chocolate.

One hour and twenty-two minutes in, she was losing hope again. The chocolate was all gone, and operation G.L.S.T.G.K looked like it was coming to an anti-climactic close.

"Well, at least they snuggled up a little," she murmured, no where close to being heard over the on-screen screeching of the undead martian horde, "if no one actually kissed anyone..."

"Oh, Set-chan, even though I don't like this movie very much, I'm glad I came with you!" whispered Konoka in that peculiar way of hers, meaning that anyone in a three-mile radius could hear.

Feeling suddenly hopeful, Haruna leaned forward, watching their sillohuetes eagerly. That sounded like a build-up line if ever there was one!

"K-Kono-chan," and Setsuna, trembling like a true tsundere at an anime convention, went shockingly still as Konoka reached for her-

Oh, here we go!, though Haruna, trembling herself, although in anticipation-

-placed her hands about her neck-

Five... four... three...

-leant forward, drew a deep breath, and-

Two... one...

-kissed her, most likely passionately, considering how sword-girl's arms were flailing about, before coming to rest on Konoka's hips.

LIFT OFF! And operation G.L.S.T.G.K is a go-go! I can't wait to get home and sketch this!

It was darker now, and the stars much brighter, and though the night air was very cool, Setsuna's cheeks felt very hot, and so did the hand that clutched at hers.

"That was a pretty scary movie, ne Set-chan?"

She found herself nodding, only vaguely aware of what Konoka was saying, the memory of her ojou-sama's mouth still pressed to hers-

No, her Kono-chan, now. Her Kono-chan.

If Setsuna hadn't been so intently focused at the flush of protective, loving feelings spilling up through her, she would've noticed the dreamy smile Konoka sent her way.

"Oh, we're here, Set-chan."

A little stunned to find herself in the dorms so quickly, something like a little knot tightened in her stomach.

It's time to go already? But... I...

They stopped at the base of the staircase. It was late, so only the hall lights were on, and in the warm gloom, she felt Konoka smile at her.

"Set-chan... I'm glad you asked me to the movies. I'm really, really glad. And...," she stopped, blushed, and Setsuna thought she was the cutest thing she'd ever seen, "and I'm even gladder you said yes to making the pactio with me. I know it was a week ago, but it still makes me happy."

She shuffled her feet a little, and Setsuna felt a shiver of awe that this was her making her ojou-sama nervous!

"And I just wanted to give you a kiss goodnight before I went to bed."

And true to her word, she leant, forward, brushing her lips across her cheek.

Setsuna would later blame temporary madness as the cause for flinging her arms about her and pulling the taller girl down for the most passionate kiss of her life. (Sure, this was only the fourth, but it was still pretty damn passionate.)

They broke apart, gasping for air.

"G'night, Kono-chan," she whispered. Konoka blushed furiously, ran up the stairs, stopped at the top, blew her a kiss, and ran off. Dazed, Setsuna found her way to her room by sheer instinct alone.

Still unnoticed, and bleeding in spurts through the hands cupped over her nose, Haruna edged her way out from behind a strategically placed pot-plant.

Oh god. She needed to get to a sketchpad and quick!

"Paru, it's late. Can't you finish what you're drawing in the morning?" pleaded Nodoka. In the bunk below her, Yue clamped her pillow over her head and begin reciting Dante's Inferno as a substitute for counting sheep, in the vain efforts of blocking out the furious skritch-skritch of a pen on paper.

Ignoring them, eyes glazed with fanatical devotion to her art, Haruna sketched away.

So what if it was two o'clock! She had to finish this now, or else she'd never get to sleep...

End Part One

ENDNOTE: Correction; quite possibly pure, fluffy crack, with just a dash of smut. Hopefully not enough to require an M rating, though...

Haruna just struck me as the type of anime girl who, when a main female character loses her clothes in front of a wall of boys, is the lone girl in the background with the nosebleed.

She's just plain perverted, be it about boys or girls, and that's what I love about her. I really should try to use her character much more often...

Well, I'll try to update this more regularly, and I'm already well into the next part, but I get the sneaking suspicions this is going to be a loooong fic...

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