AN: Hi everyone! So I know I haven't updated any of my other stories for a while, but I have finished the next chapters of WIMTB, ISWAK, and STL. I'm just waiting to get them beta'd. So, in the meantime, here is a little something to tide you over. It's a oneshot, in fact it's my first ever attempt at writing a oneshot and in this specific style too. I hope you like it. It just came to me while I was laying in bed and I had to write it down. It's my take on Logan's POV when Rory turned down his proposal. Everythime I watch that scene, I just get so frustrated because it's so cold and...sterile. So not the Rory and Logan we came to know and love. Not the actors faults, by the way. So, this is me trying to gage and convey the emotions Logan was experiencing during that scene. I hope I managed to capture his voice correctly. I may write a companion piece in Rory's POV, but right now I'm too mad at her. I don't think I could do her justice. But I'll try, maybe. So, please read and tell me what you think. Your reviews are great motivation, they help me improve. So please review.
Thanks to Megan for taking the time to help me out.
Disclaimer: I do not own the show. If I did it wouldn't have ended this way between Rory and Logan.
Chapter One: Walking Away
I am currently experiencing the longest and most nerve-wracking twenty-four hours of my life: waiting for her decision. It has been agonizing, quite frankly, as I wait to find out whether the woman I love more than life itself will accept my proposal of marriage and make me the happiest man alive, or whether she will turn me down and rip my heart out of my chest.
I had never felt more nervous before in my life as I finally worked up the nerve to ask her at the party her grandparents had thrown her the night before. I had originally planned to wait and ask her while we were alone; however, I just couldn't wait any longer.
The excitement at the prospect of sharing our lives together as husband and wife in San Francisco was too much to bear. So, I did it. I asked her. I asked her to be my wife in front of everyone, only to receive a wide eyed expression of shock and surprise.
Was it really that surprising that I wanted to marry her?
I know I took some arm twisting to commit to her in the first place, but that was old Logan. That Logan didn't exist any more. I have grown up a lot through my relationship with Rory, moving to London, and after everything that happened with the business disaster.
I firmly know my own mind and what I want, and she has big blue eyes and a smile that kills me every time.
Standing while watching her graduate, I can't help but smile with pride. That's my girl there, gliding across the stage radiating so much grace and elegance. That's my Ace. She has worked so hard to achieve this, her moment, and I have never felt so much pride and overwhelming love for another human being as I do right now. I'm fairly sure that any onlookers would describe me as 'beaming'. And I would agree.
However, as she leaves the stage, a feeling of dread and fear begins to fill my body as I know I will be receiving my answer soon. What will she say? Will she laugh in my face and tell me that I was crazy to think she would ever consider marrying me, like she had in my dream the night before? Or will she throw herself into my arms and make me promise never to let her go? I have to admit, I am really rooting for the latter.
I keep my distance after the ceremony as she poses for pictures with her family. I stand under a large tree just watching as she smiles from ear to ear, while the Gilmore's fuss around her. I can't help but laugh as I notice her roll her eyes as Richard insists on taking what is probably the millionth picture that day.
My mind rolls back to my own Graduation and Rory's insistence on taking pictures of me from every possible angle before, during, and after the ceremony. As annoyed as I made out I was, deep down her obsessive need to document the big day only made me love her even more. I had never been fussed over by anyone like that before. It was nice and I know that as much as Rory might protest now, she secretly loved every minute of having her achievements fawned over by her family. Part of me feels a little envious. Not envious of Rory, but envious of her family. I want to be over there, hugging her, sharing in her joy. I want to be her family.
I'm snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of a voice calling my name. I pull my eyes away from Rory to see my old philosophy professor heading towards me. I shake his hand and nod along as he talks; however, my mind drifts back to her. I'm anxious to know what her answer will be. Has she even decided yet? Does she need more time? Is it a good thing or a bad thing that she needs to think about it in the first place?
I can't resist the pull my heart has towards her and I gaze over to see her looking back at me. I raise my arm to wave to her, forcing a smile. Deep down, I'm shaking with the anticipation of what she's going to say. She removes her cap and leaves her family behind as she makes the long walk over to me.
I say goodbye to the professor and wait as she get's closer to me. My heart is thumping in my chest, my whole body is shaking. I have never been more nervous or anxious about anything in my life as I am right now.
It's the moment of truth as she stops before me. Unsure of how to handle the situation, I greet her with open arms and start rambling about how she didn't trip or fall over. I tell her about my own experience, which is pointless as she already knows. She was there to witness me fall over, drunk as usual. I continue yammering aimlessly - a habit I have no doubt picked up from her over the years - and she stares back at me. I can't read her. I can't tell whether she is sad or happy. She just remains stoic until she cuts me off.
"Logan! I'm sorry. I can't."
Her words are like a shot through the heart. I feel as though someone is ripping my insides out with a sharp implement, as she carries on telling me how much she loves me and the idea of being married to me but that if she were to marry me, she wouldn't have the same opportunities. That her life wouldn't be 'wide open' anymore.
As my heart slowly breaks into a million tiny pieces, I try to swallow the lump in my throat as I somehow manage to formulate words to respond.
"So what, I go to California, you stay here and we see each other occasionally?" I hear the tone in my voice. It's harsher than I mean for it to be, but I can't help it. This isn't how I wanted this to go. Rory looks back at me, I hold her stare.
"Well, we can try long distance." I sigh in frustration. I asked you to marry me, I want to yell at her, I want to be with you, not thousands of miles apart.
"We did it before…" her voice trails off as she looks at the frown which I'm sure has formed on my face. I sigh heavily and shrug.
"I don't want to do that. I don't want to move backwards, Rory. If we can't take that next step…"
Rory's eyes widen. I can't believe I'm saying what I'm about to say. I can't believe it has come to this.
"I mean…" I know exactly when it registers with Rory what I am talking about. Her facial expression changes to one of sadness and fear. I however, hold firm in my stance, desperately trying to refrain from wrapping my arms around her and begging her not to walk away.
"Does it have to be all or nothing?" she speaks in a tiny voice, her eyes pierce through the protective sheaf I have formed around myself, right to my heart. I can barely get the words out.
"Yeah, it does." I keep up my serious façade but inside I'm dying. There is also a feeling of anger bubbling under the surface. Why won't she make the sacrifice? I did. All those years ago, when she came to my room and told me that she was a girlfriend girl and couldn't continue dating me casually. She gave me an ultimatum that day, perhaps unwittingly, but still. Lose her, go back to being just friends, or commit and be her boyfriend. All or nothing. I had chosen to commit. I had made the sacrifice back then. Why couldn't she do the same now?
"We could at least try." she says, optimistically. It takes all of my strength not to yell back at her. I want to shake her and make her understand that I want to be her husband, not her long distance boyfriend.
"What's the point?" I ask, silently I answer my own question. Because you love her, you idiot.
That is surely a good enough reason to try and work it out.
"So…" I furrow my brows and shove my hands into my pockets.
"So?" Rory sighs and then moves to pull out the box I gave her from her pocket. That lump returns to my throat; however, this time it's bigger and threatening to break free as she hands me the engagement ring I had spent so long trying to pick out.
I look at the box and then at Rory. I look at her more forcefully than I ever have before. Is this really what she wants? Is she seriously going to give up on us? I sigh heavily feeling my insides flip over and over again like a wave in the ocean.
This is it. It's really ending. The first person I have ever really loved is about to tear my heart to shreds and there is nothing I can do. In the next few minutes, I am going to have to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I'm going to walk away from her, my Ace. The love of my life.
I look down at the box again, feeling humiliated. I bow my head and take the little blue object from her hand. I quickly shove it into my pants pocket.
Then I have to say the thing I have been dreading saying since she rejected my proposal.
"Goodbye, Rory!" With one last look into those cerulean orbs of hers - which I am certain will haunt me for the rest of my life - I turn away and start walking. My heart feels as though it is ready to burst out of my chest. Everything in my being is screaming at me to turn around, to go back and figure things out, but the stubborn side won't let me. My pride won't listen as my heart shatters in my chest.
By the time I reach the end of the path, my internal battle is over. I am resigned to my miserable fate without her. I stop and turn around, hoping for one last glance. But she's gone. She's gone forever. Goodbye, Rory! Goodbye, Ace!
AN: So what do you think? Good, bad? Please review and let me know. I'm sorry if it's depressing but don't blame me, blame Mr Rosenthal for that. Thanks for reading! Review, review, review.