Tsunade took a long drink of sake.
What the hell was I thinking? she asked herself, leaning over her desk. In a few seconds, every ninja in Kohona would be assembled in front of the tower, waiting for her to address the. They probably assumed she was going to inform them about some new policy, but the truth was far…darker.
At best, they'll kill me. she thought, pushing her chair back.
" Everyone's here." Shizune was standing in the door, glaring hatefully at Tsunade. Hokage or not, she wanted to crumple under her students gaze. " Gai's finished unpacking 'them'."
" It won't be that bad, right?" said Tsunade, standing up with a nervous laugh. From the look on Shizune's face, she knew her apprentice didn't agree. " Look, it's one month. Not forever."
" If you ever pull this kind of thing again, Tsunade-sama, I'll pour out all your sake and give Jiraiya the photo's from your last physical." threatened Shizune, eye twitching.
I guess I won't tell her about the bet with Naruto then. thought Tsunade, walking from her office.
The halls of the Hokage's Tower seemed…cold. It was as if the building was angry with her as well. The steps creaked dangerously as she walked down them, and the murderous looks from the guards, who knew what was going on, didn't reassure her.
So, do I start with a joke to lighten them up? mused Tsunade as she walked past the library where Gai was storing the hundreds of boxes. She shuddered, imagining what 'they' would be like. She walked past a painting of the Third, who seemed unusually content. Probably because your dead, which mean's you don't have to participate. Old bastard.
" Tsunade-sama!" said Sakura, running up behind her teacher. " What's this about?"
" What?" asked Tsunade, skirting the issue.
" The meeting!" said Sakura earnestly. Tsunade looked down at her favorite apprentice sadly, taking in the happy face while she could. In a hour, there would be only betrayal in her eyes. Tsunade hoped the girl could someday forgive her.
" You'll just need to wait and see." said Tsunade, patting Sakura on the head. Sakura looked disappointed, but nodded and went to join the crowd.
Striding out onto the steps of the tower, Tsunade faced the entire populace of the village. She sometimes forgot how many people there were. She saw Gai standing to the side of the steps, giving her the thumbs up. He is never getting a easy mission again. thought Tsunade crossly.
" Thank you for coming to this meeting!" Tsunade called, addressing the crowd. Everyone fell silent but Naruto and Sai, who were arguing.
" I do not have a small penis! Stop saying that!" shouted Naruto on the top of his lungs. It echoes around the area for what seemed like minutes. Naruto slowly turned to the crowd, who was staring back. He sighed and slumped in embarrassment. Tsunade would have to thank the little idiot later. He might have distracted them enough to save her life.
" As I was saying!" said Tsunade, recapturing their attention, " There is a special purpose for this meeting. After this meeting you will be presented with a new uniform, which it will be mandatory to wear for one month."
" What!" yelled Ino. The girl was a slave to fashion, and Tsunade knew she and many other well dressed members of the village would be objecting. " No way!"
" It is not negotiable." said Tsunade, voice firm. " As Hokage, I must uphold my bargains."
" Bargains?" shouted someone in confusion.
" A bet." said Tsunade guiltily. A groan rolled over the crowd. Her famously bad luck had struck again, this time affecting them. Tsunade thought that she might as well drop the bombshell. " With Gai."
The entire populace of the village stood in wide-eyed, horrified silence.
" Yosh!" said Lee and Gai in unison, racing onto stage with two large, cardboard boxes.
" What was the bet?" called Kakashi, his porn temporarily put away.
" That he could go a month without saying the word 'Youth'." replied Tsunade. Neji and Tenten gave her thankful looks. She knew that they had enjoyed their reprieve.
" And since I assume he won, what did he win? Is he going to put us though a exercise program or something?" asked Kakashi, looking to his giddy rival.
" No! Something much better!" said Gai, opening the box Lee was dutifully holding.
" Pure synthetic material, it fits perfectly and doesn't impair your movement!" cheered Gai, waving about the green spandex uniforms he had taken from the box.
Tsunade was sweating nervously and trying to look small. Half the village was looking at her and radiating killing intent, the other half was loudly sobbing to themselves.
" It will change your life!" said Lee, taking his teachers side. " Since beginning to wear them, I have become a far better ninja and increased the power of my youth exponentially!"
" How could you do this to us?" screamed Ino in a demonic voice, shoving her way to the front of the crowd. A number of other ninja were advancing upon her. Tsunade felt a dark presence by her side and turned. Tenten and Neji stood to her side, a shadowy aura radiating from them.
" Do you have one in medium?" Everyone turned, distracted as always by Naruto.
Forget thanking him. Tsunade was going to have him sainted.
" This box contains only larges, Naruto-kun." said Lee apologetically. " But we uniforms inside for everyone."
" Cool." said Naruto, holding up the uniform and feeling the material. " How often do you wash them?"
" What the hell are you doing?" shouted Sakura, bopping Naruto on the head.
" The Hokage said we have to wear them, so we have to." said Naruto, rubbing his bruised head. " Granny Tsunade gets mad when I argue, so I figured I'd just get it over with."
" This is no time to give up!" Sakura shouted angrily. Surprisingly, a number of villagers seemed to share the same opinion, surprised the stubborn boy was just accepting his fate.
" I'm also kinda curious what they feel like." said Naruto, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.
Tsunade was relived to see a similar look of curiosity on the villagers faces, even it it was quickly hidden.
" Form a line and follow me inside!" declared Gai, prancing into the tower. Lee rushed after his teacher, eager to begin the distribution.
With a sigh, the ninja began to shuffle inside to their fate, but not until Shizune had forced Tsunade to take the lead.
----DAY ONE - IN FRONT OF THE HOKAGES TOWER----
" Ow!" squeaked Kiba, doubling over in pain.
" Man down! Man down!" called a medic-nin. The other men rushed over to the Inuzuka, who was lying on the ground with tears streaming down his face.
" Was it a single or a double?" asked the medic, leaning over gingerly to avoid a similar fate.
" Single. Just left." Kiba replied in a high voice.
" I thought these weren't supposed to impede movement!" complained Shikamaru. " It's too troublesome to wear these if you can give yourself a frontal wedgie at any time!"
" That's because you are wearing underwear!" said Lee, jogging over. " The material bunches up if you wear anything under it!"
Lee noticed everyone was scooting away from him quickly.
" Eeee!" exhaled Naruto, the uniform tensing around his loins. He fell backwards.
" Are you alright?" inquired a medic.
" It was a double…and I think I righty got squished." said Naruto gingerly. The male populace winced and looked to the downed ninja with pity.
---IN BACK OF THE HOKAGES TOWER---
" This is pretty comfy." said Anko, admiring her well rounded posterior. " I'm impressed they found these in women's sizes."
" Jiraiya's going to have a field day." said Tsunade, looking down at her breasts. The material was stretched around her bosom tightly.
Over among the younger kunochi, there was stunned silence. Hinata was blushing deeply, as her friends attention was on her. The form fitting material had revealed how much more developed she was…in every area…than her peers.
" When did this happen?" said a distressed Ino. " You…you've always been this shapeless thing!"
" Why did you always wear that coat? You could have had every boy after you!" Sakura, said, slack jawed. She had always felt distressed at her breasts, but next to Hinata…even Tsunade would feel somewhat jealous. Hinata wasn't as large, but she was perfectly shaped.
" I…didn't…." Hinata stuttered, hiding behind her hands.
" Didn't what?" asked Sakura.
" N-n-notice…m-me…" said Hinata, shaking and shrinking before their eyes.
" You didn't want to be notice?" asked Tenten in disbelief.
"B-by everyone." clarified Hinata.
In unison, the other girls looked to each other evilly.
" Who is he?" asked Ino, smiling as her Yamanka Bloodline ( Which mostly involves gossip jutsu) began to activate.
" Kiba?" guessed Sakura, beginning a list of boys their age. Hinata meekly shook no.
" You like bug boy?" said Ino is disbelief, shuddering at the thought of Shino. Hinata shook her head no again.
" Neji?" guessed Tenten.
" He's her cousin!" shouted Sakura.
" Some of the big clans do that." said Tenten with a look of disgust. However, Hinata had quickly indicated no, letting them continue to guess.
" Shikamaru? Choji? Sai? Kankuro? Lee? Gaara? Akamaru?" Ino said rapidly, counting off on her fingers. Hinata nodded no for each one, leaving Ino stumped.
" Well, who is it?" asked Sakura, sighing. It looked like they didn't know who this boy was.
" Wait, you forgot Naruto." said Tenten, a light bulb flashing over her head.
Ino and Sakura nearly face planted as Hinata, shook her head yes.
" Him? HIM?" Sakura asked loudly. Who could be in love with that idiot?
" N-n-Naruto is kind and believes in h-himself." said Hinata shakily. Sakura blinked, surprised by the girls defense. " He never gives up on his dreams or promises and never lets anyone stop him."
" And he's hot." agreed Tenten. Hinata blushed deeply as Sakura and Ino looked at the other two girls in shock.
" Naruto…" said Sakura, working out the thought. He was cute, in his own, stupid way, and he had grown a lot.
" How's he hung?" asked Tenten, leaning on Hinata shoulder with a perverted look. Hinata nearly fainted.
" W-w-w-w-w-w…" stuttered the flummoxed girl.
" How could you ask her that?" screeched Ino.
" She's got Byakugan." said Tenten in a matter of fact tone. " I figure when Neji trains with me, he's getting a free show. I noticed the Hyuuga get a lot of nosebleeds too. I figure the Hyuuga women do some reconnaissance too." Tenten looked proud at her unsubtle analogy.
" Actually, she has a good point." said Ino, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. " It's best to have all the information before you shop around."
" So, how are the boys in our teams equipped?" asked Sakura, sharing the others interest. Hinata sighed in defeat, blushing. She had, like all Hyuuga woman, done her research, but it was embarrassing to tell everyone.
" C-choji is the biggest." said Hinata, beginning the list. The other girls jaws dropped. " Naruto is next after him."
" No…way…." said Sakura, shuddering.
" Choji?" asked a confused Ino.
" Lee, Kiba, Shino, and Shikamaru are average." reported Hinata, counting off on her fingers.
" And Neji?" asked Tenten hopefully.
" Like a tic-tac." said Hinata in a flat voice.
Tenten, despite her disappointment, had to join the others in laughing.
---IN FRONT OF THE HOKAGES TOWER---
" Achoo!" sneezed Neji. There had been a flurry of sneezes in the last few moments.
" This feels wrong." said Naruto, walking awkwardly. After Ibiki's accident, the men had been forced to go without underwear. Naruto shuddered, remembering the shrieking, crying, and staccato popping sounds. " I feel like I'm naked."
" At least it's soft." Kiba said, gingerly walking around. " It figures this kind of thing happens the one day I wear underwear."
" I wonder what kind of problems the girls are having." said Kakashi, haven given up on finding a place to store his porn in the pocketless suit. He had, however, cut another suit up and made a mask for himself.
The boys looked to each other in unison, then rushed to the fence that divided them from where the women were trying on theirs. Fighting his way to a peep-hole, Naruto looked though.
" Oh crap!" he shouted, a spray of blood erupting from his nose. Moments later the others followed suit, falling back. Shrieks came from the other side as the women stormed over to take their revenge.
" Lightweights." said Kakashi, looking over the fallen, twitching ninja. The hair on his neck prickled and he turned, suddenly aware he was being watched. Nearly every single kunochi was staring at him, drooling slightly. In unision, a droplet of blood rolled from their nostrils.
" Naruto-kun!" cried Hinata, tossing aside the motionless Shino, who luckily landed on Choji. Naruto was dazed, lying back with a content look on his face. She leaned over him, holding him worriedly.
---INSIDE THE KYUUBI'S PRISON, ON THE COUCH---
A wide view shot of Hinata's chest had just come onto the Naruto-cam's screen
" Best. Host. Ever." said the Nine-Tailed Fox out loud, holding a paw to his nose to stop the impending flood.