Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or any of the Characters, however, the plot is mine.

This is my first SP story but I don't want mercy, please tell me what you think no matter how brutal; I can take. I accept flames, however please not bash because of the pairing.



Red Rocket Racer

Craig's P.O.V.

Near the end of 4th grade my pet guinea pig, Stripe, died. I had locked myself in my room for over a week, refusing food or water offered to me by my parents. I was devastated. I had loved Stripe with all my heart and he died. It wasn't anyone's fault he was old, I'd had him since Kindergarten, it was just his time, but that didn't make things any easier for me.

I had been in my room for a week and a half when my Mom barged into my room. I had flipped her off and she had flipped me off, this was normal behavior in my family.

"Craig this is ridicules, you've been up here for over a week. This behavior has to stop." My mother said to me flipping me off again.

I flipped her the bird once again before replying; "Mom, Stripe died! My best friend in the world died and you want me to behave!" I screamed and once again, and you guessed it, flipped her off.

"Craig, I understand you're sad, but starving yourself won't help." She said and for once didn't flip me off.

"I haven't been starving myself; I've been eating Stripes food and drinking his water!" Now this probably sounds pretty sick, but I made sure Stripe only got the best; fresh nuts and berries, and bottled water that I kept in a mini fridge in my room. I loved him.

"Honey, I know it's hard and that's why your dad and I got you a little something, come downstairs and see." My mom said pushing me toward the stairs.

I complied and walked down the stairs and into the living room where my dad was standing with a puppy in his arms.

"Craig, stop being a puss, take the damn dog, and eat some meat before your penis falls off!" My dad screamed flipping me off and roughly shoving the dog in my hands. He then walked out of the room.

"I don't want a new pet!" I screamed pushing the dog in my moms' hands.

She then flipped me off. "Craig at least look at him, he looks just like Stripe. Plus he's only a week old, Craig, he's so cute!"

I looked over at the puppy, and it was true, he looked just like Stripe. He was brown with a white stripe down his nose and he had little whiskers coming out of his fat cheeks.

"Stripe was special, he can't just be replaced!" I screamed and flipped off my mom.

"Craig, I've tried to be patient with you but this has gone far enough!" My mom screamed flipping me off. Then to make things worse my dad reappeared and flung a raw, and I mean RAW, pork chop in my face. Oh and he flipped me off!

"Damn it Craig! I said stop being a puss! You're gonna end up like that Marsh boy and be a queer, and ain't NO queers gonna live in this house, ya hear me boy!" As you can tell my dad doesn't like gays. I guess it's because he's such a redneck.

"He's not gay, he's just a pussy." I said hoping I was right, if I was wrong my dad would get pissed and think I was trying to get an excuse to hang with Stan; which was dumb because I hated Stan.

"I don't care; you eat your meat like a real man!" He screamed at me and flipped me off. That's when the puppy jumped out of my moms arms and started growling at my dad. It was funny because Stripe had never liked my dad; he always bit him and gave him nasty looks.

"Honey at least let me cook it first." My mom said flipping my dad off. My dad then flipped her off, grabbed the pork chop and threw it in her face, and left the house slamming the door shut.

"Well have fun with your new best friend Craig!" My mom said flipping me off, and then leaving to cook my pork chop.

"God damn I hate my family." I said looking at the puppy. The puppy turned his head to the right, which was what Stripe always did when he meant 'yes' or 'I agree'.

"So…Umm you look a lot like my guinea pig Stripe did." I said flipping him off, something I NEVER did to Stripe. He turned his head to the right again. So I decided to keep talking to him. "Do you like Red Racer?" I asked him thinking it was strange that he acted like Stripe did. He once again turned his head to the right.

"Craig! Do you want a salad with your pork chop?!" My mom screamed at me already knowing the answer.

"Well, do I?" I asked my 'new best friend'. He turned his head to the left, witch to Stripe would've meant 'Fuck no', 'I don't agree', or 'are you fucking kidding me'. "Right again." I said to the puppy. "No Mom I don't want a salad!" I screamed toward the kitchen.

"You act like Stripe, and look like him. Stripe died a week and a half ago, you were born last week. A-are you Stripe?" I asked the puppy. He turned his head to the right, he was Stripe.

"Oh Stripe! I'm soo sorry I flipped you off, I had no idea, and if I had known- Oh I've missed you!" I screamed rapping my arms around him and balling, I was lucky my dad wasn't there to see me.

And that's how Stripe was reincarnated into a dog. It was later on that I learned about

playing 'red rocket' or 'milking the dog'. I learned about it later because I had never had

a dog so I didn't give a rats ass about it. When I did learn about it however, I tried it.

Stripe really liked it so we kept doing it, even now at 15 I still play it with him.

"Stripe, hurry up Red Racers about to come on!" I yelled at Stripe from the living room. I

sat on the newspaper covered floor in front of the T.V. Stripe trotted over to me and rolled onto his back and turned his head at an angle so he could see the T.V.

Stripe and I always did this. In case you're wondering what 'this' is, it's watching Red Racer while playing red rocket. I unzipped my fly and pulled out my penis. Red Racer came on weekdays at 3:30. As soon as I got home from school I would lay newspaper all over the floor and wait for the show to start, and when it did…Well I think you know from there.

"It's starting!" I said grabbing both my own and Stripes cock. I started pumping both of our cocks quickly, I didn't stop when he came; I never did. When Red Racer starts I always lose myself, I never stop until the first commercial. When the first commercial did come on I let go of both our cocks. It was at this time my parents walked in.

"Craig what the FUCK are you doing?" My dad screamed flipping me off.

"Watching Red Racer with Stripe." I said simply.

"Let me rephrase the question; why is the dog covered in sperm!?!" My dad screamed at me and then flipped off Stripe. Which made Stripe growl.

"Because we were playing red rocket while we were watching Red Racer." I said flipping my dad off which made Stripe turn his head to the right.

"Is Craig in trouble?" My sister asked my mom who was keeping quiet. My mom just shook her head signaling now was not the time.

"What in the hell is red rocket?" My dad asked growing tiered and annoyed, I could tell, he didn't flip me off this time.

"Milking a dog." I said even though I know it's really jacking off the dog.

"Craig, you can't jack off the dog, he's a boy." My dad said again more focused on gender than his species. Yes we have had conversations like this before. He always says I'm getting to close to Stripe and people will think I'm gay. I love Stripe like no other, but I'm not joining PETA to marry my dog, that's sick. Oh and Stripe agrees, he wants to be with someone who's the same species.

"Honey, I think we should be more worried that he's jacking off a dog, not that the dog's a boy." My mom said frustrated with my redneck of a father, after flipping him off of course.

"Don't tell me what to be worried about! Now Craig, promise me you won't jack the dog off ever again." My dad said not resisting the urge to flip me off.

"Fine, I promise not to jack Stripe off ever again." I said looking down at the ground because I couldn't bear to look at my best friend, who I knew had his head turned to the left. "Can we finish the show now?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Good boy Craig and you can finish your show, but after that I want you to go work out in the basement; it'll make you a man." My dad said referring to the gym he had set up in our basement two years ago.

"Okay." I said not bothering to sigh in fear my dad would strike me for being a sissy. Yes my dad did hit me sometimes. He would do whatever he had to do to make me listen.


The next day I met up with Clyde to walk to the bus stop.

"Hey dude, rough night?" Clyde asked me noticing my tired look.

"Dude, you have no idea. I was working out from 4:00 to 8:00. I was so tiered I didn't even take a shower." I said ruffling my hair before pulling my hat out of my back pocket and placing it on my head.

"Dude, it shows, or smells I guess." Clyde said scratching his head in confusion.

Clyde is my best friend; we're really close and walk to the bus stop together every day, which my dad thinks is gay, what a surprise. Clyde is really lazy, but he's also really smart. He's one of those guys who passes on tests alone and never does any homework.

"Thanks dude, thanks." I said a little pissed with Clyde. I also flipped him off, but he ignored it.

We finally made it to the bus where Token and Tweek were already standing.

"Hey guys." I said taking my spot in between Clyde and Tweek.

"Hey Craig." Token said high-fiving Clyde.

"Gah! H-hey Craig!" Tweek said smiling and waving at me.

Just then the bus pulled up. Our bus driver Ms. Crabtree opened the door and screamed at us. "SIT DOWN AND SHUTUP!"

"You're such a stupid bitch." Token mumbled under his breath as he got on the bus.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!" Ms. Crabtree asked Token.

"I said I've got a nasty itch." Token said quickly.

"Oh, me too." Ms. Crabtree replied to Token.

Then Clyde got on the bus silently, deciding not to cause Ms. Crabtree any trouble. Then I got on the bus and flipped her off, just like I did every other morning. "YOU JUST FLIPPED ME OFF!" Ms. Crabtree screamed at me.

"No I didn't." I always replied this way to someone who accused me of flipping them off. It wasn't that I didn't know I flipped them off, but honestly I didn't mean to sometimes. I'm so use to flipping people off all the time that I sometimes can't control it. This time however, I meant to.

"Oh, okay." She said dumbly. She was stupid and gullible.

Then Tweek followed me onto the bus. I sat down next to Clyde, and Tweek by Token. The bus ride went normally with the four of us talking among ourselves loudly and obnoxiously.

The bus soon pulled into the school. Ms. Crabtree abruptly stopped the bus causing us all to fly forward in our seats.

"GET OFF THE BUS!" Ms. Crabtree screeched at us.

We all hurried off the bus and into the school. My group of four hurried into our homeroom class, taught by non other than Ms. Garrison. After a shortage of teachers at the high school they sent her over to us.

We then sat down quickly in our seats.

"Gah! Craig! Anne's looking at me, what do I do?" Tweek whispered/screeched at me.

"Why are you asking me?" I said turning to look at Anne, who was looking at Tweek.

"Because you always know what to do!" Tweek screamed at me.

"Well, do you like her?" I asked not bothering to argue with what I new Tweek believed full heartedly.

"I don't know! It's too much pressure!" Tweek said shaking.

"Aggg, you're so hopeless Tweek. Just look at her and smile, then give her a wave." I said a little annoyed with him.

He didn't ask twice as he turned and did as I instructed. Anne just smiled and waved back at him. I didn't like it. Truth was I knew Tweek well. Most girls didn't even give Tweek a second glance. Why, because he was…..Different. I couldn't say just how many dates I'd left in the middle of, just to hang out in his room because he thought someone was going to hurt him. Most people asked why I did it, why I would drop all my plans just to try and convince him he was safe. Well truth is I knew he needed me.

After that fight in 3rd grade we'd became friends. At that time we were evenly matched, but as time went on we weren't. Sure even right after we became friends he clung to me for protection, but now he actually needed me.

Tweek was really skinny and boney, probably because he spent his lunch money on coffee 3/5 of the time. He was also pretty short for a guy our age; he was only 5'5.

I however, was well built, very well built. My dad always made sure I was in really good shape, he's the reason I started freshman year in football. I also wrestled and played baseball, but baseball sucked and I started in that to unfortunately. I made it this year too. I also stood above him at 5'10. I wasn't the tallest boy, but I was average height.

I've got to know Tweek since then, and he's a cool dude. He even took Jimmy's place in our group when Jimmy started hanging out with Timmy. He tries his best at everything he does; he's never selfish, unless it involves his coffee of course, and he's really loyal.

My point is girls never see that guy. They see his shaking exterior, and then want nothing to do with him.

Anne wasn't a bad girl, but Tweek deserved better. Anne was okay looking and got average grades, but she was always trying to take a guy and mold him into who she wanted him to be.

"SHUTUP! I'm in a bad mood and I'm taking any of your shit!" Ms. Garrison screamed at us.

"Fuck." I whispered to myself. I knew if I got caught flipping Garrison off today it wouldn't be as easy as a trip to the office.

I looked to Clyde for help, but he just looked at me confused. He had no common since. I then looked at Token, who acted like he didn't see me, but I knew damn well he did. He always ignored me if he couldn't help me, he didn't want to admit he didn't know what to do.

I then looked to Tweek, who was confused at first but soon got my meaning.

Garrison started teaching and I saw my middle finger up. "Shit" I cursed under my breath. Garrison started turning toward me, but then Tweek jumped out of his seat and screamed.

"GAH! I've got to uhhh, JESUS CHRIST! I've got to talk to you outside!" Tweek said walking toward the door.

"GOD DANMIT TWEEK!" Ms. Garrison screamed following Tweek.

Tweek looked back at me and cringed. I mouthed a quick thank you before he walked out the door with Ms. Garrison.

Neither of them came back all class, I was a little worried for Tweek but I knew he'd be okay. It was only like the 3rd time he'd got in trouble at school this year, which was nothing compared to the 27 times I'd got in trouble.

The bell eventually rang and everyone ran out the door, except me, Clyde, and Token who just walked as if hoping Tweek would walk in the door before we left.

The day went by quickly enough with Tweek coming back into class 8th period.

"So what happened with Garrison?" I asked Tweek when he finally came back.

"I told him I knew of a Les bar in North Park and I thought he-she should know." Tweek said smiling pleased with his lie.

"So why were you gone so long?" I asked not really giving a shit class was in session.

"He- eh, she asked me to show it to her. I kept telling her to turn random places until I finally saw a bar called 'Va-Jay-Jay'. I took a stab it was a les bar." Tweek said smiling nervously.

"Why'd you think it was a les bar?" I asked curiously.

"I saw a woman with a mullet walk in." Tweek said smiling brightly. It made me happy to see the glint in his eyes.

"You're learning to lie better!" I said smiling proudly at him. I was always trying to teach him things like that, how to lie, how to properly insult people, even how to haggle at the county fair. You know, the important stuff.

"Thanks Craig." Tweek said smiling even bigger, he was proud of himself too.

We stopped talking after that and actually listened to what our teacher was babbling on about.

When class ended I ran out of class and to my locker, as always. I had half an hour to go home and prepare for Red Racer.

I ran home instead of taking the bus, with all the stops Ms. Crabtree made I'd be home faster if I ran.

I finally ran into my house and quickly threw off my shoes. Then I noticed my red haired sister sitting in front of the T.V.

"Move, Red Racers coming on." I said grabbing newspaper to put on the floor. I also flipped her off.

"Daddy said to make sure you didn't jack off the dog." My sister said flipping me off.

"Why do you always have to be such a goody-to-shoes!?!" I asked grabbing my backpack and emptying it on the living room floor.

"Because I like getting my allowance. Besides Daddy says if we don't watch you you'll turn queer." My sister said flipping me off.

My sister is a total homophobe. She hates queers. So of course she doesn't like me because Dads convinced her I'm gay. I don't know why my family thinks I'm gay.

I've went on dates, I've got caught with porn, and I'm the badass of the 10th grade! What more do they want! Sure I leave a lot of my dates in the middle to help Tweek or if Clyde has a new videogame to play, but still! Sure I was going to use the porn to cover the living room floor, but Dad didn't know that! And sure I got to be the badass of 10th grade through wrestling, but come on I've still beat up more guys at school than anyone in the grade!

I flipped her off and then threw lots of newspaper into my backpack. I then grabbed Stripes leash and called for him. "Come here Stripe!"

He soon came running down the stairs. "Look I'm leaving, so tell Mom and Dad I'll be at Clyde's or something." I then flipped her off and left before she could argue with me, but she did flip me off.

I briefed Stripe on where we were going on the way to Clyde's. We finally made it to Clyde's house where I knocked on the door.

"Hey Clyde." I said bouncing slightly.

"Why are you here, I thought Red Racer was on?" Clyde asked me confused.

"It is. Can we watch it here?" I asked pointing to Stripe.

"Oh, no! No way man! You are not jacking off your dog at MY house!" Clyde screamed at me, and started to close the door. I put my foot in the door to stop him.

"His name is Stripe, and I'd start using it if I was you!" I screamed back at Clyde and Stripe turned his head to the right and growled.

"Look sorry Stripe, but you guys can't watch here." Clyde said once again attempting to close the door, and this time I let him.

"Come on Stripe, we still have time to make it to Tweek's!" I said running toward Tweek's house with Stripe at my heels.

When we got there I pounded at the door until Tweek answered.

"Hey Tweeky." I said using one of the pet names our group used on Tweek. If you've ever read the book 'The Outsiders' then you could think of Tweek as Johnny. Tweek was our friend, but he was also like our pet. Someone always had to be with him and make sure he didn't get hurt or killed. We reframed from calling him those nicknames at school however, as not to embarrass him.

"H-hey C-Craig. What's up? Isn't Red Racer on?" Tweek asked with the same confused tone of voice Clyde had used.

Yes ALL of my friends knew about my deep obsession with Red Racer. I loved Red Racer and I loved Stripe, they were the soul things keeping me alive, and my friends knew that. They also knew that NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, was to disturb me until after Red Racer. They also knew Stripe was more important than them to me, and if Stripe wanted to go on a walk then we went on a walk, whether my friends needed me or not. A guy has to have his priority's strait.

My point is it was 3:26 and I wasn't in front of a T.V.

"Look I can't watch T.V. at my house, so of course I came strait to you Tweekster." I said trying to look into his house.

"Uhhh, I don't know! Nngh-It's too much pressure!" Tweek screamed jumping.

I then pulled Tweek into my arms for a hug; which normally calms him a little.

"No pressure Tweeks, just let me in your house." I cooed, rubbing his hair as I did. Not to mention shoving his face into my chest.

"O-okay." Tweek said giving me the permission I needed to walk into his house and start throwing newspaper all over his living room floor.

"GAH! W-what are you d-doing Craig?" Tweek asked watching me scatter newspaper everywhere.

I then turned on his T.V. and grabbed his remote. I turned the channel to Red Racer; which had about two and a half minutes left until it came on.

"Okay, me and Stripe always play red rocket while we watch Red Racer. Sit down; you need to do me one more favor." I said quickly.

"I do! JESUS CHRIST! I knew i-it! It's a conspiracy!" Tweek screamed, but still sat down beside me.

"Okay Tweek do you know what red rocket is?" I said ignoring his theory about a conspiracy against him.

"Gah! Yeah, i-isn't that the game where you jack off a d-dog?" Tweek asked rubbing Stripes belly, which wasn't quite what he wanted.

"Yeah, my dad made me promise not to play it with Stripe anymore, so I want you to do it for me." I said smiling.

"N-n-no way Craig!" Tweek screamed as he stopped rubbing Stripes belly.

"Tweek we only have a minute and a half left until Red Racer comes on, so don't argue. I know you're nervous because you've never played before, but Stripe won't mind." I said knowing he'd never jacked off anything in his life.

"C-Craig I can't jack off y-your dog!" Tweek screamed, shaking as he did.

"Look, Tweek, it's easy." I said unzipping and pulling down my pants.

"W-what are you d-doing Craig?!?" Tweek screamed after seeing I had taken off my pants. I ignored him.

"GAH! JESUS CHRIST C-CRAIG! What are you doing!?!?!" Tweek screamed when I pulled down his zipper.

"Uhhh, getting you ready to play, duh." I said. Tweek was so stupid sometimes. "Look, Tweek, it won't be any fun if you don't do it too."

"But I can't jack-off both of us!" Tweek screamed as I grabbed my cock.

"Why?" I really don't get what his problem is. All I want is for him to jack himself and my dog off at the same time while we all watch Red Racer, what's so hard about that?

"Because I would need four hands! I have to use both hands or it won't work!" Tweek screamed as Stripe nudged Tweek to get ready to start.

"I never do, but if it's that big of a deal I'll do you and me." I said undoing his pants the rest of the way and grabbing his cock. I also wondered how he knew he would need two hands; it wasn't like he'd done this before.

"GAH! WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO STRIPE!" Tweek screamed really loudly for some reason.

"I told you I'm not aloud, so you have to. Oh it's starting!" I screamed while watching to make sure Tweek grabbed Stripes cock. Once he did I started to pump.


Craig started to pump both himself and me while I pumped Stripe. Craig seemed to be in his own zone as this went on. Luckily it didn't take Stripe long to come. As soon as he did I let go, I was having a problem maintaining myself with Craig pumping so fast.

It was weird Craig didn't even start out slow. He went at full speed, unlike I would for myself, and it felt so good. Craig kept so still himself, the only parts of his body that moved seemed to be his hands. He also didn't close his eyes; he just stared at the T.V.

I finally couldn't suppress my moan any longer.

"GAAAAH!" I moaned with my head tilted back. That's when my white liquid started pouring out, but he didn't stop. He kept going, even after he came. He didn't stop, he didn't moan, he just looked at the T.V.

Finally a commercial came on and he stopped.


A commercial came on which caused me to stop. As I said before I often got so involved in the show that I didn't even notice when I came. I looked over to Tweek who was sweating and panting, much like Stripe was. I let go of both our cocks and leaned in toward Tweek.

"Fun huh, Tweeky?" I asked smiling.

"Y-yeah, fun." Tweek said with his face getting red for some reason.

The rest of the time I was there was spent watching Red Racer, and talking during commercials. After Red Racer was over we cleaned up the newspaper and played with Stripe a little.

"Well I gotta get going. See ya here tomorrow?" I asked hoping he was okay with me and Stripe coming over on weekdays.

"Y-yeah, that'll be f-fine." Tweek said smiling and getting red again.

"Cool! See ya!" I said and Stripe turned his head to the right. Then we walked out the door happy to have a new place to watch T.V. and play red rocket.


"I-I can't wait for tomorrow!" I screamed feeling for the first time in my life like I didn't need coffee. "Well maybe just a cup."


Well, should I leave it as a oneshot or continue until the boys realize there feelings? Well I guess that's for you guys to decide! Read and review! Well I guess you already read, but please tell me what you think! I also tried to make Craig oblivious to the world around him because if do a future chapter then I don't want him to be all clicky, like omg I suddenly like Tweek. I want it to be a more subtle thing where Craig doesn't understand what his friends keep telling him, or the way Tweek acts around him. I want it to be like the real world where he finally realizes what he's doing and the way it's affecting everyone. I think it could be good, but I need someone to tell me what they think before I'm willing to get really involved.